How do I get my loved ones to remember that I'm losing my hearing?

Pretend to respond, but don't voice. When they complain, laugh evilly.

Then get serious for a moment and ask them to please remember.

ETA: Actually, I don't know if this would work -- but I'm in a different situation than you. I have never heard well so I have no friends that I had to go through this with. I know generally that people respond better to humour than, say anger or guilt. So it might work. I hope so!
 
hearing people will always forget you can't hear. that's reality. I'm 40 and my family, who's known me all my life, still forget.

So, I don't bother to say anything anymore. If I'm at an Easter lunch with my entire family and they're all chatting and laughing and I'm not following. I get up and leave. That alone sends a very strong message to them.

As for friends, some of them may never get it and that's ok. over the course of life, one makes new friends and drops old ones all the time. There will be some great hearing people out there who will be mindful but for the most part, it's just par for the course that your deafness, especially if you can speak very well, will be overlooked or misunderstood.

It's hard and not much fun having to remind people all the time. I like what jazzberry said about pretending to respond but with no voice. it's a good way to show someone that that is what it's like for you.

I'm often tempted to videotape myself with my family or group of friends so i could play it back for them and have them see for themselves from a more objective perspective.
 
Although I appreciate all the advice, does anyone have any ideas that won't require me to abandon my friends or interrupt happy family gatherings by doing something incredibly annoying (to the family and to myself)? I know that I'll need new friends who are deaf, but I don't want to push my current friends or my family members away.
 
aurakle said:
Although I appreciate all the advice, does anyone have any ideas that won't require me to abandon my friends or interrupt happy family gatherings by doing something incredibly annoying (to the family and to myself)? I know that I'll need new friends who are deaf, but I don't want to push my current friends or my family members away.
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A lot of us are facing the same problems. Some have been able to work it out to some degree, other's, not so much. My family that still lives at home with me, are all trying to work with me, but I still miss a good 80-90% of what's going on.I don't think there is one perfect answer for this problem.
 
If you go on a car trip with your friends again sit the front, this way you will control over radio if too loud, and you may be able to see your friends faces better and try to read their lips. I think you have keep reminding your family to talk louder and let them know how you feel.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
If you go on a car trip with your friends again sit the front, this way you will control over radio if too loud, and you may be able to see your friends faces better and try to read their lips. I think you have keep reminding your family to talk louder and let them know how you feel.
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Oh, believe me, I won't be making the "sitting in back" mistake again. =)
 
I recommend a therapist that knows about hearing loss. Part of adjustment is dealing with the emotional issues hearing loss brings. You're going to have to advocate for yourself with friends, family and people in the community. Feeling like you can't inconvience other people and that you're "abandoning" people is not going to help you. Have you read the adjustment to late deafness thread? That's a good place to start. Lots of us are in the same boat as you.
 
Spend more time with the type of hobbies that will be easier for you to communicate.

I'm not really a very social person but I will pass along what I have observed or heard of some folks trying --

Learning bridge because serious players don't talk during the game but use signs developed with their partners. (This is what I heard, I don't know for sure, I don't play bridge).

If this is an option -- learn scuba diving -- no one can talk under water -- and there are scuba signs. I recall one deaf man specifically saying at a HLAA meeting that he chose that hobby partially for that reason. The other reasons were he liked to swim and he loved the ocean.

I've heard that motocyclists and I think cyclists that travel in groups have their own signs. So I suppose those would be options also.

Invite people over to your house, a lot. People tend not to ignore the host. :) Perhaps you can have more one on one conversations that way.
Depending on what flies with your friends if you do end up having the majority of the gatherings at your place -- maybe you can always handle the food with potlucks.

Be the one to plan more of your gang's activities. Then it's easeir to be able to control place (i.e., choose a quieter vs a noiser place), maybe even the size of the gathering, things like that. For example, picnics are fun. If you invite a few people -- easier to lip read folks. If you want to invite more, instead of inviting a medium amount of people -- invite a lot, people will probably break up into small groups and it will be easier to lipread.

Do you like to read? You can start a book club. That's a fairly quiet activity. If you end up getting an FM system, you can pass around the mic.

Before my knees broke down I liked to play racquet ball. Not a lot of talking during the game -- and when you do talk, there's only one person to lipread.

I suppose tennis would be the same.

So there's some ideas. I do like the idea of learning sign and I'm working on that myself.
 
aurakle said:
Although I appreciate all the advice, does anyone have any ideas that won't require me to abandon my friends or interrupt happy family gatherings by doing something incredibly annoying (to the family and to myself)? I know that I'll need new friends who are deaf, but I don't want to push my current friends or my family members away.
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It sounds like a hard decision to make. I have a few ideas but as I'm hearing, I don't know if they'll help at all. Would you like my input?
 
Oh, this one supposedly works very well. Become the family and gang's photographer and amazing album maker. Well that's what some older people do -- I would put the photon's online and bring a laptop to the gatherings. Have one ready for Thanksgiving. ;)
 
I just started using a blank stare and saying 'huh?' all the time. But I wouldn't do this all the time as now my dad talks to me like a child, which is irritating to say the least.

I just ask that only one person speak at a time and that if they want to talk to me, then they need to get my attention in a polite way, by gently tapping my shoulder. I will not respond to whistles or someone yelling at me like a dog. I will respond to hand waving but only in certain situations, such as in a large gathering of people and you are not able to immediately walk up to me.

