Invite Self Over

deafgal001 said:
my family do this because I can't hear the phone. They actually wait for me! and they are hearing. They just don't want to waste a trip for nothing. but not on daily basis though.
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But do they wait for you in the driveway on a daily basis even though you aren't home?

Big difference. It's basically a form of suffocation if you ask me.
 
Banjo said:
But do they wait for you in the driveway on a daily basis even though you aren't home?

Big difference. It's basically a form of suffocation if you ask me.
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probably why most have restraining order.

I don't understand it though, don't they have other friends to visit?
 
When I think of people inviting themselves over, I think of Steve Urkel or Cosby show, or that girl who is friends with in Full House. HA! I wonder why these shows have people who invite themselves.. it is because it mirrors their real life or something?

When I was teen, I did have a neighbor (again, hearing) who came over every single day and kept asking for me so she can just talk and talk. She really like my hearing sister, but my hearing sister refused to have anything to do with her (she found her annoying). EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. during the summer. We lived out the country so there wasn't much for her to do.
She was staying with her sister for the summer so that was the only time I saw her. I figure it is just a teenage thing.

I broke her friendship after finding out she tried to set my boyfriend a date with her friend where she lives. My younger sister was furious as well.

I am not used to grown ups doing this, except the time I worked as a cashier and I had several guys come to the store everyday just to talk as well.
 
Wirelessly posted

Banjo said:
To say that it's not a deaf thing... well... it depends.

Nowadays, it's somewhat different. Back in the days before texting became popular, people would just come over for a visit whenever they felt like it. I was even told of stories where deaf friends and families would wait in people's driveways waiting for them to get home... on a daily basis.

I'm not making this up.
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Yep.


Mom said she remembered those days. She didn't think too much of it during the early 90s because that was what hearing people used to do instead of using the party-line before they had individual landlines for every houses.
 
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Banjo said:
To say that it's not a deaf thing... well... it depends.

Nowadays, it's somewhat different. Back in the days before texting became popular, people would just come over for a visit whenever they felt like it. I was even told of stories where deaf friends and families would wait in people's driveways waiting for them to get home... on a daily basis.

I'm not making this up.
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I have heard of stories like these. :)
 
Banjo said:
Well... I would have to disagree with you on that one. I have seen this type of behaviour on many occasions.
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Me too.

Not everyone is "socially skilled" depending on how they were raised.

Just because a person asks if he can come to your house doesn't mean he's being rude. He's probably lonely and couldn't think of a proper way to get himself invited. He probably considers you the closest person that he's comfortable with. It could be for a number of reasons.

A simple reply of "no" would be good. If he keeps asking you over and over, then you can say that he's being rude.

If he asked you, he wasn't inviting himself. If he showed up unexpectedly or told you that he was coming over, then that would be inviting himself.
 
jillio said:
Agreed. These things need to be actively taught to children that are in a position of not being able to pick it up incidentally. Social backwardness has a huge impact on several areas of a person's life.
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Yes.

I see this problem in a lot of deaf institutions. They don't always teach their students the basics of outside live or mainstream life. They just education them on "1+1=2" and then move on.
 
Banjo said:
No kidding, I know far too many of them. Some are too sheltered, some don't know how to behave in front of their co-workers, strangers, etc.
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I know a guy who did that to me and my girlfriend.

While we were talking, he looked at my girlfriend and asked if we were married. When I told him no, he immediately looked at my girlfriend and then asked when she was going to get pregnant. AWKWARD!

During the conversation, he explained that he was fired from his job because he was "too blunt".
 
haha, weird.. better than people asking you "so when are you due" because you have alittle tummy.
 
souggy said:
No. That's not what she meant. Deaf people like to know your name, sign name, when you were born, where you were born, whether or not you're born into a hearing family or a deaf family, how you became deaf, how old you were when you became deaf, what's your first language, if you were mainstreamed or went to a Deaf school, what schools you've gone to, if you had gone to post-secondary yet, what cities you've lived in, and who your deaf friends are as one big loooooooooooong self-introduction.

