HEY! If you are using Alldeaf to stalk your ex...

[deafbajagal]

And it's important that we share our experiences...a lot of times we are made victims because we are silent about it. The more who come forward, the stronger we can fight back.

 

[Bottesini]

Both of my therapists say otherwise. Most stalkers don't believe they are actually stalking. They will deny it, claiming they are the victims.

Here's a pattern that some of you (myself including) will recognize in a stalker: ".. learn to recognize a stalker. Forget all your preconceptions on what stalkers are like. Most of them actually start out as what appear to be very nice people. They are very friendly, offer to listen a lot, and are always there when you need them. Sounds great? It's an act. Because after a while this changes. If you are busy that may start pouting. Or acting hurt. They often show signs of jealousy (Loss of control over you). They demand more and more of your time, and they expect you to be there waiting for them. They throw tantrums when they don't get their way. Most of us recognize something is wrong, but they are able to manipulate us into feeling that the stalkers unhappiness is our fault. So one of the biggest signs someone is a stalker is when they start trying to make you feel guilty for letting them down. Everything is always your fault and not the stalkers. Eventually, as their control over you gets stronger, they become more confident and begin to test you harder and harder (Stalkers are control freaks). Eventually they push you to where you are forced to rebel (then the stalker gets angry) and they begin a pattern alternating between how everything is your fault (threats) and why are you hurting them (manipulation)."

Sound familiar?

Source: Stalkers - How to make them stop stalking you - KnightsOfKindness

Well, that's certainly the exact opposite of what I thought. On a non serious side it sounds like my children although more extreme.

 

[deafbajagal]

Well, that's certainly the exact opposite of what I thought. On a non serious side it sounds like my children although more extreme.

Come to think of it, it sounds like my kids, too.

I would never intentionally do anything to "empower" a stalker or do anything to increase it. If I did, I would never forgive myself.

 

[deafbajagal]

I will say this...when I had my stalker from before, I was very impressed with how the mods, including Alex, on here handled it like a pro. They were awesome. The police officer who was working with me on my case was impressed, too.

 

[shel90]

We are both involved in hockey for our kids so word gets around plus we worked for the same company for about 18 months. In addition, when I bought my house I used our company security account to get a better deal on it and, what I didn't realize at the time, is that because he was the property management manager for the company all of those security additions go to him. He had his name put on my home security account in case of the alarm going off. :roll: Of course, as soon as I found that out I had it changed to me but I had a heck of a time doing that.

As I mentioned in another post, the police have talked to him and the stalking stopped for a few months and then gifts started showing up at my door. A Christmas card showed up saying, "I bet you didn't expect to hear from me again." Uhm, no, I didn't.

Just last weekend he texted me, "You know I will love you forever and nothing will EVER compare." At 2:48 in the morning! My boyfriend texted him back when we got up and the nutbar texted me just two days ago. He doesn't get the message. I'm worried that matters will come to a head and my boyfriend will end up getting hurt or in trouble.

That's horrifying!

I really feel for you and the others who are victims of stalking. I got goosebumps.

 

[Sosie]

I am sorry that you went thru. I know it's scary!

I was in same situation as you. 25 years ago, I got a threat call from a deaf man, the stalker saying that he wanted to kill me, that scared me. I reported it to my family and the police. They took my action and they told me that if the calls are frequent or particularly threatening, the phone company can set up a "Trap" on my phone line. The Trap allows the phone company to determine the telephone number from which the harassing calls originate. I must keep a log noting the time and date the harassing calls are received, which I did. Traps are usually set up for no more than two weeks. The phone company does not charge a fee for Traps. The police found this stalker's phone number and arrested him for calling and threatening me almost every night, sometimes in the middle of night. I was not able to sleep. Grrrrr...

 

[KristinaB]

One of the things I found out with my job I had in Missouri. I did the billing and data entry for a counseling agency. We had a women & children's residential treatment facility across the street. One of the major causes of the addiction these women had was dealing with stalking of previous boyfriends or current and ex-husbands. What the Sheriff's office would recommend if they wanted to stop the stalking, keep in mind, this was advice for the ladies in a required 28 day residential treatment program, they were told to legally change their name, assume a totally new identity and move to a different location. If they agreed to do that, then the police would help as well as our agency. nine times out of ten, then women agreed to it and once they were moved and under a new identity, they no longer had any drug or alcohol addiction. When they move, they are monitored and see a therapist for an additional 2 years. We had ladies that would move from mid-Missouri to Washington state and outside of the US if need be and have a 98% success rate.

It is sad to know that such extreme measures had to be taken.

 

[rockin'robin]

Applying for a gun permit would be a choice of mine. It's no way to live....and you never know when the Stalker is gonna flip out and do you harm!...Be prepared.

 

[saywhatkid]

Last year you were being stalked. Alex banned him.

If someone else is being stalked here this year, Alex can ban him.

Alex also can take his IP address which should show exactly where he is and give it to the police . End of story.

Putting a thread about in in public probably gives him joy if there is actually a stalker and stalkee.

It should just be dealt with quickly out of the public eye. No chances taken. That is why we have police.

Good advice. I bolded one part to tell you that IP address locators do not necessarily deliver police to the front door. In some cases, if a user goes through proxy, such as AOL, it is nearly impossible to trace them. A lot of scammers use proxy to sign up at a website, so they get past the initial IP checks that new members usually get from mods.

 

[Bottesini]

Good advice. I bolded one part to tell you that IP address locators do not necessarily deliver police to the front door. In some cases, if a user goes through proxy, such as AOL, it is nearly impossible to trace them. A lot of scammers use proxy to sign up at a website, so they get past the initial IP checks that new members usually get from mods.

That is disappointing.

 

[saywhatkid]

That is disappointing.

