Adjustment to late onset deafness

[sallylou]

I have a certificate suitable for framing, too.

In addition to Skype, try to find ASL socials in your area. Google "ASL social" and "deaf coffee." It helps a lot and will connect you with your local Deaf/HOH community.

 

[webexplorer]

I have a certificate suitable for framing, too.

In addition to Skype, try to find ASL socials in your area. Google "ASL social" and "deaf coffee." It helps a lot and will connect you with your local Deaf/HOH community.

I didn't read the whole comments here so I wonder what framing are you referring to? (Excuse me, I am kind of sleepy because I went out for a long bike ride on a trail about 5 miles for a first ride this spring. I bought a brand-new electric bike because of some hills.)

 

[sallylou]

Sorry, web explorer! In the post immediately above mine, Botti said that she got a certificate for learning ASL. I have one too. An electric bike, huh? Interesting. . .

 

[birdlady]

Learn Skype? Learn sign?

Skype directs you.

Sign from kids, grandparents, fellow group home captives, classes. (I have many framed certificates. ) Doesn't make me good. Just jump in and ask. Fingerspell to ask a sign, or type out on Skype.

Thanks sorry said i was slow.. ingage foot put in my mouth... You are so patient..

 

[Bottesini]

Thanks sorry said i was slow.. ingage foot put in my mouth... You are so patient..

Don't worry. You are just fine.

 

[birdlady]

I have a certificate suitable for framing, too.

In addition to Skype, try to find ASL socials in your area. Google "ASL social" and "deaf coffee." It helps a lot and will connect you with your local Deaf/HOH community.

I am sorry dont know how to find deaf coffee or asl socials.. I can barely get around on skype. but,will learn slowly but surely.. thanks for the tips will keep checking and asking ? 's maybe one day I will find a deaf like me friend.. and be able to be a little more social . thanks!

 

[birdlady]

Don't worry. You are just fine.

Thanks, I do know a few signs was more worried how you are anyone could see me if i signed wrong direction or what. But will slow down and learn more. Thanks again...Linda

 

[Bottesini]

Thanks, I do know a few signs was more worried how you are anyone could see me if i signed wrong direction or what. But will slow down and learn more. Thanks again...Linda

You are welcome .

 

[birdlady]

I am sorry dont know how to find deaf coffee or asl socials.. I can barely get around on skype. but,will learn slowly but surely.. thanks for the tips will keep checking and asking ? 's maybe one day I will find a deaf like me friend.. and be able to be a little more social . thanks!

I guess i need to go to voc rehab and see if they can let me know what is out there for me. Being older it is hard, but will try..Thanks for your help..appreciate all you all do , thanks !

 

[birdlady]

good nite everyone..

 

[Bottesini]

good nite everyone..

Good night.

 

[mizwytch]

Well, my adjustment to late-onset deafness is taking a new turn...I went from being just mostly deaf to just plain deaf. I think there is some residual hearing left...at least I think I kinda hear my own voice...but it sounds like it's coming far away and from under water. Anyone else have this problem? Or have had this problem? It feels weird and is more annoying than if I just didn't hear anything at all. Fortunately I am finally beginning to pick up signing a bit better. Me hubby not as well because of the stroke a couple of months ago. We are both going to classes now though. Oh...and I am told I am having problems talking now too...that my words sound like I am talking with a really bad head cold...which I suspect is because I can't hear all the sounds I am making. It's getting to the point I would rather not talk at all than have people thinking I'm mentally retarded...which is the look I get when I talk.:roll:

 

[Cricket's]

Thank you for telling me about ALDA, the Association of Late Deafened Adults....I am hearing but I have a friend who went deaf late in life and got a CI after two years of deafness...She tells me she hears with a severe delay effect...and nobody in her family accepts her as deaf. (as in they refuse to understand that their is still a problem) The CI give her bad headaches and she is fearful of losing her hearing again. I have been teaching her some signs and just trying to be a friend to her. She lost her hearing when she was 36 and she is now in her 50's She say's she now wants to learn ASL In case she losing her hearing again. (Since I don't understand the CI that well I do not know if this can happen to her....) Nobody in her life recognizes her as deaf, she has to do all the adjusting....I plan on goggling : ALDA, the Association of Late Deafened Adults to see if there are people who can help her...

I don't know if I expressed this correctly....

 

[AJWSmith]

I'm struggling to find acceptance of my deafness

Hello everyone

I recently introduced myself on AllDeaf.com (see <waves hello> o/ I'm AJW and I'm struggling with my deafness) and was recommended to visit at this thread.

So I've spent hours over the last two days reading through all 34 pages of this thread. I was in tears a few times as people shared their stories. I've also been inspired by people's courage and wisdom. Thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread over the last two years.

Like a few people who have posted earlier, I'm not strictly late-deafened but my experience is very similiar in that my sense of identity and emotional belonging is in the hearing world but I find that I don't fit in anymore; and that hurts. And it is this pain that drove me to Google, which led me here to AD.

