Beginning to feel rather worthless, and not sure how to handle it

[November Gypsy]

Wow, , you are more smarter than we are and these are good suggestions that we have never thought to explain what to do with losing hearing like late deafen who are going through depression and grieving and so are the members of the family like November's husband and her mother who does not understand why we can not hear like the hearing people can hear. I am very impressed. I love it what you wrote and I am looking forward to reading more of your posts from you. I am very happy.

It was an amazing response, wasn't it!

 

[November Gypsy]

November Gypsy,

I wanted to post new thread/section as I am not trying to highjack here, but read you have LD - I have dyscalculia too! If you are ever interested, check out website specifically for folks with math LD - dyscalculia .org

My husband is hoh, very oral, reads lips some. He and I both kinda help each other, but sometimes he finds my LD very confusing. While I cannot offer a Deaf perspective, I can still say that I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best!

Have you checked out Starbucks Deaf chat? If u type in those key words, you may be able to find locations in your area. Also, religious institutions sometimes have Deaf services and various assistive listening equipment.
HUGS

I've never met anyone else with that LD! Wow! Thanks so much for contacting me. I'd love to message you sometime, if you don't mind. It seems to be pretty rare, and so it's nice to know their is someone else out there with it. I'll check out the link you gave me too. I am very, very, very shy...so I am a little nervous about Starbucks Deaf thing, but I will look into that too. You never know! Thanks so much!

 

[November Gypsy]

You know, this is just a thought....but since we do have several members that are dealing with recent hearing loss, would it be possible to start an AD online support group dealing with adjustment issues for those that would like to participate? I will offer my services as facillitator.

Wow! Great idea! I'd definately particapate. I don't know how it would get started though....(I'm new to the forum thing). Thanks for the suggestion! I really think it's a super thought!

 

[November Gypsy]

I love that idea Jillio. There are so many days where I don't know where to go and who to talk to and I just sit by myself in tears. I think it would help so many people here.

I know what you mean. I'm sorry it's so tough on you. But I promise we'll make it...just good days and bad days, I guess!

 

[jillio]

Wow! Great idea! I'd definately particapate. I don't know how it would get started though....(I'm new to the forum thing). Thanks for the suggestion! I really think it's a super thought!

Since CBE is a moderator, perhaps we'll let her relay the idea to the administrator.

 

[josey]

My partner was the same getting more frustated than I after awhile . That I get bits and pieces of what he says . So now its do you even listen to what I say he says . I say would if I could hear and if you would go in the good side ,maybe stand in front of me not fcing away ............. maybe talk to me in the same room and not try yelling from the other room.
This is getting worse and worse here .......... I don't have insurance to see what is what at the moment let alone get hearing aids at this time .

Then somedays its like I can hear clearly and like I use to but the ears HURT and burn sometimes .Sometimes noise are so LOUD !! then He claims that I sohuld be able to hear everyday ( this is not very often as it once was in the start )

 

[Babyblue]

You know, this is just a thought....but since we do have several members that are dealing with recent hearing loss, would it be possible to start an AD online support group dealing with adjustment issues for those that would like to participate? I will offer my services as facillitator.

I feel this is also an awesome Idea!





A lot of people do come here after a sudden hearing loss asking questions and seeking advice.

It would be wonderful to have.

 

[November Gypsy]

My partner was the same getting more frustated than I after awhile . That I get bits and pieces of what he says . So now its do you even listen to what I say he says . I say would if I could hear and if you would go in the good side ,maybe stand in front of me not fcing away ............. maybe talk to me in the same room and not try yelling from the other room.
This is getting worse and worse here .......... I don't have insurance to see what is what at the moment let alone get hearing aids at this time .

Then somedays its like I can hear clearly and like I use to but the ears HURT and burn sometimes .Sometimes noise are so LOUD !! then He claims that I sohuld be able to hear everyday ( this is not very often as it once was in the start )

Aw, honey. I'm sorry. I have to say I have it a lot better then that with my spouse. He is very good most of the time. He even tries to come up with ways to help me hear better. Of course, I am super-sensetive, and I can take looks from him really hard. I don't have a husband who doesn't believe I can't hear, and, for the most part, unless I have an ear infection, I don't hurt. So, I'm sorry. I wish I could give you a hug! I really do. Thanks for answering.

