How do you cope with Separation/Divorce?

I'm speechless after read the whole thread here. It doesn't expect like that since you both married last year after many years live together... I feel for you, JeepGirl. :(

JeepGirl said:
I've done all I could think of. counseling, going to church together, sitting down to talk about what the real problem is.. he didn't want any of it. he already said he moved on and is happy where he's at now. and its only been 3 weeks.. how in the world is he happy now? well, I kinda get the hint. I kinda know why... i haven't made any offers, i haven't begged.. i just want to move on but i don't know how. and to find a better guy that easy.. how so? thanks, authentic, for your thoughtfulness.
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The description of the posts over your husband sound like that he escaped away from the problems and stress, etc. I think it's not nice of him to tell you that he does not love you anymore but.... I think he don't understand the difference between "in love with you" and "love you" since you described what you saw him at your friend's wedding sound that he STILL have some feeling for you for tried to aviod you instead of stay and talk with you but just hurt you because he still is "angry". It tells itself...

Yes I know that you did "talked" with him but I think you need to appoach it from another way for him to understand is write a letter. It does work good on my friends, I collect experience from them. Marriage counsellor/therapist advised them to write a letter to help to understand each other. It work good on them and some not.

If you really consider to save your marriage with him then I see why not write a letter telling him how you feel for him and want to save the marriage with him...... and hope he consider the same. Let him know that you still love him if he want out of marriage life with you. Like what authentic suggest...

I would agree with everyone here to move on and positive your life for yourself and your daughter if your husband reject to consider marriage counsellor with you.

I'm very sorry, I know it's very hard but I hope my advise about write a letter is worth trying... only if you really want to...



:hug: :(
 
Dear ADers,
I'm sorry to hear about your bad experience with your marriage but I'm glad that you positive your life.
 
Angel said:
I've heard of this before, do I know you? you sound like someone I once knew btw this is a great advice!
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Ditto....I notice it, too and keep it myself quiet for few weeks until I saw your post and surprise that I am not alone.
 
VamPyroX said:
That's what friends are for. :)

You can always go to your friends when you're feeling down.

As for how he's acting, he's to blame too. It's a two-way thing in marriage. Marriage doesn't mean that one person does everything while the other does nothing.

You do a lot of work around the house. He should be contributing in some way instead of just "work" and nothing else.

Sorry that this is happening to you. :(
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Yes I second that.
 
JeepGirl said:
I know this can be too personal to talk about it but I'd very much would appreciate to have alittle advice. I was married before and I didn't love him like I should've. so it was an easy way out. this is my 2nd marriage and we've been together 8 years. My husband finally said he's leaving. I said why? he said because enough is enough. We argue alot due to not wanting to understand each other's feelings. I tried to understand him but everytime he tried to talk about it, its always something I've done wrong. when I talk to him about my feelings, I would say I would appreciate it you help me clean the house and that I'm working full time too and I feel like i have to do everything, work, take care of my daughter, clean the house, feed the animals, do errands.. so on. he gets offended. things like that has blown out of proportion and became a big deal. I'm not saying its all his fault.. I have my faults in this. anyhow... We were very much in love all the way. at least i thought he was. then finally he said he didn't love me that way anymore, and has been feeling that way since a couple of months. I was shocked and my first thought was he's seeing someone else. Well, a week went by, I of course begged him to come home, begged him to talk to me and so on. He never came. 2nd week went by, I was getting better, starting to accept that he's not coming back. then last night, I went to a wedding. there he was. how he looked, he was so handsome. then it all came back to missing him more. so i asked him how he was feeling.. he said he didn't love me anymore and walked away. He was out there having a blast and flirting. I was standing there drinking beer after another and to find i became really drunk. well, i left.


