Feeling Socially Awkward in the Hearing World

I would be having a fit with the college on that one.

What irritates me about hearies is that I have to explain to them that I don't do well in over the phone conversations and I prefer to text instead.

Like the other day, a friend of mine texted me and she wrote "Just call them!"

I had to laugh then I responded "What good is calling going to do if I can't hear the person on the other end of the line? Remember? I am deaf, no?"

She replied back "Oops, my bad."

I thought to myself - Yeah, you're bad alright. We've been friend for two years and you forget that I'm deaf? Uh-huh, that's how closely you've been paying attention...
 
Dixie said:
I would be having a fit with the college on that one.

What irritates me about hearies is that I have to explain to them that I don't do well in over the phone conversations and I prefer to text instead.

Like the other day, a friend of mine texted me and she wrote "Just call them!"

I had to laugh then I responded "What good is calling going to do if I can't hear the person on the other end of the line? Remember? I am deaf, no?"

She replied back "Oops, my bad."

I thought to myself - Yeah, you're bad alright. We've been friend for two years and you forget that I'm deaf? Uh-huh, that's how closely you've been paying attention...
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I'm the same way, I only text on my phone and I absolutely hate talking on the phone because I can't hear half of anything.

What annoys me is when you try to explain to people your deaf and their like "oh but you can speak fine, lip read, and you hear sometimes so your not really deaf right?" *rolls eyes*
 
ladysolitary85 said:
I'm the same way, I only text on my phone and I absolutely hate talking on the phone because I can't hear half of anything.

What annoys me is when you try to explain to people your deaf and their like "oh but you can speak fine, lip read, and you hear sometimes so your not really deaf right?" *rolls eyes*
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I've got an idea. Take you hearing aids out,turn your back and tell yo friends talk to me. :giggle:

Or take your aids off for one full day and people around you will get really frustrated. :giggle:

One time, a person was talking to me annoying so I took my aid off. :lol:
 
ladysolitary85 said:
Oh wait correction! they have it under Journalism! Can anyone explain to me how ASL is part of journalism and not with the other language groups???
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This is how it was with our school... we had to fight hard to get it moved to the languages department... I know that part of it had to do with the agreement between the other major university in the state... to this day, my undergrad school cannot offer interpreting degrees, and we were limited with what levels could be offered.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
I'm the same way, I only text on my phone and I absolutely hate talking on the phone because I can't hear half of anything.

What annoys me is when you try to explain to people your deaf and their like "oh but you can speak fine, lip read, and you hear sometimes so your not really deaf right?" *rolls eyes*
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I *HATE* that! My two older daughters get upset because I won't call them on phone. We're working through that (ie: Skype) but it drive me insane!! Even younger daughter phone me on cell and the first thing from my mouth is, "I can't hear on phone will call back." Uggh! TEXT ME!! Is that *SO* hard to understand????
 
ladysolitary85 said:
I'm the same way, I only text on my phone and I absolutely hate talking on the phone because I can't hear half of anything.

What annoys me is when you try to explain to people your deaf and their like "oh but you can speak fine, lip read, and you hear sometimes so your not really deaf right?" *rolls eyes*
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*nodding* yes, this is the exact conversation I had repeatedly this weekend. My friends forget, quite frequently, because I usually work hard enough to keep up with conversation (which I can do one-on-one pretty well) by lipreading, body reading, etc that they don't know how little I actually catch. I speak with only a little bit of an "accent." Some sounds bother me, and being in noisy environments is often exhausting and overwhelming for me. So clearly, I'm hearing.

I was too tired this weekend to work at it... it was a full weekend of (all-hearing) social events, although I did run into some ASL students here and there. By the Sunday bbq, I just didn't. have. the energy. So I smiled, I enjoyed being in company, watching my kidlet play, but I didn't participate... and my one signing friend didn't try to help. I caught something about aliens, someone said ice cream, and there was something about a tattoo and possibly seizures that they actually wanted me to pay attention to...

I found out later that pretty much everyone just thought I was being b*tchy and that possibly I was angry... How many times can I explain that following words takes energy? How many times can I tell them that I get frustrated, and that I can't follow group conversations?

