Why?

hearingfriend said:
I am hearing and I came here to learn. As with any other culture--whether the Deaf culture, or black culture, or male culture--being open minded, tolerant and respectful are the keys. All cultures have so much to learn and share if it is done with love. So many people lash out because of their own fear.

I appreciate being able to come here as a hearing person and learn.
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Welcome to AD. My son attended school n Cincinnati--St. Rita School for the Deaf.
 
St. Rita!

jillio said:
Welcome to AD. My son attended school n Cincinnati--St. Rita School for the Deaf.
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HEY, I am taking sign language classes at St. Rita!! I love the school and have met many, many wonderful people there: Joyce Babel, her daughter Beth Powers, Charlene Walker, Peter Keller (and his dog Goldie)...
 
Ariakkas said:
i work at a residential deaf school, socialize exclusively with deaf, and have a deaf girlfriend. needless to say, i have a huge heart for deaf.

that said, i constantly deal with the "us vs them" mentality simply because i am hearing. If a deaf person offends another deaf person at work, its largely ignored, if a hearing does it, its somehow hearing opression against deaf.

ive even seen this pertain to mainstreamed deaf vs residential deaf.


the problem you have is with "individuals" that come here and dont respect the views of deaf people. but simply being deaf doesn't mean your view is automatically more valid than a hearing persons, and vice versa.

i hate labels and want to get rid of them. we are all just people. there is no black/white, tall/short, fat/skinny, deaf/hearing. we are all people
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I am unaware of the posts the OP is referring to, but I think it's got to be hard for a parent who is thrown into the deaf community, never having any contact with a deaf person before. They come here and they read post after post filled with hatred towards hearing people. Also, there are a lot of "deaf people are better" posts. It goes both ways. :(
 
hearingfriend said:
HEY, I am taking sign language classes at St. Rita!! I love the school and have met many, many wonderful people there: Joyce Babel, her daughter Beth Powers, Charlene Walker, Peter Keller (and his dog Goldie)...
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Joyce is great--tell her P.J.'s mom said Hi! And so is Charlene--she was fairly new there when my son was there. Goldie is so much fun--is she still running out on the soccer fields during practice to play with the kids?
 
jillio said:
Joyce is great--tell her P.J.'s mom said Hi! And so is Charlene--she was fairly new there when my son was there. Goldie is so much fun--is she still running out on the soccer fields during practice to play with the kids?
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I see Goldie on Monday evenings when I take the sign language lab and on Wednesdays evenings when I take class so not sure about running around on the soccer field. I love that dog and have told Peter many times I want her! I love that I can even practice sign language with her...I tried telling her to sit and stay one time but she didn't understand until I signed it to her!
 
hearingfriend said:
I see Goldie on Monday evenings when I take the sign language lab and on Wednesdays evenings when I take class so not sure about running around on the soccer field. I love that dog and have told Peter many times I want her! I love that I can even practice sign language with her...I tried telling her to sit and stay one time but she didn't understand until I signed it to her!
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Yeah, she's pretty amazing! Just like one of the kids! Keep up the good work at St. Rita, and let me know what is going on down there. It is a wonderful school, at one time, had the highest lieracy rates in the country. And as you know, has several international students.
 
After yesterday's bashings with some of these parents, I really seriously believe that those parents have no respect for deaf people without CIs. It seems like they have such a hard time believing that deaf people DO FINE without CIs and it seems like they want to hide any bad stories relating to CIs so they bash anyone who starts such threads. It is interesting that many of us without CIs have come to the parents' threads about their own children with CIs and gave them support but yet they tell us that our negative stories are BS or accuse us of anti-CIers which is not true. Something is funny with the picture here? It is that attitude that I really really hate and I will not respect those who have that attitude that CIs are the answer for EVERY deaf person. If it was, none of those deaf kids with CIs would still have a need for a visual language...geez!

They patronize me so I am just venting here cuz all my life I had hearing people patronize me cuz they looked down on me and then here this happens again. No...f*ck that! I have come a long way from being put down and it aint happening again. I cant believe that they are so blind on what they are doing. It is unbelievable.

Now, I feel better. :giggle:
 
vrsterp said:
I am unaware of the posts the OP is referring to, but I think it's got to be hard for a parent who is thrown into the deaf community, never having any contact with a deaf person before. They come here and they read post after post filled with hatred towards hearing people. Also, there are a lot of "deaf people are better" posts. It goes both ways. :(
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I understand that but the opposite is what is Jillo is venting about. It is the attitude that being "hearing or being able to hear" is better than deaf or being deaf. Everyone is different..some people want to hear and if it works, great...some people are happy to be deaf and dont need to fix their deafness so respect that too (not u literally but to those who cant see that).
 
shel90 said:
After yesterday's bashings with some of these parents, I really seriously believe that those parents have no respect for deaf people without CIs. It seems like they have such a hard time believing that deaf people DO FINE without CIs and it seems like they want to hide any bad stories relating to CIs so they bash anyone who starts such threads. It is interesting that many of us without CIs have come to the parents' threads about their own children with CIs and gave them support but yet they tell us that our negative stories are BS or accuse us of anti-CIers which is not true. Something is funny with the picture here? It is that attitude that I really really hate and I will not respect those who have that attitude that CIs are the answer for EVERY deaf person. If it was, none of those deaf kids with CIs would still have a need for a visual language...geez!

