my sister & drugs "Paraphernalia and crack-cocain

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling,

You stated that you received a letter from your sister, a negative one, correct?

I have 2 sisters Sue and Tanja. (Tanja is daughter of my mother and step-dad, her 2nd marriage). The negative letter, I got from Tanja, not Sue.

You also said that she is on drugs for many years correct?

If you mean Tanja, no she is not drug addict but Sue. Sue addict heavy drugs since 1993.

Ok let's be aware that being on drugs is a disease that can cause a loss of control, when people are on drugs they might say or do something that would hurt you and the family.

Yes, I aware it. I haven´t heard from Sue since I last saw her in 2000. I has no problem to deal with Sue because I know how to make her to pour her feeling out to me and share my feedback with her. I learn alot from Dad, Mike and Tanja about her. Yes, I know Sue´s attitudes very well since their description about her to me. Very aggressive. It´s not just me, Dad, Mike & Tanja but Sue´s children, she hurts to. She abused her children physically because her children tried to help her to rid of drugs... they flush her drugs into toilet... The worst is her children have no love feeling for Sue after what they witnessed in the household. Those situation what her children did remind me of my mom, we (Sue, Mike & I tried to help mom is empty her alochol into sink and throw away to dustbin.. It got mom mad and abused us)... That´s how our love for mom is gone - it´s her who hurts us alot...

It is very hard for her to admit that she has a problem

No, she already admitted that she is drug addict that what I said in my first thread.

, because drugs influence her mind and her emotions she a very ill person because of drugs she is taking control her life. Drugs simply hide feelings and problems. When a drug wears off, the feelings and problems remain or become worse. Drugs can ruin every aspect of a person's life, and others around her.

Yes I aware it.

With me, If my children happened to be on drugs, I'll stand by their side all the way no matter how hard they tried to push me away, I cannot leave them and I won't. I would get my children the help they need, take them to an experienced drugs counselor if it takes forever let it be, I do believe it would be a very frustrating situation but I refused to turn my back on them. I care about them so much and I want them to be aware that drugs don't solve anything! If I have to take a trip with them to the morgue I would show them that if they keep on doing drugs, that's where their bodies will go.

Yes, I know a lot of parents says including my Dad like this but they realized it´s not VERY easy job to help heavy drug addicts. I have the same feeling as you and every parents but I has to accept the fact that it´s too easy for us (every parents) say: "I stand by my children´s side, no matter how hard they tried to push me away, I cannot leave them and I won't." That´s why I rather not say this since I withnessed how my Dad and Mike had through with Sue. My Dad, Mike & Tanja shared their experience for withness what Sue´s children had through. It´s time for my Dad & Mike to focus Sue´s children´s future now since they noticed that they were busy to help Sue to neglect Sue´s children. It´s time for them to focus Sue´s children´s future since they are still young. (My nephew will be 21 years old few months time and niece just turned to 18 years old last month, my other nephew is 14 during Sue´s 2nd relationship with other man). Dad & Mike had bad time with Sue´s chlidren, that´s time they were teenagers. they were rebel against them... plus worry about Sue... My 21 years old nephew is still trouble with polices dozens of time... mug people for money... job hater.... My niece turn into wonderful and talent girl and have a good job... Without Dad, she would of go bad path... Sue´s children hate their mom which i´s sad. Anyway, it´s Sue´s children, we worry about - Let Sue go since she is an adult now and choose kind of life she want to. It´s not easy for us, beleive me but we has to accept the fact.

Subject about my children:
All what I do for my children´s future is:
I don´t beleive to wait until I think they have problem then but teach them about drugs an earlier and also let my children to watch TV about drugs... then they aware how dangerous drugs are.

I can understand that she is now older and has her own life and I know it's hard to help her when she refused to get the treatment she needs in order to help her quit.

I think I already stated in my earlier posts that Sue had been visit to hospitals dozen of time including group therapies, treatments, etc all what you name but it is still not working because she doesn´t bother to stand her own feet with strong willing but depend on Dad all the time which it´s good.

But, let me tell you one thing, Don't turn your back on her, She will always be your sister no matter how much she had hurt your feelings. It's the drug that is making her this way and it's out of her control to show love and caring for others around her, because it's way impossible for her to do that.

