Why?

Bottesini said:
But a lot of us used to be one! :deaf: child that is.

We might know more than you.
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But you do not have the experience of being a hearing parent and to make blanket, sweeping statements about them is unfair and often untrue.
 
faire_jour said:
But you do not have the experience of being a hearing parent and to make blanket, sweeping statements about them is unfair and often untrue.
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But, many of us had grown up with a hearing family.

Since the statistics had shown that 90 percent of all deaf parents have hearing children, and 90 percent of all hearing parents have deaf children, Have you ever read anywhere that deaf parents were extremely upset that their child is hearing? no... But, there are stories out there that hearing parents were extremely upset that their child is deaf. I can understand that having a deaf child is new to them, but so is having a hearing child is new to a deaf parents, no differences. :)
 
faire_jour said:
But you do not have the experience of being a hearing parent and to make blanket, sweeping statements about them is unfair and often untrue.
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Maybe our parents have shared the reasons why they did what they did when they first discovered our deafness? My mom shared her reason why she didnt allow ASL for my brother and I..the doctors told her that in order for us to be "normal" dont allow us to learn sign language. My dad told me that my mom blamed God for our deafness and grieved for several years and my mom finally admitted that. To her, deafness is something that she wanted to fix as soon as we were diagnosed. Now, because of how happy we both are, she realized that she made errors when making decisions about us regarding to communication mode and educational placement.
 
shel90 said:
If one wants it, their choice and I am supportive but the idea or view that one needs it...I am not supportive of that. That's my view.
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I totally agree with this statement. There is nothing wrong with being deaf as long as you get provided with the right tools. Written english and sign language. Which is what deaf children with CI's are being denied.

It seems to me that deafened adults who were either hearing or less deaf as children seem to get the most benifit from their CI's yet they continue to push it on deaf babies and young children which I think is wrong.
 
faire_jour said:
Actually, having a child with a CI is from from convenient. It sucks when I have to leave a movie 15 minutes in and run home to get a battery! Pre-ci she didn't care if the sound left.

It was much easier when my daughter only wanted ASL. We learned and then we just did the Deaf community thing. It was easy. Providing her with both is much more difficult.

We have to help her learn to make sense of the language that she is getting, we have to provide constant exposure to speech, we have to come up with creative activities to expand her vocabulary, we have to drive to therapy, MAPping, etc. It is not easy or convenient to teach spoken language to a deaf child.

And since none of you have one, you wouldn't know.
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Good Gawd!...I would jump the moon if it meant my child could hear! As for batteries, what's wrong with carrying some extras in ur purse?....Suppose YOU were the deaf child, and ur mother is saying "it's not convenient" for her to have a CI....just a pain in the ass with all the trouble I have to go through."....There are a lot more other parents that have a harder row to hoe than you! Life is full of the little inconveniences! We have to go with the flow, think ahead of time.
 
rockin'robin said:
Good Gawd!...I would jump the moon if it meant my child could hear! As for batteries, what's wrong with carrying some extras in ur purse?....Suppose YOU were the deaf child, and ur mother is saying "it's not convenient" for her to have a CI....just a pain in the ass with all the trouble I have to go through."....There are a lot more other parents that have a harder row to hoe than you! Life is full of the little inconveniences! We have to go with the flow, think ahead of time.
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I agree that the small inconveniences are worth it. I was just saying that it is not done to be "convenient".
 
Well, I guess you would have to explain what you mean by "need it". Just because someone qualifies for an implant, doesn't necessarily mean that they need it.
 
jillio said:
Well, I guess you would have to explain what you mean by "need it". Just because someone qualifies for an implant, doesn't necessarily mean that they need it.
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I am not going to take a CI candidacy test since I don't need CI so I don't care if I qualify or not. I can understand 90% of what the average person says from lipreading and wearing my HAs. I hear environmental sounds great and will be even better soon. I am missing the highs, that's what transposition/soundrecover is for.

Also id like more natural hearing and will be waiting for stem cells or some other method that can restore some natural hearing so I hear way better with HAs and will finally hear some sounds unaided, something ive always wanted and dreamed of. Im afraid a CI will hurt my chances of something better in the future that can restore some of my unaided hearing.
 
diehardbiker said:
I am not saying every one of them, I am rather in general, and what I have seen.

