Dating and Dining on a FIRST Date, do you....

[DeafCaroline]

I dont know...i think the fairest way is to pay according to your income - like for example you and your boyfriend live together, he brings in 70% of the income, he pays 70% of the electrical bill so that you're both paying in proportion to your income and one is not suffering more economically than the other.

i avoid dutch daters like the plague because the impression i get from that is that they are not very generous people and care only about themselves. I grew up being taught to be a very generous person and that's just how i am so if some guy invites me out on a romantic date than looks the other way as he slides the bill across the table, he will never hear from me again.

 

[paperclip]

I dont know...i think the fairest way is to pay according to your income - like for example you and your boyfriend live together, he brings in 70% of the income, he pays 70% of the electrical bill so that you're both paying in proportion to your income and one is not suffering more economically than the other.

i avoid dutch daters like the plague because the impression i get from that is that they are not very generous people and care only about themselves. I grew up being taught to be a very generous person and that's just how i am so if some guy invites me out on a romantic date than looks the other way as he slides the bill across the table, he will never hear from me again.

I never realized dutch dating could come across as not being generous. Good point.

Would you say that one person paying the bill and switching would be better than splitting the bill consistently? (with the assumption that both individuals make the same income)

 

[VacationGuy234]

If a guy invited me out for dinner, I expect he pays.

Vacationguy - Women do not go out on dates just to get a free meal...is that what you really think?

I agree, if the guy is asking for the date he should pay. And, the great majority of men do.

As a deaf guy who cannot go to bars, yes, online dating has a lot of women who just go out for the free meal. You could argue they go out for the company too, but there is no intention of starting a relationship, it's just something to do.

 

[DeafCaroline]

I agree, if the guy is asking for the date he should pay. And, the great majority of men do.

As a deaf guy who cannot go to bars, yes, online dating has a lot of women who just go out for the free meal. You could argue they go out for the company too, but there is no intention of starting a relationship, it's just something to do.

I can tell you as a woman, who has three sisters and many many female friends that one a single one of them ever said she went on a date just to get a free meal.

it's really too bad you think of women that way.

 

[VacationGuy234]

I saw this on news about $1200 worth of free meals. If a guy doesn't want this to happen, why not do something else? Maybe a stroll in park or go to a museum?? Does a guy have to take a woman out on a $$$$ meal the first night out?? Trust me, if a woman is concerned, she'll tell we don't have to go out to a $$$$ restaurant. If a woman is expecting you to pay Red Lobster prices every nights, then she is not for you. She'll be happy with an IHOP dinner if she enjoys being around you.

This is a true statement and I agree with it, you don't have to offer an expensive dinner. I do think this is the right way to go and the way you should go.

However, your logic is flawed if you think two equally attractive guys(or worst one that is not as attractive), were one is asking to go to McDonald's and the other offers an expensive restaurant are going to get equal treatment. Now, this doesn't mean she's gold digging, but honestly, which one would you choose?

In general, you don't pay you don't play. That's not to say good looks or being a musician can't trump this, but the only thing the woman has to go on is what's being offered.

 

[VacationGuy234]

I can tell you as a woman, who has three sisters and many many female friends that one a single one of them ever said she went on a date just to get a free meal.

it's really too bad you think of women that way.

Caroline, you are a nice, honest and very attractive woman, but the rest of the world does not work like you do. I'm sorry, but it happens a lot more than you think.

 

[Jiro]

Caroline, you are a nice, honest and very attractive woman, but the rest of the world does not work like you do. I'm sorry, but it happens a lot more than you think.

I don't get it. You said it is generally expected that gentlemen pay for food on first date.... and yet you think most of women are doing it just for free meals.

 

[rockin'robin]

If a friend, or what I consider is a "friend" and nothing more....says "Let's go out for Dinner."....I will say, sure...we'll do Dutch!...If he protests, I still stand by it, because, IMO...some guys think if they take you out for dinner and drinks...then you're "obligated"....I don't like that feeling!

Plus, with the economy the way it is....There is no way I would "use" a man to take me out for a nice dinner/drinks and blowing him off when he thought we might hit it off....Many men do this!...Saying..."I took you out to dinner and drinks and I spent a lot of $$ on you!"...when you resist his advances....

Older men do have more money (it seems), and some are actually honest and generous....not expecting anything in return...just ur company....

 

[dereksbicycles]

This is a true statement and I agree with it, you don't have to offer an expensive dinner. I do think this is the right way to go and the way you should go.

However, your logic is flawed if you think two equally attractive guys(or worst one that is not as attractive), were one is asking to go to McDonald's and the other offers an expensive restaurant are going to get equal treatment. Now, this doesn't mean she's gold digging, but honestly, which one would you choose?

