Adjustment to late onset deafness

AJWSmith said:
Thank you for your response BecLak. I particularly identified with the bit where you explain how exhausting it is trying to fit in, bluffing people that you are hearing them when it's actually a lie. Growing up, all I cared about was getting hearing people around me to treat me as one of them. It didn't matter if I didn't understand a word they said, as long as they thought I understood what they said! But in recent years I have become more uncomfortable with this pretending. I want to be more true to myself.
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Exactly. You have passed the first stage, now you at the point where you can make some decisions. Of course, these decisions are yours to make, you now have a choice, whereas before you were unaware of the options available to you and that it is perfectly ok to be who you are.

Be true to yourself, whatever decision you make with this, with whatever road you take. Being true to yourself, you are also being true to your family, loved ones, and those who meet you in the course of your every day. Everyone will benefit, including yourself. I wish you all the best.
 
Hello AJWSmith. I am glad to meet you. I am a late deafened adult. My hearing loss has become quite profound in the last few months. For a while I tried using hearing aids but like you, they started being less effective until it got to the point I just don't bother anymore. I am waiting to see another Audiologist to see if there is anything that can be done...but if my only option is those cochlear implants then I think I will pass.

I have finally had to come to terms with the fact I am going completely deaf....and while I had a few years to adjust...it didn't really make it any easier. I went through a whole range of emotions about it. Anger, frustration, (still have frustration), depression, issues with rude people, my family, etc. Still have some issues with rude people and family...but I'm not close with my relatives and therefore really don't give a shit what they think.LOL

Seriously though, it is hard when you've spent your life in a hearing world and suddenly your feeling cut off. I'm lucky...my hubby has been very patient and understanding..so have my friends....who are all hearing folks. I finally had to accept being deaf and take control of my life as a deafie. My hubby and I are taking sign language classes together. I've gotten to where I rarely talk anymore because it is such a strain on my throat now. Just to really show how hard all this has been..I was a singer. Very active in the music scene. I had a 3 octave range...(alto, tenor and soprano). Both my sons are musicians and are doing very well in the indie scene. But, music is no longer an avenue for me...and that was the biggest source of my anger and depression for a while.

I finally had to realize I was alienating my hubby and my friends and doing myself no good with the anger and depression. I realized I either had to adapt or die. So, I grabbed myself and gave me a good shaking and told myself to deal with this properly. So, I started accepting being deaf, getting help and taking ASL classes. My hubby takes them with me. Now I rarely talk because I can't hear myself talking very well anymore and I sound a bit...um...funky we'll call it....so I use ASL...at least what I have learned and can remember...(that bit takes a while...hence the frustration points.LOL) My hubby uses both ASL and we use either an IM or good old fashioned pen and paper when we have to.

I know it's hard to accept the loss of something so many other people seem to take for granted. Life isn't fair nor always kind. But, the one belief that has sustained me for most of my 42 years is that everything happens for a reason. No such thing as just plain old coincidence. I have learned to focus on being grateful for the good things I do have and accepting those things I can't really change. I am sure your family loves you and will help you adapt to the hearing loss and adapt to you being deaf. It just takes a little time and patience. :aw: Stick with AllDeaf...I know they have been a HUGE help for me.
 
Hello mizwytch.

I'm really pleased that you've taken the time to read my post and to respond with a long thoughtful reply. I'm particularly struggling with my emotions around deafness and it helps me to know how other people in a similiar situation handle their feelings. I totally get it, that to lose your ability to hear music and your beautiful singing voice was a major, major blow (actually I probably don't totally get it, but I do genuinely feel for you). As you said, life isn't always kind. And as you also said, to continually stay angry and depressed isn't being kind to ourselves or people close to us either.

But stumbling across AllDeaf and reading about people who've experienced similiar things to myself has been so, so helpful to me. I've been wrestling with hearing loss since childhood (I'm now in my 40s) but have always felt stuck in anger, frustration and depression. But in the last week, since stumbling upon AD, I am being to feel that my emotional landscape is shifting. I think it's because I am reading about deaf people who are coping with life; more than that, learning to thrive in their own unique ways. And this gives me hope in the midst of my pain.

Thanks again for sharing and I hope to meet you again in this forum.

AJW
 
AJWSmith, I'm glad that you've found "your kind" here. There are so many of us!

First thought: The anger and depression could be caused or exacebrated by a medical condition. It's a good idea to get a physical. Treatment for the depression may help. Talk to your doctor.

