How do I get my loved ones to remember that I'm losing my hearing?

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aurakle

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I'm 24, I'm going deaf, and my friends and family are driving me crazy because they keep forgetting! My hearing loss has been so slow, so gradual, that I've acclimated along the way, learning to read lips and use context clues and body language to fill in a lot of what I miss. But now my hearing loss is finally getting to the point where all of that just isn't cutting it anymore.

I understand that they are used to me being able to hear them, at least for the most part, but now I just can't anymore. If there is more that 1 person I'm talking with and there is any kind of background noise, I get totally lost in the conversation, and they are so busy talking to each other that they don't always notice. I might say something a couple of times, reminding them to turn toward me so I can read their lips and to speak up, and of course they do for a while, but then they forget and go back to what they were doing. And I just don't want to say anything more than a few times because its so annoying.

For instance, I just went on a little road trip with a couple of girlfriends and I sat in the back of the car. They turned on music and started talking. Three times I said that I couldn't hear what they were saying and could they turn the music down and speak up. And of course they did, but every time they would eventually forget. I wound up sitting in the back basically in silence for most of the trip home because I was so frustrated and I didn't want to spoil their good time by going on and on about how I couldn't hear them and they were being inconsiderate. Not to mention, I don't think I should have to say that.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with situations like this without having to say "I can't hear you!" over and over?
 
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aurakle said:
I'm 24, I going deaf, and my friends and family are driving me crazy because they keep forgetting! My hearing loss has been so slow, so gradual, that I've acclimated along the way, learning to read lips and use context clues and body language to fill in a lot of what I miss. But now my hearing loss is finally getting to the point where all of that just isn't cutting it anymore.

I understand that they are used to me being able to hear them, at least for the most part, but now I just can't anymore. If there is more that 1 person I'm talking with and there is any kind of background noise, I get totally lost in the conversation, and they are so busy talking to each other that they don't always notice. I might say something a couple of times, reminding them to turn toward me so I can read their lips and to speak up, and of course they do for a while, but then they forget and go back to what they were doing. And I just don't want to say anything more than a few times because its so annoying.

For instance, I just went on a little road trip with a couple of girlfriends and I sat in the back of the car. They turned on music and started talking. Three times I said that I couldn't hear what they were saying and could they turn the music down and speak up. And of course they did, but every time they would eventually forget. I wound up sitting in the back basically in silence for most of the trip home because I was so frustrated and I didn't want to spoil their good time by going on and on about how I couldn't hear them and they were being inconsiderate. Not to mention, I don't think I should have to say that.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with situations like this without having to say "I can't hear you!" over and over?
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I think you should try walking away, or try and give them a blank face stare, like " Hey, I can not hear you." My memory is not the best, but still if someone tells me what you told me, I'd remember and although not perfect, try my best to focus on you. I think perhaps the situations you are in is busy, and when people are busy either walking around, or when dealing with more than one person its easy to not focus. Try getting together when it's not so busy. Also, try to make new friends. Patience helps too. I can see how you'd get frustrated, I'd be peeved. Like you stated you are twenty four, and if your friends are in that same age group, to me, that's old enough to pay attention. Good luck.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

It's time to make some Deaf/Hoh friends who understand what you're going through. They can support you during the adjustment. Having that will make you feel less isolated and you'll get some ideas how other people deal with various situations.
 
Get a droid or iPhone, or iPod touch, and entertain yourself. Or as Sallylou said, change your friends.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Yea, I love my droid.
 
Its not just my friends, its my family too. I can't trade them in. =) Besides, I know that what I described sounds pretty bad, but they are realy trying and they're having a hard time adjusting along with me. We all love each other very much and this is one of the biggest struggles we've had to deal with. I need to find a way for all of us to help each other. Making friends with people who are deaf/HOH will help me, I'm sure, but I don't know if it will help with my friends and family.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

My hubby attends socials every week with me. You are not rejecting your family. You and your family widen your social circle and broaden your horizons together.
 
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I still have family that "doesn't seem to get it", but they are trying. I am changing my friends more and more. I found out this weekend that dealing with a lot of the hearing people I knew for a long time, I just can't anymore, since they don't seem to get it. That's why I am thankful for all my new Deaf friends.

