"Oh, you speak so well!" and other annoying comments

Southern said:
Okay let me flip this around on you. Several Deaf have asked with voice who in the group talks the best. Then i am supposed to list in order. Like this is some competition and i am a judge. This has happened many times. .
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That's interesting...I never really cared who can speak well...or are u talking about deafies asking u which deafies speak well or which hearies speak well?
 
pek1 said:

Another time, I was at a Cracker Barrel restaurant down south somewhere (typical southerners) and was asked if I needed a braille (sp?) menu, because I had Snickers, my hearing dog, with me.

Boy, some people!
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I have to ask what is meant by that. I can only postulate that you feel southerners are inferior in their mental faculties. That we troglodytes here in the south lack any social graces. Further, that we are below the rest of the country in every way conceivable not just geographically. A person’s capacity to learn becomes inhibited if born below the Mason/Dixon line. We are so thick skulled as to be mistaken for the missing link at worst, or Neanderthals at best. I first thought of the person who posted this ill-conceived notion is that he or she is either a northeastern elitist, or self important westerner. And yet you are neither. No you are from Minnesota a state that is known for being cosmopolitan and the speech of her fine citizens to be the panicle of grandiloquence. Please forgive the blatant sarcasm, people in glass houses and all that. I am not trying to be litigious; however, statements as such deserve my ire.

I am a true and proud southerner. My family has been southern for more than 260 years. When people make this type of statement it shows their own ignorance and prejudice, something the south is supposed to have in abundance. And please do not mistake the verbose manner of this retort to be in anyway disingenuous. If you take the time to review many of my other posts you will discover that this is this southerner’s TYPICAL way of discourse. True I brought it to a higher level to show that we are not all ignorant malcontents down here in the bowels of the country. No, some of us gots real good learnin. I am vehement in my indignation at this same attitude that much of the country has about who I am and where I am from. Television and movies promulgate this type of attitude by continuing to show the south as full of slack jawed knuckle draggers. I hope by this you can see that not all of us are backward, uncultured, and uneducated.

As to the reason for your assumption of our stupidity the ratio of hearing ear dogs to seeing eye dogs is quite low. In fact most hearing people have never heard nor, nor seen a hearing ear dog. Being ignorant of a thing, does not make a person ignorant. I cannot speak Japanese, this does not make me ignorant I just don’t know that particular language. My hope is that you will see that although this person did not know that hearing ear dogs exist they are not necessarily stupid. And the leap that you make by such a statement is the same that many Deaf complain about hearies. You are mentally slow because you are Deaf. This is not true, so please don’t do the same to Southerners.
 
shel90 said:
That's interesting...I never really cared who can speak well...or are u talking about deafies asking u which deafies speak well or which hearies speak well?
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I am talking about me being in a group of all D/HOH and some coming to me asking who speaks the best, and being happy that they are better than a certain person
 
Southern said:
I am talking about me being in a group of all D/HOH and some coming to me asking who speaks the best, and being happy that they are better than a certain person
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Then those people are very insecure if they are happy that they speak better than their friends. It seems like here, people are happy if they are more fluent in ASL than others. Very interesting...
 
this one is my favorite "can you hear better now" thinking the more I get older the more I'll be able to hear lmao...
 
I was having a conversation on campus one day, and a friend and I were talking about where my son went to school (she happens to be deaf, and I was voicing/signing). Another student overheard me say something about a deaf school, and she said, "Oh, is your son deaf?". Replied, "nope, he's blind. I just sent him there for the cultural experience."

People never cease to amaze me with some of the questions they ask!
 
I'm a hearing guy and I must apologize for the ignorance of some hearing people. To say that you speak so well would be out of an attempt to pay a compliment. It's our ignorance that causes this but make no mistake, it's intended as a compliment. The other statements can be rude and I understand that. As a hearing father of a deaf child I get alot of people that ask me "Can he read lips". They were asking me this when he was 18 months old. I was like WTF?? Why dont you plug your ears and see if you can figure out what I am saying by reading my lips... Geeze.. lipreading must take many years to aquire and even then it's gonna be tough depending on many factors. Other comments like "Can you drive" or "Can you have sex" are just assinine. Sorry for chiming in here and I hope that I am not out of place.
 
actually Rockdrummer.. as a lipreader myself.. you're right. it takes years to master.. but I was lucky that I was taught cued speech while lipreading, which helped me learn to lipread faster. I think it really depends on the lipreader themselves..
I was 4 years old when I started.. I was in denial about being deaf... so i seriously worked hard on my lipreading skills back then, According to my mom. I had just became deaf when i was put into a serious regiement of speech theraphy and lipreading.. plus i was still thinking I was hearing.
 
