Im Depressed

I have a difficult time connecting with people. My self diagnosis of avpd best describes how I feel.

Ive seen several shrinks. How much can they learn about me from a 5-10 minute interaction with me once a month? Their answer is trying every ssri thats been made while supplementing it with an atypical anti-psychotic.

I dont think I am depressed from some chemical imbalance. My depression is caused by my situation and experiences. Having friends is a basic human need. I didnt really have any friends when I was in school. It was depressing and scary at the same time.

I experienced similar situations when I used to work. Now I am going back to the workforce and want to avoid the isolation this time around. But why should it be any different? Ive known something wasnt right since I was 7y/o and kept hoping for a change that never happend.
 
Another thing is I dont relate to most people my age. Most of them a married and raising a family. Me, Im unemployed on disability living with my mother. Its humiliating, Im a loser in most people's eyes
 
Doug5 said:
Another thing is I dont relate to most people my age. Most of them a married and raising a family. Me, Im unemployed on disability living with my mother. Its humiliating, Im a loser in most people's eyes
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again, you're NOt the only one, I am in the SAME situation, for age and life situation-wise, i do feel humiliated for that i seem a loser in other peoples'eyes...but it does boils down to self-imposing pressures. I mean i dont have to feel pressured to be a family man, its "normal" but id also bet there a tons of other shits they rather you not know about....like kids, and being stuck with um, one woman, or incompatiable sex, or eating, or tiny little things that makes life abit less fun 'than it used to be when you're your own boss'...

just because it seems other people 'have it" it doesnt mean the grass is greener on the other side (that's a saying, and its true).


hate to tell you but , for now, (not forever, its ok to do this sometimes but over doing it does tip on the side of being unhealthy) is that, try not to think about 'since 7 years old, or all this asking self- what happened...like. fuck it, it happened, deal with what you can do for yourself NOW, not what's already done some 20-30 years ago, like who's gonna care about it?
but people will notice (or just yourself - for starters, others will catch on, trust me on this one)...that do like, do 3 things every week...
1 thing you havent tried like a different flavour ice cream or that frozen meal, or that loaf of bread...
1 thing you want to try, do it, maybe walk down this street instead this route just for different air, (no, dont do this on the dangerous, known allyway... I meant normal places or normal , heck even scoop a cream instead of milk into your coffee might be one of those...i know its 'silly' but its actually exciting..
and 1 useful thing you havent done, like write a letter to your folks, or to complete that form, make appointment to see somebody different, or heck even in that night school classes, (model airplane making? maybe this wine-tasting classes?) or just run for 5 k's like you probably havent done since you were 15...you'd be awstruck at how unfit you reallu are, you you might say, damn id pick up jog for 3 months and go from there...
 
I apologize to everyone for being so negative. Im just venting my frustration.

I do want to change my situation. Ive been wanting to change it for over 30years. I do not want to continue living this way. I dont know what to do.

Its so frustrating seeing idiots from high school having sucess with their life while I am stuck. My family thinks I am a lazy fuckup that doesnt want to work.

It may seem like I am dwelling on the social isolation experienced in school but it is happening again in the work enviroment. It has a negative impact on my job performance, when other employers go around you or avoid you.

Im starting to think the impression I give people when they first meet me is that I am retarded or something.
 
Hello Doug I have biploar disorder I truth tell you! I have history reason I have issues my health stress!
 
jillio said:
Self diagnosis is a dangerous thing. Best to leave that to the professionals. Besides, what difference does a diagnosis make? It certainly doesn't do anything to solve your problems..
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Why are you so skeptical? Do you really think isolation I experienced wouldnt have an affect on me?

Imagine everyday you went to school, you didnt have a single friend in the class. Meanwhile, you see students transferred from other schools readily make friends. This goes on for years and never got any better.

Parents and educators were unaware of the situation so they did nothing to help. Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out why no one wants to be my friend. How can any of this be good for ones self esteem? Also, anxiety, eating disorders, and bdd runs in my family.

this is very difficult and painfull for me to talk about. I hate bringing up the past. I just want to move on. When I read about avpd it describes exactly what I am feeling.

Here is an example. Going to a random Starbucks for a cup of coffee isnt stressfull for me. Its when I go to the same one routinely and the employees start to recognize me. Then they start to engage in small talk and I :shock: cuz I dont know what to say or how long to talk for. Make me very uncomfortable.
 
Doug5 said:
I have a difficult time connecting with people. My self diagnosis of avpd best describes how I feel.

Ive seen several shrinks. How much can they learn about me from a 5-10 minute interaction with me once a month? Their answer is trying every ssri thats been made while supplementing it with an atypical anti-psychotic.

I dont think I am depressed from some chemical imbalance. My depression is caused by my situation and experiences. Having friends is a basic human need. I didnt really have any friends when I was in school. It was depressing and scary at the same time.