*rant over*
 
RachelRene said:
*nodding* yes, this is the exact conversation I had repeatedly this weekend. My friends forget, quite frequently, because I usually work hard enough to keep up with conversation (which I can do one-on-one pretty well) by lipreading, body reading, etc that they don't know how little I actually catch. I speak with only a little bit of an "accent." Some sounds bother me, and being in noisy environments is often exhausting and overwhelming for me. So clearly, I'm hearing.

I was too tired this weekend to work at it... it was a full weekend of (all-hearing) social events, although I did run into some ASL students here and there. By the Sunday bbq, I just didn't. have. the energy. So I smiled, I enjoyed being in company, watching my kidlet play, but I didn't participate... and my one signing friend didn't try to help. I caught something about aliens, someone said ice cream, and there was something about a tattoo and possibly seizures that they actually wanted me to pay attention to...

I found out later that pretty much everyone just thought I was being b*tchy and that possibly I was angry... How many times can I explain that following words takes energy? How many times can I tell them that I get frustrated, and that I can't follow group conversations?

*rant over*
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I totally get what you're saying. I changed my social life to a more pleasant format which is smaller more intimate get togethers although i will attend the occasional big party where I can easily mingle and chat one on one with friends. I did the best at my own parties - as hostess, I was in control and could easily flit from chatting with one one person to the next and keep busy introducing people and their interests to each other and not be tied down in large group conversations.

You said something interesting in your post though: "How many times can I tell them that I get frustrated and that I can't follow group conversations?"

Why are you going to places where you can't follow group conversations? If you don't have the energy that day to keep up, then don't go. It's not worth all that effort only to come home in a bad mood because you were left out. Don't put yourself in that situation in the first place. Cold hard truth is ... this will never change. People, including family and friends, will always forget, that's life and while you are certainly entitled to feelings of frustration, don't expect people will change if they hadn't already after knowing you.

Some of my friends said that they forget because I do so well one on one with them that it slips their mind that I wouldn't do as well in group conversations.

So, in situations where there is a group conversation, you have a choice: you can either work at being pro-active at socializing in groups, which is hard work and requires strong social skills and lots of energyor you can make up some excuse and leave and happily go home where you can relax and revel in the pleasure of watching closed captioned movies and make a note to yourself next time you want to see friends, to see them one or two at a time.
 
RachelRene said:
*nodding* yes, this is the exact conversation I had repeatedly this weekend. My friends forget, quite frequently, because I usually work hard enough to keep up with conversation (which I can do one-on-one pretty well) by lipreading, body reading, etc that they don't know how little I actually catch. I speak with only a little bit of an "accent." Some sounds bother me, and being in noisy environments is often exhausting and overwhelming for me. So clearly, I'm hearing.

I was too tired this weekend to work at it... it was a full weekend of (all-hearing) social events, although I did run into some ASL students here and there. By the Sunday bbq, I just didn't. have. the energy. So I smiled, I enjoyed being in company, watching my kidlet play, but I didn't participate... and my one signing friend didn't try to help. I caught something about aliens, someone said ice cream, and there was something about a tattoo and possibly seizures that they actually wanted me to pay attention to...

I found out later that pretty much everyone just thought I was being b*tchy and that possibly I was angry... How many times can I explain that following words takes energy? How many times can I tell them that I get frustrated, and that I can't follow group conversations?

*rant over*
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Wow! Do I *EVER* relate!

I honestly do not care if hearies think I'm bitch. Don't care. You don't care enough to understand how *I* need to communicate with you then f$$k off!!

I feel bad for you. I relate so much to what you write. :kiss:
 
DeafCaroline said:
I totally get what you're saying. I changed my social life to a more pleasant format which is smaller more intimate get togethers although i will attend the occasional big party where I can easily mingle and chat one on one with friends. I did the best at my own parties - as hostess, I was in control and could easily flit from chatting with one one person to the next and keep busy introducing people and their interests to each other and not be tied down in large group conversations.

You said something interesting in your post though: "How many times can I tell them that I get frustrated and that I can't follow group conversations?"

Why are you going to places where you can't follow group conversations? If you don't have the energy that day to keep up, then don't go. It's not worth all that effort only to come home in a bad mood because you were left out. Don't put yourself in that situation in the first place. Cold hard truth is ... this will never change. People, including family and friends, will always forget, that's life and while you are certainly entitled to feelings of frustration, don't expect people will change if they hadn't already after knowing you.

