"I just want you to be happy"

naisho said:
Let's put it this way. Do you have siblings?
Are you more likely to praise your brother or sister for their good lays?
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I would commend both the same and be happy that they had those experiences.

However. What I would caution my sister about is what Nitro suggested, other people would have a problem with it. What I would caution my brother about would be, women with think you only want to get laid and dump women.
 
One thing to take into account is the saying "one man's trash is one man's treasure." Some guys like fat girls some like skinny girls. Some like neat freaks some like slobs.

Does it really matter why? It could be that you are too honest and that is a great quality. Some people can't handle it and need to be babied.

If anything this can teach you that your significant other has to love you for who you are instead of trying to fix you up.
 
ambrosia said:
You're right, you are. But everything is really complicated and I have a lot suspicions about what went wrong....and some of them are fixable. So that's basically me trying to hold onto it for dear life knowing why would give me closure, I'd stop wondering if we could fix it.
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If someone told you the truth, given what you have experienced thus far, would you believe it or question it?

I know how you feel cause I've gone through it, but closure is something that happens on the inside. It's not something you can get from someone else.
 
ambrosia said:
Oh I haven't been dwelling on it all this time buddy, it just came up again. Something happened yesterday and we had the whole rip Amber's heart out of her chest, you're awesome and I want you to be happy conversation.....again!

It's just really complicated and part of the problem is he's been my closest friend for the past 2 years and we've still been trying to be good friends. On top of that I see him off and on all day everyday because I work with him and that makes it infinitely harder to get over him, and he knows I'm not.
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Work relationship *shakes head* NOT GOOD.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
Work relationship *shakes head* NOT GOOD.
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Dude I broke all the rules and crossed all the lines. Started off friends, then great friends, helped me through getting out of my relationship with my crazy asshole husband, crossed the line with him before I actually got completely out of my marriage, crossed the line with a great friendship AND did it all with a coworker. Yes, I have the stupidest heart in the world.

Guess I learned all kinds of lessons........except why, wtf happened. Grrrrrr
 
VacationGuy234 said:
I would commend both the same and be happy that they had those experiences.

However. What I would caution my sister about is what Nitro suggested, other people would have a problem with it. What I would caution my brother about would be, women with think you only want to get laid and dump women.
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does that mean you dont have siblings? just wonder according to your statement that was vague.
 
ambrosia said:
Dude I broke all the rules and crossed all the lines. Started off friends, then great friends, helped me through getting out of my relationship with my crazy asshole husband, crossed the line with him before I actually got completely out of my marriage, crossed the line with a great friendship AND did it all with a coworker. Yes, I have the stupidest heart in the world.

Guess I learned all kinds of lessons........except why, wtf happened. Grrrrrr
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Lessons were learned don't be too hard on yourself. You haven't really lost anything. He's still going to be your friend in the end.

Just don't keep pressing this issue with him, let it die. I mean, seriously, he gave you a relationship when you needed it and now he wants to move on, it's only fair.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
I do, brothers and sisters. I didn't think it was that vague.
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Thanks. I just want to make sure since you say " i would". I assume that if you had siblings then you would say that. BUT now i assume that you havent told them what alldeaf mentioned about dumping part. :lol: dont bother to reply . :)
 
Frisky Feline said:
Thanks. I just want to make sure since you say " i would". I assume that if you had siblings then you would say that. BUT now i assume that you havent told them what alldeaf mentioned about dumping part. :lol: dont bother to reply . :)
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Why not? I've always felt guys were labeled wrong with it. Sure, it happens, but it's not pervasive.

When I tell my friend's wives about my dates they roll their eyes like I'm just in it for the sex. They have no clue what it is like to be deaf and not have every relationship work out. Most of them met their husbands in high school.

Gender wars are alive and well, I see.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
Why not? I've always felt guys were labeled wrong with it. Sure, it happens, but it's not pervasive.

When I tell my friend's wives about my dates they roll their eyes like I'm just in it for the sex. They have no clue what it is like to be deaf and not have every relationship work out. Most of them met their husbands in high school.

Gender wars are alive and well, I see.
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Maybe it is time for you to learn ASL and meet a HOH or Deaf or deaf peeps so you would not tell them " you have no clue what it is like to be deaf "

first of all, i know i should have been more sensitive about deaf issue but you still need to be loosen up and forget using the DEAF issue as your excuse.

I bet you if you would not think about deaf then you would be alright.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Maybe it is time for you to learn ASL and meet a HOH or Deaf or deaf peeps so you would not tell them " you have no clue what it is like to be deaf "

first of all, i know i should have been more sensitive about deaf issue but you still need to be loosen up and forget using the DEAF issue as your excuse.

I bet you if you would not think about deaf then you would be alright.
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You haven't been insensitive, I respect your opinion.

I'm not hurt by being deaf, I've just recently come to realize it's effect. Now that I understand it, I can deal with it. I've dated deaf/Deaf women and I'll date more of them. You can be sure, I never tell any hearing person you don't know what it is like to be deaf, unless we, "really" get into it(or they are my closest friends).

