Invite Self Over

evil_queen_lisa

evil_queen_lisa

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Hey all,
I didn't grow up deaf, so I'm still getting used to Deaf culture. I have a question for all of you who did. I have a friend who is Deaf,( went to residential school since age 5, lived in the dorms, doesn't speak).
So anyway, i was a little taken aback today when she asked if she could come to my house for thanksgiving (it is canadian thanksgiving). Is this typical in Deaf culture, or is my friend just really... not sure of a good word for it... forward?
anyway, in hearing culture this is a big no-no. You can hint that you would like to come, but you do NOT invite yourself. I felt very awkward having to tell her flat-out "no".
Is this just my friend's personality and upbringing, or is this typical in Deaf culture?
Thanks
*EQL*
 
maybe i should clarify, i don't live in the same town, i live about 3 hrs away. So she wanted to come sleep over and everything.
*EQL*
 
Well, No. I think your friend is rude. Since it sounds like she is kind of bully or something. i am sorry to say that.

Its my opinion that it is NOT typical in deaf culture.
 
lol wow. simple - "no"
 
It sounds like the person is socially inept and awkward.
 
jillio said:
Wonder if this person was mainstreamed?
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Well, she mentioned that the person was a student at a school for the deaf since the age of five. So... that would be a no. Odds are I may know that person, but again, there are a lot of these people.
 
Banjo said:
Well, she mentioned that the person was a student at a school for the deaf since the age of five. So... that would be a no. Odds are I may know that person, but again, there are a lot of these people.
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Thanks! I evidently missed that. Yes, unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are socially inept. Never picked up on the peripheral cues that teach social adaptability and proper behavior.
 
jillio said:
Thanks! I evidently missed that. Yes, unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are socially inept. Never picked up on the peripheral cues that teach social adaptability and proper behavior.
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Which is why they need to hire specialists for children with behavioural issues. I don't believe they have any of these at these provincial schools for the deaf. It's probably difficult to find one who works with the deaf.
 
Banjo said:
Which is why they need to hire specialists for children with behavioural issues. I don't believe they have any of these at these provincial schools for the deaf. It's probably difficult to find one who works with the deaf.
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Agreed. These things need to be actively taught to children that are in a position of not being able to pick it up incidentally. Social backwardness has a huge impact on several areas of a person's life.
 
jillio said:
Agreed. These things need to be actively taught to children that are in a position of not being able to pick it up incidentally. Social backwardness has a huge impact on several areas of a person's life.
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No kidding, I know far too many of them. Some are too sheltered, some don't know how to behave in front of their co-workers, strangers, etc.
 
Banjo said:
Well... I would have to disagree with you on that one. I have seen this type of behaviour on many occasions.
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Oh. I was growing in the deaf school and in the deaf community all my life. :dunno: Sure I do have selective friends who i know they know better and some others have no common senses that I don't hang out with. you know?
 
Banjo said:
No kidding, I know far too many of them. Some are too sheltered, some don't know how to behave in front of their co-workers, strangers, etc.
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And they end up living lonely, isolated, miserable lives.

The OP would do this person a favor by gently explaining why the behavior is not accepted socially, and suggesting ways to accomplish her goal by acceptable means.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Oh. I was growing in the deaf school and in the deaf community all my life. :dunno: Sure I do have selective friends who i know they know better and some others have no common senses that I don't hang out with. you know?
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Well, you seem to be one of those who has picked up on the cues of what is acceptable behavior socially.
 
jillio said:
And they end up living lonely, isolated, miserable lives.
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and living with their parents. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with it. However, to spend your entire life living with your parents, it's not a good way to become independent and self-reliant.

It's not the same as having your parents live with you later when they get older. There is a big difference. People who live a sheltered life often are unable to understand how the real world works.
 
Banjo said:
and living with their parents. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with it. However, to spend your entire life living with your parents, it's not a good way to become independent and self-reliant.

It's not the same as having your parents live with you later when they get older. There is a big difference. People who live a sheltered life often are unable to understand how the real world works.
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Oh, I agree. Yes, it makes them dependant. And when their parents die, they become dependant on another family member. It may not be PC to say, but they are social cripples.
 
jillio said:
Oh, I agree. Yes, it makes them dependant. And when their parents die, they become dependant on another family member. It may not be PC to say, but they are social cripples.
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It's usually the siblings they end up relying on after their parents are gone. Imagine how much stress and burden are put upon the siblings once they have to take one in.
 
Banjo said:
It's usually the siblings they end up relying on after their parents are gone. Imagine how much stress and burden are put upon the siblings once they have to take one in.
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Agreed.
 
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