Just borrowing this hypothetical situation; hope you don't mind.Eve said:
Huh? Your hubby is the one who showed that HE couldn't be trusted because he was smoking.Liebling:-))) said:
Well, let's see. Hubby was the one who had the porn mags. Hubby was the one who lied. I would say, hubby was the one at fault.
Yes, that is lying. I think this proves that lying is bad. Lying prevented your MIL from getting the immediate medical help that she needed.
No one is obligated to answer the door for someone who shows up unexpectedly. I don't know how you let him think that you are not home but it wasn't really necessary.
Why make up an excuse? Just say, "I am sorry, I prefer not to discuss that topic." That is a polite answer, it is the truth, and it doesn't offend anyone.
So you showed your children that lying is acceptable because Mommy does it. That is a wonderful example.
Then why do you do it, especially in front of your children?
Liza
Oceanbreeze said:
http://www.yeartosuccess.com/google.cgi?searchengine+form2+Never, Ever Lie.html
Reba said:
Huh? Of course my hubby know he's wrong. His parents should explain him why he did wrong instead of scream on him in attack way. Their form of discplinie lead him into liar and neglect his trust on his parents. The parents are not suppose to spy hubby's privacy thing to find porn mags. It's not first time, they confronted my hubby - something like that they found new sweater in his cupboard and scream on him where it come from. My hubby was likeand told them that the sweater, he got the gift from his Aunt. What his parents did is hurt my hubby's trust. They show no respect his privacy. I would not spy my children's privacy thing in their rooms but respect their privacy and would not scream my children because they did wrong but explain them in positive way.
wow, you show no understand and respect for the people who are scared to face the truth. Yes, I know she's stubborn but I do not label her as liar because I know she is afraid to face the truth. We told her off because her healthy comes first than worry to face the truth about her healthy.
I only give you the example what I did not answer the door to make them think I'm not in home.
I say again, I only give you an example what I did. Yes, I know what/how to say them in respectful way.
Like what I said to them, "Thank you for remind me but I can't make up today or Sorry I have no time for today, it'll be okay next time" - the reason I do that because I don't want them know the reason why I can't make up today. They respect me with no problem because they don't have to know why.
I has no problem to discuss with anyone because we are straightforward people.
Still out there use methods: Deny, Lying teeth, Inoccent looks, and much more...
jazzy said:
Liebling:-))) said:
~ Indeed excellent choice!
Liebling:-))) said:
If he was under age 18 and living at home they certainly had the right AND the obligation to check on him. Parents should look for porn, drugs, weapons, and stolen goods in their kids' rooms. If the parents don't do that, then we see their kids on the TV news later after they were caught in a series of robberies or school shooting. Then the parents are interviewed and say, "I didn't know he had stolen property in his room" or "I didn't know he had guns in his room."
Maybe his parents were suspicious of him because of his past lies and cover ups. He gave them reason to distrust him.
That is the same thing that the parents of school shooters and drug users say until it is too late.
Why do they have to know the reason? If you politely said you can't make it, you don't need to explain the reason, and so you don't need to lie. No problem.
How can a parent "respect" a child's wish to lie?
I find it bizarre that your children ever request you to lie for them, especially if you have taught them that lying is wrong.
I am glad that you do protect your children but I just don't understand why you use lies to do it. You say that you are a straightforward person. Why can't you just tell the children that they can't play with your children?
"Thank you very much for thinking of me."
I would let her speak to her friends herself. That is how she can develope her own social skills. Her friends can't "force" her to go out. If they try to physically force her, I would stop them.
If we didn't have the mother-daughter chat about lying before she became a teenager, then that would be too late.
Of course not. But I don't try to justify my sins. I call them sins and confess them. I don't try to make excuses for them.
No difference.. still counts part of lying too.. lying is sins too..
you said, I don't try to make excuses for them.. *sound alike you was habits "an excuses" ?
Sorry, I was not clear.Bullym0m said:No difference.. still counts part of lying too.. lying is sins too..
Conspircy (sp)
Reba said:
Again?
Where have I mention "again"?I thought you know that alot of teenage children "experimented" anything with their mates out of curiously.
Well my hubby never being volience/criminal or trouble with police in his life as what you mean. He grew up in a VERY strict parents. They were not allow anything what they like and have little freedom.