There's also a lot of technology out there that helps. One being smartphones. I personally use iPhone 4 and I haven't found anything my phone WON'T do. I use it to type out what I want in large print so when I order something in a noisy environment such as the deli at WM, or at a movie theatre, what I want is pretty clear. I also use it to text, IM, and email. This saves a lot of hassle for me. I can text my mechanic and ask if my truck is ready. I can then turn around and email my pastor at the church about a Bible study that you do on your own time or whatever. I can then IM a friend to see if we can meet up or whatever.

My mom remembers this and will text with me, whereas my dad doesn't remember so he voice calls me. When I can't understand him, he will yell into the phone. He doesn't realize this just distorts things even more.

As for friends, no I don't have a lot of friends. I prefer to just hang out with one or two at a time or at least a small group anyways. If had full usage of ASL in both fluency and receptive skills, I would spend more time with deafies.

I do understand how you feel though - you feel as though you're stuck between two worlds and that no one understands. Truth is; a lot of people here understand exactly what you're going through. Most people think hearing loss occurs at old age. That's a big misconception. It can occur at ANY age.

I've noticed people are less understanding if a young person loses their hearing than they are of someone who's older and is losing their hearing.

I was born deaf in my left ear and HOH in my right. My hearing loss has been progressive, although more so at times than others. I'm also only 28.

So, if you need any help or just in need of support, you've got a lot of people here in your corner.

:hug:
 
There's a Deaf motorcycle "gang" here. Deaf softball and deaf bowling. Deaf choir. You name it!

A tip: blinking lights when entering the room - my hubby kept scaring me and I broke several dishes - he blinks the lights now
 
Also, if there is no deaf social club in your city, why not do some networking to get one started? It might be small to start off with but over time it will grow if the core members that are dedicated to seeing it through stay with it.

If I am not mistaken, isn't JClarke a founding member and board member of Canberra Deaf Club? He might have some ideas.
 
Some good ideas there.

Aurakle, are you interested in or are you using hearing aids yourself? It sounds like you are sort of on the cusp there, where you can still hear quite a bit but not enough to fully participate. If HAs are a solution for you, they might help you a great deal.

As far as the car is concerned, definitely the front seat is a better choice, as you can turn around and face people when you want to.

If you want other people to always speak louder for you, I guarantee you that's not going to be a workable solution very often, because people really don't like to yell, not at home and not out and about in public places.

They don't want you yelling at them, either. You haven't mentioned it, but have you noticed that it is more difficult to modulate the sound of your own voice, or are you still ok with that?

If you can, it might help to take a corner seat where possible, so that sound is reflected off the wall behind you, rather than sitting someplace where you have voices coming at you from both front and back. It helps a lot to have the voices coming from just one direction.

Definitely remind them they need to get your attention, and ask them to look directly at you when speaking to you.

Some people always go around with a pen and paper handy, so you can ask people to write things down. Obviously not a workable solution if the conversation is flowing quickly back and forth, but that might help from time to time.

And you might want to look into a tablet computer, and a voice recognition program. Someone mentioned having the Samsung Galaxy tablet, with I think it was "Dragon" programming, which she put on the table in front of her, and the table worked like an individual captioning device, almost.

I think HAs would be simpler in the long run, if they are appropriate for you, but maybe a tablet could help if you like that sort of thing.
 
I did some googling and came up with this site for the Dragon voice recognition software. I don't know if a headset is required but from what I understand you can control your entire computer by voice with up to 99% accuracy. (They claim anyways)

Hear from Dragon Users

Also keep in mind that this Dragon software can get pricey.
 
Very cool typing test thingie on that! My best score: 60 wpm with 100% accuracy.
 
BTW Windows 7 has voice recognition built-in, but it's useless. You literally have to scream into the computer to get it to work even halfway properly. I just spent the last hour setting it up to see if it would work with my OpenOffice program, and it refuses to. It works with only Microsoft programs.

Is there an app for iPhone that dictates speech into text and saves it as a note that can transferred to my laptop at a later time?

Booyah! I just found something! It's an app made by Dragon Dictate and it is completely free. I was surprised at how accurate it was 'out of the box'. I may find this useful at uni if it doesn't drain my battery down. I can save the dictations as a note to upload to my computer at a later date or I can email it directly from my phone.
 
Hi there...I was born with deafness and grew up in the hearing world with no exposure to ASL or the Deaf community. Now, I am almost 40 years old and my family still forgets. I have learned that small group conversations are much easier to follow instead of large groups so whenever there is a family gathering, if everyone is all together and talking, I sit there quietly and try to follow the conversation to the best as I can while waiting until everyone splits up into smaller group. That is when I can participate.

As for hearing friends...you dont want to abandon them which I understand. For me, I started learning ASL and got involved with the Deaf community about 15 years ago. At first, I still hung out with my hearing friends but the more I became fluent in ASL and the more comfortable I became in the Deaf community, I slowly drifted away from my hearing friends. It wasnt intentional...just my life changed and I couldnt really feel connected to them as I did with my deaf/hoh friends so I gravitated towards hanging out with more and more deaf or hearing people who are ASL users than those who dont sign. The biggest reason...I had 100% access to what everyone was saying with ASL so it was a nice big change for me after growing up feeling left out, frustrated, and bored.

I still contact my old hearing friends through FB but I do not want to go to a large social gathering with them anymore. If I am going to hang out with them, I prefer one on one situations.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Droid has a voice to text app. Highly portable and easy to use. Less expensive.
 
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you are not alone. even the well spoken deafies experience the same thing. Just because I can speak well enough for those who cant tell Im deaf always give me that look -- HELLLLOOO anyone home? Just go ehh? what?! :giggle::deaf:
 
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