Beginning to feel rather worthless, and not sure how to handle it

AlleyCat said:
You ARE going through a lot of changes. I have been deaf all my life, but some days it feels like I experience new things with the rudeness and lack of understanding I get from people, so I can really relate to you in many ways.

I have NEVER been comfortable speaking in front of crowds or strangers, so it's understandable how you're feeling. I feel like I am a VERY outgoing person and had I been hearing, I would have made an excellent orator. But I shy away from this because of my deaf voice. It's normal to feel uncomfortable about situations that have changed for you -- don't let it get you down. You are simply doing the best you can -- who cares about the hearing people out there who don't understand? You just be you.

I have a set of parents that I have difficulty relating to, so I can understand the scenario with your mother. I used to use a TTY as a youngster, then the Relay (which felt so cold and impersonal) and then the Captel. However, my Captel has broken several times now, so it is no longer working as of late. So I email my parents instead. And with that, I have gotten grief now about how "I don't call anymore" .. They have even shared this "annoyance" to other parents of friends I have. I wish they would realize they have a deaf child (even though I'm an adult now) and that communication is so much more easier in other ways. They will not text me, etc. Sometimes you can only do so much with parents, I'm sorry to say. I attribute it to them being part of an older generation and not as up-to-date on technology and ease of communication methods.

I suspect this is what you're dealing with as far as your mom is concerned, and you just have to know you are doing the best you can.
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:hug: I really thank you for your comment. I am so sorry that you feel held back by your hearing loss. I know it's something that affects every part of life. For me, even when I was hearing I was terribly shy and akward. In fact, I'm going to the doctor today to see if they can help (again) with my anxiety on the point. I love people...but can't handle much more then one-on-one comfortably as a rule. When I started losing my hearing, it affected my speech even more, because the nervous stutter then became either too soft or too loud. I'm pretty good now at keeping it at a nice level, my husband says...and I don't stutter when I comfortable. I will try to take your advice and just be me. My parents do love me...they are just the type of people who would rather I didn't admit to be disabled and continue to act as though I am on the same hearing level as I was before. This is obviously not the case and not the best way to handle the situation. I would much rather contine to try adjusting, even if it isn't easy. Thanks so much for your advice!
 
You know, I know how you feel. I have had progressive SN HL and reached the profound level. Well, just past friday while at work, my ears completely died (found this out only after leaving to go to ENT doc and get test) so now BOTH my ears are dead. To be honest, I knew this was a possibility but I am not ready for this to be happening right now. Im taking the massive doses of steroids, but it doesnt seem to be helping. Im not copeing real well. So.... Just wanted to share with you that there is someone out there who knows how you feel. Hang in there and I hope it gets better for you.











November Gypsy said:
Well, before I start, I would like to say that I don't normally grovel in self-pity...espeically over my loss of hearing. But, I am having a bad night tonight, and I need to vent, and, hopefully, I'll feel a little better.

I've had progressive hearing loss for 3-4 years now for an unknown reason. I realize that there are a lot of worse things out there, and so, for the most part, I try to just cope and be happy. I'm now considered severely hoh, and I'm finding, more and more, that people mumble (if they speak at all) and that I can barely hear my baby cry, even with the hearing aids. This isconcerning, but again, there are ways to cope, so normally, I just deal with it.

Lately though, my beloved husband has been getting more and more impatient with me. I can see his eyes harden with irration when I have to ask again and again what he said. I love him so much, and to know that I am bothering him breaks my heart.

My mother (who lives a way away from me) doesn't understand why I don't like to talk a lot on the phone. She doesn't understand that I can't understand her very well and that I get exausted from trying.

I also stutter when I'm nervous, and since I am nervous around crowds (i.e. grocery stores), I stutter while trying to explain why the cashier/pharmacist/receptionist/whatever I need them to speak up and look at me. They think I'm mentally challanged. If my husband's there, they will totally ignore me from that point on and only talk to him, or, if he isn't, they'll treat me as if I might suddenly start rocking and flapping my arms or start screaming hysterally or something. This is so unfair, and it really hurts my feelings. I'm going deaf, and I stutter. It doesn't mean I'm mentally challenged. How do you deal with this? Is there a way to be polite and kind but make it clear that you aren't an imbecile? And how do you deal with people you love most in your life suddenly having very little patience for something you simply can't change? I know I sound like I'm whining, but I really just need some advice. I'll be more together tommorrow...just right now I feel so very alone and worthless.
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gyspy, life is shitty, hard and unfair. Im not winning but im also not losing, tettering in the middle its which side of the fence im looking at that counts....heck, I dont even feel like reading right now , sowwy but I will promise myself to read this thread properly when my moods picks up. I have been reading 300+ pages in last 2 days so im just tired gonna lie in sofa under blanket and a hottie (hot water bottle) and two kittens will snuggle up and watch "State of Play" new film...that's one of the way how i cope...
hang in there, i know whats is like too, for one thing I sometimes feels like wanna go postal....
 