In summary: I was born deaf/HoH, but bought up totally within the hearing world, surviving by wearing HAs and lip-reading. All my friends are hearing. I married a lovely hearing woman and have two wonderful hearing kids. But recently my hearing and tinnitus has got worse and I can't participate in groups anymore making me feel isolated.

I was very struck by what Jillio wrote in post #205 about the grieving process. I feel very stuck in either frustration or depression. I cannot find peace or acceptance about my deafness. My thought processes tend to be about trying to hear better, or get better technological aids (when will there be accurate real-time voice-to-text software?). But there are a few of you who say that you've found peace and joy in embracing deafness and leaving the hearing world behind. I like the acceptance, peace and joy bit - but it's the leaving the hearing world bit scares me as that's where I've lived, loved and been loved.

However as I look back on my life, I see that I've been angry about my hearing loss for a good few decades, ever since childhood in fact. I'm fed up of feeling stuck in either anger or depression about my deafness. I want to like being me and accept my hearing loss, instead of cursing my inability to hear in the way that everyone else I know around me can. The logical part of my brain says "Just be compassionate and accepting of yourself", but there's an emotional part of me that can't accept this logic and wants to scream back that it's so unfair! The logical part replies that that life is unfair, but the emotional part cries back why does it have to be unfair on me!! (As you can see, I'm very stuck )

But it has helped me to read this thread. It's encouraging to know that there are people who are in the same position as me, or even in far worse ones, and they've found a way of adjusting to their loss, without losing their ability to enjoy life. It's a privilege to be here on AD

 

[AJWSmith]

I'm still struggling to achieve acceptance over my hearing loss

Hello everyone

I recently introduced myself on AllDeaf.com (see <waves hello> o/ I'm AJW and I'm struggling with my deafness) and was recommended to visit at this thread.

So I've spent hours over the last three days reading through all 34 pages of this thread. I was in tears a few times as people shared their stories. I've also been inspired by people's courage and wisdom. Thank you to everyone who has posted on this thread over the last two years.

Like a few people who have posted earlier, I'm not strictly late-deafened but my experience is very similiar in that my sense of identity and emotional belonging is in the hearing world but I find that I don't fit in anymore; and that hurts. And it is this pain that drove me to Google, which led me here to AD.

In summary: I was born deaf/HoH, but bought up totally within the hearing world, surviving by wearing HAs and lip-reading. All my friends are hearing. I married a lovely hearing woman and have two wonderful hearing kids. But recently my hearing and tinnitus has got worse and I can't participate in groups anymore making me feel isolated.

I was very struck by what Jillio wrote in post #205 about the grieving process. I feel very stuck in either frustration or depression. I cannot find peace or acceptance about my deafness. My thought processes tend to be about trying to hear better, or get better technological aids (when will there be accurate real-time voice-to-text software?). But there are a few of you who say that you've found peace and joy in embracing deafness and leaving the hearing world behind. I like the acceptance, peace and joy bit - but it's the leaving the hearing world bit scares me as that's where I've lived, loved and been loved.

However as I look back on my life, I see that I've been angry about my hearing loss for a good few decades, ever since childhood in fact. I'm fed up of feeling stuck in either anger or depression about my deafness. I want to like being me and accept my loss, instead of cursing my inability to hear in the way that everyone else I know can. The logical part of my brain says "Just be compassionate and accepting of yourself", but there's an emotional part of me that can't accept this logic and wants to scream back that it's so unfair! The logical part replies "Life's unfair, get over it!", and the emotions cry "Why does it have to be unfair on me!!" (As you can see, I'm very stuck )

But it has helped me to read this thread over the last couple of days. It gives me hope knowing that there are people who are in the same position as me, or even worse, and they've found a way of adjusting to their loss and getting the most out of life.

 

[Beach girl]

Thank you for your thoughtful post. I am another late-deafened adult; began to lose my hearing when I was in my early 30's due to an ototoxic reaction to an anti-malaria drug. I am now about to turn 61 so have been wearing hearing aids for nearly 30 years now.

I know what you mean about "it's the leaving the hearing world bit scares me as that's where I've lived, loved and been loved." I don't think anyone would ever encourage you to leave behind your wife, your children, your friends and colleagues. Those people are an important part of your life and no doubt still love you regardless of your hearing ability.

I'm with you on the "better technology equals better living" side of the spectrum. Have you had an appointment with a good audiologist lately? Does your audi keep up with technology? Do you still have some hearing, or is it completely gone?

What helped me a lot in group conversations was a microphone system where I could put the mike on the table and people's voices would come right to my ears. This could be used either by one person speaking or I could put it in the middle of the table and hear the whole group.

Life isn't fair, and it's inconvenient and sometimes can feel embarassing to go around loaded with technical aids. But I found that the embarassment was much lessened if I just said "I need this to hear you clearly" and proceeded to use the mikes. No one ever gave it a second thought if I was matter of fact about it myself.

If you want to learn ASL and take part more in deaf community activities, that's fine too, but it's perfectly understandable if your goal is to participate more with your current social circles rather than seek out new ones.

Do keep participating here; there is a lot of good info and people have expertise in a wide variety of things that might help you.