BearBeauty said:
actually Rockdrummer.. as a lipreader myself.. you're right. it takes years to master.. but I was lucky that I was taught cued speech while lipreading, which helped me learn to lipread faster. I think it really depends on the lipreader themselves..
I was 4 years old when I started.. I was in denial about being deaf... so i seriously worked hard on my lipreading skills back then, According to my mom. I had just became deaf when i was put into a serious regiement of speech theraphy and lipreading.. plus i was still thinking I was hearing.
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I too am a lipreader and I'm 18 years old. It took me 14 years to master what I have so far. I can understand lipreading alone about 65% of the time, with sound however, I understand 92% of it. I wouldn't say I was in denial but I hated being hearing impaired because I was always singled out. I used to love speech lessons until they started really cracking down on me and I started to realize that I really couldn't hear these things and I felt VERY much alone. But now I can sit in a mall and get bits and peices of random strangers weekends...not that I do that a lot :giggle:

-Krista
 
kristakree said:
I too am a lipreader and I'm 18 years old. It took me 14 years to master what I have so far. I can understand lipreading alone about 65% of the time, with sound however, I understand 92% of it. I wouldn't say I was in denial but I hated being hearing impaired because I was always singled out. I used to love speech lessons until they started really cracking down on me and I started to realize that I really couldn't hear these things and I felt VERY much alone. But now I can sit in a mall and get bits and peices of random strangers weekends...not that I do that a lot :giggle:

-Krista
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I can relate..

I have been a lipreader full time for 28 years and have recieved intensive speech therapy training and I am still havent mastered it 100%. It is very very difficult for me and hurts my eyes if I do it all day.
 
ecp said:
Oh, I have my retorts. When people say, "my you speak so well!" I reply with a very serious and sincere, "You also speak very well. Keep up the good work".
And my personal favorite: When people say to me, "You dont <i>look</i> deaf." I reply with, "Well, you don't look stupid".
Luckily my professors are all very intelligent and most even try to learn a bit about hearing loss and deafness and related things like ASL. I'm very lucky to have gotten a good academic scholarship to a very good small college where the professors 1. know the names of the students and 2. care about students. It always shocks my state school friends when I tell them that my professors usually invite the whole class (which is only 10-20 people) to their house for dinner during finals. They are even more shocked to learn that professors and students even go to the local pub for a pint and conversation. Oh, i don't want to graduate...
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Ha ha, I've had some similar experiences. My roommate in college was hitting on this girl down in the lobby, and I was walking by. He called out my name, but I didn't hear, so he just said, oh he's just deaf. The girl hit him, & said that wasn't nice. Because apparently I'm too "cute" to be deaf my roommate said. The most off the wall comment i've heard was, "you don't act or look gay". I thought I misunderstood at first, but just explained, "maybe, it's because i'm not gay" Unfortuantely, common sense isn't quite so common.


I took a hearing friend to a basketball game with me as I won 2 tickets, and ironically we were talking about this type of topic. This girl saw my hearing aid and walked over and started signing (in a real slow & painful way...like 20 seconds per word). I told her I can speak & hear so she can talk. She kept signing despite my telling her that it wasn't necessary. One irony i've learned in life....I can't hear, but it seems that many can't listen.
 
I hear ya on that one Andy. When I was growing up I felt like any of my input or suggestions were left unheard because I was hoh. It was almost like, "oh your deaf, you dont understand whats going on anyway so your input is useless." I spent most of my childhood and teen years angry and unheard. There are still times that people are that way towards me, so I just tell them, that if they told me what was going on, I would probably know more. If they get all snippy then I leave em as is. No sense in trying to join someone that is going to constantly snub you over something as a stupid stereotype about hoh/deaf people.
 