Hearing people just like to talk about the weather or food.
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Part of that stems from the fact that the Deaf community used to be extremely close and small compared to other groups. They want that information because there is a good chance that the two people might have a friend or school in common.
 
AlleyCat said:
I've heard that before too. I once knew someone who was always saying "I can't wait !!" (when talking about his parents eventual death.) I was like :eek3: Needless to say, I am not friends with him anymore. Not just because of that, but many other disturbing things he used to say.
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It would stand to reason that someone who is self centered to the point that their focus is on what is in it for them when their parents die would have that disturbing attitude toward life in general. Sad that some seem to live that way.
 
deafgal001 said:
it's more of a residential school/ college dorm who don't have a family to visit than it is a deaf thing.

people don't like staying in that big building all by themselves and can be forward about it so you don't assume they have someone to celebrate it with when they don't.
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Yep. Could well be related to residential school. Could also be the result of being mainstreamed and left on the outside by the other students, so they never get to learn socially acceptable behaviors. It would be even worse if the family could not communicate effectively with them.
 
souggy said:
Wirelessly posted


Yep.


Mom said she remembered those days. She didn't think too much of it during the early 90s because that was what hearing people used to do instead of using the party-line before they had individual landlines for every houses.
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Yep. Advancing technology has made many acceptable behaviors from the past unneccesary. But it seems that technology advances faster than customs change.
 
VamPyroX said:
Yes.

I see this problem in a lot of deaf institutions. They don't always teach their students the basics of outside live or mainstream life. They just education them on "1+1=2" and then move on.
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A pet peeve of mine. They need transition and social education. Whether they are mainstreamed or in a deaf school. Mainstream students have their own particular set of social problems.
 
I was socially awkward up until a couple of years ago. Everything that I should have learned in my teens, I was having to learn in my 20s.

Growing up I wasn't allowed to go out much. I wasn't popular by any means and I was even bullied and picked on. It was hard learn those social clues as an adult, but finally I caught on.

I still have self-esteem issues and I'm taking medications for bi-polar and finally I have made some friends that I believe I will be keeping for a long time. I have finally 'grown up' so to speak. I also hate to think of myself as a social cripple but I guess I am if living with my parents until I complete my degree and become financially stable enough to move out and not require government assistance. (I don't use government assistance now and I want to stay off of it if possible).
 
Dixie said:
I was socially awkward up until a couple of years ago. Everything that I should have learned in my teens, I was having to learn in my 20s.

Growing up I wasn't allowed to go out much. I wasn't popular by any means and I was even bullied and picked on. It was hard learn those social clues as an adult, but finally I caught on.

I still have self-esteem issues and I'm taking medications for bi-polar and finally I have made some friends that I believe I will be keeping for a long time. I have finally 'grown up' so to speak. I also hate to think of myself as a social cripple but I guess I am if living with my parents until I complete my degree and become financially stable enough to move out and not require government assistance. (I don't use government assistance now and I want to stay off of it if possible).
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No, you don't fit the "emotional cripple" category I was referring to. I didn't realize it would be misunderstood and made an issue of. (not you). However, you are living with your parents for a specific reason and have a goal to reach. You will then move on. That is quite different from someone who has never developed the social skills to even maintain employment because they keep loosing jobs due to innappropriate work behaviors, for example. Doing what you need to do temporarily in order to improve your situation for you and your daughter is actually a very acceptable thing, and is to be admired.

I agree. It is much harder to learn these skills as you get to be an adult. They are meant to be picked up at a certain developmental stage.
 
jillio said:
No, you don't fit the "emotional cripple" category I was referring to. I didn't realize it would be misunderstood and made an issue of. (not you). However, you are living with your parents for a specific reason and have a goal to reach. You will then move on. That is quite different from someone who has never developed the social skills to even maintain employment because they keep loosing jobs due to innappropriate work behaviors, for example. Doing what you need to do temporarily in order to improve your situation for you and your daughter is actually a very acceptable thing, and is to be admired.