here i am.. i'm miserable.. weak at the moment, sad, mad, feel like going crazy. What or How do you make yourself feel better? How do you move on? I'm desperate! help?
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I read your thread and make me so sad!! :cry: You re not alone! :hug: Move on life and make you feel better!!!! Because I am finished with my two ex boyfriends that I am mistaken to friends them after break up! Its long story so however... Now I decide to avoid them and talking with different people then I do feel better now!

pm you too :)
 
JeepGirl said:
I've done all I could think of. counseling, going to church together, sitting down to talk about what the real problem is.. he didn't want any of it. he already said he moved on and is happy where he's at now. and its only been 3 weeks.. how in the world is he happy now? well, I kinda get the hint. I kinda know why... i haven't made any offers, i haven't begged.. i just want to move on but i don't know how. and to find a better guy that easy.. how so? thanks, authentic, for your thoughtfulness.
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Get a divorce lawyer now. Since he claims that he is moving on--I would go ahead and get him for everything.

You have him by the balls now--time to squeeze them until they pop!

Get money for child support, get ailmony support and as Ivanna Trump said in "First Wives Club"--"Don't get mad--get everything!".

Spouses have no right to mistreat the other spouse regardless. When my ex-wife was having problems--I stood by her to make sure she had all the assistance that she needed. And when she commited murder--that was the end for us.

Take the time to heal, re-discover yourself, if you want to lose weight--lose weight, if you want to travel--by all means--travel. Want to go back to college and get your degree--do it.

Then he'll realize that you are much better off than he is and will realize his mistake.....
 
Aside from the advice that already has been given, what I have to suggest might sound drastic, but change your life in a constructive way. Spring-clean your life. Sell your furniture and get new one...or better yet, move to a new place for a fresh start. Find a new hobby or interest. Or simply take a vacation and travel, even if it means just staying at a nice hotel in your local town. Go to a spa with a good friend who will cry with you without asking stupid questions and will listen without judgement. Adopt a pet from the shelter.

He's not worth it. You deserve better.
 
Maria said:
Will it help if you pamper yourself ? Look at the mirror and tell yourself that you are pretty, smart, and so forth. Try to make somethin' for your hair to look pretty for yourself or buy a nice and pretty dress to make yourself look nice or somethin'. Ask your daughter to dress you up or put make up on you - just to enjoy it to make yourself feel good inside. She is the only love you'd ever have. Hang in there, girl! :)
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It might help.. yeah sure. I just haven't gotten to the point where I want to be pampered. I haven't had the courage to tell myself that. I guess I don't feel that way.. smart, pretty or cute, etc I haven't really looked long enough to recognize myself yet. I guess time will tell. A friend of mine said I should dress up in a dress.. wellllll.. i'm not a "dress" person. I don't like wearing dresses. :( I love black pants with nice blouse or so. but yeah, I've had people saying I ought to wear skirts and dresses. :aw: i'm not into fashion.. i'm just some ole country girl. :) that likes it just plain and simple.
 
hohDougRN said:
I struggle with some depression, but I never think about my ex much anymore, it doesn't stay in my head if I do think about it. I think I am still trying to regain my "personality" back. How things are going in life, I am content. I know I am going in right direction now, I do not date, I do not know when that will occur. I want to be open and flexible about my future and actually have some optimism for a happy ending for myself. I do not have any children, I do not have any obligations, I just trying to let that "free feeling" loosen me up a bit over time.

I hope things are hanging in there for you, be patient, give yourself some positive affirmations every day. That helps me on rough days is to just say something nice to myself in the mirror, it goes a long way.
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Yeah I gotcha on this! I know its too soon for me to start looking.. well, I'm not going to say I'm looking because I'm not. I've already got men in line waiting for me.. and I look at them and go.. wow.. not yet! Its only been almost a month.. It would be really nice if I can hold on alittle longer to get to know myself and to regain my self-esteem. I know by heart, there's someone out there for me. when time is right.. I'll know I'm ready.
 