Yes I aware it. I mailed X-mas card enclosed letter ask Sue how she is... and let her know about my children etc... No reply from her... I accept the fact that she can´t write to me anymore but I still mailed her Xmas card enclosed letter every year. No matter either she read my letter or not but she should not forget that she has an eldest sister who live in Germany. It doesn´t affect me IF Sue hurt me in letter because I prepared to know she´s ill as same as our mom but Tanja? It´s not acceptance.

I feel so bad for your sister and the situation she is into.

No, I feel bad for Sue´s chlidren, not Sue because she is old enough to aware what drugs is. I don´t understand her because she started to addict drug when she was 29 years old mother of 3 kids, not teenager. I would feel bad for teenagers who addict on drugs, not adult. She knew she hurts her children... she knew our mom hurts us in the past... why she want do the same what our mom did to us? Yes I feel bad for my nephew and niece who struggle their unhappy childhood to witness everything what their drug addictive mother did in household.

I hope she does seek help before it's too late. I would hate to see someone die due from overdose

Yes, I hope for Sue to realize that she need the help.

I notice that "wake-up call" work often to make drug addict quit with strong willing because they want to remain alive. I wish for Sue, that´s why we has to let her go until she will realized that she want to remain alive... Let me tell you the true story about Christiane F.

Have you heard the movie called "Christiane F - Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo". (1981) (we children from the train station). A 13 years old German teenage girl named Christiane during 1970 times started to be heavy addicted to drugs and prositutiue to earn to buy drugs. She was shock when she saw many of her friends died of overdose which it got her to quit with her strong willing at last. It´s very depressing movie, most realistic and disturbing films, I ever seen. I would recommend you to rent or buy DVD, it´s worth to see. I´m going to buy a book of "Christiane F" soon.

Christiane is now 38 years old with her 4 years old son and she have been off drugs since she got the kid. She gave up drugs with strong willing and want the help at last after saw dead friends in bathroom. It works on her... but she took drugs off and on until she had a child and then quit for a good... I have a friend, I grew up together at school was heavy drugs and near overdose 3 times. She took no more drugs since she had her first child. Now her 3 kids are adults. She get the help because she want it.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

The problem is my both sisters Sue and Tanja have very low self confidence and low self-esteem and very co-dependancy. They alway runs to parents when they have problems... I know they both have problem with relationships with men and women. Tanja is a smart girl and does very well with her job but the problem is she is not happy with her life - good thing is she don´t take any drugs. I always thought positive about Tanja until I read her 6 pages negative letter for a first time last Saturday... wow... I began realized that I´m wrong about her. I has to positive her negative letters directly.. I has no choice but firm her with my positive letter. She do not need to threw 30 years old subjects and then Sue on my face but talk to solve with me... Perhaps for you, I´m too hard...

I googled for years to find out cons and pros about drugs addiction how can we help Sue before I can suggest my Dad and Mike. Unfortunlately it doesnt work. I don´t know what should I say or what to do anymore. It´s sad. It is like a heavy burden on my heart. I know my Dad and Mike has the same feeling as me. I do realized that each person choose their decision whatever they wants since she know an exactly what´s the difference between right and wrong but she choose to go wrong path. She started to take drugs when she was 29 years old in 1993. You didn´t know how scare feel I have but I has to respect my Dad´s & Mike´s decision. I would not neglect my family in Germany to help Sue because my family come first. We accept the fact that Sue has to live and learn things for herself since we already gave her our guidance, of course a lot. We tried our best to not overcome with our worry about her. Yes, I will listen if Sue want to contact me but I haven´t heard from her since I last saw her in 2000 but she is still in my thought. I often mention her to Dad, Mike or Tanja during emails.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

You and I are the same shoes. My sister is a drug addict, has been in rehabs, half-way house, jail you name it.. What I've learned from this is You, your dad, brother and niece are co-dependent. You all are trying to help her to stay out of the drug habit. Your dad is doing the right thing by taking your niece. She's the #1 factor that needs to be taken away from a drug addict. I know its hurting you all alot.. but your dad need to stop helping her and move on. Your sister knows that if she goes back again and again, her dad will always come to her rescue. He does need to stop that. Something is going to happen to your sister but she chose to do what she want to do. Maybe one day, something may wake her up and realize what's she doing to herself and her family.. When she has no one to turn to, no one to help her, she'll get to the point she needs help and will want ya'll back into her life but don't let it off real easy. Its very hard to get out of that situation. All you can do is let her know you love her.. but you can't stop her. I'm sorry you're going thru this. just be strong and have faith that things will change to the better.

