I resent my family

Well yeah, My mom doesn't sign good to carry a conversation and my dad only knows little sign language. My mom said she wish she knew a lot of signs, I told her you could go interact with deaf people at events and take signing classes, she has been saying that for a while but no action. My brother is the same way as my dad. Mostly I talk with my parents thru speech, but I wish they knew sign language so we can carry a conversation in sign language. When they have conversations, I feel left out and have no idea what they're talking about when they get together with their friends or relatives. I keep asking mom what they talking about? So, I guess I'm in your boat...hmm it's getting full, hopefully it could take one more.
 
I work with a deaf girl and her family doesn't sign either. She is now 17 and we are both trying to teach her mom how to sign. The worst part is, they didn't send her to school when she was younger, so up until recently she only knew home signs. I have asked the family how they communicated with her and the one sister said she knew some basic sign and that was it. Now the girl is in foster care and is going to school and is learning ASL. She is so happy when mom learns a new sign. I don't understand how your families could not learn how to communicate with you. Wow that is sad.
 
I am in the same boat as rest of you.

None of my family uses sign language. Oh I did forgot, my mom knows a little bit of finger spelling, but I would say she's too rusty. I do get withdrawn/bored/quiet if out with hearing family for lunch, dinner, Christmas and any of the special occasion.

Even I have asked any one of the family what they are talking about? They would say "ask me later" or "I'll tell you later" then they forgotten what it was about earlier, or "never mind."

I do wish my hearing family signs, it would makes it easier to get involved in conversations with family members.
 
deafbajagal said:
Awww. Hugs. Well, it is a fun party barge boat we're in so hop in! ;)
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:::: hoping in ::::

I so can totally relate to all of you - what really saved my life was having a deaf brother. We always ignored others and kept each other entertained or informed. Unfortunately he lives too far away now so it is difficult for me but I bring a book to read so dont have to stand or sit in awkward silence.

It is funny because if someone emails or ims me on my pda, my family immediately goes Who is that? What are you talking about? Why are you laughing?

When I bring my friends around, my family always wonder what we were laughing or talking about. Go figures!
 
deafbaja, thats just horrible and I cant understand why some hearing families like yours take their deaf family members for granted or exclude them like that. Makes me sad to read stories like yours.

I was stuck with my hearing family, excluded from most things.. of course, the resentment simmered.. I did things on my own, played video games, read books etc. I kinda stopped asking people what they talk about after I got snapped at by my mom and a lot of vague answers from everyone else. I lost interest after that. I havent seen her since 2002 because of my life circumstances, but she makes it clear she misses me and others that have flown the coop. I made a decision I am not going to hang around at family gatherings long because it just wastes my time and I am not gonna waste time being disappointed again. That's how the cookie crumbles, I guess. When you put more value on yourself and your time, I think your family members will too. I mean, they gotta be cold or just plain dense if they don't notice your absence. They are not worth hanging out with if they are either one of these things, quite frankly.
 
Wow... I don't realize how tradic posts here. That's really sadden me. :(:(

Yeah, I felt annoy when they didn't use sign but, at the least, it's not happen to me so often. My mom and my sister know sign pretty well, my mom prefer to use ESL, and she uses PSE. My brother is still learning since he's my baby brother, 13 years apart of me and him. My grandparents and, my uncle and his wife didn't know sign but usin' papers to write so we can chat. My young aunt and cousins know only a little about sign language.

So... Yes, it's frustuarting if I am just feel left out or be alone in dinner family sometimes.
 
I have seen in tv (i don't know which one) long while back that the older sibling who is a hearing signed everything he hears at dinner table to his brother (or was it sister). I thought that was really awesome and kind of him to do that extra measure.
 
Gemma said:
:::: hoping in ::::

I so can totally relate to all of you - what really saved my life was having a deaf brother. We always ignored others and kept each other entertained or informed. Unfortunately he lives too far away now so it is difficult for me but I bring a book to read so dont have to stand or sit in awkward silence.

It is funny because if someone emails or ims me on my pda, my family immediately goes Who is that? What are you talking about? Why are you laughing?

When I bring my friends around, my family always wonder what we were laughing or talking about. Go figures!
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Totally the same for me. I think having a deaf brother really made it easier.

My family also do that whenever I am around my friends. Last Fall, my cousin came over to my house for a cookout and everyone there, I mean everyone, was either deaf or hearing signers and my cousin looked very awkward and totally lost. Hope that got her thinking.
 
shel90 said:
Totally the same for me. I think having a deaf brother really made it easier.

My family also do that whenever I am around my friends. Last Fall, my cousin came over to my house for a cookout and everyone there, I mean everyone, was either deaf or hearing signers and my cousin looked very awkward and totally lost. Hope that got her thinking.
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I'm sure she did think about it and then quickly forgotten as her life got back to normal.
 
Baja, I totally understand how you feel. I have always felt the same way with my family. I'm always the first one to leave a family get-together because I'm so bored. Nobody takes the time to involve me in conversations. My mom is the only one who can sign (and she signs pretty well) yet I always have to tap her on the arm and say "what are they talking about" .. all the time....
 
Secretblend said:
I'm sure she did think about it and then quickly forgotten as her life got back to normal.
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Probably...but at least she finally got a taste of what it has been like for my brother and I growing up.
 
