Why?

jillio

jillio

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You know, I just don't get it. The name of this board is Alldeaf. That makes it pretty obvious that it is a deaf message board. As a hearing person, I consider that I am here as a guest of deaf members. This is their board and they allow me to participate.

So why is it that so many hearing parents come to this site, and then rather than show the deaf members the respect they deserve, spend all their time posting comments that denigrate the deaf experience and try to convince them that what ever they think, feel, or believe is wrong? If a person is hearing, and they see comments from deaf posters that they don't agree with, there is always the option of leaving the site. Hearies are guests here, and need to behave accordingly.

I came to this board because now that my son is in college and away from home, I don't have as much contact with the deaf community as I used to have, and I missed it. I came here to make new friends. And I have done that, and I enjoy chatting with almost all here.:giggle: And I know that I can sometimes be very outspoken about some issues, but I just do not understand the attitude of a hearing person being a guest here and then telling a deaf poster that they are wrong about what it is to be deaf, and that the hearing way of life is so much better.

I don't know....just frustrated, I guess!
 
jillio, Great vent just excellent! I do matter of fact understand how you must be feeling, no better words can describe anything better than your post. ;)
 
:cheers: Jillo!!!!

yea, that was the thought or assumption when I first found out about this site and joined. I saw the CI threads and found them so interesting and saw questions from hearing parents of deaf children so I answered them and shared my experiences and then things got ugly. Dont know how but lately, I have been getting all these old bitter feelings coming back whenever I read posts about how being hearing is being better than deaf or that there is no need for sign language and blah blah. Just brings back my issues of how I was treated as inferior as a child simply because I am deaf. Of course, I tried my best not to lash out or insult people but instead I become very sarcastic. If they dont like it then stop saying things like that about Deaf people or sign language.
 
:ty: Thanks Cheri and Shel! I just have the belief that if you truly want to be a part of the culture, and you are doing it for the benefit of your child, then you approach the Deaf community on THEIR terms. But some people seem to expect that the deaf must approach the hearing culture on hearing terms, and then also expect that the Deaf culture will change to accommodate the hearing view. I just find that very arrogant.
 
jillio said:
:ty: Thanks Cheri and Shel! I just have the belief that if you truly want to be a part of the culture, and you are doing it for the benefit of your child, then you approach the Deaf community on THEIR terms. But some people seem to expect that the deaf must approach the hearing culture on hearing terms, and then also expect that the Deaf culture will change to accommodate the hearing view. I just find that very arrogant.
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Yea..that why I became :confused: when they started arguing with me about my beliefs due to my experiences.
 
Exactly! How can you say that what someone has experienced is wrong--especially when it something yo have never been through?
 
Good thread, Jillos

I debated at CI threads in thousand of times like you and Shel90 in the past. My knowledge is being ignore and claim that I have a little knowledge about CI issues.

They belittle my knowledge of CI on children and the parents of CI children in real life. I feel as I talk to brick wall when I debate with them... They refused to accept my knowledge in real life what I learn from the parent of CI children and also CI children themselves... They refused to hear when I said to them that some parents of CI children are regret to implant their babies....

That´s why I am retire of CI debate threads but I only visit and read their posts and make little posts if there´re necassary...
 
Yeah I've noticed that as well... Rather than belitte the Deaf people here, the hearing people should at least be helpful and understanding.
 
Great vent Jillo, you all said pretty much what I was going to say here, so I agree with everyone in this thread!!
 
I'm not a member long enough to have any input about the hearing people and deaf issues. I'm still trying to learn my way around here in the forum. Some of the threads are so long that I can't follow them.
You know the term: "to be there, is to know" or something like that.
Suzi
 
too often deaf draw the battle lines on deaf vs hearing, instead of the individuals. the fact that i am hearing does not mean i should have to tiptoe my way through this board, or in real life around deafies. If you have to modify your behaqvior around a group of people, you shouldn't be acting that way in the first place.


the hearing parents who come here, have a very valid argument to make, when people tell them they are flat out wrong in thier decision regarding thier child.


if you guys don't want hearing people to post here anymore, than ban all of us.....if you would argue there is some good hearies here that you wouldn't wanna ban, then stop generalizing the problem as a hearing one. and blame the individuals.


