Beginning to feel rather worthless, and not sure how to handle it

[VamPyroX]

My husband, I think, is a little scared.He is loving, but he has some depressional issues and I think he doesn't really think out how he is acting sometimes. My mother...my mother is a whooolllleee other ballgame. I love her, I really do, but she is not...very...easy to deal with. She just doesn't want me to 'accept' this. I think she thinks that if I keep fighting admitting that I can't hear, that maybe I won't go deaf. Not logical of course, but there it is. She's always been like that. She doesn't accept help when she needs it so she thinks that her children shouldn't either. Again, I love her....but...well...she is who she is. I have tried to talk to both. My husband can be very understanding...and then he forgets. But I suppose having to repeat oneself a hundred times would be very irriating. It breaks my heart to be a problem, that's the thing. I've always liked the background the best. And, now, I'm needing 'special' consideration. I will survive of course. And I will learn how to be me with out being able to hear, it's just frightening sometimes. Thanks!

Why not learn sign language?

You can always make a game out of it.

ASL is also beneficial for babies since they learn physical abilities before they learn verbal abilities. That's like hitting two birds with one stone. While teaching your baby ASL, you're learning ASL at the same time. Get your husband involved.

Even in bed, you can always make cute comments like... "I love you, baby!" or "Good night!" or "Good morning!" Anything small can eventually become big.

 

[jillio]

I didn't even know such a thing exsisted, to be honest (as far as the support group for adjustment to disability). Interestingly enough, I am learned disabilied (discalulia, if anyone knows what that means) and I was diagonised with Auditory Processing Disorder as a child. So I have adjusted to other issues, just having a little trouble with this one. My husband is really very loving...but he isn't 'getting' it, I don't think. But, how could he, really. I mean...you don't know what it's like unless you are hoh or deaf. Anyway, I will definately look into the things you mentioned! Thanks so much!

You are quite welcome. These support groups help family members as much as the one dealing with the disability. Disability affects the entire family system, and needs to be addressed from that standpoint.

Since you have adjusted sucessfully in the past, you have several strengths on which to build this time around. I wish you good outcomes. If I can be of further assistance, please ask.

 

[JennyB]

Sorry JennyB. I think I must have mixed you up with someone else. Someone lost the hearing about a year ago.

Now I don't know who it was.

No worries! My hearing did drop a year ago, becoming profound for the first time but I don't fit with the deafened group. I'm Deaf

 

[deafjellyfish]

Why not learn sign language?

You can always make a game out of it.

ASL is also beneficial for babies since they learn physical abilities before they learn verbal abilities. That's like hitting two birds with one stone. While teaching your baby ASL, you're learning ASL at the same time. Get your husband involved.

Even in bed, you can always make cute comments like... "I love you, baby!" or "Good night!" or "Good morning!" Anything small can eventually become big.

:P I totally agree! Just think how wonderful it will be to learn another language. You will be able to communicate with your child and ASL is a beautiful, visual language you will love!

 

[candybrowneyes]

November, I know exactly how you feel. My hearing has decreased also to a severe loss over the last 8mths. It is really hard to deal with the feelings that you have when no one around you understands how you feel. People get impatient with me as well. I will never forget one night I went out and my very own brother made me cry in front of all of my friends, he snapped at me and said " IT REALLY FRUSTRATES ME WHEN YOU CAN'T HEAR ME?!" I just looked at him with tears in my eyes and said, "If it frustrates you, then imagine how I feel because its hard for me to hear you, and that person and that person over there." He never thought of it that way.
I feel like I am in Limbo sometimes, stuck between two worlds. My friends and family don't want to understand that I will lose all of my hearing at some point and I have basically begged them to learn ASL. I have taken classes because when I learned my hearing would probably be gone it scared me. My boyfriend also has that problem with his family. People don't think how hard it is for you, usually only for themselves. I do my best to try to explain to them how I am feeling and what they do makes me feel terrible. My parents have gotten better and the people that understand it the most are my friends. Some people just repeat themselves because they understand I probably didn't hear them. But others just look at me like I am dumb. Try to tell them your feelings.
That is why I am glad I have AD, I can come here and people know how I feel and they make me feel better. If you EVER need someone to talk to my PM is always open as well as my IMs.. Hope you are feeling a bit better. <3

 

[November Gypsy]

Does anybody have a good link to the voice recordings of what a person with hearing loss is actually hearing?