Deafbajagal.....your post broke my heart. You have made me realize today how very blessed my son is to have an extended family who has taken the interest in learning sign. Not all sign fluently, but enough to assist communication. Actually, my great nieces and nephews are the most fluent, as I have exposed them to sign from the time they were infants, and all others in the family learned as adults without the benefit of immersion in Deaf culture. I have always been grateful that my brother, his boys, and my parents wanted to learn, but after reading your post, I am reminded that I need to be grateful for the generosity shown to my son.

You have also increased my already great admiration of you. You have led a successful and productive life despite the obstacles placed in your path by those who should have been the first to help you tear obstacles down. I am very, very proud of you.
 
jillio said:
Deafbajagal.....your post broke my heart. You have made me realize today how very blessed my son is to have an extended family who has taken the interest in learning sign. Not all sign fluently, but enough to assist communication. Actually, my great nieces and nephews are the most fluent, as I have exposed them to sign from the time they were infants, and all others in the family learned as adults without the benefit of immersion in Deaf culture. I have always been grateful that my brother, his boys, and my parents wanted to learn, but after reading your post, I am reminded that I need to be grateful for the generosity shown to my son.

You have also increased my already great admiration of you. You have led a successful and productive life despite the obstacles placed in your path by those who should have been the first to help you tear obstacles down. I am very, very proud of you.
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Your son is very very blessed.

I agree with u..I admire Deafbajagal and many other deaf people who have overcome these kinds of obstacles. :)
 
Deafbajagal, I'm so sorry that you had such harsh experiences with your family. :hug:

I also thank the rest of you who have shared your sad family experiences with us. :ty:
 
I'm sorry that you went through that.

Out of my whole family, only my brother signs the most... and he doesn't sign very well, just enough for me to understand when needed.

I'm hard-of-hearing. So, I pick up most of the conversation. Most of the people in my family know to speak clearly when talking to me. I understand them 90% of the time.

Recently, my cousin found out that his friend from high school will lose his hearing completely in a year. So, they've decided to start learning sign language. He came to me one day and told me about it, then said... "Hey, next time I'm in town for Christmas... we'll sign and no one will know what we're saying! Hehehe!"
 
Liza said:
deafbaja, thats just horrible and I cant understand why some hearing families like yours take their deaf family members for granted or exclude them like that. Makes me sad to read stories like yours.

I was stuck with my hearing family, excluded from most things.. of course, the resentment simmered.. I did things on my own, played video games, read books etc. I kinda stopped asking people what they talk about after I got snapped at by my mom and a lot of vague answers from everyone else. I lost interest after that. I havent seen her since 2002 because of my life circumstances, but she makes it clear she misses me and others that have flown the coop. I made a decision I am not going to hang around at family gatherings long because it just wastes my time and I am not gonna waste time being disappointed again. That's how the cookie crumbles, I guess. When you put more value on yourself and your time, I think your family members will too. I mean, they gotta be cold or just plain dense if they don't notice your absence. They are not worth hanging out with if they are either one of these things, quite frankly.
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I relate to that. I informed my dad long ago that I stop attending any family gathering because of communication issues. He understood how I felt about the gathering.
 
jillio said:
Deafbajagal.....your post broke my heart. You have made me realize today how very blessed my son is to have an extended family who has taken the interest in learning sign. Not all sign fluently, but enough to assist communication. Actually, my great nieces and nephews are the most fluent, as I have exposed them to sign from the time they were infants, and all others in the family learned as adults without the benefit of immersion in Deaf culture. I have always been grateful that my brother, his boys, and my parents wanted to learn, but after reading your post, I am reminded that I need to be grateful for the generosity shown to my son.

You have also increased my already great admiration of you. You have led a successful and productive life despite the obstacles placed in your path by those who should have been the first to help you tear obstacles down. I am very, very proud of you.
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Aww, Jillo. Come here - let me give you a hug!
 
VamPyroX said:
I'm sorry that you went through that.

Out of my whole family, only my brother signs the most... and he doesn't sign very well, just enough for me to understand when needed.

I'm hard-of-hearing. So, I pick up most of the conversation. Most of the people in my family know to speak clearly when talking to me. I understand them 90% of the time.
Recently, my cousin found out that his friend from high school will lose his hearing completely in a year. So, they've decided to start learning sign language. He came to me one day and told me about it, then said... "Hey, next time I'm in town for Christmas... we'll sign and no one will know what we're saying! Hehehe!"
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I'm curious. Are you ok with understanding them 90% of the time, and not 100%?
 
Thank you EVERYONE for posting your replies. I'm sorry for those of you who fall in this "boat." The feelings that we go through as deaf people in hearing families who don't sign is something that is hard to explain to those who don't experience it first hand. It is so difficult at times...and it is something I never will be able to fully understand...or forgive.
 
deafbajagal said:
Thank you EVERYONE for posting your replies. I'm sorry for those of you who fall in this "boat." The feelings that we go through as deaf people in hearing families who don't sign is something that is hard to explain to those who don't experience it first hand. It is so difficult at times...and it is something I never will be able to fully understand...or forgive.
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That's why I keep telling my son's deaf 2 year old friend's parents that I love them cuz they learned ASL for their daughter and they use it all the time at home even with their heairng 6 month old. They were shocked to learn that many deaf people's families especially parents never even bothered to learn ASL. Even on their facebook profile, the mother put down as her interest "Spending all of my spare time learning my daughter's natural language." How wonderful and touching is that? Wow!
 
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