Liebling:-))) said:
I'm speechless after read the whole thread here. It doesn't expect like that since you both married last year after many years live together... I feel for you, JeepGirl. :(




The description of the posts over your husband sound like that he escaped away from the problems and stress, etc. I think it's not nice of him to tell you that he does not love you anymore but.... I think he don't understand the difference between "in love with you" and "love you" since you described what you saw him at your friend's wedding sound that he STILL have some feeling for you for tried to aviod you instead of stay and talk with you but just hurt you because he still is "angry". It tells itself...

Yes I know that you did "talked" with him but I think you need to appoach it from another way for him to understand is write a letter. It does work good on my friends, I collect experience from them. Marriage counsellor/therapist advised them to write a letter to help to understand each other. It work good on them and some not.

If you really consider to save your marriage with him then I see why not write a letter telling him how you feel for him and want to save the marriage with him...... and hope he consider the same. Let him know that you still love him if he want out of marriage life with you. Like what authentic suggest...

I would agree with everyone here to move on and positive your life for yourself and your daughter if your husband reject to consider marriage counsellor with you.

I'm very sorry, I know it's very hard but I hope my advise about write a letter is worth trying... only if you really want to...



:hug: :(
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as of today, I have let him go. that's Official. I don't miss him as much as I used to. that's slowly fading but I still hurt though. I have a life and that life is waiting for me to be happy and to have that closure with my daughter.

like tonight, a friend of mine said she talked to Chris last week and said she was really surprised at him for leaving me like that. He told her he didn't love me anymore. then she said so you are done with Angela for good? he told her yes.. its over for good.. forever.

Well, what can i do? absolutely nothing. I can see it with my heart and eyes wide open to see where I stand in this. so I'm not waiting anymore. I have better things to do.

thanks for expressing your feelings. :)
 
Byrdie714 said:
Get a divorce lawyer now. Since he claims that he is moving on--I would go ahead and get him for everything.

You have him by the balls now--time to squeeze them until they pop!

Get money for child support, get ailmony support and as Ivanna Trump said in "First Wives Club"--"Don't get mad--get everything!".

Spouses have no right to mistreat the other spouse regardless. When my ex-wife was having problems--I stood by her to make sure she had all the assistance that she needed. And when she commited murder--that was the end for us.

Take the time to heal, re-discover yourself, if you want to lose weight--lose weight, if you want to travel--by all means--travel. Want to go back to college and get your degree--do it.

Then he'll realize that you are much better off than he is and will realize his mistake.....
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I was told that I can't get alimony because we weren't married within 5 years? is that true? as far as getting a lawyer, I've thought about it. But I just hate having to use my own pockets to pay for the divorce. I just felt he should be the one. however.. i don't know when he's gonna do it. but that has crossed my mind though.
 
deafbajagal said:
Aside from the advice that already has been given, what I have to suggest might sound drastic, but change your life in a constructive way. Spring-clean your life. Sell your furniture and get new one...or better yet, move to a new place for a fresh start. Find a new hobby or interest. Or simply take a vacation and travel, even if it means just staying at a nice hotel in your local town. Go to a spa with a good friend who will cry with you without asking stupid questions and will listen without judgement. Adopt a pet from the shelter.

He's not worth it. You deserve better.
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Thank you :aw:
 
JeepGirl said:
I was told that I can't get alimony because we weren't married within 5 years? is that true? as far as getting a lawyer, I've thought about it. But I just hate having to use my own pockets to pay for the divorce. I just felt he should be the one. however.. i don't know when he's gonna do it. but that has crossed my mind though.
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What state do you live in?

I know you hate the idea of using your money to pay for an attorney but sitting around and waiting for him just aggravates the situation and your pain.

By getting an attorney NOW--you would be watching out for your best interest, children--if there are any, as well as saving/salvaging your credit while you are going through the divorce. Also it would send a message that you are serious and he may "wake-up" and realize that you are a precious thing that has ever happend to him. Maybe, maybe not.

Remember, once a jerk is always a jerk.