As far as what you could do. Like Sallylou suggested, find some new deaf friends. See if there is a Deaf club near you, or even a Deaf chat. If you wanted, you could check to see if there was a Deaf church close by.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

My hubby attends socials every week with me. You are not rejecting your family. You and your family widen your social circle and broadening your horizons together.
 
aurakle said:
Its not just my friends, its my family too. I can't trade them in. =) Besides, I know that what I described sounds pretty bad, but they are realy trying and they're having a hard time adjusting along with me. We all love each other very much and this is one of the biggest struggles we've had to deal with. I need to find a way for all of us to help each other. Making friends with people who are deaf/HOH will help me, I'm sure, but I don't know if it will help with my friends and family.
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Patience and understanding, that's all that can happen. Time will tell. Just remind them constantly, soon they will adjust. Just keep communicating your feelings, and if they love you enough they will respect it. It's a good thing that they are trying, some people don't even have that. Good luck.
 
I'm working on learning ASL, but I only know about 100 signs so far, so it might be hard for me to converse with new friends who are deaf if we don't speak the same language. How would that work?
 
aurakle said:
I'm working on learning ASL, but I only know about 100 signs so far, so it might be hard for me to converse with new friends who are deaf if we don't speak the same language. How would that work?
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In my case, I know about 200-400 signs, I can't never remember them to have a conversation, but yet, I can still get along with the people at my Deaf club. they are mostly patient and forgiving and will at times help.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

You know more than I did. I showed up at the Deaf Center knowing nothing. Talk about culture shock!
I can't see your location. I'm on mobile AD. Post your general location and people can give you some info specific to you.
 
sallylou said:
Wirelessly posted (droid)

You know more than I did. I showed up at the Deaf Center knowing nothing. Talk about culture shock!
I can't see your location. I'm on mobile AD. Post your general location and people can give you some info specific to you.
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California
 
I live in San Gabriel, CA. Its in Los Angeles County. I've been looking for deaf events in my area but I haven't found much except for 1 night a month at starbucks.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

I'm far from there but maybe someone else here can help. Anyone?
 
aurakle said:
I live in San Gabriel, CA. Its in Los Angeles County. I've been looking for deaf events in my area but I haven't found much except for 1 night a month at starbucks.
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You're like, really close to me. I'm sorry to say that a) I'm hearing and don't sign and b) I don't know of any events, but I'd be happy to try and help you find some. I'm over near Duarte. I know that PCC has an ASL program, so you might want to look out by Pasadena. Are you looking for ASL classes as well or no?
 
StevieMont927 said:
You're like, really close to me. I'm sorry to say that a) I'm hearing and don't sign and b) I don't know of any events, but I'd be happy to try and help you find some. I'm over near Duarte. I know that PCC has an ASL program, so you might want to look out by Pasadena. Are you looking for ASL classes as well or no?
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I'm glad to know someone is near me, if you are a hearie. =) I'm learning ASL through the ASL University online due to financial difficulties. How are you involved with the Deaf community, if you don't mind me asking?
 
aurakle said:
I'm glad to know someone is near me, if you are a hearie. =) I'm learning ASL through the ASL University online due to financial difficulties. How are you involved with the Deaf community, if you don't mind me asking?
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Well, right now my only real involvement is online...

When I was a child, I had a HH babysitter, who taught me some sign, and I just thought it was awesome that I could say stuff with my hands. My brother was late speaking, and he and my mom would get frustrated so my mom then taught him signs (i.e. more, all done, potty, etc.) so he could communicate with her. It worked really well. Then I was on again/off again interested in ASL, until my niece wasn't talking at two. Then I taught her, started reading about the Deaf community and all, then things just took off from there. I'm studying to be an interpreter, now.

So that's my story. If you'd like to meet up sometime, PM me and we can set something up.
 
You are going to have to make some adjustments. This is going to happen a lot more in the future. I know this sucks, but you can't ask your friends to change when it is your issue.

Try making plans with friends on an individual basis more because hearing in big groups is going to be an issue. When you are in big groups just wait till a conversation ends and ask one friend, one on one, what was said. Use a relay service when contacting people by phone or use text messaging. Get an android phone so you can get visual voice mail from your friends. There are a lot of things you can do, but you have to be the one to do it.
 
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