Your husband does not sound very understanding! You're the one that losing your hearing! You need to let your beloved husband know how hard this for you and that he need to get use it having to repeat what he say .
If that does not work , have him write it down . You need tell you mom that are not able to use the phone and she cand send you emails or whatever you use. I am sorry to hear that your family is only thinking about how hard it is for them when you're the one the really having a hard! Maybe you can find some info on line that explain to hearing people how to live with someone losing their hearing. I still have to remind my daughter to not get mad at me because I can understand on the phone!
It also has to be very hard for you not be able hearing your baby cry .
 
November Gypsy, did you have your husband listen to the simulation? This helped my husband understand what was going on with me. Listening to a simulation makes a person really understand. It wasn't that he wasn't listening to me explain it, but that he had no real conception of what I was and wasn't hearing. He listened to the noise background portion of the simulation and said, "that's what you're hearing?!?" I highly recommend that you have you husband listen and talk about it.

The unknown is frightening. I understand how you feel. You need other people around you who understand what you're going through. I'm glad that you found your way here. :grouphug:
 
sallylou said:
November Gypsy, did you have your husband listen to the simulation? This helped my husband understand what was going on with me. Listening to a simulation makes a person really understand. It wasn't that he wasn't listening to me explain it, but that he had no real conception of what I was and wasn't hearing. He listened to the noise background portion of the simulation and said, "that's what you're hearing?!?" I highly recommend that you have you husband listen and talk about it.

The unknown is frightening. I understand how you feel. You need other people around you who understand what you're going through. I'm glad that you found your way here. :grouphug:
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Where you find a simulation? I would love to have my family listen to one !
 
hey

What I don't understand is, I hang out with hearing and deaf people, I've only been learning ASL for 4 months today. However, honestly I can communicate just as well with hearing and Deaf people(not talking science or something just casual conversation). Maybe I'm just a fast learner, but I can chat for hours with people using ASL with full understanding. Plus if your speech is good that makes things even easier(normally good for latent deaf's). Also parents who don't learn any sign even tho they have deaf or hoh children. Come on at least the basics aren't too hard, I mean family is important. Anyway thats the way i see it and I really don't understand it. Plus if I get married I want to be in love with my wife for her personality and if she ended up losing her hearing I would hope to have the patience her(or any other condition). I guess I would say being a guy if you try to make the best of your situation and help him to understand a good way to communicate with you. I would think that would help a lot.
 
I hope the lady who started this thread is okay

What was happening sounded really rough to me, losing her hearing, new baby,
way reluctant family understanding, lifetime shyness problems. I wish her all the best. I admire her willingness to reach out. We all know how tough that can be.
 
There are many people out there who are impatient. It hurts when spouse does that.
"For better or worse". He will have to learn to adjust to learn to communicate with you. Sign Language....you may lose more hearing.
It's not the end of the world for him to adjust....it could be a worse situation like medical sickness. Quit making excuses for him and get it thru to him that he needs to adjust by practicing patience...even when hyper. Speaking directly to you ...getting your attention first so you can follow the context from beginning. (Makes it easier to guess context and follow rest of string). Patience is a virtue that is learned.
Eye rolling.......it hurts you more than it hurts him.....you made an excuse that you are hurt to see him in pain. He will keep doing it then. You are the one in pain. You are here writing.
Need explain to your mother also. Texting may help. Sidekick etc.
Grocery clerks.....sometimes I hear nothing at all cuz they speak so softly and will not adjust. Some people refuse to raise thier voice. Part of life I try to accept and not feel hurt....it is them who are in the wrong...judgemental and unhelpful....develop a shell....hell with em....and let it go...not worth carrying it around....they are the lesser person.
Perhaps writing a note...carrying a small notepad. Often to complicated situation but sometimes helps.
Yes you and hubby need to learn sign maybe. takes time and patience.
good luck and hope you get feeling better and can learn to accept some things and adjust others. takes time.
 
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