I experienced similar situations when I used to work. Now I am going back to the workforce and want to avoid the isolation this time around. But why should it be any different? Ive known something wasnt right since I was 7y/o and kept hoping for a change that never happend.
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You do realize, don't you, that you are describing perfectly the symptoms of a clinical depression. My advise, go back to the psychiatrist, get back on the SSRI, and find a good therapists. Nothing will change for you until you start making changes in what you are doing.
 
Doug5 said:
Why are you so skeptical? Do you really think isolation I experienced wouldnt have an affect on me?

Imagine everyday you went to school, you didnt have a single friend in the class. Meanwhile, you see students transferred from other schools readily make friends. This goes on for years and never got any better.

Parents and educators were unaware of the situation so they did nothing to help. Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out why no one wants to be my friend. How can any of this be good for ones self esteem? Also, anxiety, eating disorders, and bdd runs in my family.

this is very difficult and painfull for me to talk about. I hate bringing up the past. I just want to move on. When I read about avpd it describes exactly what I am feeling.

Here is an example. Going to a random Starbucks for a cup of coffee isnt stressfull for me. Its when I go to the same one routinely and the employees start to recognize me. Then they start to engage in small talk and I :shock: cuz I dont know what to say or how long to talk for. Make me very uncomfortable.
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Of course it has an effect on you. But you have to take the steps to bring yourself out of isolation. No one can do it for you.

The past is past. We can't go back and change it. All we can do is change the way we perceive it, and the way it affects us today.

If you want to move on, then you have to take the steps to move on. No one can do it for you.

If you are uncomfortable interacting with people even on a superficial basis, then you need to be in therapy where you will learn the skills you need to interact with people. You can't expect others to do it for you. If you don't respond to their efforts, they will give up. That is to be expected.

You may or may not have avoidant personality disorder. You may or may not have a personality disorder from one of the other clusters. It makes no difference whatsoever what your diagnosis is regarding Axis II. You can't use it as an excuse for not doing what you need to do to make your life better.

Go back to the psych. Ask for a referral to a good therapist. And do the work. That, my friend is the only way out of the depression you are in. And keep in mind, that until you are ready to actually become engaged in therapy, there is nothing a therapist can do for you, either.
 
Hey Doug, I'm 40 and it's only now that I'm reaching out to other Deaf people. (By the way, to the person asking, I am not late-defeaned, been deaf since birth but thanks). Someone was suggesting you get out there and join a group, a club or something. In other words, something has to change in order for you to change. I do understand your feelings, there are days I'm very very ant-social or just don't have the energy to deal with hearing people and all the works that that entails from trying to understand to putting them at ease around me.
However, the more time you spend alone, the more you tell yourself that you're a loser, the worse you are going to feel.
You say from what you've read, you don't relate to other Deaf people. Are you sure? There are many many HOHs out there who are probably feeling like you are and would like to have a friend who understands them. Which is exactly why at the ripe old age of 40, I'm finally reaching out to the Deaf and let me tell you, it's really wonderful not to be the only Deaf person I know and I so badly wish I reached out earlier. But better late than never, right?
 
Validating the distorted perceptions of reality that are consistent with clinical depression does great harm to the individual. Just saying.
 
You're not too old to make friends. :)
 
jillio said:
Validating the distorted perceptions of reality that are consistent with clinical depression does great harm to the individual. Just saying.
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Has Doug been diagnosed with clinical depression? I'm sorry if I missed that post. Going back and forth, I sometimes overlook posts.
 
Reba said:
Has Doug been diagnosed with clinical depression? I'm sorry if I missed that post. Going back and forth, I sometimes overlook posts.
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Yes, Doug has stated that he was presribed an SSRI by a psychiatrist. He has stopped taking them. What he is experiencing would appear to be a return of the symptoms of depression, not the etiology of his depression.
 
jillio said:
Yes, Doug has stated that he was presribed an SSRI by a psychiatrist. He has stopped taking them. What he is experiencing would appear to be a return of the symptoms of depression, not the etiology of his depression.
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So we shouldn't be giving him any advice? OK.
 