If there is one, Gypsy, have your husband and mother listen to those recordings. I am hoping they would get the idea of what you are going thru.

That is an incredible idea. Has anyone ever told you that you are brilliant? You are. Thanks for the suggestion, and thanks for posting! :

 

[Bottesini]

I found this link if you want to use it.

Phonak hearing systems - Hearing loss simulation

 

[November Gypsy]

FYI - I by no means identify as 'late deafened". I was hoh my whole life and later it turned profound but I am Deaf. I use ASL close to 90% of the time and I am fully involved in the Deaf community. ASL is my first language, even if I did spend most of my youth oral

I didn't have a lot of the same issues that people who identify as late deafened do, but I can offer a little bit of guidance!

For the OP...

You mentioned you don't like speaking when you are alone. I don't like speaking either and most of the time I don't. Instead, I write notes or gesture. I have a little notebook and a pencil with me at all times. I have a few things in the book that I say a lot, like my order at 'Second Cup' or some of my main restaurant orders. I have my address and personal information written down so if I am at the pharmacy or doctors office and they need it I have it there and ready. I have important medical information pre-recorded too.

Someone else may have mentioned this already but I haven't had time to read all the posts!

Best of luck!

You do have some good guidance! You are right. I am beginning to dislike speaking very much. I have had a speech disorder all my life, but now that I am hoh, it is becoming unmanagable. I'm just not sure how my family would take it if I started doing that. And, I do want to help my hearing baby learn to speak...though she will probably have to learn alot of that from daddy and other people. I will start carrying a notebook around with me, I think. You have terrific advice! Thanks so much!

 

[November Gypsy]

Wow, have you been peeking into my life??

I agree with Jenny. I have given up talking. My terp (interpreter) told me that if I don't talk then the shop keepers don't expect me to hear.

Do:
>Keep a notepad and pen/pencil at all times
>Expect others to accomodate you - it's the law!
>Learn ASL and try to find deaf friends, churches, or even youtube! (gotta love that Coda Wann) Does your town have Deaf Pizza?? A night out with a deaf community or club?
>Have patience with "stupid" people. Nothing else works, just gets more :roll:
>Contact your local disability office, Jenny is absolutely correct.
I got a phone, lessons, one on one with a certified interpreter, and she
even gave my employers a good "talking to"!
>Sign with baby, baby sign classes are fun for you both and will improve his/her language conceptual skills. (baby understands and uses language faster) take care of that little CODA! (Child of Deaf Adult)
>Research Deaf Technology and use it. My qwerty keyboard is my friend!
>Ok, now this one is going to seem wacky - but - try to think of one or more GOOD things about deafness. Really! (like fewer calls from mom?)ha!

Heres my happy thoughts - My husband is an avid tv chanel surfer. We used to fight a lot about it. Now, so what??? I also sleep more soundly, storms etc. used to bother me. With your baby, you can get an alarm that will vibrate when baby cries.


Don't:
Give up
Get discouraged
Forget others care
Think that hubby doesn't love you.
He may be showing a stage of grief. My old fellow went fishing the day of the surgery when I went deaf. My friends were outraged. He just has a different way of grieving. He loves me and I love him, he shows his love in lots of ways. He is still kinda dorky. Like the time he told me Deaf looked great on a resume..... or that I would make a great terp.... sigh. I put some wax plug things in his ears for only 30 minutes so that he could see what it might be like. He agreed to do it. Man, was his attitude different afterwards.


I am no expert, but old and nosy counts for something! (Deaf/hoh and proud to be me) Lots of love your way, and I know it's hard, but find ways to cope, comp and maybe a little humor in small, appropriate places?