It is not about right or wrong, it is about shock that they received from Doctor that had to break so-called bad news to parents that their child is Deaf, usually they go nuts! They would do everything they think they could to fix the problem. This is so common.

Of course not every hearing parents would automatically request CI, but too many of them use this as excuse to try to fix Deaf child. They forgot, once Deaf will always be Deaf.
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Having read the above post as well as the others you have posted on this thread it is evident that you have no real understanding of, and personal knowledge of, hearing parents of children with cochlear implants.

You attempt to utilize the initial reaction of hearing parents to learning their child is deaf as the defining reaction to how they raise their deaf child and the basis for their cochlear implant decision. You are wrong on both accounts and your reasoning is as simplistic as it is incorrect.

I am a hearing parent of a cochlear implant child and I personally know hundreds of others. Yes, when I was first told that my daughter was deaf I was upset, not shocked as I had suspected it. However, that reaction pales in comparison to the shock and emotions I experienced when the doctor told us that it was doubtful that she would make it through the night due to meningitis. I was grateful that my daughte was alive, period.

Very few hearing parents remain stuck in that intial fear and shock mode, they move on and quickly to learing as much as they can about deafness which many had either none or very limited experience about until being told their child was deaf.

You repeatedly use the term "fix" in reference to their child and the cochlear implant. First, the word "fix" when used in that context is highly offensive and derrogatory to hearing parents and their children. It is a term used in that context by those who are anti-ci and seek to impose their anti-ci agenda upon other people's children. Second, it is yet again further evidence of one who only possesses a simplistic understanding of the issue.

We understand our children are deaf and will always be deaf, even after the ci and we certainly do not need the likes of you to tell us that. What we also understand is that there is a value in being able to hear sounds, perhaps well enough to develop speech and to that end, we have chosen to give our children that opportunity.

My response to people like you who think they understand our parental cochlear implant decision for our child and who smugly think they can demean that choice by the use of such terms as "fix" is the same one I have been using for twenty years: We had no reason to "fix" our daughter as she was perfect before getting her ci and is still perfect today!
Rick
 
Good post, Rick.

I think at some point or another all of us have seen someone who refuses to acknowledge their child is deaf and sees CIs as the "cure-all" - hence that the CI "fixes" them. I think that is where some are coming from in terms of what DHB was saying above.

Clearly you don't. I have always liked your posts about your experiences with your daughter.
 
Well, I am going to have to agree with DHB to some extent. Denial comes on a continuum. I don't think DHB meant that hearing parents did not recognize that their child was deaf, but there is an element of shock and confusion that comes when a hearing parent receives the diagnosis that their child is deaf. Since the vast majority have no experience with deafness, and their first introduction is through the medical industry, they naturally are exposed to the medical view first. Also, whenever anything happens to a child, the parent's first reaction is, "How do I fix this?" Think about when a child has even a cold...a parent's first reaction is to make the symptoms go away. When a toddler falls and scrapes their knee, the parent's first reaction is, "Come here. Mommy will make the boo-boo all better." That is not to say that such a reaction is wrong....just saying that it is a common reaction of all parents when something unexpected happpens to their child.

We, as a society, are conditioned to seek out medical treatment to "fix" everything from the common cold to deafness. So that a hearing parent who has been exposed to nothing but the medical view will naturally look that direction first. Just like when a child is diagnosed with ADD. The first reaction is to go get an RX from the doctor, not to seek behavioral modification. Even though research has shown that many cases of ADD can be treated with behavior mod alone, and all respond better to a combination of behavior mod and meds. We, as a society, are conditioned to look for the "quick fix" for everything, and hearing parents of deaf children are not excepted from this attitude.

Where the problems arise is when the parent has such difficulty in dealing with the fact that they have a child that has some unique needs, and is a bit different from the majority, projects those feelings onto the child and makes their first priorty making that child resemble a hearing child as closely as possible. And, unfortunately, there are those type of parents out there. Their reactions are based more on what they need to do to make themselves feel better about their child's deafness than on what the child actually needs to learn to live a full and productive life as a deaf person.