Agreed. It makes stopping Nigerians very difficult when they sign up through a proxy, then wait until everyone is asleep, then send 500+ scam emails to members of a website. I hate scammers. I made a banner.

 

[rebeccalj]

Both of my therapists say otherwise. Most stalkers don't believe they are actually stalking. They will deny it, claiming they are the victims.

Here's a pattern that some of you (myself including) will recognize in a stalker: ".. learn to recognize a stalker. Forget all your preconceptions on what stalkers are like. Most of them actually start out as what appear to be very nice people. They are very friendly, offer to listen a lot, and are always there when you need them. Sounds great? It's an act. Because after a while this changes. If you are busy that may start pouting. Or acting hurt. They often show signs of jealousy (Loss of control over you). They demand more and more of your time, and they expect you to be there waiting for them. They throw tantrums when they don't get their way. Most of us recognize something is wrong, but they are able to manipulate us into feeling that the stalkers unhappiness is our fault. So one of the biggest signs someone is a stalker is when they start trying to make you feel guilty for letting them down. Everything is always your fault and not the stalkers. Eventually, as their control over you gets stronger, they become more confident and begin to test you harder and harder (Stalkers are control freaks). Eventually they push you to where you are forced to rebel (then the stalker gets angry) and they begin a pattern alternating between how everything is your fault (threats) and why are you hurting them (manipulation)."

Sound familiar?

Source: Stalkers - How to make them stop stalking you - KnightsOfKindness

Very familiar! In my case, it started out exactly like that. He was what I would call, "Mr. Hero or Mr. Dependable," always there for me. I was new in town (Vancouver), recently separated and in need of getting to know new people. New friends. Our sons were on the same hockey team. He helped out with so many things but then I started to feel strange about him so I took a step back. This was when things changed. He couldn't/wouldn't let go. Told me that he knew we were destined to be together even though I told him, repeatedly, that he was not my type and I would *never* magically fall in love with him. The more I say 'no' the more he became obsessive.

After the police talked to him the first time he decided to leave me alone by moving around the corner from me. :roll: Then I found a nice home away from him and he moved in, just down the road, two months later.

I came home one day and noticed new shrubs in my yard and took photos of the shoeprints because nobody knew he put them in my yard.

When I go to the grocery store he often drives behind me to follow me to where I'm going. I stopped going to my local pub to watch hockey because he started showing up there. He befriended one of my best friends, who is a travel agent, just so that he could stop by when I was over visiting so I stopped going to my friends' house.

He texted my daughter at 3 AM to offer to drive her home from a party. He got the text from his son who used to go to my daughters' school and the son got her cell number from someone at school. He also followed her, while he was driving in his truck, and she was hanging out with some of her friends to do singing at a coffee shop.

He had his son put on my son's hockey team this season but I asked for my son to be traded to another team. It just goes on and on and on.

Eight minutes after my now boyfriend dropped me off at my house after our first date he texted me, "I guess I'll have to find a new dance partner?" I ballroom dance and stalker knows that and started going to the local ballroom dance club so I stopped going.

Eight minutes after my now boyfriend came over so I could make him dinner one night stalker sent me a text, "Thought you would invite me down to watch the game (hockey)." Huh?

Thankfully, I now have a boyfriend who won't allow him to invade my life and, together, we are trying to find a solution whereby nobody gets hurt.

The stalker even texted me once telling me that *I* should move. :thumbd:

So, what you write here sounds very, very familiar.

 

[rebeccalj]

Applying for a gun permit would be a choice of mine. It's no way to live....and you never know when the Stalker is gonna flip out and do you harm!...Be prepared.

That's what my boyfriend wants me to do but in Canada the gun laws are very different from America.

 

[deafbajagal]

Very familiar! In my case, it started out exactly like that. He was what I would call, "Mr. Hero or Mr. Dependable," always there for me. I was new in town (Vancouver), recently separated and in need of getting to know new people. New friends. Our sons were on the same hockey team. He helped out with so many things but then I started to feel strange about him so I took a step back. This was when things changed. He couldn't/wouldn't let go. Told me that he knew we were destined to be together even though I told him, repeatedly, that he was not my type and I would *never* magically fall in love with him. The more I say 'no' the more he became obsessive.

After the police talked to him the first time he decided to leave me alone by moving around the corner from me. :roll: Then I found a nice home away from him and he moved in, just down the road, two months later.

I came home one day and noticed new shrubs in my yard and took photos of the shoeprints because nobody knew he put them in my yard.

When I go to the grocery store he often drives behind me to follow me to where I'm going. I stopped going to my local pub to watch hockey because he started showing up there. He befriended one of my best friends, who is a travel agent, just so that he could stop by when I was over visiting so I stopped going to my friends' house.

He texted my daughter at 3 AM to offer to drive her home from a party. He got the text from his son who used to go to my daughters' school and the son got her cell number from someone at school. He also followed her, while he was driving in his truck, and she was hanging out with some of her friends to do singing at a coffee shop.

He had his son put on my son's hockey team this season but I asked for my son to be traded to another team. It just goes on and on and on.

Eight minutes after my now boyfriend dropped me off at my house after our first date he texted me, "I guess I'll have to find a new dance partner?" I ballroom dance and stalker knows that and started going to the local ballroom dance club so I stopped going.

Eight minutes after my now boyfriend came over so I could make him dinner one night stalker sent me a text, "Thought you would invite me down to watch the game (hockey)." Huh?

Thankfully, I now have a boyfriend who won't allow him to invade my life and, together, we are trying to find a solution whereby nobody gets hurt.

The stalker even texted me once telling me that *I* should move. :thumbd:

So, what you write here sounds very, very familiar.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's like a dark cloud constantly hovering you...never at peace because he is just around the corner. Literally. Hugs.