Deaf With Schizophrenia

[deaftears]

No. Being diagnosed with schizophrenia sometimes seems to present an insurmountable hurdle of dignity. Being deaf I'm always alone with my thoughts of injustice. The days of passionately making out with my girlfriend are over. I see quite a bit of character assassination. I don't know anyone in politics who is above that.

 

[Reba]

... My using his computer code as a screen name is confidential. ( I am not the real Phillip C McGraw PhD)....

No! Really? I thought you were the real deal. Thanks for the disclaimer.

 

[rockin'robin]

Oh My...think you would get along just famously with one of my neighbors....he loves to talk. talk. talk!....I have to run away to get away from him....:rl:

 

[deaftears]

I don't know that many people really. My circle of friends is very small. Robert Fripp ran a human contact underground for a while in the 80's and I tapped into his school for magic dances or whatever you call Claymont, where his guitar craft seminars were.

Gabriel was just someone I interviewed for Allegheny View, our campus newspaper, but we played a little poetry game where I gave him the opening line to a poem and he completed the line.

The evidence at texasschoolbook - Home is often assumed to be a hazing operation that was an offshoot of involvement with Claymont. Zell, who wrote the "injecting people" document was at Northeon Forest with Walter Hoderewski, who I met at Claymont.

The problem is that the way I really know Zell is through contacts in Art School that include members of a gang named in the writings of Gail Burstyn which speak of the murder of Martin Luther King and give a date for the assassination of Lennon.

They must have been surprised to get away with it so openly that their letters are in the public domain, circulated to college professors, raised with police and the FBI and I think Gabriel did just that for them by coming up with their cover story for Zell.

Nevertheless the fact remains that the comments Zell alludes to, "what would you think of a scheme to transform the human race by injecting the blood" predate the appearance of AIDS as did planning for the Mt. Desert Island entrapment operation with intent to do bloodtesting.

Schizophrenia is just one of the injuries that they inflicted as a cover operation. Oh, look at the schizoid man telling everybody what we done hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

 

[deaftears]

I'll try to sum up before this thread closes.

There are three glowering primary causes for concern, all coming from the same political action group/social program:

1. The deafness and nerve trauma.
2. The Lennon/King Murder papers.
3. The AIDS Testing operation archive.

The letters were written in 1974 several years before AIDS started and are encrypted with the plan. The AIDS testing archive and nerve injury emerged from the same political action.

In other words, those who released AIDS left a message out in broad daylight and the authorities evidently supported them.

 

[JadeSkye]

I just want to say- it must be HELL living in your head!! I am truly sorry that you have to deal with this on a daily basis. That being said- I also think you should take the advice some others have suggested and use this forum to discuss DEAF issues (which this is NOT- no matter how many times you insist that your deafness was caused by these events). It would also be a good idea to seek out the help of a therapist who could help you process through these thoughts ("memories" as you see them) you are having so you can begin to have some peace in your life.

You admit you have schizophrenia yet you refuse to see how this might be playing out in your "memories". I suggest a therapist because not only can they help you with the schizophrenia issues but if you truly did experience some form of trauma in your life, they can also help with that. I work with many people who have experienced some sort of trauma in their lives and I will say that the biggest help for them a lot of times is working with a qualified therapist. Therapists are trained to help you sort through your thoughts and either reprocess how you feel/think about them so that they are not as debilitating or help you move past those events so you can learn to live your life in the present, not always triggered by the past (or in your case, the "perceived" past).

You don't mention at any point if you are currently or ever have been medicated. This might be something to look into as well. Even a mild case of schizophrenia could probably be benefited by medication. You also don't mention here (not sure if you have mentioned before in other threads) what level your deafness is. My thought is, from my understanding of schizophrenia, a lot of hallucinations are auditory (like voices and such) and if you are severely or profoundly deaf (or if your deafness falls in a range where you would not be able to hear speech for the most part) then maybe you can work on reminding yourself that these things you are hearing CAN'T be true because you CAN'T hear. Just my thoughts on the subject.

But, like others have also suggested, you probably won't take the advice. Or change your tactics. Because it really doesn't sound like you either a) WANT to change things or b) CAN change things (because your schizophrenia is so bad that you are just interpreting all our talk as crazy talk from people who are buying into this crazy plan to make you look crazy so no one believes your story). I hope you at least take my advice to seek a qualified therapist, if for nothing more than to try to give your mind some rest and some peace. Like I said in the beginning of this insanely long post: it must be HELL living in your head!! Best wishes!

 

[deaftears]

I do see a therapist and take medication. I am almost completely deaf. I'm sorry for the turbulence I caused you. It may seem like hell, and it is sometimes, but the evidence is clearly a historic cause and if I gave up then there would be nobody trying to get across the meaning of the events documented by these neglected archives. Accordingly, while you mean well, I take my testimony and thus the work involved, much too seriously to put it aside.

Having said that I can see why you would want me to settle down and stick to deaf issues here. We have after all gone through the basic issues and evidence and it has helped me to arrive at language I am comfortable with presenting the case to new persons.

 

[NitroHonda]

I do see a therapist and take medication. I am almost completely deaf. I'm sorry for the turbulence I caused you. It may seem like hell, and it is sometimes, but the evidence is clearly a historic cause and if I gave up then there would be nobody trying to get across the meaning of the events documented by these neglected archives. Accordingly, while you mean well, I take my testimony and thus the work involved, much too seriously to put it aside.