Any update about your sister... Is it success? I hope... If yes, how can she do sucess?

I pray everything goes work for your sister...

 

[JeepGirl]

Any update about your sister... Is it success? I hope... If yes, how can she do sucess?

I pray everything goes work for your sister...

Actually, I haven't heard from her since Xmas Eve.. been a month now.. and its not normal for me not to hear from her. I called her so many times.. no answer. I'm extremely worried about her. She lives about an hour and a half from me. I think it was my cousin that told me that she's gotten really depressed and been crying alot. She misses my mom. I'm still gonna keep calling her til I reach her.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Actually, I haven't heard from her since Xmas Eve.. been a month now.. and its not normal for me not to hear from her. I called her so many times.. no answer. I'm extremely worried about her. She lives about an hour and a half from me. I think it was my cousin that told me that she's gotten really depressed and been crying alot. She misses my mom. I'm still gonna keep calling her til I reach her.

Oh dear, I know how you feel It´s very hard for you feel like this to know that your sister´s behave like this... I would suggest you try to write a letter to her?

I live in Germany and Sue live in England. I mentioned her to my Dad & Mike via fax or emails. Now they quitted to see Sue since the happened last October... I mailed X-mas card & letter to her... no reply... she never do that anymore since I last saw her in 2000. Now Tanja said that Sue is very ill. I faxed Dad straight way after got a letter from Tanja but I still haven´t receive the reply from Dad...

 

[Mookie]

Have you been thru it before yourself? it wouldn't be worth your time even it was your loved one??? think about it if you were in our shoes before you say it wouldn't be worth our time.

Alot of people can handle taking care of drug addicts perhaps you're not the one to be able to handle it. people go thru it everyday of their lives trying to help and doing the best they can do.. it would be worth it knowing that we did the best we could do to help.. deep down, they know we tried and loved them no matter what

RebelGirl,

Well, it would waste my time to say "never use drugs" to my old hard-of-hearing high school buddies. They did offer me illegal drugs, but they were surprised that I declined. I have not seen my high school buddy almost 15 years. I do not think that I may go to my 20-year anniversary high school reunion next year since many of them were not really real friends to me at the mainstreaming school (I was only one deaf high school in a big school in a city with the three high schools).

I had no idea why I personally refused to accept any drug and heavy drinking except my drinking habit for socialization. Moreover, nobody explained me earlier, but I have seen how horrible things happened to other people. Even my grandpas and his sons had alcoholic problems. My other cousins still use the heavy alcoholic beverages and drugs. My great grandparents in poor rural farm had 15 children. Can you imagine how huge family siblings we have now…. Well, I can not blame them since they have worked so hard in my family generation for thousands of years. Moreover, I truly love my family that they have generated for so many hundred of thousand years on Earth.

That’s right, madam. That would consume my valuable time for helping out heartbreaking family situations. I have to focus on my own journey and be success with my family in vivid future.

My blood is thicker than water…

RebelGirl, any rebuttal?

 

[Angel]

My cousin just turned himself into a rehab last week for Meth addict. He just gave his son away to New Jersey to be with his mom. He said he almost died from taking too much. My god.. when I saw him recently.. he was soo skinny.. that i can see his bones sticking out and his face has turned wrinkles.. his teeth are rottening.. I feel bad .. i do know its a disease but i love him no matter what. He's getting the help he can get and i hope he can stick with it.

Oh dear, I feel really bad for him .....

Have you heard from him lately, and how is he doing now?...

 

[Angel]

Actually, I haven't heard from her since Xmas Eve.. been a month now.. and its not normal for me not to hear from her. I called her so many times.. no answer. I'm extremely worried about her. She lives about an hour and a half from me. I think it was my cousin that told me that she's gotten really depressed and been crying alot. She misses my mom. I'm still gonna keep calling her til I reach her.