Second thought: You miss going out in groups to socialize. Could you connect with the Deaf/HOH community where you live? Being here on AD gave me the courage to join the Deaf/HOH community. There are ASL socials every week. Don't worry if you don't know ASL. You'll find HOH people who don't know sign language or want to learn it. Take a pad of paper with you. Now, I go out more I did before I was Deaf.

Third thought: It takes a long time to to adjust and everyone does it in her own way. Be patient with yourself. It's always a good idea to have a ritual of some kind. It can be anything that has meaning for you. Perhaps a funeral for your hearing? You could make it a party. Throw something that represents your hearing in the ocean of off a mountain? Or you can just light a candle in memory of your hearing? The idea is to make your loss real and express your emotions. There's a reason that humans have had rituals since recorded history began (and maybe before that).
 
Thank you sallylou

Thank you for your suggestions sallylou. I've never come across the ritual idea before and I find it very interesting idea. Coming onto AllDeaf has given me options and ideas that I never knew existed. I'm going to take time to consider them all and work out a way forward that suits me as an individual.
 
Cricket's said:
Thank you for telling me about ALDA, the Association of Late Deafened Adults....I am hearing but I have a friend who went deaf late in life and got a CI after two years of deafness...
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The HLAA, Hearing Loss Association of America is another good organization for the deaf, hard-of-hearing and late deafened. Although I do not know what's their equivalance in some of the other countries, including in the UK? Does anyone know?
 
Beach girl said:
Thank you for your thoughtful post. I am another late-deafened adult; began to lose my hearing when I was in my early 30's due to an ototoxic reaction to an anti-malaria drug. I am now about to turn 61 so have been wearing hearing aids for nearly 30 years now.

I know what you mean about "it's the leaving the hearing world bit scares me as that's where I've lived, loved and been loved." I don't think anyone would ever encourage you to leave behind your wife, your children, your friends and colleagues. Those people are an important part of your life and no doubt still love you regardless of your hearing ability.

I'm with you on the "better technology equals better living" side of the spectrum. Have you had an appointment with a good audiologist lately? Does your audi keep up with technology? Do you still have some hearing, or is it completely gone?

What helped me a lot in group conversations was a microphone system where I could put the mike on the table and people's voices would come right to my ears. This could be used either by one person speaking or I could put it in the middle of the table and hear the whole group.

Life isn't fair, and it's inconvenient and sometimes can feel embarassing to go around loaded with technical aids. But I found that the embarassment was much lessened if I just said "I need this to hear you clearly" and proceeded to use the mikes. No one ever gave it a second thought if I was matter of fact about it myself.

If you want to learn ASL and take part more in deaf community activities, that's fine too, but it's perfectly understandable if your goal is to participate more with your current social circles rather than seek out new ones.

Do keep participating here; there is a lot of good info and people have expertise in a wide variety of things that might help you.
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? for Beach girl what is a microphone thing and where would i look for one
 
Hi,I am late deafen too. I am trying to sign but no one close will learn,My husband says his hands hurt, but I put mirrors up to see behind me. I had and have a brain tumor one removed left me deaf left side the other right ear lots of drainage infections. I am sure if you go to this site you will find a lot of information to help. asl.com is free and can teach you signs free. any ? touch me i am 59 late aby bloomer tee hee.. also you can go to skype and chat with a camera eye. or type then learn I am on there also ...
 
birdlady said:
? for Beach girl what is a microphone thing and where would i look for one
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Birdlady, it was a system that worked with my hearing aids at the time. You have to have a shoe for your hearing aids (a little plastic connection that fits over the base of the aid), and then the microphone will send sound wirelessly to that.

Here is a more contemporary example.

"http://hearingmojo.com/oticons-new-connectline-microphone-completes-hearing-aid-connection"

This is NOT the system I used, but it's similar, although it shows the microphone being clipped to one person's clothing, which is not the way I used it. I had one where the mike looked like a regular small mike, and I could just put it on the table and it would pick up all the voices at the table. Or I could give it to one person who could speak directly into it.
 
Welcome birdlady. I'm losing bone in my hands and wrists but I can still sign. It's important to keep using my joints. Has your husband see a rheumatologist? I started a new treatment which is helping me. Some men are so stubborn about going to the doctor, so good luck with that! lol
 
birdlady said:
? for Beach girl what is a microphone thing and where would i look for one
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Hi birdlady. I use the Comfort Contego (Contego FM Radio Aid | Free Delivery | from www.ihear.co.uk). There is a user manual link on this webpage which gives more information on this particular device. I don't know if this particular device is available in the USA, but there will be an American equivalent for sure.