They patronize me so I am just venting here cuz all my life I had hearing people patronize me cuz they looked down on me and then here this happens again. No...f*ck that! I have come a long way from being put down and it aint happening again. I cant believe that they are so blind on what they are doing. It is unbelievable.

Now, I feel better. :giggle:
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Good vent shel! And I'm glad you feel better. I know I get caught up in the bashing back, but sometimes I just get so frustrated when they act like they are the only ones who have the answers and deaf people who choose not to use CI or parents who allow their deaf children to make their own choices are idiots.:pissed: We've got oneparent whose child is still so young that he has no idea what is going to happen with her education, or how she chooses to id herself after the hearing world has treated her like shyte, and nother who tells us what a wonderful successs he has had parenting a deaf child, then in another thread says he gives all the credit to his wife:dunno: That tells me that he probably doesn't have a clue what is going on and is only here because he never even developed the kind of relationship with his daughter that is close enough for him to truly understand what she goes through. Then in another thread, he says that she is now (as a young adult) learning sign and making several signing deaf friends. Sound familiar? It's the same story heard from yound deaf adults who were raised orally for years and years.

There seems to be no consideration for the fact that these parents have contact with one deaf person--their own child-- yet they think they are experts. They never bother to take into account that most of us-both deaf and hearing-that post here have contact with the deaf community on a daily basis, and some of us work with these deaf kids and deaf young adults that they think they know so much about. My experience tells me that htey don't know anything because these kids tell a different story.

Guess it was my turn to vent!:giggle:
 
i cant say that I have read many of the postings on here but as a HOH person I am so grateful to be able to read of others experiences, their frustration, their hurt , their happiness, its just wonderful really. I do know what you mean about how on earth can people who have no experience whatsoever of being either HOH or deaf comment on how it would feel or a deaf persons views !! I once had a 5 day course on a deaf/blind person, I had to go around for the day with ear-muffs on and a blindfold and the only means of comunication was to use the deaf/blind manual ( finger spelling ) and THAT experience was totally amazing, it gave me 100% insight ( for just a day ) into thier world. Even though I am HOH, and I find it very very frustrating at times, I can at least make out certain things in conversations and I can see peoples expressions and their body language.

When you talk to someone who is deaf/blind, they can't SEE or HEAR your conversation, they can only FEEL the letters on their hands, so they can't know if you are upset or happy or whatever, you can't express that by touch..... it's another world altogether.......... If you are "over the moon " about something and you want to tell them, it comes across as very very bland and you cant get across just how thrilled you are......
 
hearingfriend said:
HEY, I am taking sign language classes at St. Rita!! I love the school and have met many, many wonderful people there: Joyce Babel, her daughter Beth Powers, Charlene Walker, Peter Keller (and his dog Goldie)...
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good on you for takling up Sign Language to help others, its people like yourself that need a hug because you have gone out of your way to learn the signs and then put them into practice, well done.

I too learned sign language because I am HOH and thought that it would com ein very needy, the sign language stage 2 was very very hard indeed, and even though I failed it ( I passed the stage 1 ) I went on the learn deaf/blind manual which I enjoy very much.
 
shel90 said:
After yesterday's bashings with some of these parents, I really seriously believe that those parents have no respect for deaf people without CIs. It seems like they have such a hard time believing that deaf people DO FINE without CIs and it seems like they want to hide any bad stories relating to CIs so they bash anyone who starts such threads. It is interesting that many of us without CIs have come to the parents' threads about their own children with CIs and gave them support but yet they tell us that our negative stories are BS or accuse us of anti-CIers which is not true. Something is funny with the picture here? It is that attitude that I really really hate and I will not respect those who have that attitude that CIs are the answer for EVERY deaf person. If it was, none of those deaf kids with CIs would still have a need for a visual language...geez!

They patronize me so I am just venting here cuz all my life I had hearing people patronize me cuz they looked down on me and then here this happens again. No...f*ck that! I have come a long way from being put down and it aint happening again. I cant believe that they are so blind on what they are doing. It is unbelievable.

Now, I feel better. :giggle:
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You nailed it!

