Feeling Socially Awkward in the Hearing World

ladysolitary85

ladysolitary85

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I'm starting to come more to terms with my increased deafness and accepting more things though it. I'm happy with myself and I haven't been comfortable in my own skin for YEARS. Music isn't the same for me, but I'm learning how to listen to it in a different way rather than to shut it completely out. Conversations are a hit and miss in person. Over the phone? no way.

Couple nights ago I went to the bar with my friends for fun, I couldn't understand much of anything socially, but liked the beat to the music. Though my friends with me at that time were making sure I had fun.

One of my best friends decided to video chat with me eariler.... and wanted to bring in some guy for the video chat, and of course.... being oblivious that I couldn't hear her, she still continued to talk.... then tells me shes going to talk with him and catch up with me later. I tried to confront her on my feelings.... but I don't think she quite understands how I feel. She keeps swearing to me I should try ear candling....

So, my question is, is how do/did you deal with friends not understanding your deafness?
 
Hope someone who will be able to answer your questions.

First of all, I am sorry that I couldn't be able to give you some answers. So I am curious about your all experiences how to approach to hearing friends who you used to hear, now not anymore. I wish you a luck to find the soluation with your friends.


For me, obviously, i was born profoundly Deaf. I flatly out tell any strangers or new hearing workers that I use ASL to communicate so write or paper or body languages or so. I have no problem at telling them. I don't make many hearing friends that much, just three only from my work but plenty of Deaf/HOH/Interpreters friends.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Send your friends the link to a hearing loss simulator and ask the to listen. It helps hearing people understand. My husband was shocked about how I perceive back ground noise.
 
Probably nobody else will give you this advice, but have a large family, and make it your life.

You are not going to feel happy in the hearing world.
 
Ugh, I think we have the same friends.

I have one friend who's known me for years... so she knows that I have a hard time hearing. She has pointed out the numerous instances where I've guessed wrong in conversations (because that's how I've operated my whole life... hearing about half of what people are saying, maybe less, and guessing the rest)... but now that my hearing has gotten so much worse, she can't wrap her head around the fact that I can NOT hear her. At all. Her voice is too low, and her mouth doesn't move, so lipreading is hard. She continually tries to call me on the phone, even though I've told her time and time again that I cannot hear her on the phone. She won't text me. She always wants to do video calls, but then moves to where I can't see her.

She's not the only one.

As I've said in other threads, I think it's hardest on my friends who've known me when I still had some hearing left. It's an adjustment for them, too. They're used to interacting with me a certain way, and because they only interact in a hearing world, they don't *think* about it.

As for how I deal with it... well. I'm working on that. As of right now, I don't. It's not entirely my hearing friends' fault--I'm the one who pretends I understand things when I don't, I'm the one who doesn't let on that I hate groups because I can't catch anything, I'm the one who doesn't tell them that sometimes I'm so frustrated I cry.

They think that the HA's are a miracle cure, I guess. I have new ears, so clearly I have normal hearing now. No matter how many times I try to explain that it doesn't work like that, no matter how many times I try to explain the number of sounds that my brain doesn't process any more, they don't understand.

My advice (that I should take myself) is to try to talk honestly with them, maybe one on one. Tell them what you need... that if you can't see them, you can't hear them, for example.

I'm hoping other people have better advice, and solutions, because honestly... It's getting harder on me by the day. That's why I'm on this forum in the first place (when I'm really supposed to be working :)
 
sallylou said:
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Send your friends the link to a hearing loss simulator and ask the to listen. It helps hearing people understand. My husband was shocked about how I perceive back ground noise.
Click to expand...

Do you have that link?? I would like to see it.. :)
 
I have friend that knew me from childhood and I have have lost count of how many times I told her not to yell at me on the phone! I have a new HA and it taking me time to get use it being a push button HA, if I did not push my HA right I have a hard time hearing on the phone . If this happen when my friend call me she yell HELLO to me! And it really hurt my ear, no matter how many time I tell my friend this she just does not get it!!
 
sallylou said:
This one's a really good site. I has all types of hearing loss.

Hearing Loss Sampler

People are generally reluctant to change. Change takes a lot of conscious work. Some people will do it, and some people won't. Adjust your effort in the relationships accordingly.
Click to expand...

Thanks.. I will show a few people this link.... Perhaps it will help some of them understand. I also shared it on Facebook so some of them can check it out. :)
 
RachelRene said:
Ugh, I think we have the same friends.