Some of my friends said that they forget because I do so well one on one with them that it slips their mind that I wouldn't do as well in group conversations.

So, in situations where there is a group conversation, you have a choice: you can either work at being pro-active at socializing in groups, which is hard work and requires strong social skills and lots of energyor you can make up some excuse and leave and happily go home where you can relax and revel in the pleasure of watching closed captioned movies and make a note to yourself next time you want to see friends, to see them one or two at a time.
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^^^^^^ This!

Every so often I venture to 'crowd' event and I am a nervous wreck. Knowing, well in advance, that I'm setting myself up for frustration and anger. Avoiding isn't right either because then we become, how do you say, hermits?

I like your idea about hosting because then *WE* control the conversation. If it gets to be too much we can move to another area and talk one on one with someone else.

I'm getting better at reminding hearies of my needs when it comes to communication. I just did it about two week ago at work because we have new staff who do not really know me. I send email out, filling them in, and they have been amazing ever since. Education is key. If people don't know they can't accomodate our communication needs.

As for the ones who already know, well, I'm thinking I'm going to wear Sunny Signs t-shirt that say, "I'm not ignoring you. I'm Deaf." That will remind them. :giggle:
 
rebeccalj said:
I *HATE* that! My two older daughters get upset because I won't call them on phone. We're working through that (ie: Skype) but it drive me insane!! Even younger daughter phone me on cell and the first thing from my mouth is, "I can't hear on phone will call back." Uggh! TEXT ME!! Is that *SO* hard to understand????
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huh... strange... you would think your daughters, like many youths, would have no problem texting people since texting seems to be a common choice of communication.

I don't have this problem with my parents.
 
Jiro said:
huh... strange... you would think your daughters, like many youths, would have no problem texting people since texting seems to be a common choice of communication.

I don't have this problem with my parents.
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I do not think they have text plan. I will have to ask. It's long distance.
 
For the first time in years... my mom... who hates the tv remote... figured out how to put captions on her new tv for me tonight when I came to visit her. Perhaps she finally starting to realize I'm not going to change, this is me. I am severely losing my hearing and now I have to communicate differently.

Now, I don't expect every hearie to accommodate for me... however, I do expect them to be respectful to me if I chose to voice off or I don't hear them. I actually found out today from my ENT that my hearing loss may have to do with a neurological issue. Volume isn't always the problem but how my brain processes words and the nerve maybe facing damages.... make any sense? that topic is under a whole new thread though, ugh.

I feel extremely out of place in social events only because, I feel weird when I don't know whats going on.

My biggest arguement lately with a friend "well can't you get one of those implant thingies?"

number 1.... I don't have that kind of money... number 2.... I don't find the risks worth it for me personally... number 3. I realize its not going to give me complete normal hearing, so why would I go under a knife for something that isn't a guarantee result?

To those who did, more power to you, your brave and I couldn't do it. But please don't think for a second I'm bashing because I'm not :)
 
DeafCaroline said:
I totally get what you're saying. I changed my social life to a more pleasant format which is smaller more intimate get togethers although i will attend the occasional big party where I can easily mingle and chat one on one with friends. I did the best at my own parties - as hostess, I was in control and could easily flit from chatting with one one person to the next and keep busy introducing people and their interests to each other and not be tied down in large group conversations.

You said something interesting in your post though: "How many times can I tell them that I get frustrated and that I can't follow group conversations?"

Why are you going to places where you can't follow group conversations? If you don't have the energy that day to keep up, then don't go. It's not worth all that effort only to come home in a bad mood because you were left out. Don't put yourself in that situation in the first place. Cold hard truth is ... this will never change. People, including family and friends, will always forget, that's life and while you are certainly entitled to feelings of frustration, don't expect people will change if they hadn't already after knowing you.

Some of my friends said that they forget because I do so well one on one with them that it slips their mind that I wouldn't do as well in group conversations.

So, in situations where there is a group conversation, you have a choice: you can either work at being pro-active at socializing in groups, which is hard work and requires strong social skills and lots of energyor you can make up some excuse and leave and happily go home where you can relax and revel in the pleasure of watching closed captioned movies and make a note to yourself next time you want to see friends, to see them one or two at a time.
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You're absolutely right--I've been realizing more every day that I need to make changes in who I choose to spend time with, and in what settings, and that I need to give myself permission to decline if I'm feeling too tired or frustrated to deal with it.