If they do not need the deaf community, like they state, they should at least stop going to this board and go to a board called "allhearing.com" or "allCI.com". It's so incoherent, I don't understand they don't see it. It gives me a impression they are here for some insecure reasons, trying to put those who have different experiences down.

A bit offtopic:
This bashing reminds me a of the marijuana debate. Some of those who smoke, says they are doing great, while scientist and psychologist who deals with many of those people, do findings that shows some bad downsides of pot. But some of those smokers still are very defensive to the downsides that exists. They attacks the science/goverment for lying, and only accept scientifical findings that shows the upside of pot smoking. They even go for campaigns that ignore all downsides of pot smoking, and promotes it can save the world. The pot business is a billion dollar one, and it gives many people a brighter reality, at least for a while. And now, change pot with CI to see the similarities, sure this comparision is flawed, but still some similar traits.

Ok, closing that vent again..

Hope I did not give anyone the idea to ask their children to smoke weed :)
 
jillio said:
So why is it that so many hearing parents come to this site, and then rather than show the deaf members the respect they deserve, spend all their time posting comments that denigrate the deaf experience and try to convince them that what ever they think, feel, or believe is wrong? If a person is hearing, and they see comments from deaf posters that they don't agree with, there is always the option of leaving the site. Hearies are guests here, and need to behave accordingly.
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Because they want quick and easy answers -- Or answers that reassure them. There are none, but they don't know that.

If their son is born without a leg the doctor says, "We will give your son an artificial leg and everything will be just fine." So they give him an artificial leg and pretend everything is fine until a few years later when he wants to play football and can't and goes through a trauma because he is not like other kids. Then the psychologist says, "That is all right we will send him to counseling and everything will be just fine." So they send him to counseling and pretend everything is just fine. If the counseling doesn't work it is the child's fault -- He didn't adopt the right attitude. Otherwise things would be just fine.

Of course things are never just fine and the easy answers never really work -- but people can pretend.

When a child is deaf there is no pretending: There is no way to just hand the problem over to the experts and "Let them fix it": There is no way to avoid direct involvement in an ongoing situation that may get worse instead of better -- And the parent is the most likely person to get blamed for anything and everything that goes wrong.

To make it worse the child looks -- "just fine". There is no sympathy factor for the parent to bravely face when people say, "Oh you poor parent to have such a problem as this!" Baron Von Munchausen doesn't live here.

And now you are telling them instead of bragging "My baby just learned how to say 'Mommy' today." They are going to have to tell people, "I just learned how to sign 'Mommy' today."

They suddenly have a problem: "How do I come out of this looking like anything but an idiot?"

Not looking like an idiot is very important to most people. (Not to me. When you have looked as idiotic as I have for as long as I have it feels comfortable to you.)

Then they put this problem above the problem the child faces: "I need language and I need language NOW. I need to know what the hell is going on with you people out there."

Actually no one seems to think at all about what the child needs now. Every conversation I've heard concerns success in school, success in the work force, etc. ect. etc. The child's future, not the child's present, becomes the pressing issue.

Of course the parents lash out with fear and anger. They lash out at each other, at you, and even at the child.

You are trying to answer the parents questions, but you know what? I think what they really need to hear and understand is that they and their child are starting out on a brand new adventure -- And you know what else?

It can be fun.
 
Cloggy said:
Totally agree.!
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If you agree, then please stop denigrating the experiences of those who post on this board and are in disagreement with your particular experience. They have experience of what is, you only have it as an observer.
 
After yesterday's bashings with some of these parents, I really seriously believe that those parents have no respect for deaf people without CIs. It seems like they have such a hard time believing that deaf people DO FINE without CIs and it seems like they want to hide any bad stories relating to CIs so they bash anyone who starts such threads. It is interesting that many of us without CIs have come to the parents' threads about their own children with CIs and gave them support but yet they tell us that our negative stories are BS or accuse us of anti-CIers which is not true. Something is funny with the picture here? It is that attitude that I really really hate and I will not respect those who have that attitude that CIs are the answer for EVERY deaf person. If it was, none of those deaf kids with CIs would still have a need for a visual language...geez!

They patronize me so I am just venting here cuz all my life I had hearing people patronize me cuz they looked down on me and then here this happens again. No...f*ck that! I have come a long way from being put down and it aint happening again. I cant believe that they are so blind on what they are doing. It is unbelievable.

Now, I feel better.
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shel you need a good stiff drink and a hug!:grouphug: :cheers:
 
jillio said:
If you agree, then please stop denigrating the experiences of those who post on this board and are in disagreement with your particular experience. They have experience of what is, you only have it as an observer.
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I have the experience of raising a deaf child with CI. YOU do not have that.

So please stop denigrating the experiences of those who post on this board and are in disagreement with your particular experience. They have experience of what is, you only have it as an observer.
 
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