im so tired of the us vs them mentality
 
Ariakkas said:
too often deaf draw the battle lines on deaf vs hearing, instead of the individuals. the fact that i am hearing does not mean i should have to tiptoe my way through this board, or in real life around deafies. If you have to modify your behaqvior around a group of people, you shouldn't be acting that way in the first place.


the hearing parents who come here, have a very valid argument to make, when people tell them they are flat out wrong in thier decision regarding thier child.


if you guys don't want hearing people to post here anymore, than ban all of us.....if you would argue there is some good hearies here that you wouldn't wanna ban, then stop generalizing the problem as a hearing one. and blame the individuals.


im so tired of the us vs them mentality
Click to expand...

Jillo said "many" hearing people. She wasnt implying all hearing people...heck, she is hearing herself.

I am tired of the us vs them mentality which is why i posted another thread about it...

However..what do u suggest to Deaf people if hearing people put down sign language or say stuff to imply that being hearing is better than being deaf? Think we should sit back quietly and let people degrade our values?

If parents dont want us to be hostile to them about their decisions or whatever, that's fine but I expect them not to belittle our values too.
 
jillio said:
You know, I just don't get it. The name of this board is Alldeaf. That makes it pretty obvious that it is a deaf message board. As a hearing person, I consider that I am here as a guest of deaf members. This is their board and they allow me to participate.

So why is it that so many hearing parents come to this site, and then rather than show the deaf members the respect they deserve, spend all their time posting comments that denigrate the deaf experience and try to convince them that what ever they think, feel, or believe is wrong? If a person is hearing, and they see comments from deaf posters that they don't agree with, there is always the option of leaving the site. Hearies are guests here, and need to behave accordingly.

I came to this board because now that my son is in college and away from home, I don't have as much contact with the deaf community as I used to have, and I missed it. I came here to make new friends. And I have done that, and I enjoy chatting with almost all here.:giggle: And I know that I can sometimes be very outspoken about some issues, but I just do not understand the attitude of a hearing person being a guest here and then telling a deaf poster that they are wrong about what it is to be deaf, and that the hearing way of life is so much better.

I don't know....just frustrated, I guess!
Click to expand...

:gpost: :gpost: :gpost: :gpost: :gpost:
 
Jillio
Very good venting. hope Lots ppl read your post!
this is why LMM don't post, because same reason she was put down for her typing. Yes I have relpy a few times for her. But people even put me down!

Sorry to say this, But people here cloud have learn alot from LMM. Her day 7 night, She Live's & Breath ASL, Deaf life.
She has terps for Dr.Hospital appt's etc.... She could of help others, but did they treat her fair? No.
Her basic language is ASL. I have question her on some questions that was ask on the board. If they were doing the ASL sign correct. She then would tell me the sign was S.E.E. Or I would know w/o asking her. People ask other How to terp ASL words into English on paper, Some of those answer were VERY wrong. ASL grammer & santax is a Very important tool to ASL.

There is 1 person on this board that knows LMM is a true Proud Deaf.LMM & other person very close friends. This person is another proud deaf. This person is Cap Deaf even thou has Very good hearing. Why is person Cap Deaf? Because person is total invoild in the deaf & works very hard w/them. Make sure they have terps for their appts. Supplies the hospitals & doctors w/ terps & now getting C.A.R.T.S. in the office's.
This person knows whom I'm speaking of. LMM is Very greatfull to this person & the ppl who work @ office. This person has seen frist hand how LMM gets mad at hospital not calling for an terp. How hospital thinks they can use pen & paper. that may be fine w/ some deaf/hoh. But LMM don't read English like most deaf/hoh. When she writes back its same some what if she was signing. She has to keep writing short or she can confuse hearing people. Longer writing, You can tell how the detail of her ASL. Not easy if you have no idea of ASL. It takes someone who knows ASL to terp what she had written.
She would loved to have helped put here w/ my or her friends help. But no such help from her now.
I do hope that this board, Can open their eyes and Listen what the Deaf do have to say. Maybe if people prove that they will listen, Maybe we can have LMM help.


=jillio;775093]You know, I just don't get it. The name of this board is Alldeaf. That makes it pretty obvious that it is a deaf message board. As a hearing person, I consider that I am here as a guest of deaf members. This is their board and they allow me to participate.

