How do you cope with Separation/Divorce?

My heart goes out to you JeepGirl - I went through that two years ago and I am still hurting over it. Therapy has helped me a great deal. What was the worst part was that there was no warning. Just like that - out of the blue - and his refusal to get therapy. With no answers, I kept blaming myself for everything.

I take one day at a time - that was how I coped and still cope. I still have many unanswered questions but I have come to accept that I will never have answers and can only hope that I will find someone who makes my heart skip a beat again.

It sucks, I know - I went wild and did everything as possible to destroy my self esteem the first year. Please dont do that to yourself - you deserve so much more than trying to punish yourself as I did to myself. My damage to myself was the reason why it took me much longer to get back on track.

HUGS
 
JeepGirl said:
I know this can be too personal to talk about it but I'd very much would appreciate to have alittle advice. I was married before and I didn't love him like I should've. so it was an easy way out. this is my 2nd marriage and we've been together 8 years. My husband finally said he's leaving. I said why? he said because enough is enough. We argue alot due to not wanting to understand each other's feelings. I tried to understand him but everytime he tried to talk about it, its always something I've done wrong. when I talk to him about my feelings, I would say I would appreciate it you help me clean the house and that I'm working full time too and I feel like i have to do everything, work, take care of my daughter, clean the house, feed the animals, do errands.. so on. he gets offended. things like that has blown out of proportion and became a big deal. I'm not saying its all his fault.. I have my faults in this. anyhow... We were very much in love all the way. at least i thought he was. then finally he said he didn't love me that way anymore, and has been feeling that way since a couple of months. I was shocked and my first thought was he's seeing someone else. Well, a week went by, I of course begged him to come home, begged him to talk to me and so on. He never came. 2nd week went by, I was getting better, starting to accept that he's not coming back. then last night, I went to a wedding. there he was. how he looked, he was so handsome. then it all came back to missing him more. so i asked him how he was feeling.. he said he didn't love me anymore and walked away. He was out there having a blast and flirting. I was standing there drinking beer after another and to find i became really drunk. well, i left.


here i am.. i'm miserable.. weak at the moment, sad, mad, feel like going crazy. What or How do you make yourself feel better? How do you move on? I'm desperate! help?
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I will send you a PM
 
JeepGirl I am kinda in the same boat as you my husband and I can't get along at all,over the years I had to put up with so much he would not work anymore he would not help around the house or help me with the kids I had to deal with eveything he would not do nothing but get high and hang with his friends.I remember times that I had to beg him to make a phone call for me and he would always say that" your hearing lost is not my problem" I had to deal with so much there is more but I am not going to post it. At first I blame myself for everything but now I don't and in the last few months I had started to feel better than I had in years,but just take one day at a time and things will get better for you. :hug:
 
my parents got divorces when i was 9 years old but im learn it BUT i dont like see my parents being singles!!!!!
 
Jeepgirl.. I do hope ya can get a good handle on this and learn along with that... I'm sure ya will be a strong lady after all this... but it gonna take a lot of time... and ya got support from friends such as us here in AD and beyond... if ya need anything to talk about or so, let us know and we will help ya somehow...
 
JeepGirl said:
thanks liza. that's something I got to adjust. I have always taken care of him and Jaci. they were always put first before anything else. Well, that's something I got to learn to know who i am, what I want to be and to stay focus on my daughter. its been hard not to get distracted because that's the main issue for me is i'm very distracted and can't stay focus on my life. But I'm doing the best I can!!! thank you all sooo much!
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You are welcome. A friend once told me that life does get better after divorce.. and he was right!!! Hard to see that right now, but it is absolutely true. With every change, there is always loss and gain.. such is life. Just see it in this way.. you lost 200+ lbs of heavy paperweight guy that had a big adversial role in your life and now you gained your freedom and the way back to you :D
 
Just hang in there and remember that you are important to your daughter. Always remember this, you need to love yourself first before you love another person. Fall in love with yourself FIRST before you fall in love with another person SECOND. Set up a Mom and Daughter date with Jaci to reassure her that everything is okay. Sometimes children feel loyalty to both parent and step-parent & feel burdened to be responsible of the split when it is not the case. Make sure you pay extra attention to yourself. Your heart. Your mind. Your soul. Your body. You. Yourself. You are important. Always remember you are important. Hang in there. Tactile smile from someone who has been there and experienced it all. I had to love myself first and found true love for what it is. Please hang in there.
 