Gosh, this truly breaks my heart

 

[Liebling:-)))]

That would consume my valuable time for helping out heartbreaking family situations. I have to focus on my own journey and be success with my family in vivid future.

My blood is thicker than water…

*nodding agreement*

It´s my family, I focus and worry about... My family come first.

Remember, everyone are adults and have their own life as I have mine... but I will make sure my children not go wrong path... Its about education to give children into good path.

I know it´s very hurt but I really can´t do anything for Sue but I will be alway there if she want to talk with me.

 

[Opal]

I wrote this email to Tanja. I admitted that I'm too open and direct to her - perhaps hurt her but I has no choice because it's truth since she accussed me in the 6 whole pages letter which it's unacceptance.

What do you think of this? Please don't be scare to open what you think of this... I appreciate your feedback and opinion...

Hello Tanja,

I received your 6 pages letter last Saturday. I can tell thru your letters that you are like Sue. I really has no idea what you are talking about. *dunno*. I'm trying to positive your negative letters where you made toward me instead of play immature childish game with you.

1. You should stop me in first place if you do not wish to receive the further emails from me.

2. You said that you want to express your disappointment with me because of Sue. I'm sorry how you feel like this but we all are adult and choose to lead our own life. I can see that you & Sue are helpless like small children, but if you both want to be treated as responsible adults, then do that.

3. Did you know that Dad & Mike did awful alot for Sue in the past? Did Sue realize how much she hurts her whole family? Is it okay to risk Dad's & Mike's life to get druggies out of Sue's place because they want to help Sue? Can you explain me what's this? Did you know it could kill them? My husband & I support Dad's & Mike's decision to leave Sue alone because we know they doing right things to keep away from her. We accept the fact what Sue is & what she wants because she's old enough to choose kind of life she wants if she want clean then do that herself instead of depend on Dad ALL THE TIME. Do you expect Dad & Mike babysit Sue?

4. You said that Sue are lonely & need a sister. Don't forget that I live in Germany & have a family, I take care of. Dad & Mike have their own life. You are old enough to make your own decision what you do with your life instead of label us as bad persons & judge us what to do since we have our own life, we worry about. What about you? How could you help Sue then? If you think you CAN help Sue then Good Luck.

5. You said that you negative Aunt about me & got her to suggest you to write me what you think of me & how I behave toward Sue for years etc. Unfortunlately, you didn't know my side. I gave Aunt positive about you how much I am proud of you & your talent etc until I saw your letter for a first time. *speechless* I began realize that I'm wrong about you & you are not person what I thought for a long time. *shake the head*

6. You said that you lived without my love for 30 years. Well, I spend many years at boarding school since I was 3 years old than at home with parents & then at Grandparents. I came home on school holidays, not every weekends. I last saw you as toddler before you was taken away. Yes, I know that my attitude toward my siblings & parents are total different because I was brought up by stricter discipline & was taught a lot by boarding school different than you & my siblings learned from parents. Could you explain me how? or Do you still want to blame me for that?

7. You said that I didn't even buy Sue a kettle, label me as money pinching meanness, rude, etc. For your information: My husband & I have no problem to treat anyone where we stay for our holiday because we knows our manner. We really have no idea what Sue negative you about our manner behavior in her house. It's sad to know that our support for Susan & her family are not good enough for her. Well about kettle subject: Sue can't rely/make misery on anyone to replace a kettle because her kettle is blow up & expect anyone feel pity for her. I has to learn to cope myself if something damage in my house with NO rely anyone for support. She was offended when I tried to teach her how to take care of kettle since she told me that it's her 3rd time. Why can't she buy it herself instead of buy nonsense things like daily hire video, weekly "hello" magazine, etc. I don't beleive to replace the damage where someone made. It's ME... It's bad luck if you or Sue are still not accept it. Anyway I has no problem with my children for their respect because they know our rule that replace something for the damage my children made is not acceptance. They should pay themselves if they want to have one since they have month allowance from us or wait until Birthday, Easter or Christmas. Its about responsible, they should learn to cope. Example: my son Alan & his mates play football & the ball hit the window accidently at 2 years ago. Did you know how much window cost? Did I complaint to anyone for replace a new window? No, I didn't because I know it's my responsible as parent to share the cost with other parents of Alan's mates to replace a new window, not anyone. That's how Susan should learn how to cope her own responsible if something happened instead of make misery to anyone for replacement.

