I resent my family

I know what it like to have a lousy family, You should see mine family. My whole life my family treat me like shit, and control me and call me names because I am deaf. They perfer to have hearing daughter and they think my speech make me hearing it like covering up a deafness. expect my dad family accpet me the way I am and my mom family don't. So ever since my daughter was born they try tell me what to do with my child and control me over her. So I force them to back off and threaten to disown them out of life and my child life. Made it clear that I am the mother of my child and they are not. I also made it clear to my folks that my child learn signs because I am deaf mother as well. My mom keep complaing that I should not be teaching my child signs. I told them deal with it what I want to teach my child or stop visit. So far she back off and haven't complain but I almost did disown my mother and her family. They realized they are losing more family members because of their controling habit and being a bully. I also have some problems with my dad to help him to control his temper around my child everytime she cries. So now my folks are on warning that push me around or tell me what to do with my child or my money or who I date I will disown them for good. So that gave them a good scare. So my family never learn to sign since I learn to speak for them.
 
shel90 said:
I dont think they have VP..I can ask them if they want to apply for one. They want to improve their ASL skills cuz their daughter's ASL is starting to surpass theirs cuz their daughter has been with my deaf babysitter. Their daughter scored on the 4.5 level for language development and she is only 2 years old!!! Dang!
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Wow!!! How great is that?
 
deafbajagal said:
I resent my family for never learning how to sign. How can they be okay with it? My father speaks four languages (other than English) fluently...ASL is not one of the languages he knows. I have four sisters - only the youngest can sign a little...but not enough to carry on a conversation. I have 67 first cousins...none of them can sign. I have 14 aunts and uncles - and none of them can sign. You get the picture.

They won't even use the Sorenson Relay to call me on the videophone. Or use IM. A few use e-mails and even fewer use texting.

Yet they wonder why I don't show up at Thanksgiving or Christmas for dinner. They wonder why I never know what is going on. One incident was when my grandfather was very ill and in the hospital. No one bothered to tell me. He died before I had the chance to say goodbye. I will never, ever forgive them for that.

I didn't know my sisters' full names until I was in middle school/ junior high school. There are so many memories that I have that just doesn't make sense because the context of what is going on during those times are missing.

Actually, I lied. I don't just resent them. I really and truly hate them at times. I finally packed up and moved thousands of miles away.
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This makes me feel so sad and mad as hell. I don't think I would forgive that, either. Some things are unforgiveable. :hug:
 
I, too, am somewhat in the same boat, but my mum and few sis can sign, so I can talk one on one, but I'm left out nevertheless if it's a group talk and it's rare for me to talk with my nieces or nephews beyond the superficial hi and bye.

I must admit I hope to celebrate Christmas someday with deaf friends at least once or so.

Shel, I would love to meet a smart kid such as that little girl.

:grouphug: to everyone
 
I am in the same boat too.

But I do have 2 cousins who are deaf but only one of them I see and talk alot.

Every time there was a family gathering and we had conversation. My cousin and i sign but my family wanted us to talk so they can hear our conversation. that got me pissed off big time.

Then one day my deaf friend, cousin and I were at my other cousin's house and we explained to her about the deaf conservation and that got her eyes popped out. So now she went telling the whole family and they left us alone

so where there is a family gathering the hearing stay together and the deaf stay together and it works well.

Yea it was hard not knowing what is going on in the conversation as they expect me to hear everything in the conversation even if I am hard of hearing. I dont care. It is my right to know what is going on and not being left out.

:hug:
 
sequoias said:
Well yeah, My mom doesn't sign good to carry a conversation and my dad only knows little sign language. My mom said she wish she knew a lot of signs, I told her you could go interact with deaf people at events and take signing classes, she has been saying that for a while but no action. My brother is the same way as my dad. Mostly I talk with my parents thru speech, but I wish they knew sign language so we can carry a conversation in sign language. When they have conversations, I feel left out and have no idea what they're talking about when they get together with their friends or relatives. I keep asking mom what they talking about? So, I guess I'm in your boat...hmm it's getting full, hopefully it could take one more.
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Been down that road, my folks don't bother learning to take sign classes my mom stay in few classes then quit. She expect me to teach her with voice to cheat. So I told her I prefer she learn sign by hanging around deaf people and taking sign classes. She just very lazy. They look for many excuses. :aw:
 
shel90 said:
Most of parents of deaf children who come to AD usually go and stay in the CI threads. Wish they would get out of there and read threads like these..
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Ditto! Wow, personal experiences of those who have been there and back..... gold, and should be a consideration in rearing their kids so the same things dont happen to them.
 
faire_jour said:
I am the hearing mother of a Deaf daughter. My husband and I know ASL, and use it with her. She goes to a bi-bi school and we attend a Deaf church. But the rest of the family only believes they need to sign when speaking to her. I hate leaving her out of everything. She is 5 and should be a part of the conversation. Most of the family uses a little bit of sign, but not enough for real converations

HELP!
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You are to be commended for wanting to involve your daughter at such a young age. What do you mean, what should you do about the rest of your family..? They think they should sign or only use voice around her?
 