 

[dogmom]

November Gyspy,

would like to do the messaging but don't think I have enough posts here, cuz I am pretty new; am happy to honor the "friendship request" but am not sure how <maybe a mod. can tell me?> .....am not techie-oriented - but am happy to show support to you

 

[Secretblend]

November Gyspy,

would like to do the messaging but don't think I have enough posts here, cuz I am pretty new; am happy to honor the "friendship request" but am not sure how <maybe a mod. can tell me?> .....am not techie-oriented - but am happy to show support to you

It shows that you have 80 posts. You have enough to be able to send and recieve PM.

 

[verasch]

i'm so sorry to read what you are going through.

i don't think that your husband is a prick. i can only imagine what i would be feeling if the love of my life suddenly had something happen to her that i couldn't change or fix myself. i would be going mental. men are fixers. we see a problem and we work our minds around finding a solution to it. i would argue that he is probably not coming to terms with it at all. worse, he might also be thinking that it is only temporary, like something that will change over time. or he might be tricking himself into believing that it doesn't exist, which is harder to undo.

it's all due to traumatic stress, which doesn't let people think rationally. it explains what you are dealing with too. i sincerely hope the best for you there. my suggestion would be to sit down with him and have a real heart to heart. i would try to be as honest as possible, without bringing up how frustrated you are that he doesn't have patience with you. simply because you want to have a conversation that goes somewhere, not get into an argument. i would talk him into going to your sign class with him. it would be an excellent way for you learn asl (it's what we're doing now, always easier with another learner).

as for your mother, everyone has problems with their mother! i can hear just fine and it seems like she doesn't always get it. it's wicked frustrating. i'd let that one be and work towards a long term solution.

i do have an idea though. i would recommend you buy her a laptop (like a wicked cheap one) and a web cam. you could tell her that since she is so far away, this way she can see the baby more often. just when you talk to her, don't use the microphone, use the chat. when she talks to you, ask her to use the keyboard because you have crappy speakers (in a way it's true). my thinking is that as she starts to understand you require a different way to communicate it will help her to identify ways to do it.

hang in there, it sounds like people here are willing to give you a hug when you need one. oh, and i have dyscalculia too. among other things :roll:

 

[Miss-Delectable]

Sorry to hear you're having a down moment. All advices the others made is great and useful. One you've done ASL then you can create a sign name for your daughter! Wouldn't that be great?

Hope you'll get the assistance you need and whatever help there can be had for you.

 

[dogmom]

thank you Secretblend-

hello, another finger-counter here, verasch!

my support to all who are going through challenging times!

 

[November Gypsy]

i'm so sorry to read what you are going through.

i don't think that your husband is a prick. i can only imagine what i would be feeling if the love of my life suddenly had something happen to her that i couldn't change or fix myself. i would be going mental. men are fixers. we see a problem and we work our minds around finding a solution to it. i would argue that he is probably not coming to terms with it at all. worse, he might also be thinking that it is only temporary, like something that will change over time. or he might be tricking himself into believing that it doesn't exist, which is harder to undo.

it's all due to traumatic stress, which doesn't let people think rationally. it explains what you are dealing with too. i sincerely hope the best for you there. my suggestion would be to sit down with him and have a real heart to heart. i would try to be as honest as possible, without bringing up how frustrated you are that he doesn't have patience with you. simply because you want to have a conversation that goes somewhere, not get into an argument. i would talk him into going to your sign class with him. it would be an excellent way for you learn asl (it's what we're doing now, always easier with another learner).

as for your mother, everyone has problems with their mother! i can hear just fine and it seems like she doesn't always get it. it's wicked frustrating. i'd let that one be and work towards a long term solution.