Having said that I can see why you would want me to settle down and stick to deaf issues here. We have after all gone through the basic issues and evidence and it has helped me to arrive at language I am comfortable with presenting the case to new persons.

What do you want, James? What do you want from me? How can I help you help you? What exactly is it that you are trying to accomplish. Honestly, I don't see it?

I've read all the evidence. I hear you man. Now what?

 

[deaftears]

There just doesn't seem to be any justice in the United States. This woman, Gail Burstyn, should have been arrested. People should have consoled me for being tortured by such a hideous gang. They were ferocious. My father was a dignified and dedicated educator at the University of Pittsburgh. Shouldn't they have shown some interest in my rehabilitation after something this scummy?

 

[Reba]

There just doesn't seem to be any justice in the United States. This woman, Gail Burstyn, should have been arrested. People should have consoled me for being tortured by such a hideous gang. They were ferocious. My father was a dignified and dedicated educator at the University of Pittsburgh. Shouldn't they have shown some interest in my rehabilitation after something this scummy?

How old were you when you told your parents about these things? What did they each say or do?

 

[deaftears]

I didn't confide in my parents at the time. I was prelingual and in shock. I didn't know what to say. I was dealing with armed men who were using serious narcotics. My mother with whom I was living tended to scare the life out of me by screaming at me. I was alone.

I had made no connection in my head between the letters and the violence that engulfed me. It took years to snap out of it.

 

[Reba]

I didn't confide in my parents at the time. I was prelingual and in shock....

I'm confused. In your introductory thread, you stated that you were late deafened as an adult. That wouldn't be prelingual. Also, in later threads, you claim that the abuse that caused your deafness happened during your pre-adolescent years. That's not prelingual age either. You seem to be getting younger and younger each time you mention your onset of deafness.

 

[drphil]

The following is an excerpt from Medical and Nursing Encyclopedia, Coles Book, Toronto 1980. Schizophrenia- pages 442/443.

There is a disintegration of the personality of the subject, who becomes detached from the world in which he lives. There is no loss of intelligence, but the thinking powers are confused. There is disturbance of emotional behaviour and conduct. The condition usually develops in those on the threshold of life-the adolescent.

The onset is usually slow and the subject becomes particularly shy and dreamy, he appears preoccupied and may write strange letters to imaginary persons.Thus his behaviour is opposite to his former self. He may have auditory/visual hallucinations/delusions.

The are 4 types;
simple- becomes apathetic. loses interests in everything

hebephrenic-introvert living in a world of fantasy.

catatonic-lives in a world fantasy/delusions entering the state of stupor

paranoid- develops slowly with delusions and easily are suspicious taking offense. They feel inferior to others and develop delusion of grandeur to boost their morale.

Aside: no reason to detail the treatment.

 

[green427]

I do see a therapist and take medication.

Contradicting yourself again here....I'm pretty sure you said meds don't work so you stopped...

Having said that I can see why you would want me to settle down and stick to deaf issues here.

Because we really don't give two shits about those stories you keep posting. Not getting anywhere with those. Save them for your therapy sessions.

Do people visit turbocharger websites to read repeat posts about how to make pudding? No, they visit pudding recipe websites.

 

[deaftears]

I'm confused. In your introductory thread, you stated that you were late deafened as an adult. That wouldn't be prelingual. Also, in later threads, you claim that the abuse that caused your deafness happened during your pre-adolescent years. That's not prelingual age either. You seem to be getting younger and younger each time you mention your onset of deafness.

That would be confusing. My hearing loss was gradual. The age when I was attacked, starting at about eleven, when I was relying on what I thought and hoped was just diplomatic skills, talking my way out of gang violence, was before I had a suffficient grasp of the world to put together the ideas of organized crime. I learned sign language late because my hearing loss was so gradual. I was coping with deafness by straining until that became impossible. I'm now basically completely deaf.

Schizophrenia explanations explain a good deal about me and nothing about the evidence. Medicine is for schizophrenia it cannot rewrite text. The letters stand as written to me and what they say is very obvious with analysis.

Writing letters to imaginary people sounds fun, by the way, I'll have to try that sometime.

Torture made me schizophrenic by the way. You can read my essay http://theeveningfire.wordpress.com

I think I should add that the reason the University of Pittsburgh helped Will Zell do his entrapment society action of demonstration in HIV testing justification is to help those who started AIDS justify it and pull it off and I consider that more important than one schizophrenic person who cannot live with that fact or having their name put in a script about it.

 

[Reba]

That would be confusing. My hearing loss was gradual. The age when I was attacked, starting at about eleven....

Age 11 is not usually pre-lingual. Are you saying that you had no language with which to communicate with your parents at age 11?

 

[deaftears]

Why do you make everything sound like an accusation, Reba? I simply explained that I couldn't formulate an understanding of the brutality and my mother was not in my confidence, she was almost never there.

 

[Reba]

Why do you make everything sound like an accusation, Reba? I simply explained that I couldn't formulate an understanding of the brutality and my mother was not in my confidence, she was almost never there.

Perhaps being confronted by the truth is painful for you.

I hope it leads you to seek meaningful professional help.

 

[ambrosia]

Should I be Captain Obvious and say......how do we know you didn't write those "letters" yourself hmmmmmm?

 

[TXgolfer]

No! Really? I thought you were the real deal. Thanks for the disclaimer.

You need to get real!