In general, you don't pay you don't play. That's not to say good looks or being a musician can't trump this, but the only thing the woman has to go on is what's being offered.

Obviously, I'll prefer a fancy restaurant. 98 or 99 % of people will prefer fancy restaurant too.

Yes, I do pay sometimes for my girlfriend and me. It does not always have to be a fancy restaurant. We've done Steak 'N' Shake few times.

 

[Banjo]

Quite a few interesting viewpoints I'm seeing here.

 

[VacationGuy234]

I don't get it. You said it is generally expected that gentlemen pay for food on first date.... and yet you think most of women are doing it just for free meals.

What's not to get? I do think guys should pay and I do think some women just want the meal.

My point is that with threads like this (important threads in my opinion) the focus is on the money when the argument is more about the act.

To men, it isn't about the money so much as not being led on, no different than when a guy leads on a woman that he loves her both are deceptive.

So, when women ask who should pay the argument comes up because guys have been burned not because of the price, this little information is always missing, IMO.

 

[ladysolitary85]

I recently went on a date with this guy at Starbucks. I ended up paying for my drink. We both came up with the idea of the place since its low key, no pressure kind of thing.

 

[Jiro]

What's not to get? I do think guys should pay and I do think some women just want the meal.

My point is that with threads like this (important threads in my opinion) the focus is on the money when the argument is more about the act.

To men, it isn't about the money so much as not being led on, no different than when a guy leads on a woman that he loves her both are deceptive.

So, when women ask who should pay the argument comes up because guys have been burned not because of the price, this little information is always missing, IMO.

O_o

 

[VacationGuy234]

If a friend, or what I consider is a "friend" and nothing more....says "Let's go out for Dinner."....I will say, sure...we'll do Dutch!...If he protests, I still stand by it, because, IMO...some guys think if they take you out for dinner and drinks...then you're "obligated"....I don't like that feeling!

Plus, with the economy the way it is....There is no way I would "use" a man to take me out for a nice dinner/drinks and blowing him off when he thought we might hit it off....Many men do this!...Saying..."I took you out to dinner and drinks and I spent a lot of $$ on you!"...when you resist his advances....

Older men do have more money (it seems), and some are actually honest and generous....not expecting anything in return...just ur company....

Robin, I agree that is the right thing to do. Although, I've had a quite a few attractive female friends who when given the choice of a dutch dinner with a friend or one of the guys who have offered to take her to dinner the friend doesn't get that much weight, plenty of last minute cancellations on that deal. This could very well be because women don't make as much as men in general and I can accept it as a valid reason.

 

[VacationGuy234]

This is just one male's perspective, but I've noticed something in regards to this aspect, and I don't mean it as an offense to any women in this thread. Observing social experiments taking place in public are one of my favorite past times to watch, anyway.

In my experiences, women who expect almost every meal to be paid by the guy regardless if it's a friend, date or whatever occasion... They always have seemed to share the same personality traits. Wanting, taking things for granted. It's sort of like noticing they expect things to be given to them.

However, on the flip side I'm sure it does not apply to all women, nor do some men care. Some people are okay with it, or it may be their incentive to feel they must pay for a woman. Different strokes for different folks, just my $. 2c.

I agree with this.

To be fair, many times if a woman wants to pay she can't because the guy won't let her. And if the guy doesn't get another date in that case, he has nothing to complain about.

 

[DeafCaroline]

I don't agree at all. if I were going out with friends - we all take care of our own bills. note to self: avoid dating guys who think women are just out for a free ride.

 

[rockin'robin]

I think, in most cases, if a guy asks a lady out for dinner (at a classy place)...then he's interested in her...or just wants to "score"..If the lady isn't interested in the guy...then she has a right to say No...she's busy...or whatever...but if she would just enjoy the company/friendship, then say...Let's do Dutch!

It gives both of them a chance to sort of feel each other out, to see if they would like to or care to see each other again...

There are guys who will just ask a lady out to dinner...a classy place....thinking he'll impress her and then score....that's what pisses me off.

 

[howag]

I don't agree at all. if I were going out with friends - we all take care of our own bills. note to self: avoid dating guys who think women are just out for a free ride.

Looks like vacationguy just lost his chance! jk

 

[VacationGuy234]

I don't agree at all. if I were going out with friends - we all take care of our own bills. note to self: avoid dating guys who think women are just out for a free ride.

Then you avoid guys who think realistically and you won't go out with guys who are not generous so what does that leave you? Fortunately, there is a bigger pool of these types of men than you can imagine.

 

[DeafCaroline]

Yeah, that's happened to me a few times where the guy fully expected to get laid after taking me out for a fancy meal. It's like _"oh, i didn't realize you expect me to prostitute myself for free food". it's so offensive they would ever have such expectations.