I have one friend who's known me for years... so she knows that I have a hard time hearing. She has pointed out the numerous instances where I've guessed wrong in conversations (because that's how I've operated my whole life... hearing about half of what people are saying, maybe less, and guessing the rest)... but now that my hearing has gotten so much worse, she can't wrap her head around the fact that I can NOT hear her. At all. Her voice is too low, and her mouth doesn't move, so lipreading is hard. She continually tries to call me on the phone, even though I've told her time and time again that I cannot hear her on the phone. She won't text me. She always wants to do video calls, but then moves to where I can't see her.

She's not the only one.

As I've said in other threads, I think it's hardest on my friends who've known me when I still had some hearing left. It's an adjustment for them, too. They're used to interacting with me a certain way, and because they only interact in a hearing world, they don't *think* about it.

As for how I deal with it... well. I'm working on that. As of right now, I don't. It's not entirely my hearing friends' fault--I'm the one who pretends I understand things when I don't, I'm the one who doesn't let on that I hate groups because I can't catch anything, I'm the one who doesn't tell them that sometimes I'm so frustrated I cry.

They think that the HA's are a miracle cure, I guess. I have new ears, so clearly I have normal hearing now. No matter how many times I try to explain that it doesn't work like that, no matter how many times I try to explain the number of sounds that my brain doesn't process any more, they don't understand.

My advice (that I should take myself) is to try to talk honestly with them, maybe one on one. Tell them what you need... that if you can't see them, you can't hear them, for example.

I'm hoping other people have better advice, and solutions, because honestly... It's getting harder on me by the day. That's why I'm on this forum in the first place (when I'm really supposed to be working :)
Click to expand...

Once again, your situation and mine are really similar. I had to "come out" to my friends and explain the situation plain and simple. I told them that if they didn't try to adjust "I will deliberately avoid you". My 2 best friends just enrolled into an ASL class that we'll take together in the beginning of September. My mom got a cellphone so we can text (huzzah!) and my siblings were born in that era where texting and IM'ing replaced voice calls. I guess I'm pretty lucky, but I did lose some friends and I do experience a lot of disappointment when meeting new people...
 
Anyone get accused of over reacting? Especially the professionals? When I saw my hearing loss, I knew what was going to happen. My grandpa was deaf, and I watched my mom lose her hearing. They were like "hey, it's mild what's the big deal?" I know that a lot of people on AD have mentioned that professionals were surprised at how quickly they have lost hearing.
 
My audi fell off her chair when she compared my results from 6 years ago with last week's.
 
ladysolitary85 said:
I'm starting to come more to terms with my increased deafness and accepting more things though it. I'm happy with myself and I haven't been comfortable in my own skin for YEARS. Music isn't the same for me, but I'm learning how to listen to it in a different way rather than to shut it completely out. Conversations are a hit and miss in person. Over the phone? no way.

Couple nights ago I went to the bar with my friends for fun, I couldn't understand much of anything socially, but liked the beat to the music. Though my friends with me at that time were making sure I had fun.

One of my best friends decided to video chat with me eariler.... and wanted to bring in some guy for the video chat, and of course.... being oblivious that I couldn't hear her, she still continued to talk.... then tells me shes going to talk with him and catch up with me later. I tried to confront her on my feelings.... but I don't think she quite understands how I feel. She keeps swearing to me I should try ear candling....

So, my question is, is how do/did you deal with friends not understanding your deafness?
Click to expand...

I haven't had a friend who didn't understand my hearing problems, because if they didn't, they wouldn't be my friend for very long. :cool2:
 
Well, here is another place where it is different for everyone. For me I started talking more. In groups where I couldn't hear....I did the talking. I also joked about my hearing loss quite a bit....this seemed to help others become more comfortable with it. I try not to view the world as hearing or deaf but just one world.

As for bars that has always seemed like my turf. Between lipreading and different HA programs I usually communicate better than hearies in bars.

The key is to find what makes you happy and live that way. Look at me and Bott.... Our lives are polar opposites yet we are both happy....any we would both be miserable living the life of the other. So, there is no magic answer....you just have to figure how you want to live.
 
Dixie said:
I haven't had a friend who didn't understand my hearing problems, because if they didn't, they wouldn't be my friend for very long. :cool2:
Click to expand...

I've had a few....and some family as well. They got the boot.
 
Sometimes I awkward how feeling scared and shy because social awkard reason communication:lol: I do brave challenge face to face strong!!
 
When I lived Calif. I would go back east to visit my mom, and I told her would be coming out and asked her to buy a phone I hear on. And I told mom I would
made sure to have my bathtub have a safety handle for her. I kept my words but when I got to my mom's house she did not have a phone for me! I was really hurt , my mom still did not get it after all these years !
 
See thats why I mentioned friends, not family. Family is a little tricky to just push out of your life.
 
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