"Oh, you speak so well!" and other annoying comments

I hate ppl ask me if I can speak or readlip or hear? I said no I can't hear but readlip is very little. I rather to have an interpreter or write paper.
Sometime Xbgmer and I hate ppl ask my older daughter to interpreter for us as Xbgmer or I told them don't talk! He got digusted by ppl and said write paper so person did wrote paper. We don't like use kids to sign for us and don't feel right.
Mommyof4
 
When people find out you're deaf, they're trying to be consideriate and ask if you can lipread or speak because they want to find out what you can do. I can understand people feeling insulted by it. but remember that most hearing people have never met a deaf person in their lives.. so they're not sure how to behave around a deaf person. It's not a matter of insulting the deaf, it's a matter of learning about them.
I get the lipreading and speaking thing all the time. Since I can lipread, I tend to use it with people unless I do not understand them. But All we can do as deaf people is educate those who don't understand.
 
Yep, I get those comments although recently it hasn't been as annoying as before. Only thing I hate about it is that it gives hearing people the false impression that I can hear better than I really do so they would start speaking while turned away or speak too fast. I just hate it when they continue to do it after reminding them a few times. That's when my frustration level goes up a few notches.


Growing up, I had so many teachers and aduts tell me that because I speak so well, I must be smart as if there was a correlation between my intelligence and speaking skills. That lead me to believe for an extremely long time that if I didn't have perfect speech, I am not as smart as they claimed. That caused my paranoia about having perfect speech. It took therapy to get over it and realize that one had nothing to do with the other. That I REALLLY DID NOT appreciate!! :pissed:
 
often whenever i sit in bus hub waiting for bus and theres ALWAYS people who is too eager to chat with someone... anyway often when they spoke to me and i replied that i cant hear... they alway act like they feel sorry for me... hell there was a black guy.. very nice and friendly but when he found out im deaf he pats on my shoulder and said oh tsk im soooo sorry over and over and over. it got on my nerves and i finally left to get paper and pen then came back. i wrote "oh im sooo sorry you are hearing! i truly do feel bad for you!" he laughed and apologized.

other time when i got on a city bus and when the driver found out im deaf lol he actually got off his seat and hold my arm like i was blind or something and put me in handicapped seat. when he went back to seat and began to drive... i simply moved to other seat and waited for my stop then i went to the door in back instead of front door cuz i certainly do not want him to do that lol. i think he got the message though cuz next time he did not get up to guide me to the seat.

the worst question i ever had was "can you hear colors?" that was when i was like 9 or 10 years old and was giving a speech to class about deafness and cochlear implant. i replied "what does colors sound like?" *chuckles at the memory*
 
SpiceHD said:
often whenever i sit in bus hub waiting for bus and theres ALWAYS people who is too eager to chat with someone... anyway often when they spoke to me and i replied that i cant hear... they alway act like they feel sorry for me... hell there was a black guy.. very nice and friendly but when he found out im deaf he pats on my shoulder and said oh tsk im soooo sorry over and over and over. it got on my nerves and i finally left to get paper and pen then came back. i wrote "oh im sooo sorry you are hearing! i truly do feel bad for you!" he laughed and apologized.

other time when i got on a city bus and when the driver found out im deaf lol he actually got off his seat and hold my arm like i was blind or something and put me in handicapped seat. when he went back to seat and began to drive... i simply moved to other seat and waited for my stop then i went to the door in back instead of front door cuz i certainly do not want him to do that lol. i think he got the message though cuz next time he did not get up to guide me to the seat.

the worst question i ever had was "can you hear colors?" that was when i was like 9 or 10 years old and was giving a speech to class about deafness and cochlear implant. i replied "what does colors sound like?" *chuckles at the memory*
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WTF? As if hearing people can hear colors? That is a new one to me! :giggle:
 
shel90 said:
Yep, I get those comments although recently it hasn't been as annoying as before. Only thing I hate about it is that it gives hearing people the false impression that I can hear better than I really do so they would start speaking while turned away or speak too fast. I just hate it when they continue to do it after reminding them a few times. That's when my frustration level goes up a few notches.
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That happens alot. I hate it. People never seem to remember that I am still deaf and I will remain deaf until further notice and therefore they should continue to practice good deaf communication (face to face, no turned backs, no mumbling etc) for the forseeable future. I hate reminding people every 10 minutes that I must be able to see their faces and what not.
 