Dixie said:
I hear ya on that one Andy. When I was growing up I felt like any of my input or suggestions were left unheard because I was hoh. It was almost like, "oh your deaf, you dont understand whats going on anyway so your input is useless." I spent most of my childhood and teen years angry and unheard. There are still times that people are that way towards me, so I just tell them, that if they told me what was going on, I would probably know more. If they get all snippy then I leave em as is. No sense in trying to join someone that is going to constantly snub you over something as a stupid stereotype about hoh/deaf people.
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Oh...I cant even begin to tell u how many times that happened to me especially working with hearing people. I worked for an insurance company and we would have meetings for feedback and suggestions for improvement. I would give my suggestions but people gave me this look like "oooh look at the deaf girl giving her cute opinion." and just smiled and nodded at me without taking any of my suggestions seriously. Then they would take other people's suggestions on the drawing board and discuss them in depth. Not once in 3 years, none of my suggestions were taken to the drawing board and it made me feel very inadequate and I actually believed that all hearing people were smarter than I was. Oh well.
 
One of my best friends is blind and gets the following comments all the time 'if I were you I would kill myself'. It's like yeah, if I were as shallow and ignorant as YOU I'd probably kill myself.
My favorite has to be the reply that 'you speak well too, keep up the good work' You guys are hilarious!
 
operatorally said:
One of my best friends is blind and gets the following comments all the time 'if I were you I would kill myself'. It's like yeah, if I were as shallow and ignorant as YOU I'd probably kill myself.
My favorite has to be the reply that 'you speak well too, keep up the good work' You guys are hilarious!
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People actually said that to your friend? Holy cow! :eek3:
 
Good god some people these days. :shock: Youd think theyd have some shred of decency but I guess not.
 
Serendipity said:
Here's another one.

for instance, I just told that person that I couldn't hear hence the term deaf. He or she went like, oh? You can't drive, right?

Then I went like, oh like this *takes my drivers license out of my wallet* and how is that for an answer?
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I've never understood this one, because with air conditioning, and quiet cars, and music going, hearing people can't hear what's going on outside the car either. There's a reason police cars and emergency vehicles have lights--because you can't hear them--you need to see them.

And... HI! I'm new here. :D
 
rockdrummer said:
I'm a hearing guy and I must apologize for the ignorance of some hearing people. To say that you speak so well would be out of an attempt to pay a compliment. It's our ignorance that causes this but make no mistake, it's intended as a compliment.
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1. No one should apologize for actions not their own (or their children's). ;)

2. Most people--deaf, hearing--are nice and don't mean harm, IMO.

3. Hearing people don't think about deaf people, and when they do it's usually in the context of their own lives, so they only see it that way--can't blame 'em for that.
 
UGH!! I sure know how it feels.

I still get that comment when people find out I am deaf after we have been talking for a while. Who ever said deaf people cannot speak or lipread or any of that??? I love to tell them that my voice isn't broken... just my ears. LOL It's like telling people who are in a wheelchair "Wow, you can drive a car!?" Well, duh! Some people can, some people can't... Big deal.

It is also really funny because people tend to think my husband is deaf and when he starts speaking to them and they are so impressed and tell him how wonderful his speech is and he just says "I know, I have been hearing my whole life and I'm so amazed at how well I can speak. YAY me!!" LOL
 
I hear you, everyone. I feel annoyed when people tell me that I talk real good. I was like, yeah right.
Several people talked to me in the store, and I mentioned them that I am deaf. Then, they shouted out real loud in the store, and I was so embarrassed because everyone were looking at us. I looked down with red face, and breathed easy. I reminded them that I am really deaf, and please don't shout. They were speechless, and said, "Oh, I am sorry." Then they walked away. I was like WTF?!
One time, I went to McDonald, I mentioned to the employee that I am deaf, and she said nothing and just stood there like she was a stone.
I asked her if I can write, she stared at me like she was so clueless. Then, I flipped out and talked with my voice to order. This lady was shocked, and other employee came to take my order. He apologized to me about her, and I told him that was okay.
 
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