*Hugs to you* You are right about so many things, and it is comforting to hear someone else with such a similar experience. I am not good at all about pushing my rights. I am horrid at it, in fact. I have a really terrible habit of thinking that I'm just going to annoy the person, so I need to be quiet. I can see that this plan is probably not going to work for this situation. I'll have to figure out a way to change that, I suppose. I am trying to learn ASL, but have no idea if there is any kind of deaf community in the area. Maybe something would be in the phone book...but that's where my fear of crowds and stuff comes in. I do love people, I just get very shy. I didn't know there were baby sign classes, but, first thing tommorrow, I'm going to look and see if there is one in the area. I would LOVE that and so would my baby. She's very social. The technology overwhelms me a little. I don't understand it at all. But I do have a vibrating baby monitor that we just got today, and I love the thing to peices. I will have to get my husband to check into the tech part. He is much more savvy with that then I am. I will also be contacting the local disability office, prehaps on monday. I can't use the phone comfortably at all anymore...and it's driving mum crazy.

My mother, by the by, will never rest. She has a mood disorder and doesn't know when to quite. I love her. But I could explain and explain and explain and she will 'get it' and then a week later she will start again. It's not completely her fault. But it is very difficult. I don't do well with confrontation either, so my stress level on that point is super high.

Happy thoughts! Oh, I have them. Loud noises and noisy crowds used to be something that made me nervous, now I don't hear them! When I remember to count my blessings, that's one of the things I think of. I have ADD and so noises distracted me from things I was doing, so that's a plus too! You are so smart!

Giving up isn't in my vocab. That's not it. I do get very easily afraid that people don't care anymore or don't want anything to do with me. I am over-sensetive that way. I just want to do the best I can for everyone I love, and sometimes I'm not sure how to do it with the whole hoh thing.

My husband does love me. I know it. He's just trying to adjust, and is probably grieving some, like you said! I understand about husband's showing love in strange ways. I just sometimes wish it was in ways that I understood more clearly. Then again, we've only been married a year-and-a-half, so I have things to learn on that point too.

Thank you thank you thank you for your reply. You helped so much!

 

[November Gypsy]

Why not learn sign language?

You can always make a game out of it.

ASL is also beneficial for babies since they learn physical abilities before they learn verbal abilities. That's like hitting two birds with one stone. While teaching your baby ASL, you're learning ASL at the same time. Get your husband involved.

Even in bed, you can always make cute comments like... "I love you, baby!" or "Good night!" or "Good morning!" Anything small can eventually become big.

I am in a beginners class and am trying to begin teaching my baby. My husband is a little difficult to pin down on this, but I'll keep trying. You have such good ideas! I will start signing I love you and good morning to her...I know how to do that!

 

[November Gypsy]

You are quite welcome. These support groups help family members as much as the one dealing with the disability. Disability affects the entire family system, and needs to be addressed from that standpoint.

Since you have adjusted sucessfully in the past, you have several strengths on which to build this time around. I wish you good outcomes. If I can be of further assistance, please ask.

Thanks! I do want to ask what you mean by addressing the hoh from a whole family standpoint. I mean, I know what you mean by that, but how do you suggest doing it? I want to help everyone adjust, but I'm not sure how to begin.

 

[November Gypsy]

November, I know exactly how you feel. My hearing has decreased also to a severe loss over the last 8mths. It is really hard to deal with the feelings that you have when no one around you understands how you feel. People get impatient with me as well. I will never forget one night I went out and my very own brother made me cry in front of all of my friends, he snapped at me and said " IT REALLY FRUSTRATES ME WHEN YOU CAN'T HEAR ME?!" I just looked at him with tears in my eyes and said, "If it frustrates you, then imagine how I feel because its hard for me to hear you, and that person and that person over there." He never thought of it that way.
I feel like I am in Limbo sometimes, stuck between two worlds. My friends and family don't want to understand that I will lose all of my hearing at some point and I have basically begged them to learn ASL. I have taken classes because when I learned my hearing would probably be gone it scared me. My boyfriend also has that problem with his family. People don't think how hard it is for you, usually only for themselves. I do my best to try to explain to them how I am feeling and what they do makes me feel terrible. My parents have gotten better and the people that understand it the most are my friends. Some people just repeat themselves because they understand I probably didn't hear them. But others just look at me like I am dumb. Try to tell them your feelings.
That is why I am glad I have AD, I can come here and people know how I feel and they make me feel better. If you EVER need someone to talk to my PM is always open as well as my IMs.. Hope you are feeling a bit better. <3

