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How long have you been married?
Age Gap Relationship
- Thread starter Gerald
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whatdidyousay!
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I was thinking this too. It's legal marry someone under 18 yo in USA ?
Jezie
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No, some states have really low age of consent and with parental approval can marry young.
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Also, that remind me of student and teacher relationship.
caz
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Salma
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As long as it is legal in your area, a healthy relationship, the older party is independant, and the relationship is consensual than you shouldn't care about what others feel. It is none of their business!
Jonathan Bolter
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My.opinion is that as long as you love one another and have stuff in common and can make.it work and.your both legal age more power to you. The reason I'd personally don't dated someone older or younger then 8 years mark because for Me it's hard to relate to anything but sex. There are exceptions to every rule of course. This is just what works for me. Plus if I'm in a serious relationship I wanna go all the way to the end with that person without having given my life up and having to start over once I'm old. Do whatever makes U happy and everything else well just have to work itself out!!
Some states I think you can get married at 16 with parents permission. One state you can get married at 13, which is crazy. Of course, there has to be one state where you can't get married til 21 with parents permission (Mississippi), but most states are 18.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_of_marriage_in_the_United_States
I couldn't get married super young or see myself marrying someone more than 10 years older than me. What can dwe have in common? I don't judge because it doesn't effect me.
whatdidyousay!
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I dated men 10 years older than me , we had things in common .
DeafDucky
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And people have dated others with less than a year in age and had nothing in common.
Doesn't matter the age. Doesn't matter because the opinion/view of one person doesn't always require an immediate response of the opposite- "I couldn't see dating someone 10 years older than me because what would we have in common?"- immediate response "I dated somebody 10 years older (or younger) than me and we had lots in common!!!!"
I don't get why people HAVE to respond to contradict someone else's opinion all the time?
Baer Verteidiger
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Having an attraction to someone older is abnormal in today's society where youth and beauty is preferred.
This deviated behavior generates a large stigma, a social disgrace, from normal members of society.
Deviations are generally looked at as being a negative attribute, but some deviations have positive characteristics. Some deviations are those that display more righteous or admirable behavior. For example, "Work paid me for more hours than I actually worked. I called back and told them about the mistake." Some might not think of that as deviant, but in reality it is. Naturally I wanted the money and I deviated from my natural desires. My higher levels of thinking were involved that made the conscious decision to physically pick up the phone and correct the error.
Myself, personally, I find older, mature men to be attractive. Even within the LGBT Community, it is disheartening when my preference is considered a social disgrace.
This deviated behavior generates a large stigma, a social disgrace, from normal members of society.
Deviations are generally looked at as being a negative attribute, but some deviations have positive characteristics. Some deviations are those that display more righteous or admirable behavior. For example, "Work paid me for more hours than I actually worked. I called back and told them about the mistake." Some might not think of that as deviant, but in reality it is. Naturally I wanted the money and I deviated from my natural desires. My higher levels of thinking were involved that made the conscious decision to physically pick up the phone and correct the error.
Myself, personally, I find older, mature men to be attractive. Even within the LGBT Community, it is disheartening when my preference is considered a social disgrace.
Lysander
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I don't think that an age gap is so much a problem. When it comes to 18-34 though, there is a major maturity/life experience gap there. I would say that if someone was 34 and the person they are interested in was 50, I don't think that there would be nearly as much of an issue. A person who is 34 will more likely be out of college, and have a steady job and more life experience to be mature with relationship issues. An 18 year old just doesn't have their life together yet. They're probably going to college, or they're starting in the workforce with a crappy job. There could end up being money issues because the older partner may feel like they are "taking care" of the younger partner. There may end up being a sugar daddy type of expectation. I don't necessarily think that it couldn't work, it's just not something that I would ever pursue. I imagine the challenges would significantly outweigh the benefits.
sonocativo
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In reality, the new age older folks are like 12 year olds, playing on the phone constantly and gaming... I'm 49 and I'm amazed at some of those older than me who cant get their noses out of the phone or social media. I never liked games and I'm only one a few sites to pass time, but have a very active life outside of the social world where some cant even communicate without a damn text ....crazy.