JeepGirl. This is the toughest thing I ever gone through to this point of my life. I went OFF the deep end, like jump off a cliff. I didn't do anything at first, just a lot of cry. Then one day I snapped and lost touch with reality and went nuts and cut my self and want to kill myself, and substance abuse cuz I did not care any more about me or what happen to me. Yes, I even end up in psych hospital for week from hurting myself. What I end up doing in the end was causing more grief for myself when the pains of divorce and betrayal start to ease. Then I was personally in bad situation looking up out of hole out of despair and guilt for self torture and having all facets of life for future threaten to fail for me. I cound not function at work, hated being home, I just wanted to psychologically leave and feel numb. I get a lot of counseling for last 2 years and now, finally, I feel like I can look a little bit forward and stop looking back. I am not same person as I was, never will be again, because I was just so happy, naive, whatever you call it. I live life now, go on, just to the beat of a different drum.

My best advice is to look toward those who love you and cherish you wonderful daughter's presence. There is not a text book right answer to solve or feel resolution from it quickly. I would be more worried and wonder about a persons character if they didn't feel any grief and could just move on with no second thoughts. I hope you the best and very deeply empathize with you. There are a lot of people who value you and your presence than you realize, and pry for the easing of the despair feelings. PM me any time you just want to let anything out or ask question, or just have somebody tell you it will be OK.
 
Mrs Bucket said:
Just hang in there and remember that you are important to your daughter. Always remember this, you need to love yourself first before you love another person. Fall in love with yourself FIRST before you fall in love with another person SECOND. Set up a Mom and Daughter date with Jaci to reassure her that everything is okay. Sometimes children feel loyalty to both parent and step-parent & feel burdened to be responsible of the split when it is not the case. Make sure you pay extra attention to yourself. Your heart. Your mind. Your soul. Your body. You. Yourself. You are important. Always remember you are important. Hang in there. Tactile smile from someone who has been there and experienced it all. I had to love myself first and found true love for what it is. Please hang in there.
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Jeep, the above quote says it all. And PLEase don't forget about your daughter, she is feeling it, too whether she celebrating his absence or whatever. Anyway, how you handle this divorce is how your daughter will hand relationships that don't work out her way. If you abuse alcohol and the likes, so will she when the time comes.

And remember one day at a time, just a day.
 
Gemma said:
My heart goes out to you JeepGirl - I went through that two years ago and I am still hurting over it. Therapy has helped me a great deal. What was the worst part was that there was no warning. Just like that - out of the blue - and his refusal to get therapy. With no answers, I kept blaming myself for everything.

I take one day at a time - that was how I coped and still cope. I still have many unanswered questions but I have come to accept that I will never have answers and can only hope that I will find someone who makes my heart skip a beat again.

It sucks, I know - I went wild and did everything as possible to destroy my self esteem the first year. Please dont do that to yourself - you deserve so much more than trying to punish yourself as I did to myself. My damage to myself was the reason why it took me much longer to get back on track.

HUGS
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thank you gemma :aw:
 
Pepsi said:
JeepGirl I am kinda in the same boat as you my husband and I can't get along at all,over the years I had to put up with so much he would not work anymore he would not help around the house or help me with the kids I had to deal with eveything he would not do nothing but get high and hang with his friends.I remember times that I had to beg him to make a phone call for me and he would always say that" your hearing lost is not my problem" I had to deal with so much there is more but I am not going to post it. At first I blame myself for everything but now I don't and in the last few months I had started to feel better than I had in years,but just take one day at a time and things will get better for you. :hug:
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I feel for you too. I remember you going thru some rough times. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, I didn't realized it til it happened to me. I hope you're doing well and moving on! :hug:
 
Sharky99 said:
Jeepgirl.. I do hope ya can get a good handle on this and learn along with that... I'm sure ya will be a strong lady after all this... but it gonna take a lot of time... and ya got support from friends such as us here in AD and beyond... if ya need anything to talk about or so, let us know and we will help ya somehow...
Click to expand...
this thread sure has put alot of thoughts in my head and it has helped with my grieving from you guys! Only thing I'm doing is going one day at a time. I never know what will happen tomorrow or the next day or next week. Just one day at a time. thanks, sharky
 
Liza said:
You are welcome. A friend once told me that life does get better after divorce.. and he was right!!! Hard to see that right now, but it is absolutely true. With every change, there is always loss and gain.. such is life. Just see it in this way.. you lost 200+ lbs of heavy paperweight guy that had a big adversial role in your life and now you gained your freedom and the way back to you :D
Click to expand...
that's what alot of people said.. it'll get better. I do have faith that it'll get better one day. I'm just now learning live by myself with Jaci. I haven't found who I am yet. I know that's gonna be some time til i open the doors and realized what I've missed in all these years. I'm just waiting for that to happen and I'm not there yet. I know its gonna take time. and One day I'm going to close that door for good.
 