i do have an idea though. i would recommend you buy her a laptop (like a wicked cheap one) and a web cam. you could tell her that since she is so far away, this way she can see the baby more often. just when you talk to her, don't use the microphone, use the chat. when she talks to you, ask her to use the keyboard because you have crappy speakers (in a way it's true). my thinking is that as she starts to understand you require a different way to communicate it will help her to identify ways to do it.

hang in there, it sounds like people here are willing to give you a hug when you need one. oh, and i have dyscalculia too. among other things :roll:

Thanks! You had some great suggestions. And, you are right. My husband isn't a prick. In fact, we usually get along very well. I suspect that you are right about the whole 'fixer' thing. I am also sure that it must be hard to adjust to such a situationk, even if you aren't the one with a disability. Thank you for your insight! As for the webcam idea...wonderful! Do you know, I think I'll try it. It may help. It really scares me that so many people have troubles with their mothers, because I am one now too, and I really really really don't want my daughter to feel the way I do about the mother-daughter relationship. I worry about that. I have sat with Jason and he is very eager to help...he just gets a little fustrated some times. I understand that. Wow. Another person with dyscalulia! I am so glad to meet you! And, yes, people here are willing to give hugs, and, boy, do I appriecate it! I thank you again!

 

[jillio]

I agree, NG. Your husband isn't being a prick. He is dealing with the changes in both your lives that are brought on by your hearing loss in the only way he knows how. When what he knows from his own hearing persepctive is not necessarily effective from a deaf perspective, he becomes frustrated. He doesn't have the skills available to do anything other than what he is doing. When we do all we know to do, and it still doesn't work, we become frustrated. It is a normal reaction.

Late onset deafness requires adjustment on the behalf of everyone. You have to adjust to your changing role, and your changing perceptions of yourself, and he has to adjust to the same as it impacts his idea of the way things are "supposed to be." His idea of the way things are supposed to be are based on the way things have always been in the past. Change is difficult for everyone, and especially so when it is not a change we have chosen, but a change we have simply been given. He simply needs to understand that change is required from both of you, not just you.

 

[Babyblue]

I agree, NG. Your husband isn't being a prick. He is dealing with the changes in both your lives that are brought on by your hearing loss in the only way he knows how. When what he knows from his own hearing persepctive is not necessarily effective from a deaf perspective, he becomes frustrated. He doesn't have the skills available to do anything other than what he is doing. When we do all we know to do, and it still doesn't work, we become frustrated. It is a normal reaction.

Late onset deafness requires adjustment on the behalf of everyone. You have to adjust to your changing role, and your changing perceptions of yourself, and he has to adjust to the same as it impacts his idea of the way things are "supposed to be." His idea of the way things are supposed to be are based on the way things have always been in the past. Change is difficult for everyone, and especially so when it is not a change we have chosen, but a change we have simply been given. He simply needs to understand that change is required from both of you, not just you.

I agree. It may be hard for everyone to adjust to the hearing loss. Maybe he (the husband) could use some coping counseling as well. To help him understand and deal with her hearing loss. If he truly loves her he will be there for her.

Some people have a harder time coping with issues like this.

 

[jillio]

I agree. It may be hard for everyone to adjust to the hearing loss. Maybe he (the husband) could use some coping counseling as well. To help him understand and deal with her hearing loss. If he truly loves her he will be there for her.

Some people have a harder time coping with issues like this.

Absolutely. Adjustment to disability counseling includes the family members, as well.

Don't blast me for making gender stereotypes....but, men generally have a more difficult time with this adjustment, whether the disability is their own or a family member's, than do women.

 

[AlleyCat]

Well, before I start, I would like to say that I don't normally grovel in self-pity...espeically over my loss of hearing. But, I am having a bad night tonight, and I need to vent, and, hopefully, I'll feel a little better.

I've had progressive hearing loss for 3-4 years now for an unknown reason. I realize that there are a lot of worse things out there, and so, for the most part, I try to just cope and be happy. I'm now considered severely hoh, and I'm finding, more and more, that people mumble (if they speak at all) and that I can barely hear my baby cry, even with the hearing aids. This isconcerning, but again, there are ways to cope, so normally, I just deal with it.