I've been not thinking about being deaf for the first half of my life and you know what I've learned? That's lunacy. If you can't understand and come to terms with the fact that life is going to be different for you, you're in for a really tough time.
 
i see, it sound patronizing, "i want you to be happy"

i get it from my family too, not in a relationship but their thing is 'cant you be happy?' its like it makes me wild that they STILL don't get it, all this 'tell you later' or some ridiculoous assumptions of whats a good time, or good convo is...sorry my rant here, its just so common amongst us, and sometimes i get annoyed with the 'so called' successful deaf who are really HOH, and just thinks they have all answers on life as being a deafie OR all the answers on how hearing treats you less...back off those hoh members here saying ' i see this or that' it could be you. ' Ambrosia's concern is real and valid, and yes some people are wimps too , or dont know what to say or say the safest...but yea but cutting it short to a over simplfied 'i want you to be happy' and dissappears isnt exactly sensitive, while it LOOKS like it is 'sensitive' i mean to THEIR mind they THINK they're saying or doing the right thing but honesty, ... if i was hearing and having be so used to be hearing, I probably would done the same...no easy way...unless by a miracle someone is frank enoough to say "this is not working i dont have paitence for you but i do hope you will find happiness, but it wont happen with me"

now this ( i just 'imagined if i'd be the one to say it, it came out') seems more talking not telling. there's a difference, and yes i understand Ambrosia, it IS annoying, but same time, Dont beat yourself up.
 
ambrosia said:
Goodonya I saw the signs like 9 months ago! He told me one night "he needs to start protecting his heart becuase he's been burned before". Then he changed towards me, I got friend zoned. He told me I wasn't but I did....so the talk wasn't surprising, still hurt like hell anyway though.
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Hi Ambrosia, I did not mean to write such a huge post. Give him some room. Tell him honestly what you feel for him in a way that does not require him to answer. Then give him a good leaving alone. You sound like a busy woman so that should be a little easier after a few rocky days. Cave in only when he makes the effort to see you. That is all I can say okay?
Lots of luck sweetie!
 
I swear it made me want to strangle him, he's telling me how smart and funny I am, what a big heart I have, what a great friend and person etc etc. but i can't see a future for us.

Finally I told him look, I'm not looking for you to boost my ego here, actually you telling me how awesome I am....but you don't want to be with me....is confusing the shit out of me. Just tell me why.

I mean....he's already breaking my heart here, can you at least give me the respect to be honest with me, getting the patronizing "friendly" dump isn't hurting me less, breaking my heart less than if I got the full truth. You know what I mean.

This isn't just a guy thing either, girls do this. I was talking to one of my guy friends and he was griping about exactly these kind of break ups. You know the "it's not you it's me" kind of thing.

This was really our second Amber you're great take a hike chats. The first one I wanted to chuck my phone across the room. I got "I'm sorry I can't be the man you want and need" and "I'm sorry I screwed everything up". Ugh, I was screaming in my head. WTF are you talking about? I'm the trying to keep it together here, not you, so if anyone is the person that isn't wanted or needed, or screwed something up....that would be me right?? It just made me feel like he thinks I'm a complete moron or something....blowing smoke up my ass feeding me lines that he thinks sound good.
 
got a freind with some maryjanes? visit them and go for a walk to the woods - thats what you need.

that was bad advice, go to a park that you havent been for ages...with a freind have a picnic there that's a better idea...oh how about that decent run , (with a freind and explore a slight diff route, thru the woods? or to see a stream? that sort of scenary help freshen the mind) and feel good with runners high...jog thru...dont have to RUN..just a decent long jog if you're fit enough for that, it would do you good
 
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goodonya said:
Hi Ambrosia, I did not mean to write such a huge post. Give him some room. Tell him honestly what you feel for him in a way that does not require him to answer. Then give him a good leaving alone. You sound like a busy woman so that should be a little easier after a few rocky days. Cave in only when he makes the effort to see you. That is all I can say okay?
Lots of luck sweetie!
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Now that is good advice!! That's actually what I've been trying to do. Since everything is so complicated, I'm separated from my husband I can pick up the paperwork to file for divorce in exactly 2 weeks w00t w00t....anyway until everything was settled with the ex our "relationship" was kind of on the back burner. Just friends, for now. Except every now and then I have this horrible compulsion to poke it with a stick, I have a hard time keeping my feelings to myself. Not any deep discussions or anything, mostly just letting him know every now and then my feelings for him haven't changed.

I was actually mad at him for starting this conversation with me again last night. I didn't want to even talk to him about "us" until my divorce was final. But that's what I'm going to do, just leave him alone. Unfortunately, Frisky is right...I have a hot temper but it's over in a flash. I can't stay mad at anyone and I can't hold a grudge either, especially people I care about, and I know I'm not going to hold this against him. I probably should though. I'm not texting him or anything. Just be cool. Try to be anyway.....I m just not sophisticated enough for this hahaha
 
Grummer said:
got a freind with some maryjanes? visit them and go for a walk to the woods - thats what you need.
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That stuff puts me to sleep now, I quit when I was preggers, lost all tolerance for it. It's kind of wasted on me :giggle: maybe a nice stiff drink....I gots vodka :D
 
We always want answers as to why but will any answer satisfy us? Would knowing why make a difference? :dunno:
 
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