8. You do not need to feel sorry for me because I accept my deafness long time ago. I'm happy and sataisfy that way what I am. Everything what we have thru our hard working and show our positive about our deafness.

9. Before I'm going to end to write this email to you, I would like to make 4 questions for you.

1. Did my husband & I forbid you or anyone to come to visit us for holiday?

2. Did you hear our complaint that nobody in my British family come to visit us for holiday for over 20 years?

3. Have you hear our complaint for spend money for take flight to England and plus support them several times?

4. Have you hear our complaint that you or anyone prefer to fly to other countries for holiday than visit to see us in Germany?

No, we haven't but it's our voluntarily to visit to see British family because we are happy & want to see them. Why have you or anyone make out of misery on us?

I want to be honest with you that I do not feel angry, guilty or been put down by your letter as what you thought in your letter but *rolleye*. All what I want say is you need a professional help then you should not end like Sue as "helpless child". I would recommend you to go therapy to improve your esteem, then write me again when you feel better.

Have a great day.

Mxxxx

I think I can't comment this one because there's always two sided story between the 2 parties.

 

[Opal]

As a sister, I think its your duty to visit England to see Sue, as it is only one hour and 45 minutes plane journey each trip.

It would be alot better if you go alone to the UK this time, as you haven't visit since 2000, it is about time to go back again?

Good luck and wish her get well soon.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

I think I can't comment this one because there's always two sided story between the 2 parties.

As a sister, I think its your duty to visit England to see Sue, as it is only one hour and 45 minutes plane journey each trip.

It would be alot better if you go alone to the UK this time, as you haven't visit since 2000, it is about time to go back again?

Good luck and wish her get well soon.

I myself have a family here in Germany and they are my first line is obligation/duty to take care of. For many years Sue was supported by dad and everything. She behaves like a small child and still constantly parents’ needs. Which is she simultaneous adult or child? Do you describe her additive as normal? It is only logically that dad and the rest of the family says "once is enough", because it never ends.

I’m speechless over your comment here. You know for a long time over my family background. Yes, you have seen it yourself. I can’t believe what you said this to me here because I thought you know me very well... Your post sounds that I’m liar or what? I’m speechless… I only ask anyone for feedback/advise/suggestion/tips with open mind but all what you said here is harshly.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Update about Sue

I received 3 long pages fax from my Dad last night... I was like after read Dad’s letters and begun to understand why Tanja is mad and blame me for make Dad & Mike for listen me over Sue after share feedback from AD forum last October in negative letter because Sue was put in jail at month ago. I was like huh because my Dad asked me for my advice last October. I suggest him to not bail Sue out of jail or physical hospital in the future because it would help her to clean when she stay in jail or physical hospital for a long time.

He feels bad that Tanja upset me with 6 pages letter and asked me to not take her letters serious please. He showed my suggestion fax of October 2005 to anyone including drug counselor to read and agree with my suggestion except Tanja how to help Sue. Tanja rejected my suggestion angrily and think that I’m jealous of Sue and want her dead… Huh? Unfortunately the problem was begun thru Tanja’s aggressive. She accused them for not believe her over me and accused to against her because she is a daughter of my mom and step dad. She’s too paranoid. They have big fight… Dad said to me that Tanja never help or being there for Sue but him and Mike… Why make she misery on us when she know she has no time for Sue then? I’m speechless because I never had problem with Tanja for long time until her letter… I really never thought that she tried to negative Dad, Susie & Mike about me...

Dad, Susie & Mike don’t want to do anything with her anymore and told me what and how they put with her paranoid way.

It got Sue madder because Dad & Mike took serious that they won’t do there for her… She insults Dad on the phone dozen of times. It got Dad enough and calls Police to check on her. (Sue had police bad record for mugged people, burglar for money….)… Police found 5 druggies in her house… They arrested them and put them jail waiting for court to put her to physical hospital. Sue begged Dad on the phone to get her out… Dad stays firm and refuse to bail her out which he did several times at jail and hospital in the past. He told Sue to not ring him up to ask for the help because she won’t get it. This is first time he refused to help her at last… Nobody knows how long will they keep her in this time but she’ll have to get herself out of it. I’m glad that Dad doing right at last.