I was actually okay with the bbq; there were only 4 people there, plus the kidlets, and I was feeling mellow and okay just being around people I care about. I wasn't feeling excluded, and if I had gone home I think I would have felt sad that I was skipping out... my frustration was with how my quietness was interpreted.

I have lived pretty much in isolation for the last three years, and during that time I went from moderate-severe loss to severe to profound. It's only been the last six months that I've been living in an area near my friends, where I've been trying to go into social situations, and I am realizing that it's more of an adjustment than I originally thought.

This forum has helped me to accept some things... one of them being that I need to advocate for *myself* and my needs. Another is that I need to stop setting myself up for frustration--if I'm not going to have the energy to be in an all-hearing group environment, then I need to pass, and feel okay doing that. But most of all, I need to make a better effort to connect with the Deaf community in my area.

:ty: For your replies (all of you!)... they've given me a lot to think about.
 
It's hard to feel included in a group when you often feel excluded. For me, it helps to know that I am not the only one that struggles with this issue. Good luck and let us know if you come up with an interesting coping mechanism! I might want to use your ideas!!! :)
 
Cheetah said:
It's hard to feel included in a group when you often feel excluded. For me, it helps to know that I am not the only one that struggles with this issue. Good luck and let us know if you come up with an interesting coping mechanism! I might want to use your ideas!!! :)
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So true!!
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Ladysolitary, it makes sense. When volume is increased, there is more distortion. I explain that my hearing loss is like listening to the adults on a peanuts cartoon. Or one of those ancient speakers we used to have at fastfood drive thru.
 
Cheetah said:
It's hard to feel included in a group when you often feel excluded. For me, it helps to know that I am not the only one that struggles with this issue. Good luck and let us know if you come up with an interesting coping mechanism! I might want to use your ideas!!! :)
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I hate group conversations and ppl dont understand why. I like to talk to people one on one so I can have their full attention. Nothing wrong with that,right? :lol: People are so fookin' clueless these days.
 
RachelRene said:
I found out later that pretty much everyone just thought I was being b*tchy and that possibly I was angry... How many times can I explain that following words takes energy? How many times can I tell them that I get frustrated, and that I can't follow group conversations?
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I'm beginning to realize that I might be perceived this way by others (as a jerk, etc) when I can't participate in group conversations or respond.

I'm generally a gregarious sort of fellow. But that doesn't come across in group spoken conversations, because I can't hear them and participate.

Last semester, after one class was over, I was packing my captioning laptop into the bag and getting my stuff ready to carry out. I was just doing my thing and I noticed the person sitting in the next row over, slowly turning her head and looking at me with a slightly disgusted look.

So I "expanded" my awareness to try to understand this, and I turned my head and saw someone about 12 feet behind me who was calling my name. It was a buddy from another class. I did not hear him calling me and he didn't really know yet that I couldn't hear well.

The woman to the side of me was looking at me with disgust because she thought I heard him and was just being rude to him.

I wasn't being rude. I didn't know he was calling to me, because I did not hear him.

No one has ever told me that I seem rude or whatever... so there's no opportunity for me to directly counter such misunderstandings. But I'm beginning to realize that I could easily seem rude to others just because I'm not hearing them and not responding to their verbal prompts.

They are treating me as if I am a full hearing person, even when there are cues that I am not (such as the captioning laptop or the mic the teacher is wearing so the captionist on the other end can hear the teacher and transcribe the lecture so I can read it on the screen.)

It just baffles me sometimes the lack of observation and thinking some people have. And they never take a moment to consider that maybe, just maybe, this conception, this so-called "understanding" of what they see and hear, just might not be correct.

It is so frustrating. All I want is to get along with people and make friends, and enjoy life. Then you have people who seem willfully ignorant (ignorant, I can understand, it's the willfully ignorant that really p*ss me off) and who seem to go out of their way to make life difficult for you.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
I am dead serious! I was sooo mad circling the language building then going off to find in the journalism building where its supposed to be. Really??? can someone else explain this to me???
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No, but I would be interested to hear THEIR explanation for it.
 
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