*big hugs* Yes, yes, yes. That's it! My mother and siblings and such don't want to understand that I'm going deaf. It's very painful, I know that, but what they don't seem to understand is that when they give me a hard time about it, they are just making me feel worse about the whole thing. My husband is more understanding, as it were. He just has his moments. I don't have pm capability yet...I don't think...but I would love to exchange messages! Thanks so much and bigggg hugs! We will make it! It's just not as easy as it looks.

 

[LDNanna]

Gypsy Spirit

You are so beautiful in your photo. So, you have lots and lots going for you. Lots of inner and outer beauty. You must be strong to have a Gypsy name. Remember, like your namesake, life can take you lots of places and you will learn to cope. IM is easier or just as easy as posting these messages. You will love it. When you contact your disability office you will be amazed at how helpful they can often be.
Oh, and one more happy thought that my terp friend reminded me of - you can "win" an argument just by keeping your eyes closed!

Take care. Oh, and heres a few more hugs for you and yours - (((((()))))))

 

[Bebonang]

Wow, have you been peeking into my life??

I agree with Jenny. I have given up talking. My terp (interpreter) told me that if I don't talk then the shop keepers don't expect me to hear.

Do:
>Keep a notepad and pen/pencil at all times
>Expect others to accomodate you - it's the law!
>Learn ASL and try to find deaf friends, churches, or even youtube! (gotta love that Coda Wann) Does your town have Deaf Pizza?? A night out with a deaf community or club?
>Have patience with "stupid" people. Nothing else works, just gets more :roll:
>Contact your local disability office, Jenny is absolutely correct.
I got a phone, lessons, one on one with a certified interpreter, and she
even gave my employers a good "talking to"!
>Sign with baby, baby sign classes are fun for you both and will improve his/her language conceptual skills. (baby understands and uses language faster) take care of that little CODA! (Child of Deaf Adult)
>Research Deaf Technology and use it. My qwerty keyboard is my friend!
>Ok, now this one is going to seem wacky - but - try to think of one or more GOOD things about deafness. Really! (like fewer calls from mom?)ha!

Heres my happy thoughts - My husband is an avid tv chanel surfer. We used to fight a lot about it. Now, so what??? I also sleep more soundly, storms etc. used to bother me. With your baby, you can get an alarm that will vibrate when baby cries.


Don't:
Give up
Get discouraged
Forget others care
Think that hubby doesn't love you.
He may be showing a stage of grief. My old fellow went fishing the day of the surgery when I went deaf. My friends were outraged. He just has a different way of grieving. He loves me and I love him, he shows his love in lots of ways. He is still kinda dorky. Like the time he told me Deaf looked great on a resume..... or that I would make a great terp.... sigh. I put some wax plug things in his ears for only 30 minutes so that he could see what it might be like. He agreed to do it. Man, was his attitude different afterwards.


I am no expert, but old and nosy counts for something! (Deaf/hoh and proud to be me) Lots of love your way, and I know it's hard, but find ways to cope, comp and maybe a little humor in small, appropriate places?

Wow, , you are more smarter than we are and these are good suggestions that we have never thought to explain what to do with losing hearing like late deafen who are going through depression and grieving and so are the members of the family like November's husband and her mother who does not understand why we can not hear like the hearing people can hear. I am very impressed. I love it what you wrote and I am looking forward to reading more of your posts from you. I am very happy.

 

[dogmom]

November Gypsy,

I wanted to post new thread/section as I am not trying to highjack here, but read you have LD - I have dyscalculia too! If you are ever interested, check out website specifically for folks with math LD - dyscalculia .org

My husband is hoh, very oral, reads lips some. He and I both kinda help each other, but sometimes he finds my LD very confusing. While I cannot offer a Deaf perspective, I can still say that I will be thinking of you and wishing you the best!