Tanja informed Sue about me and make her hate me now... Okay, I accept it but I believe Sue will thank me, Mike and Dad some day when she clean.

 

[GalaxyAngel]

Liebling...

Yeah... Sue and Tanja will realized and thanked to you...

Sue needs help til her clean.... will big changed her life better!
let her go..
until she smarten up!

Time enough for her being begger you or your Dad and Mike... not worth.. She must be seek "attention" as crywolf!
One day, She'll smell coffee "wake up".

 

[Liebling:-)))]

Liebling...

Yeah... Sue and Tanja will realized and thanked to you...

Sue needs help til her clean.... will big changed her life better!
let her go..
until she smarten up!

Time enough for her being begger you or your Dad and Mike... not worth.. She must be seek "attention" as crywolf!

One day, She'll smell coffee "wake up".

Exactly.

Thank you for your loving and understanding support. Your post helps me to hope for Sue.

Yes, that’s why I leave Tanja and Sue alone, no matter what anyone think bad about me, Dad, Mike & Sussi because we know they will thank me, Dad, Susie and Mike some day. Put Sue jail or hospital and stick it for a long time is the best than bail her out and let her die…

It’s Sue’s children’s future, we worry about. We should not neglect them to support Sue all the time. I’m mad with Sue sometimes for hurt her children because they doesn’t deserve to have sort of mother like her.

I hope the court will send Sue to physical hospital outside of London (countryside or seaside) which it’s good for her.

 

[Opal]

On second thoughts, sorry liebling if I sounded harsh, I don't think I was thinking straight!!!!!

And I did not mean to offend.

Please have a nice day.

 

[PurrMeow]

Exactly.

Thank you for your loving and understanding support. Your post helps me to hope for Sue.

Yes, that’s why I leave Tanja and Sue alone, no matter what anyone think bad about me, Dad, Mike & Sussi because we know they will thank me, Dad, Susie and Mike some day. Put Sue jail or hospital and stick it for a long time is the best than bail her out and let her die…

It’s Sue’s children’s future, we worry about. We should not neglect them to support Sue all the time. I’m mad with Sue sometimes for hurt her children because they doesn’t deserve to have sort of mother like her.

I hope the court will send Sue to physical hospital outside of London (countryside or seaside) which it’s good for her.

Ouch Liebling for being going through the problems with your family. Sounds almost similar to my sisters (2)-well I have three sisters but two whom are out of our lives for good. Anyway, one of my sisters who is currently in jail for alot of reasons. At first she was doing drugs during her marriage with worthless idiot man, and while she was on drugs she did commited crimes and she has been in and out of jail few times in since 1995 or 1996 but until the last time my parents and me were very fed up with her and decided to leave her in jail for long terms which she is still. She has been begged us to bail her out and we refused for long time. She transferred from jail to prison and will be out till 2010 or something. So, I hope your sister will stay in jail until she realizes that what she has done to her children. My sister has two kids which my parents had custody for few yrs until her kids were adopted by my family for their sake. Best thing for you and your family to let her stay in jail for long term until she realizes. Also for your other sister who is angry with you for no reasons. Best thing for you and your family to let her being angry until she will realizes. So hope things work out for you and your family...

 

[Miss-Delectable]

It made me sad when I read Liebling and other's posts. It made me think of my 17 y.o nephew. He's either on his way to being addicted to drugs or is already addicted. I fear the day when he's lost to us.

He started stealing from his mother and siblings. So he can pawn them to buy drugs.

I was like his mother have to stop cleaning up after him, but she is not really a stable person to handle this correctly.

At some point, we all will have to step in and try and get help for him before it's too late. Truthfully, I'm not looking forward to it because it might be in vain.

For now, all we could do is pray.

 

[Heath]

All of you will continue to be in my prayers God is able to deliever them out of drug addiction... God Bless....

 

[Liebling:-)))]

On second thoughts, sorry liebling if I sounded harsh, I don't think I was thinking straight!!!!!

And I did not mean to offend.

Please have a nice day.

Okay, no problem... I accept your apology and move on...