That is not to say, either, that every parent that seeks a CI for their child is operating from that perspective. But it has been shown that there are more parents in this category that adhere to strict oral upbringings, and often, the CI is a part of that. Does that mean that the CI is bad? No, it doesn't. It is a useful piece of technology for some, just as an HA is a useful piece of technology for some. It simply means that hearing parents are often not provided with the opportunity to explore alternative options before making a decision, and they are rarely offered services that will help them adjust to their child's deafness before they make a decision. And even when these services are offered, there are parents that, as a result of their own issues, that will never be satisfied with anything other than attempting to make their child into a reasonable facsimile of what they consider to be a "normal" kid (e.g. hearing). Is that true of ALL hearing parents? Is that true of ALL hearing parents that decide to implant their child. Of course not. Is it true for SOME hearing parents? Is it true for SOME hearing parents that implant their children? Of course it is.
 
jillio said:
Well, I am going to have to agree with DHB to some extent.
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What a surprise. The fact that you cannot bring yourself to stating what parts of his statement you disagree with, is not surprising however.

Being a hearing parent of a cochlear implanted child and having over twenty years experience of meeting and knowing hundreds of parents the overwhelming majority of cochlear implant parents have not only had the opportunity to explore other options, as many have combined those other options with the ci, but they have very well indeed adjusted to their child's deafness.

Please do not attempt to speak for us, for we do a great job doing so for ourselves and best of all, our kids do an even better job!
 
loml and Alley Cat,

Thanks for your posts! I have one more big experience coming up this month and that is my daughter's graduation from college! I cannot believe it, boy did it go way too fast!
Rick
 
rick48 said:
loml and Alley Cat,

Thanks for your posts! I have one more big experience coming up this month and that is my daughter's graduation from college! I cannot believe it, boy did it go way too fast!
Rick
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Congratulations !!! :)
 
rick48 said:
What a surprise. The fact that you cannot bring yourself to stating what parts of his statement you disagree with, is not surprising however.

Being a hearing parent of a cochlear implanted child and having over twenty years experience of meeting and knowing hundreds of parents the overwhelming majority of cochlear implant parents have not only had the opportunity to explore other options, as many have combined those other options with the ci, but they have very well indeed adjusted to their child's deafness.

Please do not attempt to speak for us, for we do a great job doing so for ourselves and best of all, our kids do an even better job!
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Why doesn't it surprise me that you did not look past the first sentence to the rest of the post that clarified exactly what I agreed with and what I disagreed with? More selective reading and quoting on your behalf.

No where have I attempted to speak for you. I was speaking in general terms, and referring to a well known phenomenon that has been supported time and time again. If it doesn't apply to you, so much the better. However, simply because you believe it does not apply to you 20+ years after the fact does not mean that it is not a common adjustment that all hearing parents go through when discovering that their child is deaf.

Congratulations to your daughter on her college graduation. I am certain that she has worked hard for her accomplishments. Just as my son, who is graduating from a major hearing university in June, with a GPA of 3.7, has worked hard for his achievements.
 
jillio said:
Congratulations to your daughter on her college graduation. I am certain that she has worked hard for her accomplishments. Just as my son, who is graduating from a major hearing university in June, with a GPA of 3.7, has worked hard for his achievements.
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Yes, she worked hard at college, really enjoyed it and actually found time to study at least once a semester! Well for once we may have found common ground as I am certain that you are very proud of your son and his accomplishments, and you should be.

However, if you say you are more proud than me.....
Rick
 
rick, on the other hand............I have to say that it does seem like AG Bell and AVT really do "sell" the idea that going oral only is more "normal"
They don't come right out and say it..........but just look at the language used in advertisments in Volta Voices. I remember one ad for an auditory verbal program that really emphasized without coming out and saying it, that AVT was a good idea b/c it didn't use any " special ed" methods like speechreading.
I do think some (not all) parents are sold a bill of goods that oral only is more "healthy and normal" and that ASL is a "crutch" or special needs.
Organizations like AG Bell capitalize on the grief that a lot of parents have from having a special needs child.
 
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