Have you checked out Starbucks Deaf chat? If u type in those key words, you may be able to find locations in your area. Also, religious institutions sometimes have Deaf services and various assistive listening equipment.
HUGS

 

[jillio]

November, I know exactly how you feel. My hearing has decreased also to a severe loss over the last 8mths. It is really hard to deal with the feelings that you have when no one around you understands how you feel. People get impatient with me as well. I will never forget one night I went out and my very own brother made me cry in front of all of my friends, he snapped at me and said " IT REALLY FRUSTRATES ME WHEN YOU CAN'T HEAR ME?!" I just looked at him with tears in my eyes and said, "If it frustrates you, then imagine how I feel because its hard for me to hear you, and that person and that person over there." He never thought of it that way.
I feel like I am in Limbo sometimes, stuck between two worlds. My friends and family don't want to understand that I will lose all of my hearing at some point and I have basically begged them to learn ASL. I have taken classes because when I learned my hearing would probably be gone it scared me. My boyfriend also has that problem with his family. People don't think how hard it is for you, usually only for themselves. I do my best to try to explain to them how I am feeling and what they do makes me feel terrible. My parents have gotten better and the people that understand it the most are my friends. Some people just repeat themselves because they understand I probably didn't hear them. But others just look at me like I am dumb. Try to tell them your feelings.
That is why I am glad I have AD, I can come here and people know how I feel and they make me feel better. If you EVER need someone to talk to my PM is always open as well as my IMs.. Hope you are feeling a bit better. <3

You know, this is just a thought....but since we do have several members that are dealing with recent hearing loss, would it be possible to start an AD online support group dealing with adjustment issues for those that would like to participate? I will offer my services as facillitator.

 

[Hear Again]

You know, this is just a thought....but since we do have several members that are dealing with recent hearing loss, would it be possible to start an AD online support group dealing with adjustment issues for those that would like to participate? I will offer my services as facillitator.

This is a wonderful idea. I'm now communicating with someone online who has recently lost her hearing and introduced her to this site. Hopefully she will register over the next few days when time permits.

 

[candybrowneyes]

You know, this is just a thought....but since we do have several members that are dealing with recent hearing loss, would it be possible to start an AD online support group dealing with adjustment issues for those that would like to participate? I will offer my services as facillitator.

I love that idea Jillio. There are so many days where I don't know where to go and who to talk to and I just sit by myself in tears. I think it would help so many people here.

 

[candybrowneyes]

I don't have pm capability yet...I don't think...but I would love to exchange messages! Thanks so much and bigggg hugs! We will make it! It's just not as easy as it looks.

PM is through this site, you can find the options on your home page. I will send you one, look for a number up in the right hand corner of the site near your name, click it and go to your private messages. You will see one from me

 

[November Gypsy]

You are so beautiful in your photo. So, you have lots and lots going for you. Lots of inner and outer beauty. You must be strong to have a Gypsy name. Remember, like your namesake, life can take you lots of places and you will learn to cope. IM is easier or just as easy as posting these messages. You will love it. When you contact your disability office you will be amazed at how helpful they can often be.
Oh, and one more happy thought that my terp friend reminded me of - you can "win" an argument just by keeping your eyes closed!

Take care. Oh, and heres a few more hugs for you and yours - (((((()))))))

*Big, big, big hugs* Thank you so Nan! You really made my day. I have to tell you that I rarely, if ever, feel beautiful. But I thank you dearly for the complement! My name isn't actually Gypsy, that's just a nickname...both online and in life. But I thank you for your comments there as well. *Grin* Loved the comment about winning the argument. So true! My husband is really trying to help, he's fixing up our vibrating monitor so it works better! I will try to get a hold of my disability office...but I think I will wait til I go see the doctor again on the 9th. We still don't know why I'm losing hearing, so maybe it would be better to have a diagnosis before going into it with the disability office. Thanks again. You have helped more then you know my friend.