Banjo said:
That's quite different. I wouldn't be offended if I was offered paper and pen. Though it's different when one decide to make a comment on your speech skill meaning they may had assumed that you would be functionally illiterate.
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That's exactly what I was trying to say. Some people assume the worst when a harmless attempt is made by another.
 
Mayberry said:
*headdesk*

That's like saying, "Wow, I'm surprised you, a one-armed man, can walk as well as you do!" :P
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OMG! It's the one-armed man! Remember The Fugitive? No one believed him when he said it was the one-armed man!

For all we know, a huge percentage of the crimes committed by the wrongfully accused were probably done by those who we least expect it to do it. :dunno:
 
LOL alot of these crack me up!

The one I continually get is - "Oh you must be talented to lip-read!" :rolleyes:

Then there are the times that people speak at me like I'm stupid. (I use at instead of to, because, yes there is a difference.)
 
welcome to my world - what did you thought i was? just a deaf and mute person? ooo the cat got your tongue.

speaks well, and can you sign well? nuhunuh i dont think sooo! :D

it's my infamous comment to those hearing people who approach to me and says/write, oh i didnt know that you can speak.

life's full of surprises.
 
VodkaBoulevard said:
it's my infamous comment to those hearing people who approach to me and says/write, oh i didnt know that you can speak.

life's full of surprises.
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I like it!

Sometimes these hearing people don't even say it to your face, but go behind your back to say it to your interpreter. I've gotten so many comments like "He's doing so well in the class!" "He speaks so well!" "He really seems to understand the material!" as though I were a pet owner with a surprisingly intelligent puppy or something. If I were the deaf person I would take great pleasure in using a barbed retort. As it is, in the interest of not antagonizing a student's teacher and/or remaining a pleasantly neutral ambassador between the hearing and deaf, I have to bite my tongue and not say any of the choice comments that come to mind.

And of course when I ask the person if he wants to tell the deaf student what he told me, he never ever does. Hmm, maybe because he knows he's being patronizing and condescending?

Ah, sometimes I don't think I'll miss professional interpreting. :giggle:
 
Interpretrator said:
I like it!

Sometimes these hearing people don't even say it to your face, but go behind your back to say it to your interpreter. I've gotten so many comments like "He's doing so well in the class!" "He speaks so well!" "He really seems to understand the material!" as though I were a pet owner with a surprisingly intelligent puppy or something. If I were the deaf person I would take great pleasure in using a barbed retort. As it is, in the interest of not antagonizing a student's teacher and/or remaining a pleasantly neutral ambassador between the hearing and deaf, I have to bite my tongue and not say any of the choice comments that come to mind.

And of course when I ask the person if he wants to tell the deaf student what he told me, he never ever does. Hmm, maybe because he knows he's being patronizing and condescending?

Ah, sometimes I don't think I'll miss professional interpreting. :giggle:
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For real? Guess we are well-trained puppies, huh? Oh boy..
 
Interpretrator said:
I like it!
Sometimes these hearing people don't even say it to your face, but go behind your back to say it to your interpreter. I've gotten so many comments like "He's doing so well in the class!" "He speaks so well!" "He really seems to understand the material!" as though I were a pet owner with a surprisingly intelligent puppy or something. If I were the deaf person I would take great pleasure in using a barbed retort. As it is, in the interest of not antagonizing a student's teacher and/or remaining a pleasantly neutral ambassador between the hearing and deaf, I have to bite my tongue and not say any of the choice comments that come to mind.
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Oh, I have my retorts. When people say, "my you speak so well!" I reply with a very serious and sincere, "You also speak very well. Keep up the good work".
And my personal favorite: When people say to me, "You dont <i>look</i> deaf." I reply with, "Well, you don't look stupid".
Luckily my professors are all very intelligent and most even try to learn a bit about hearing loss and deafness and related things like ASL. I'm very lucky to have gotten a good academic scholarship to a very good small college where the professors 1. know the names of the students and 2. care about students. It always shocks my state school friends when I tell them that my professors usually invite the whole class (which is only 10-20 people) to their house for dinner during finals. They are even more shocked to learn that professors and students even go to the local pub for a pint and conversation. Oh, i don't want to graduate...
 
I was at a restaurant in Liberal, Kansas today and the waitress said to me, "How can a 'hearing-impaired' person drive a truck?" I gave her a serious answer as to not insult her.

Another time, I was at a Cracker Barrel restaurant down south somewhere (typical southerners) and was asked if I needed a braille (sp?) menu, because I had Snickers, my hearing dog, with me.

Boy, some people!