 

[AJWSmith]

I'm with you on the "better technology equals better living" side of the spectrum. Have you had an appointment with a good audiologist lately? Does your audi keep up with technology? Do you still have some hearing, or is it completely gone?

What helped me a lot in group conversations was a microphone system where I could put the mike on the table and people's voices would come right to my ears. This could be used either by one person speaking or I could put it in the middle of the table and hear the whole group.

I'm a great fan of technology and gadgets, and I use all the latest (and expensive) gear. For the last few years I have had great success in using the Comfort Contego which has a radio mic and digital sound processing. I've just assumed that the continual advances made in hearing technology over the years will ensure that I can always "function" in the hearing world.

But in recent months I have found my technological aids less effective in group situations. I can still hear the voices, but I cannot hear words. It's not a problem of volume. It's more like my brain is no longer able to convert sounds into words. My hearing has been gradually declining for years and I think I've finally crossed a kind of threshold. I'm using the same (if not better) equipment, listening to the same people, using all the same listening techniques I've acquired over the years (e.g. my back to a wall, light shining on their faces) but they're no longer working for me. I sit there helplessly watching the conversation flow pass me. I intervene, ask people to repeat themselves, etc., but within seconds of catching up I get left behind again. As you can imagine, it's quite upsetting.

Anyway it proves the truth that hearing isn't just about getting sound through the ears, it's also about the brain's ability to interpret and translate those sounds. Which is why wearing HAs/CIs is not the same as wearing glasses.

 

[Beach girl]

Very true. What you're describing might be part of an Auditory Processing Disorder, or it might just be that your hearing has declined past a certain threshold. Possibly auditory therapy might help. Does your audi offer that?

Technology is always moving ahead, but sometimes we hit a brick wall in terms of how much further it can go, or how much actually helps with a specific situation.

 

[BecLak]

AJW Smith,

When I first came to AllDeaf, I too was like you. I was raised in a hearing family, married to a wonderful hearing man, with 7 hearing children. I went to mainstreamed schools whilst growing up and was raised totally oral even though I was born severely-deaf. I had hearing aids for a very short time when I was 11 but quickly discarded them for a number of reasons which I won't elaborate here, because I have mentioned my story a number of times throughout the forum.

Today, after almost 2 years of being on AllDeaf and getting to know the Deaf community, my journey has led me to the other end of the spectrum, right away from hearing apparatus. I have been learning sign language (in my case, I began with a little bit of ASL, then have been studying Auslan mostly because I am Australian). I do have many friends who are in the USA, hearing friends as well as here on AD, so I am also picking up some more ASL as well. I have travelled a lot over the course of my life so far. I am currently in Thailand with my family and have also begun learning some TSL (Thai Sign Language).

I have found my identity in being Deaf. I have slowly been introducing my family to my Deaf world and Deaf culture. Just recently, I went totally voice off for a day - using the limited sign language I knew, pen and paper, texting (sms), even instant messengers and skype from room to room, total visual communication. The reaction of my hearing family was not favourable as hearing need to hear voices. However, after discussion with my friends here on AD, I was able to explain clearly to my family what it is like for me and where I am coming from. I explained that as much as they would like to believe I was hearing; and for most of my life, in attempt to fit into the hearing world around me, I had been fooling them and myself, and everyone around me into thinking I was "hearing" when I wasn't. I went into detail describing what it was like for me. I told them I was tired of the 'lies' and bluffing, that using my voice is exhausting.

Today, my children (ranging from young adults, teenagers, a ten year old, and seven year old) now understand why I have made these choices and are now putting an effort into accomodating me. My husband is also aware, but for his work and my role in supporting him, minimal changes have been made for his sake. I also told my children that if there were times where they needed a Mum-talk for advice and with sign language being limited as we are all still learning, I would compromise and use speech when necessary for their sake, until we all become fluent in sign.

In other words, I introduced them to my world and now my family are experiencing it with me, through sign language and total visual communication, even though they are all hearing and I am the only one Deaf. My home environment with my family and loved ones included, is finally becoming a haven for me, away from the hearing world.

Be encouraged, you will find what is best for you and your family too. Don't be timid to open up to your loved ones. You do need to 'spell it out' for them though, because they do not know or cannot even comprehend what it is like to be in your shoes.

 

[AJWSmith]

It's exhausting pretending to hear everything

I explained that as much as they would like to believe I was hearing; and for most of my life, in attempt to fit into the hearing world around me, I had been fooling them and myself, and everyone around me into thinking I was "hearing" when I wasn't. I went into detail describing what it was like for me. I told them I was tired of the 'lies' and bluffing, that using my voice is exhausting.

Thank you for your response BecLak. I particularly identified with the bit where you explain how exhausting it is trying to fit in, bluffing people that you are hearing them when it's actually a lie. Growing up, all I cared about was getting hearing people around me to treat me as one of them. It didn't matter if I didn't understand a word they said, as long as they thought I understood what they said! But in recent years I have become more uncomfortable with this pretending. I want to be more true to myself.