So why is it that so many hearing parents come to this site, and then rather than show the deaf members the respect they deserve, spend all their time posting comments that denigrate the deaf experience and try to convince them that what ever they think, feel, or believe is wrong? If a person is hearing, and they see comments from deaf posters that they don't agree with, there is always the option of leaving the site. Hearies are guests here, and need to behave accordingly.

I came to this board because now that my son is in college and away from home, I don't have as much contact with the deaf community as I used to have, and I missed it. I came here to make new friends. And I have done that, and I enjoy chatting with almost all here.:giggle: And I know that I can sometimes be very outspoken about some issues, but I just do not understand the attitude of a hearing person being a guest here and then telling a deaf poster that they are wrong about what it is to be deaf, and that the hearing way of life is so much better.

I don't know....just frustrated, I guess![/QUOTE]
 
Ariakkas said:
too often deaf draw the battle lines on deaf vs hearing, instead of the individuals. the fact that i am hearing does not mean i should have to tiptoe my way through this board, or in real life around deafies. If you have to modify your behaqvior around a group of people, you shouldn't be acting that way in the first place.


the hearing parents who come here, have a very valid argument to make, when people tell them they are flat out wrong in thier decision regarding thier child.


if you guys don't want hearing people to post here anymore, than ban all of us.....if you would argue there is some good hearies here that you wouldn't wanna ban, then stop generalizing the problem as a hearing one. and blame the individuals.


im so tired of the us vs them mentality
Click to expand...

I do not agree with some hearing parents who raise their deaf child. I will be honest with u, it is really sad because many of them are in denied they harm their deaf child. It is none of my business but it is sad when they refuse to listen to us from our own expeirneces. I suffered alot because of them and their mistakes on us. I do not want to see new generation to suffer same fate as our generation did. I am now upset that u think we are against hearing which it is full of lies. I have no respect for u now after read this. I am independent and married to hearing man so I have a good job even thou I do not wear ha or CI. I already prove to myself and to people whom I meet on the street that deaf people can do those stuffs without CI or HA. It is beautiful things between them and me, they learn to accept me for who I am and they are so thrilled to have me as their serivce. Now I read this, what is hell that? Who are u judge us? I guess u are one of the parent? dunno but thank God my parents were so much for me and deaf community.

anyway Jillio, well said. Thank u for be there for us and deaf children.
 
Ariakkas said:
too often deaf draw the battle lines on deaf vs hearing, instead of the individuals. the fact that i am hearing does not mean i should have to tiptoe my way through this board, or in real life around deafies. If you have to modify your behaqvior around a group of people, you shouldn't be acting that way in the first place.


the hearing parents who come here, have a very valid argument to make, when people tell them they are flat out wrong in thier decision regarding thier child.


if you guys don't want hearing people to post here anymore, than ban all of us.....if you would argue there is some good hearies here that you wouldn't wanna ban, then stop generalizing the problem as a hearing one. and blame the individuals.


im so tired of the us vs them mentality
Click to expand...

I never said hearing people should not be posting. As shel pointed out, I am hearing myself. What I want is for the hearing posters to stop disrespecting the life experiences and the opinions of the deaf, and to realize that there is a long and proud history behind the deaf community. What I would like to see is for some of these hearing posters to perhaps read a few books on deaf history, to learn exactly what the issues are between ASL and signed English systems, to gain an understanding of what deaf culture is before they decided and state that the Deaf communicty does not have very valid and understandable reasons for their beliefs and their opinions. And to understand as well, that no deaf poster here is obligated to share their life experience with hearing parents--they do so in an attempt to help those deaf children they don't even know. That needs to be appreciated and treated with respect for the gift that it is.

The them vs us mentality, if you will read deaf history, exists because the hearing world has made it so, not because the Deaf world has made it so.
 
:ty: :ty: :ty: Everyone ! The fact that I have received support from the d/D posters tells me that I am getting it right. And it is important to me to get it right, because that is the only way that I can share the biggest part of my son's life with him. He tries to share the hearing world with me, and I only want to be able to understand and share his Deaf world with him, and with the wonderful and valuable d/D friends I have made over the years. Thank you all again.
 
Good posts Jillo. I think your son is very lucky to have a mother like you.
 
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