Sometimes, you just gotta grin and bear it and not say anything. Although the comment "how do you manage to have sex?" was quite a chuckle. Maybe this person needs to learn how people have sex. ;)
 
perhaps you could give them a sex-education pamphlet?? :lol:
 
I love the "Oh you're hard of hearing?" And then they'll start shouting at me. Not only does it make it harder, but it also hurts my ears when you're 4 cm away from me!
Another one I love is, when people ask me how I can shop. Uhm. By walking into a store and shop? One woman asked me(I was actually in a clothing store, she was a saleswoman) If I needed someone to help me in the dressing room...Yeah...I need help to get my clothes off and on because I'm hoh...
When I do go shopping, if I'm approched, I will tell them I'm hard of hearing, and most of them time they will go "Oh I'm sorry".... Okay seriously, if you didn't know, don't be sorry. Sheesh. A few times, they thought I was annoyed at them coming up so they just turned around and left me alone!
Last story, my cousin's mom(who is my other cousin) was talking to her husband about ASL.
Her: I'm thinking about maybe taking a sign language class...
Him: Why? You're not blind!

:ugh3:
-Krista
 
pek1 said:
I was at a restaurant in Liberal, Kansas today and the waitress said to me, "How can a 'hearing-impaired' person drive a truck?" I gave her a serious answer as to not insult her.

Another time, I was at a Cracker Barrel restaurant down south somewhere (typical southerners) and was asked if I needed a braille (sp?) menu, because I had Snickers, my hearing dog, with me.

Boy, some people!

Sometimes, you just gotta grin and bear it and not say anything. Although the comment "how do you manage to have sex?" was quite a chuckle. Maybe this person needs to learn how people have sex. ;)
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Well, that's understandable... since it's usually the blind people who have seeing dogs.
 
Often I was asked by hearing people how can I drive if i cannot hear sirens....I always reply if they can drive the car with blindfolded....they say no.. i say well my case rests....
 
I've had my share of the "you speak so well" comments. It's a bit condescending but we pity the uneducated public because they don't know any better. I work as a window clerk at the post office and most people have no problem understanding me. I went to work with a cold one day and when I have a cold I sound like a mechanical voice box. :) I was waiting on a lady and her little kid asked me why I sounded like a robot and I leaned close to him and said "That's because I am one." He hid behind his mother the rest of the time. Ahh, the joys of deafness. :fingersx:
 
ecp said:
I hate that comment. I get it all the time and after a while I feel like I should just stop concentrating on pronuncing things well (it takes a lot of effort) and just talk. Or even sign. But nobody would understand me.
I feel like when hearing people tell me that I speak well it is either a way of them telling me that I must not be too deaf or it is a condescending way of patting me on the back for trying to squeeze my square voice into the proverbial round hole.
Another annoying comment is "Oh, you aren't deaf enough to need an interpreter"
I have severe hearing loss that drops a few decibles a year. I understand 65 to 70% of speech at 90db which means that if someone is shouting in my ear, I will get the basic idea of what they are saying. I went to a signing elementary/middle school so I am more than comfortable with ASL. In fact, I'm more comfortable with ASL because it is so much less stressful.
What makes someone "Deaf enough"?
I have met some Deaf people who consider me hearing because I go to a hearing college. These people don't seem to understand that though I don't go to Gally or NTID I'm still part of Deaf culture. (Though, I'm not too involved in the D/deaf community because I often feel like many people divide the world into Us and Them based solely on appearance).

One last thing, my audiologist didn't give me a color choice with my last set of BTEs. He choose blonde to blend into my hair but I really wanted blue! He thought I would want to hide my BTEs but I would rather people see my (pretty blue) hearing aids and know that I may not hear them than have people think I'm just stupid when I ask them to repeat themselves.

Ok, that is my rant for the year. Anybody else annoyed by this?
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Okay let me flip this around on you. Several Deaf have asked with voice who in the group talks the best. Then i am supposed to list in order. Like this is some competition and i am a judge. This has happened many times. OR Deafies find out i am hearing and stop signing with me, only voice. I sign to them they respond in voice. When i am at a large party i don't like that because i feel pointed out.
They could be saying that because.... Think of it like this everyone knows what the mona lisa looks like. Now a blind person that has never seen the mona lisa but painted it perfect. You would say WOW you painted that so well. We hearies depend so much on hearing we know we speak how we do because of us hearing the words. It is so amazing that a person that has never heard the words but can produce them so well. I can see how that would be annoying though.
 
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