Doug, try a different med, like ask for maybe Citalapram, it has reallu good reputation, its an SSRI but works very well. I cope with life a lot better now than i did before, and I am more outgoing, surely life isnt perfect, but I also have noticed Ive join Deaf Pool Social, talk and recognises many other dog owners/walkers have new freinds (yes new freinds they come to my place for cuppa, evem give me a had in my garden) its takes time.
Another trick I learned along the way is that I talk about myself less and more about what I do, and more about 'news' or just bring up conversations about stuff , not people issues, but more like what we doing, how solve this (gardening issues) in such a way that it's interesting and at same time i give them chance to come up with their ideas, or see if they recount or have similar experiences, that is giving and taking, its finding the middle of the road between people. People dont like needy people or "i am feeling this' or that, it actually turns them off, not saying they all will, but its best avoid it, try be upbeat but be mild at same time, and definitely prescribe back on SSRI woould be sensible, at same time, watch the diet, bananas are good, avoid sugery junks, but dont eliminate all otherwise eating becomes boring and depressing. If you stopped drinking coffee, then hop back on it, but not in a big way, just 3 cups a day is ok, that sort of thing, the whole trick is steady on everything and talk about things that others might/would be interested, then people will start to think you're not so self centred and will talk to you in quite a good social way. Like you get feedback which ultimately pave the way back to being a social person. Life could have been a lot worse, and fight the bullshit blues, you can win against the blues. But alone without doctors help its really really hard, SSRI or what do/did you have will help alot. or talk about a different brand, same family but they release differently to which might or would suit you better , realise this also they say it takes 2-3 weeks for the effects to kick in, and it takes another 2-3 months or so or more for your overall perception and reflection to take on a lighter note. Put differently, it takes time for you to start feeling ok, and more time to actually be too busy feeling more to it and thus you'd forget the sludgy feelings, like you'd say 'what the fuck why was i like that? ..BUT same time dont let this fool you into thinking you are 100% and time to come off it, it takes longer. Ok for some hearies, they go thry breakups then stop and move on, but we Deaf, are too conscious of our 'disability' in the hearing world, its too intense to discontinue all too quickly, get my drift? this is also saying, I am in not much a different situation as you, and you can do it, it can be a lot better, also my tolerate for 'down days' are far better im more resilient to crap, well half the other trick is i stay busy!!..
good luck finding your way back to the inner peace, Doug you deserve to feel better soon, just get on with it and expect to work (not that hard at all) on getting into habit of doing things, get busy, wallowing isnt fun at all. Now when i look back i can see wallowing is just pathetic its boring. I simply got bored of being bored LOL....
 
Grummer said:
Doug, try a different med, like ask for maybe Citalapram, it has reallu good reputation, its an SSRI but works very well. I cope with life a lot better now than i did before, and I am more outgoing, surely life isnt perfect, but I also have noticed Ive join Deaf Pool Social, talk and recognises many other dog owners/walkers have new freinds (yes new freinds they come to my place for cuppa, evem give me a had in my garden) its takes time.
Another trick I learned along the way is that I talk about myself less and more about what I do, and more about 'news' or just bring up conversations about stuff , not people issues, but more like what we doing, how solve this (gardening issues) in such a way that it's interesting and at same time i give them chance to come up with their ideas, or see if they recount or have similar experiences, that is giving and taking, its finding the middle of the road between people. People dont like needy people or "i am feeling this' or that, it actually turns them off, not saying they all will, but its best avoid it, try be upbeat but be mild at same time, and definitely prescribe back on SSRI woould be sensible, at same time, watch the diet, bananas are good, avoid sugery junks, but dont eliminate all otherwise eating becomes boring and depressing. If you stopped drinking coffee, then hop back on it, but not in a big way, just 3 cups a day is ok, that sort of thing, the whole trick is steady on everything and talk about things that others might/would be interested, then people will start to think you're not so self centred and will talk to you in quite a good social way. Like you get feedback which ultimately pave the way back to being a social person. Life could have been a lot worse, and fight the bullshit blues, you can win against the blues. But alone without doctors help its really really hard, SSRI or what do/did you have will help alot. or talk about a different brand, same family but they release differently to which might or would suit you better , realise this also they say it takes 2-3 weeks for the effects to kick in, and it takes another 2-3 months or so or more for your overall perception and reflection to take on a lighter note. Put differently, it takes time for you to start feeling ok, and more time to actually be too busy feeling more to it and thus you'd forget the sludgy feelings, like you'd say 'what the fuck why was i like that? ..BUT same time dont let this fool you into thinking you are 100% and time to come off it, it takes longer. Ok for some hearies, they go thry breakups then stop and move on, but we Deaf, are too conscious of our 'disability' in the hearing world, its too intense to discontinue all too quickly, get my drift? this is also saying, I am in not much a different situation as you, and you can do it, it can be a lot better, also my tolerate for 'down days' are far better im more resilient to crap, well half the other trick is i stay busy!!..
good luck finding your way back to the inner peace, Doug you deserve to feel better soon, just get on with it and expect to work (not that hard at all) on getting into habit of doing things, get busy, wallowing isnt fun at all. Now when i look back i can see wallowing is just pathetic its boring. I simply got bored of being bored LOL....
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I'm glad you didn't tell him to wash in the blood of the lamb.
It takes a professional to dispense proper advice.
 
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