To explain in more detail how I use it: My hearing aids are set to 'T' and that picks up the sounds from a neckloop I wear. The neckloop is plugged into the main unit (receiver) that I clip onto my clothes or hold in my hand. I can choose to use the microphone on the main unit (receiver), or activate a secondary unit (transmitter) which is a remote microphone. I place the remote microphone near to the sound I want to listen to (another person sat in another chair, or the TV in the corner of the room) and this microphone transmits the sounds via radio waves to the receiver which then sends the sound to my neckloop.

There are a number of other ways of using this system, but this is how I use it most commonly. This is a digital FM system and the sound is a lot clearer than the previous device I used which was analogue FM.

I hope this makes sense to you, though I'm aware I've used a lot of technical terms which are strange if you have never used these types of devices before. Feel free for further explanation if you need it. There are other people on AllDeaf who can help to explain stuff as well (such as Beach girl) and there is a dedicated 'Deaf Products & Technologies' forum.
 
An update: I went to my rheumy and she was pleased with my response to treatment. Wooohoo! She was not happy that I've lost weight but the medication makes me sick. I'm trying to eat more but it's hard. Now, I'm going to see a neurologist to figure out what else is gong on with me. Maybe neuropathy or Chiari malformation? Need to rule out some other diagnoses. Hopefully, the neurologist will only need to monitor me. My Deaf grandfather made it until 97 YO, so I think that I have a few years left in me. lol
 
It's really whatever you want to call yourself. Do you use hearing aids? Do they help? Can you carry on a conversation with people by voice? Do you mostly socialize and work and live your life as a hearing person (with family, friends, and co-workers who talk to you rather than use ASL), or do you use now or plan to use ASL or another sign language?

If you use hearing aids effectively, use voice to communicate, and live a "hearing" lifestyle, then personally, I'd say that's "hard of hearing." If your hearing cannot be helped by aids, then probably "deaf."

That's me, personally. Other people will have their own definitions.

The important thing is how you see yourself and how you live your life; other people's opinions don't hold a candle to your own gut feeling.
 
"deaf" or "hard of hearing"

keikogrusendorf said:
Okay so I got my audiogram results and I have severe hearing loss. Does that make me deaf or hard of hearing?
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In a way it's up to you to decide which label you prefer to describe yourself as both can be used for that level of hearing loss.

If you see yourself very much part of the hearing world and your self-identity is that you're an "almost-hearing" person and the hearing people you meet treat you "as one of them", then you'll probably prefer to use the label hard of hearing.

But if your self-identity is that you're not the same as hearing people, whether through a deep acceptance of your hearing loss, or through hearing people rejecting you as NOT being "one of them", then you may prefer to use the word "deaf" (lowercase 'd').

Growing up with a severe hearing loss, I hated the term "deaf" and would always describe myself as "hard of hearing". Besides, I didn't belong to that group of people who used their hands instead of their voices. But my hearing is gradually getting worse (it's now graded as profound hearing loss) and I can no longer function as an "almost-hearing" person. Coming to AllDeaf.com made me realise that I can stop pretending to be a hearing person and embrace a self-identity as a deaf person. I now describe myself as "deaf" as it feels a more truthful label for me. It was also helpful for me to realise that there is a difference between "deaf" & "Deaf", as I know I'm not the latter as I still prefer to use my voice instead of my hands.
 
I prefer to use my hands but hearing is loss is audiologically classed as mild.

I have always been the "different" one and have experienced being isolated in the mainstream for other reasons.
I've been having harder time with spoken conversation recently and live kind of in a "in-between" world as hubby is deaf due to Rubella Syndrome and the visual communication cues/needs are a big part of our lives <visual also because I have LD and auditory processing issues>. Though he does not sign/have knowledge of Deaf, never exposed to it. Sometimes we use home signs.

Really enjoyed the discussion on Deafhood. I guess I'm on my deafhood journey.
 
hey i feel real bad for you if you turned deaf. theres some deaf ppl i see around town and its real sad. but if i turned deaf id adjust with a 44 ya know what im saying
 
DARNELL said:
hey i feel real bad for you if you turned deaf. theres some deaf ppl i see around town and its real sad. but if i turned deaf id adjust with a 44 ya know what im saying
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Now that probably got ya in trouble
 
DARNELL said:
hey i feel real bad for you if you turned deaf. theres some deaf ppl i see around town and its real sad. but if i turned deaf id adjust with a 44 ya know what im saying
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Why don't you go ahead and use that .44 before you turn deaf? Then you won't have to worry about it.

Seriously, little boy. Go ask mommy for some attention. We don't have any to spare for you.
 
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