Lysander
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That's a little reductive. I'm 39. I play video games (a lot). I use social media. I'd rather text than talk. I also mountain bike, do yoga, hold dinner parties for my friends, I have a great job as a nuclear medicine technologist, and I'm in school studying to become an infectious disease nurse practitioner. Playing games and liking your phone makessomeone no less immature than not doing those things makes you mature. The ability to discuss emotional issues with confidence and self efficacy, the ability to respect someone else's autonomy while advocating for your own interests, and respecting your partner's right to self determination despite it being contrary to your wants are things I would suggest show maturity. Those are the issues of maturity vital to a mature relationship. Those are the things young people tend to lack that cause age disparate relationships to not function well. It's not about the things you like. It's about your experience and self confidence in dealing with relationships that are important.
I think society is way too hung up on age, and we too often think that an age gap means we shouldn't bother to seek out what we have in common with a person.
Younger people get labelled as irresponsible, incapable, not serious enough - while older people get labelled as unreceptive and out-of-touch. There's a lot of lookism involved, too, since conventional standards of attractiveness devalue people as they age.
That said, I think it's important to consider any possible power dynamics present. For example, older people might have more resources than younger people, and a younger person might feel they need to stay in that relationship in order to access those resources. This can happen in any relationship where one person has more privilege than the other, which is mostly impossible to avoid. But I think it's important for them to discuss these things openly.
I've dated a lot of people older than I am - when I was 19-21, I dated someone 15 years my senior and never regretted it. But I'll admit I'm often reluctant when someone younger asks me out, regardless of their gender... I'm afraid of being perceived by others as "creepy." I've noticed even at "all are welcome" events, if most of the crowd is younger, folks will think it's weird if someone over a certain age shows up.
As to getting married, I agree it might be unwise to commit the rest of one's life to another person while very young... but it's no more unwise to marry an older person than another very young adult.
Younger people get labelled as irresponsible, incapable, not serious enough - while older people get labelled as unreceptive and out-of-touch. There's a lot of lookism involved, too, since conventional standards of attractiveness devalue people as they age.
That said, I think it's important to consider any possible power dynamics present. For example, older people might have more resources than younger people, and a younger person might feel they need to stay in that relationship in order to access those resources. This can happen in any relationship where one person has more privilege than the other, which is mostly impossible to avoid. But I think it's important for them to discuss these things openly.
I've dated a lot of people older than I am - when I was 19-21, I dated someone 15 years my senior and never regretted it. But I'll admit I'm often reluctant when someone younger asks me out, regardless of their gender... I'm afraid of being perceived by others as "creepy." I've noticed even at "all are welcome" events, if most of the crowd is younger, folks will think it's weird if someone over a certain age shows up.
As to getting married, I agree it might be unwise to commit the rest of one's life to another person while very young... but it's no more unwise to marry an older person than another very young adult.
sonocativo
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age is only a number, Ive dated older as well as younger, it doesn't matter as long as its legal and compatable. Now mentality is another issue. The older generation didn't have the government interfering with how you brought up your children where today if you so much as tell your kids youre gonna bust their ass for doing wrong your own child will have you arrested for what they claim is abuse when back in the day we got our ass busted for doing wrong and to be truthful Ive never been on the wrong side of the law because my dad set me straight with a talk. I had some good friends and some who were on the wild side. My dad sat me down one day and said to me.... If you ever get arrested for something you didn't do, you can call home and Ill come get you BUT if you get arrested for something you did, Don't bother calling. So when I was out with friends and someone was getting out of hand or up to no good I left. I weeded out these wild friends and stayed clear of trouble. I myself Dated women and was married to one 8 years my senior, so it boils down to compatability in a relationship, but as far as the generations how long do marriages last in todays world compared to yesteryears? Sadly, not long at all
RaynboFlutterby
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My fiancee(20f) and I (47f) met two years ago on an LGBT app. 27 year difference and we click like any other great relationship. Like another person said, don't define yourself to age limits.
rockin'robin
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I once dated a guy who was 11 years younger than I...LOL...never again. Maturity means a lot to me and sadly, he didn't have it...then again, I've dated guys who were 10 years older and they didn't have it either...It's a catch-22....A friend dated a lady 8 years older (saying he liked "older women")...together a few years...broke up and now dating a woman 20 years older!....All I can really say is that communication is the best factor in a good relationship.