Mrs Bucket said:
Just hang in there and remember that you are important to your daughter. Always remember this, you need to love yourself first before you love another person. Fall in love with yourself FIRST before you fall in love with another person SECOND. Set up a Mom and Daughter date with Jaci to reassure her that everything is okay. Sometimes children feel loyalty to both parent and step-parent & feel burdened to be responsible of the split when it is not the case. Make sure you pay extra attention to yourself. Your heart. Your mind. Your soul. Your body. You. Yourself. You are important. Always remember you are important. Hang in there. Tactile smile from someone who has been there and experienced it all. I had to love myself first and found true love for what it is. Please hang in there.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the great advice!
 
hohDougRN said:
JeepGirl. This is the toughest thing I ever gone through to this point of my life. I went OFF the deep end, like jump off a cliff. I didn't do anything at first, just a lot of cry. Then one day I snapped and lost touch with reality and went nuts and cut my self and want to kill myself, and substance abuse cuz I did not care any more about me or what happen to me. Yes, I even end up in psych hospital for week from hurting myself. What I end up doing in the end was causing more grief for myself when the pains of divorce and betrayal start to ease. Then I was personally in bad situation looking up out of hole out of despair and guilt for self torture and having all facets of life for future threaten to fail for me. I cound not function at work, hated being home, I just wanted to psychologically leave and feel numb. I get a lot of counseling for last 2 years and now, finally, I feel like I can look a little bit forward and stop looking back. I am not same person as I was, never will be again, because I was just so happy, naive, whatever you call it. I live life now, go on, just to the beat of a different drum.

My best advice is to look toward those who love you and cherish you wonderful daughter's presence. There is not a text book right answer to solve or feel resolution from it quickly. I would be more worried and wonder about a persons character if they didn't feel any grief and could just move on with no second thoughts. I hope you the best and very deeply empathize with you. There are a lot of people who value you and your presence than you realize, and pry for the easing of the despair feelings. PM me any time you just want to let anything out or ask question, or just have somebody tell you it will be OK.
Click to expand...
since you used to be so happy back then, what is your life like now? have you found yourself yet? are you still struggling to go thru that process ?
 
Mrs Bucket said:
Just hang in there and remember that you are important to your daughter. Always remember this, you need to love yourself first before you love another person. Fall in love with yourself FIRST before you fall in love with another person SECOND. Set up a Mom and Daughter date with Jaci to reassure her that everything is okay. Sometimes children feel loyalty to both parent and step-parent & feel burdened to be responsible of the split when it is not the case. Make sure you pay extra attention to yourself. Your heart. Your mind. Your soul. Your body. You. Yourself. You are important. Always remember you are important. Hang in there. Tactile smile from someone who has been there and experienced it all. I had to love myself first and found true love for what it is. Please hang in there.
Click to expand...


I've heard of this before, do I know you? you sound like someone I once knew btw this is a great advice!
 
Will it help if you pamper yourself ? Look at the mirror and tell yourself that you are pretty, smart, and so forth. Try to make somethin' for your hair to look pretty for yourself or buy a nice and pretty dress to make yourself look nice or somethin'. Ask your daughter to dress you up or put make up on you - just to enjoy it to make yourself feel good inside. She is the only love you'd ever have. Hang in there, girl! :)
 
JeepGirl said:
I feel for you too. I remember you going thru some rough times. I'm sorry I couldn't help you, I didn't realized it til it happened to me. I hope you're doing well and moving on! :hug:
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Its ok JG :hug: yep I am better than I use to be.Things will get better for us girls ;)
 
JeepGirl said:
since you used to be so happy back then, what is your life like now? have you found yourself yet? are you still struggling to go thru that process ?
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I struggle with some depression, but I never think about my ex much anymore, it doesn't stay in my head if I do think about it. I think I am still trying to regain my "personality" back. How things are going in life, I am content. I know I am going in right direction now, I do not date, I do not know when that will occur. I want to be open and flexible about my future and actually have some optimism for a happy ending for myself. I do not have any children, I do not have any obligations, I just trying to let that "free feeling" loosen me up a bit over time.

I hope things are hanging in there for you, be patient, give yourself some positive affirmations every day. That helps me on rough days is to just say something nice to myself in the mirror, it goes a long way.
 
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