Liza said:
You are to be commended for wanting to involve your daughter at such a young age. What do you mean, what should you do about the rest of your family..? They think they should sign or only use voice around her?
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They think it is fine to only speak unless they are talking dirrectly to her. If they are addressing her they sign, but as soon as they are done they go back to voice only.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
Been down that road, my folks don't bother learning to take sign classes my mom stay in few classes then quit. She expect me to teach her with voice to cheat. So I told her I prefer she learn sign by hanging around deaf people and taking sign classes. She just very lazy. They look for many excuses. :aw:
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Awww, I do understand and yeah I'm in your same shoes. I get tired of using my voice with my parents sometimes. It's more fun to use sign language with conversations because, I am deaf and I'm not a hearing person. They should be into my language, not into their language.
 
sequoias said:
Awww, I do understand and yeah I'm in your same shoes. I get tired of using my voice with my parents sometimes. It's more fun to use sign language with conversations because, I am deaf and I'm not a hearing person. They should be into my language, not into their language.
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It does feel like hearing parents not very "motivated" to learn signs and just look for excuse not to try. It really disappointment to me you know. But I let it go. :cool2:
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
It does feel like hearing parents not very "motivated" to learn signs and just look for excuse not to try. It really disappointment to me you know. But I let it go. :cool2:
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Yep, better to let it go than wasting time encouraging them to do that. It is better than no communication at all.
 
August said:
i come from a broken home. one half of my family is bat-shit insane and the other half is just a pile of family secrets and repressed emotions.

therefore, i understand, like some of you, that families can be like a bad meal at an expensive restaurant. they're always supposed to be good, but sometimes they're raw, or burnt, and need to be sent back to the kitchen.
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Thanks for sharing. Our families just suck. But you know what? When I was a child, I made a huge adult decision. I decided I would not let them pull me down and that when I grow up, I would be the better person. And I did it. My girls have a wonderful home that is safe and they are loved and cared for. It's all about how we reflect from our experiences...and yes, we have control over that. I refuse to be a reflection of a shitty childhood. Very, very few people who know me know that I came from such an unspeakable childhood filled with terror and pain.
 
GarnetTigerMom said:
It does feel like hearing parents not very "motivated" to learn signs and just look for excuse not to try. It really disappointment to me you know. But I let it go. :cool2:
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You're right. There's no reason to dwell on it because they are not going to change. All we can do is make the best of it as much as we can.
 
faire_jour said:
They think it is fine to only speak unless they are talking dirrectly to her. If they are addressing her they sign, but as soon as they are done they go back to voice only.
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Show them this thread. A deaf child (and a deaf adult as well) has the right to receptively watch conversations and understand what is going on. No one has the right to decide when and what a deaf person will understand. That is just cold. You may want to consider hiring an interpreter to family functions.
 
horselover61 said:
I am in the same boat too.

But I do have 2 cousins who are deaf but only one of them I see and talk alot.

Every time there was a family gathering and we had conversation. My cousin and i sign but my family wanted us to talk so they can hear our conversation. that got me pissed off big time.

Then one day my deaf friend, cousin and I were at my other cousin's house and we explained to her about the deaf conservation and that got her eyes popped out. So now she went telling the whole family and they left us alone

so where there is a family gathering the hearing stay together and the deaf stay together and it works well.

Yea it was hard not knowing what is going on in the conversation as they expect me to hear everything in the conversation even if I am hard of hearing. I dont care. It is my right to know what is going on and not being left out.

:hug:
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Yes, it is your right! And just because you are hard of hearing doesn't mean you catch everything.
 
I’m sorry that some or most of you had unpleasant childhoods but I'm sure that you all came out of it as better people.

Seems to be a common occurrence with us deafies being left out of the loop with our parents and siblings which is really sad. No matter how we try to convey our deepest feelings of alienation, it still falls on deaf ears. This thread has revealed our truest feelings and should be a lesson for the hearing community to read so they will fully understand of what we’re going through. It's time for them to wake up!

Yes, it’s true, that we are different in our deaf circle, compared being with our hearing families. We’re more open and it’s a beautiful feeling of belonging.
 
faire_jour said:
I am the hearing mother of a Deaf daughter. My husband and I know ASL, and use it with her. She goes to a bi-bi school and we attend a Deaf church. But the rest of the family only believes they need to sign when speaking to her. I hate leaving her out of everything. She is 5 and should be a part of the conversation. Most of the family uses a little bit of sign, but not enough for real converations

HELP!
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You and your hubby get a big fat A for keeping ASL in your daughter's life. Why don't you print out a copy of this thread and show your family? Maybe their eyes would be opened by our comments.
 
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