As for the credit scenario--I would make sure that the joint accounts are paid in full and close the accounts, if not paid off yet--legally get your name off of them so that you won't be stuck with all the bills as sometimes when couples are getting divorced--the man sticks the woman with the bills.

Also look into your financial banking since you may have a joint account. Since he wants the divorce--I would close the account and establish your own account and start putting money into it. Now I do want to forewarn you--he won't like it and may have a temper tantrum but right now--you have to watch out for your best interests--not his!
 
Lawyer up anyway, honey... have the lawyer examining every document your ex sends you to sign.. when he gets around to it.
 
JeepGirl, a good lawyer would not tell you that you cannot sue for alimony. You lived with the man 8 years before marrying him. Alimony is not always for married people as it does work for those in relationships. source

People have sued each other for much more sillier things than this! I am sorry but you are entitled to alimony however it can work against you. The judge will take in both your earnings and give your ex money and make you pay him. They look at who earns more money. source

Divorce court is never easy & consider in a mediator to have a much easier and smoother transition.

I really do wish you well.
 
Byrdie714 said:
What state do you live in?

I know you hate the idea of using your money to pay for an attorney but sitting around and waiting for him just aggravates the situation and your pain.

By getting an attorney NOW--you would be watching out for your best interest, children--if there are any, as well as saving/salvaging your credit while you are going through the divorce. Also it would send a message that you are serious and he may "wake-up" and realize that you are a precious thing that has ever happend to him. Maybe, maybe not.

Remember, once a jerk is always a jerk.

As for the credit scenario--I would make sure that the joint accounts are paid in full and close the accounts, if not paid off yet--legally get your name off of them so that you won't be stuck with all the bills as sometimes when couples are getting divorced--the man sticks the woman with the bills.

Also look into your financial banking since you may have a joint account. Since he wants the divorce--I would close the account and establish your own account and start putting money into it. Now I do want to forewarn you--he won't like it and may have a temper tantrum but right now--you have to watch out for your best interests--not his!
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Alabama

we don't share banks. I have my own account. I guess I can call around and see how much the divorce is. Its ranged from around 500 to 900 for uncontested. contested is 800 and over

so not sure what I'm going to do yet. I'm alittle pissed right now because his friends are texting me to say I heard and I'm sorry.. I heard Chris doesn't love you anymore, I'm surprised. hmm what else.. a few of them are flirting with me. I just said I didn't want to hear anything what Chris said and gotta go!

well, I'm just at the point where I just want to get it over with and move on. I'm just tired of the emotions.


I'm gonna call around and find out what I can do. Thanks
 
Mrs Bucket said:
JeepGirl, a good lawyer would not tell you that you cannot sue for alimony. You lived with the man 8 years before marrying him. Alimony is not always for married people as it does work for those in relationships. source

People have sued each other for much more sillier things than this! I am sorry but you are entitled to alimony however it can work against you. The judge will take in both your earnings and give your ex money and make you pay him. They look at who earns more money. source

Divorce court is never easy & consider in a mediator to have a much easier and smoother transition.

I really do wish you well.
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I'll look up to it. thank you!
 
JeepGirl said:
Alabama

we don't share banks. I have my own account. I guess I can call around and see how much the divorce is. Its ranged from around 500 to 900 for uncontested. contested is 800 and over

so not sure what I'm going to do yet. I'm alittle pissed right now because his friends are texting me to say I heard and I'm sorry.. I heard Chris doesn't love you anymore, I'm surprised. hmm what else.. a few of them are flirting with me. I just said I didn't want to hear anything what Chris said and gotta go!

well, I'm just at the point where I just want to get it over with and move on. I'm just tired of the emotions.


I'm gonna call around and find out what I can do. Thanks
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:) Your welcome.
 
GET A GOOD LAWYER!

And, to help with the heartbreak-only time will heal it but you can keep busy by focusing on your studies and your daughter to keep your mind off of it!

Good luck!
 
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