Lately though, my beloved husband has been getting more and more impatient with me. I can see his eyes harden with irration when I have to ask again and again what he said. I love him so much, and to know that I am bothering him breaks my heart.

My mother (who lives a way away from me) doesn't understand why I don't like to talk a lot on the phone. She doesn't understand that I can't understand her very well and that I get exausted from trying.

I also stutter when I'm nervous, and since I am nervous around crowds (i.e. grocery stores), I stutter while trying to explain why the cashier/pharmacist/receptionist/whatever I need them to speak up and look at me. They think I'm mentally challanged. If my husband's there, they will totally ignore me from that point on and only talk to him, or, if he isn't, they'll treat me as if I might suddenly start rocking and flapping my arms or start screaming hysterally or something. This is so unfair, and it really hurts my feelings. I'm going deaf, and I stutter. It doesn't mean I'm mentally challenged. How do you deal with this? Is there a way to be polite and kind but make it clear that you aren't an imbecile? And how do you deal with people you love most in your life suddenly having very little patience for something you simply can't change? I know I sound like I'm whining, but I really just need some advice. I'll be more together tommorrow...just right now I feel so very alone and worthless.

You ARE going through a lot of changes. I have been deaf all my life, but some days it feels like I experience new things with the rudeness and lack of understanding I get from people, so I can really relate to you in many ways.

I have NEVER been comfortable speaking in front of crowds or strangers, so it's understandable how you're feeling. I feel like I am a VERY outgoing person and had I been hearing, I would have made an excellent orator. But I shy away from this because of my deaf voice. It's normal to feel uncomfortable about situations that have changed for you -- don't let it get you down. You are simply doing the best you can -- who cares about the hearing people out there who don't understand? You just be you.

I have a set of parents that I have difficulty relating to, so I can understand the scenario with your mother. I used to use a TTY as a youngster, then the Relay (which felt so cold and impersonal) and then the Captel. However, my Captel has broken several times now, so it is no longer working as of late. So I email my parents instead. And with that, I have gotten grief now about how "I don't call anymore" .. They have even shared this "annoyance" to other parents of friends I have. I wish they would realize they have a deaf child (even though I'm an adult now) and that communication is so much more easier in other ways. They will not text me, etc. Sometimes you can only do so much with parents, I'm sorry to say. I attribute it to them being part of an older generation and not as up-to-date on technology and ease of communication methods.

I suspect this is what you're dealing with as far as your mom is concerned, and you just have to know you are doing the best you can.

 

[hambon]

This is a wonderful idea. I'm now communicating with someone online who has recently lost her hearing and introduced her to this site. Hopefully she will register over the next few days when time permits.

It is a wonderful idea. I just turned 30 and lost my hearing about 3 years ago from a medicine and it has been going down since (80db now / 60 speech discrepancy + brutal tinnitus). I have been through alot of tough times mainly on my own and am learning ways to cope/deal with family,friends,work,life in general since it is a loss on both sides. Its a tough road but i believe that with a group effort we can make things easier for all of us...

I have found it hard to find people in this bracket(late deafened or HOH) and this would really help alot of people not just now...but the more to come.

For the OP- I really do feel for you and what your going through and to know that everything happens for a reason so no matter what look at the brighter side of things...this could be a blessing in disguise..

 

[November Gypsy]

It is a wonderful idea. I just turned 30 and lost my hearing about 3 years ago from a medicine and it has been going down since (80db now / 60 speech discrepancy + brutal tinnitus). I have been through alot of tough times mainly on my own and am learning ways to cope/deal with family,friends,work,life in general since it is a loss on both sides. Its a tough road but i believe that with a group effort we can make things easier for all of us...

I have found it hard to find people in this bracket(late deafened or HOH) and this would really help alot of people not just now...but the more to come.

For the OP- I really do feel for you and what your going through and to know that everything happens for a reason so no matter what look at the brighter side of things...this could be a blessing in disguise..

Thanks!