I agree. It is much harder to learn these skills as you get to be an adult. They are meant to be picked up at a certain developmental stage.
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Ah, I understand what you meant better now. I hope to attain this specific goal before the age of 30 though! Hopefully I will find a job that will allow me to work around my school schedule and still spend time with my DD as needed to be a parent. I've thought about subbing during the school year and work somewhere full-time during the summer during my final two years as I will have all of my Gen-Ed requirements fulfilled and will be taking major specific courses and electives. These higher level courses require more attention and thus more time to do well in them.

Back on topic, I suppose an 'emotional cripple' is one who cannot support themselves financially or emotionally and are dependent on their parents and eventually siblings as they age?

I would think it is ok to live temporarily with your family until you are financially stable again but one must have a specific goal in order to achieve this. To just say until I find me a good job isn't very assuring of one's success. You can have a good job and still not be financially stable enough to support yourself but this isn't assuring enough as one can have a good job and still unable to support themselves because they are not wise with their money.

I make only $10/hr which is good money. It's not well off, but it is better than many of the minimum wage jobs. We have a low cost of living here, BUT I make too much to qualify for government housing assistance, even as a single mother, which I find absolutely ridiculous. However, because I know that I could not make it on my own without assistance I am living with my parents and using my money to pay for my own college tuition out of my back pocket. No federal loans, no federal grants (with the exception of a Pell Grant that covered my books for one semester). It is not easy but my goal is to complete a Bachelor of Arts in English Education with the hopes that I am able to find a job as a secondary level English teacher. It would be an increase of about $12,000 more in income for me just starting out. It would pay for itself in about 5-6 years. I believe this would be a worthwhile investment not just financially, but intellectually by expanding my knowledge, as well as being able to take care of my daughter and be there for her the way I need to be. JMHO.
 
Dixie said:
Ah, I understand what you meant better now. I hope to attain this specific goal before the age of 30 though! Hopefully I will find a job that will allow me to work around my school schedule and still spend time with my DD as needed to be a parent. I've thought about subbing during the school year and work somewhere full-time during the summer during my final two years as I will have all of my Gen-Ed requirements fulfilled and will be taking major specific courses and electives. These higher level courses require more attention and thus more time to do well in them.

Back on topic, I suppose an 'emotional cripple' is one who cannot support themselves financially or emotionally and are dependent on their parents and eventually siblings as they age?

I would think it is ok to live temporarily with your family until you are financially stable again but one must have a specific goal in order to achieve this. To just say until I find me a good job isn't very assuring of one's success. You can have a good job and still not be financially stable enough to support yourself but this isn't assuring enough as one can have a good job and still unable to support themselves because they are not wise with their money.

I make only $10/hr which is good money. It's not well off, but it is better than many of the minimum wage jobs. We have a low cost of living here, BUT I make too much to qualify for government housing assistance, even as a single mother, which I find absolutely ridiculous. However, because I know that I could not make it on my own without assistance I am living with my parents and using my money to pay for my own college tuition out of my back pocket. No federal loans, no federal grants (with the exception of a Pell Grant that covered my books for one semester). It is not easy but my goal is to complete a Bachelor of Arts in English Education with the hopes that I am able to find a job as a secondary level English teacher. It would be an increase of about $12,000 more in income for me just starting out. It would pay for itself in about 5-6 years. I believe this would be a worthwhile investment not just financially, but intellectually by expanding my knowledge, as well as being able to take care of my daughter and be there for her the way I need to be. JMHO.
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Yep, and also someone who does not function well socially in contact with others and therefore is unable to develop any kind of support system outside the immediate family.

I really do understand the issue of going back to school and working, and still trying to find time to be the best mom you can be. Been there, did that, got the t-shirt! You can do it, I have no doubt. You will have days where you want to throw your hands up and run away, but hang it there. It will be worth it for you and your DD, too. Think what a great message you are sending her...women are strong and able to do anything.
 
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