I´m disagree to your point over form of discipline. My hubby told me that he wish to have a parent that he can talk anything openly and comfortable with since he look at his mates´s parents. Yes, I´m agree that it´s his parent´s behavior who caused him to lie, hide anything etc. He don´t tell his parents anything what he doing in his life, it´s not just because he don´t feel comfortable to talk with them but feel distant from them. They dont have an emotional relationship. That´s why my hubby never want our children end like this but want them feel comfortable and talk anything to us openly without fear.
Disagree:
As what you describe sound that the kids were being neglect by their parents... Why they got weapons, drugs, stealing from? Perhaps they (parents) didnt talk to their kids about drugs, sex, criminals etc. etc.? Perhaps they don´t bother to control their children´s odd behavior?
Yes, I limt my children´s life and control their behavior everyday.
Yes, my children knows that I clean their rooms and put clean clothes in drawers and cupboards, desk etc because I told them. If I saw something then I would not jump and accuss too quickly or scream on my children. I would not scream on my 16 years old children if I saw porn mags :roll: but respect their privacy. I see nothing wrong that 16 years old read porn mags. :roll:
If you want your child to grow up to be a good human, then sit and have a good talk to them and become close with them. If they feel comfortable with you, they will ask for your advice.
The parents need to give their kids some trust. What´s parent for? They are supposing to be PARENT, not spies.
The children will feel being violated & very angry if you spy their privacy thing to satisfy your curiously. It´s parents who choose to push their children´s trust away and make them hide more and more.
My opinion that the parents should confidence themselves, then their children will do right thing. Relax, and have some trust in children because they should deserve their parent´s trust.
It´ll be okay if you raised them correctly to lead them into good path.
Disagree:
It´s parent´s behavior/form of discipline lead him to lie and hide more and more. He don´t have to tell his parents anything if he don´t want to. He depend his trust more on his aunt than his parents. No Wonder! His parents should be GLAD that my hubby never have drugs, volience, criminal & trouble with police etc in his life. They didn´t say one word how proud they are of his son. :roll:
Oh, I thought it´s sort of "excuse" I made. okay.
No, it´s nothing do with lie but feeling. All what I do is show my respect on my child´s feeling. I explained him why I don´t like to make it for him (see my previous post).
It´s nothing do with lie but respect my children´s feeling as they would respect us in return. That´s why we have no problem for show respect each other. They show their trust on us and feel close to us. They understood when I explained them why I don´t want to do that in the future if they continue me to do for them. I told them to sort with them themselves. They will alway come to me if they has the problem. They show NO fear to talk ANYTHING with us. My children do that very rarely.
Again, it´s nothing do with lie but respect. Yes, I´m straightforward and open mind. I´m very good listener when they want talk me with their problems. I advise them in positive way what they should do or not. If my children don´t want it then respect it and protect them, then explain them afterward why it´s not right.
Of course that´s why I taught my children for that.
Do you mean at age 13 your hubby didn't know that smoking, and hiding the evidence in his pocket were wrong, and that was the first time in his life that his parents said don't smoke? If he didn't know it was wrong, why did he try to hide it?Liebling:-))) said:Again?
Where have I mention "again"?
I didn't mean that he was a criminal or violent.
I agree that parents should not yell and scream at their children. Parents should speak calmly and rationaly with their children.
That still did not excuse him from smoking, lying, and looking at porn.
Good. That is a positive action.
That is describing parents not checking the kids' rooms.
Perhaps they talked to their kids and the kids decided to follow their mates instead of their parents. Perhaps the parents trusted the kids and didn't check their rooms.
I am not saying that you have to "scream" at your kids. You can confront them in a calm way.
Hmmm...I guess if there are "reasons" for lying, then there are "reasons" for reading porno. If it is wrong to feed garbage to children's bodies, why is it OK to feed garbage to children's spirits and minds?
A good human who lies and reads porno without guilt...
I didn't say to "spy" on them to satisfy curiousity. I think you should be honest and straightforward and let them know that it is your house, and that you will check for contraband. That is not spying because you give them that warning. That is not sneaky.
If the kids are so trustworthy and honest, what are they "hiding"?
Kids earn that trust by behaving in a trustworthy way; they don't hide things and they don't lie.
Amazing! I know that children have that attitude but I never before heard of an adult saying that. Do you have that same philosophy for your own children?
Sigh...I just don't understand how teaching a child to lie by a parent's example is showing "respect". It seems more like teaching them rebellion and deception.
I can see why. Apparently anything goes, so there is nothing to fear.
Reba said:
