Why I am going through a tough/emotional situation

[shel90]

I hope things go a bit better for you shel90

I am actually in an ok mood thanks to my job. Kept my mind off of things. Thanks!

 

[shel90]

I am so sorry Here


I have noticed my friend's ex husband attempted to pull the kids live with him because a husband does not want pay child support! Furthermore, I have seen ex husband made to brainwash the children turn against the mother!

I know it is so disdaining from divorce things!


You will get through it!

Thanks..hugs!

I hope he doesnt brainwash my daughter against me but my daughter will most likely figure it out when she is older because I will show her nothing but love and support.

 

[shel90]

My ex hubby is the kind of person who wants full control of everything and he couldnt stand it that I didnt enforce the same rules as he does in my own household.

He says he is moving to AZ because his mom is dying and he needs to be there to help his family take care of her. In the Mexican culture, the oldest son bears the responsibility for the family and he is the oldest son out of 6 siblings. I can understand that but to say the stuff to my daughter to convince her to change her mind about going is what I do not appreciate at all. He has always done that BS so after 10 years, I am just fed up with it all.

Jiro made a very good point..with both of them on the other side of the country, I will be done with putting up with his accusations, threats and other drama and my daughter will get to spend time with my mom and dad and the rest of my family who are still in AZ so that helped me.

I am not going to hold onto the anger against him or the situation because that would be a waste of my time and energy. I just hope he can look at himself in the mirror and feel good about himself for what he did.

I will just focus on my hubby, son and my brother and enjoy my time with them instead of wasting it by being bitter and vengencful.

I cant wait to go to NYC this Sat and just let loose!

 

[deafskeptic]

Many of you have wondered why I made comments in some threads and comments on FB.

I will just give a brief summary of what happened:

This was the weekend from hell. On Friday night, my ex hubby and my daughter confronted me without warning that my daughter is going to move with him to AZ. I was told in the parking lot of my ex hubby's work and to say at the least, I was completely speechless and at loss for words. I asked him when..he said the end of February of this year. I started crying and he kept saying that I wasnt showing support for my daughter's decision by acting like that which was pretty cruel of him. It made everything worse. To summarize, the scenario became an ugly one.

I just feel dead inside and just trying to make it day to day. I almost dropped my plans to go to NYC next weekend but after chatting on aim with Jiro, he helped me to see things from a more positive point of view. Plus, talking with my mom, my dad and my best friend also helped. I just feel so blessed that so many people dropped whatever they were doing to give me the support I needed. My hubby was shocked too and told my daughter that it wasnt cool to do that to me by not telling me what was wrong with her for a week and keeping it from me only to have her dad tell me on the spot.

To make things worse, I found out some things about my ex on Sat but I wont say it here but there were some lies and manipulation involved.

My emotions are really all over the place..Sat, I felt ok, yesterday, I felt anger and today I feel like panicking because I cant stop thinking about my son and how that will affect him.

Now, you know why I said that 2010 is already ruined for me.

Thanks everyone

I'm sorry about your weekend and your year.

 

[Bebonang]

Well, what more can I say about what happen to your daughter (I assume she must be preteen) when she decide to go with her Dad? I am sorry that it was a shock to you about what your ex-husband and your daughter had to announced to you about moving to AZ. Come to think of it, is it common for girls wanting to live with Dads like sons want to live with Moms? Girls look up for attention with Dads like starve for wanting to have real Dad instead of her stepfather. The only thing is to have her sit down with you and talk about her personal problems between you and your daughter. If she insist that she still want to go to AZ with her Dad. Then that's it.

I do hope everything will work out for you and your daughter to make amend to each other. I am really glad that you have family members like your Mom and Dad. They will be there for your daughter and watch over her. It is sad to have to let her go and it is not right. I feel for you very much, Shel.

 

[Buffalo]

Shel, one good thing is that it will be all over when the girl turns 18. You won't have to see your ex again (except at the daughter's wedding).

 

[LDNanna]

Buffalo, I used to think the same thing. Then - grandchildren!!

Shel, have fun in NYC. It will be good to go and enjoy yourself. It is true that you are well liked and supported here. It is wonderful that you will be able to meet and enjoy friends at a time like this. Things have a way of working out. Time will tell. Now go have fun.

 

[candyon9]

Hi there,

I don't chat much here, but this post caught my eye and I hope you don't mind my input. I had a very similar thing happen to me when my daughter was 13.

My ex lived in another province, and my daughter went to visit him. It was during the school year and the two weeks she visited he allowed her to shop, stay out past curfew, skip school work and promised her a job.

Of course, the grass looked really green to her. At home ( my home ) she had curfew,chores, schoolwork, and had to save money in order to shop. Most teens, especially mine, don't yet have the capabilities to see the clear picture of consequences and future goals. They live in the moment and in whatever situation looks the most inviting.

My ex and daughter also blindsided me, and told me at the airport when she returned. She walked off the plane and he text me on the cell phone. LIke you, I was speechless, devastated and shocked.

At first I said.. FINE. You can go, but after I thought it through for a few days, i realized that it was just another test of adolescents. I sat her down and told her.. not a chance was she moving. Of course, she had a temper tantrum.. yelled and screamed, cried..but at the same time.. despite her best efforts, her eyes lit up and I could see she was relieved.

She never moved and it's now 9 years later. She is an adult now and sees clearly and thanks me everytime the topic comes up. She can now understand the theory of "grass being greener" My ex also had spent some time trashing me, and at the time, she was quite willing to believe it. Now she sees differently and questions what his motive was.. why would he say bad things about her mother.. especially when I never said anything bad about him?

The only advice I have is ... you know your daughter and your situation best. If you feel your daughter will reap the benefits of living with her father... trust that the day will come when she looks up and says.. It wasn't nice that dad talked trash about Mom. They all eventually grow up and see the divorce situation through the eyes of an adult.

I hope, whatever decision you make, that all will work out for everyone involved. Being a Mom is such a hard and heartbreaking job sometimes. Teenagers are such buggers.. smile.

Best of Luck with it all. Sending positive thoughts your way!

 

[DGirl101]

My ex hubby is the kind of person who wants full control of everything and he couldnt stand it that I didnt enforce the same rules as he does in my own household.

He says he is moving to AZ because his mom is dying and he needs to be there to help his family take care of her. In the Mexican culture, the oldest son bears the responsibility for the family and he is the oldest son out of 6 siblings. I can understand that but to say the stuff to my daughter to convince her to change her mind about going is what I do not appreciate at all. He has always done that BS so after 10 years, I am just fed up with it all.

Jiro made a very good point..with both of them on the other side of the country, I will be done with putting up with his accusations, threats and other drama and my daughter will get to spend time with my mom and dad and the rest of my family who are still in AZ so that helped me.

I am not going to hold onto the anger against him or the situation because that would be a waste of my time and energy. I just hope he can look at himself in the mirror and feel good about himself for what he did.

I will just focus on my hubby, son and my brother and enjoy my time with them instead of wasting it by being bitter and vengencful.

I cant wait to go to NYC this Sat and just let loose!

Have fun in NYC....!

 

[LuciaDisturbed]

Many of you have wondered why I made comments in some threads and comments on FB.

I will just give a brief summary of what happened:

This was the weekend from hell. On Friday night, my ex hubby and my daughter confronted me without warning that my daughter is going to move with him to AZ. I was told in the parking lot of my ex hubby's work and to say at the least, I was completely speechless and at loss for words. I asked him when..he said the end of February of this year. I started crying and he kept saying that I wasnt showing support for my daughter's decision by acting like that which was pretty cruel of him. It made everything worse. To summarize, the scenario became an ugly one.

I just feel dead inside and just trying to make it day to day. I almost dropped my plans to go to NYC next weekend but after chatting on aim with Jiro, he helped me to see things from a more positive point of view. Plus, talking with my mom, my dad and my best friend also helped. I just feel so blessed that so many people dropped whatever they were doing to give me the support I needed. My hubby was shocked too and told my daughter that it wasnt cool to do that to me by not telling me what was wrong with her for a week and keeping it from me only to have her dad tell me on the spot.

To make things worse, I found out some things about my ex on Sat but I wont say it here but there were some lies and manipulation involved.

My emotions are really all over the place..Sat, I felt ok, yesterday, I felt anger and today I feel like panicking because I cant stop thinking about my son and how that will affect him.

Now, you know why I said that 2010 is already ruined for me.

Thanks everyone

Oh Shel90, that's terrible! You must be so heartbroken to have your daughter taken away from you. What your ex is doing is not fair to you. He should have discussed this with you first before actually deciding to take your daughter and move to Arizona with her on such short notice. Out of curiosity, how old is your daughter?

Here is a big hug to you from me! We are all here for you!

 

[Bebonang]

Hi there,

I don't chat much here, but this post caught my eye and I hope you don't mind my input. I had a very similar thing happen to me when my daughter was 13.

My ex lived in another province, and my daughter went to visit him. It was during the school year and the two weeks she visited he allowed her to shop, stay out past curfew, skip school work and promised her a job.

Of course, the grass looked really green to her. At home ( my home ) she had curfew,chores, schoolwork, and had to save money in order to shop. Most teens, especially mine, don't yet have the capabilities to see the clear picture of consequences and future goals. They live in the moment and in whatever situation looks the most inviting.

My ex and daughter also blindsided me, and told me at the airport when she returned. She walked off the plane and he text me on the cell phone. LIke you, I was speechless, devastated and shocked.

At first I said.. FINE. You can go, but after I thought it through for a few days, i realized that it was just another test of adolescents. I sat her down and told her.. not a chance was she moving. Of course, she had a temper tantrum.. yelled and screamed, cried..but at the same time.. despite her best efforts, her eyes lit up and I could see she was relieved.

She never moved and it's now 9 years later. She is an adult now and sees clearly and thanks me everytime the topic comes up. She can now understand the theory of "grass being greener" My ex also had spent some time trashing me, and at the time, she was quite willing to believe it. Now she sees differently and questions what his motive was.. why would he say bad things about her mother.. especially when I never said anything bad about him?

The only advice I have is ... you know your daughter and your situation best. If you feel your daughter will reap the benefits of living with her father... trust that the day will come when she looks up and says.. It wasn't nice that dad talked trash about Mom. They all eventually grow up and see the divorce situation through the eyes of an adult.

I hope, whatever decision you make, that all will work out for everyone involved. Being a Mom is such a hard and heartbreaking job sometimes. Teenagers are such buggers.. smile.

Best of Luck with it all. Sending positive thoughts your way!

I like what you said and I agree with you. to AllDeaf. I am very glad that you post here. for your input.

 

[shel90]

Thanks everyone. I am better emotionally and my mom has plans for her when she is in AZ. As long as she does stuff with my mom, dad, and other family there in AZ, I will be ok about this.

The only thing I hate about this is my son not having his sister around most of the time. If I didnt have my son, I probably could handle this whole thing better but I get emotional every time I think about how my son will be confused to where his sister is and why she hasnt been home in a long time. Ugh. Sometimes, I wish I had a 3rd child. Oh well. Hope my brother and his girlfriend get married and have babies soon but they just started dating...dammit!

 

[KristinaB]

Thanks everyone. I am better emotionally and my mom has plans for her when she is in AZ. As long as she does stuff with my mom, dad, and other family there in AZ, I will be ok about this.

The only thing I hate about this is my son not having his sister around most of the time. If I didnt have my son, I probably could handle this whole thing better but I get emotional every time I think about how my son will be confused to where his sister is and why she hasnt been home in a long time. Ugh. Sometimes, I wish I had a 3rd child. Oh well. Hope my brother and his girlfriend get married and have babies soon but they just started dating...dammit!

Make sure they keep in touch by snail mail, email and if possible, video phone. That will help a lot. I almost would pick up a bunch of cards (like a box or two)and the stamps so your daughter could send them often to your son. He will love getting the mail, and if she could add a photo here and there, that would make his day and lesson any hurt and sadness.

 

[Cheri]

That is a huge change especially when she will be living so far away. I would not want to be in that position. I can not imagine letting my sons go. That is just me.

Wish you some good luck though.

 

[shel90]

That is a huge change especially when she will be living so far away. I would not want to be in that position. I can not imagine letting my sons go. That is just me.

Wish you some good luck though.

That's why parents make sacrifices for their children. This is mine. I just want her to be happy and if she finds more happiness in AZ, then I am happy. If not, she is always welcome back.

Like Jiro said to me on AIM, I wont have to ever deal with drama from my ex hubby and after 10 years of being on pins and needles, it will be a huge huge relief.

 

[shel90]

!!!

Make sure they keep in touch by snail mail, email and if possible, video phone. That will help a lot. I almost would pick up a bunch of cards (like a box or two)and the stamps so your daughter could send them often to your son. He will love getting the mail, and if she could add a photo here and there, that would make his day and lesson any hurt and sadness.

What a great idea!!!! Thanks!!

 

[Frisky Feline]

I think you are a wonderful mother to let her go as long as she is happy. I agree Kristina's idea is a great way of keeping her feel so close. Like my cousin who had his situation between parents but he lived with mom. one day he decided to leave from my aunt's home and stayed with us for three months. He got closer to his mom eventually after they kept in touch a lot while they didnt live in the same home. On the bright side, that you have parents who are in the same state as her. that would be great

If i were you, i would do the same thing.

 

[shel90]

I think you are a wonderful mother to let her go as long as she is happy. I agree Kristina's idea is a great way of keeping her feel so close. Like my cousin who had his situation between parents but he lived with mom. one day he decided to leave from my aunt's home and stayed with us for three months. He got closer to his mom eventually after they kept in touch a lot while they didnt live in the same home. On the bright side, that you have parents who are in the same state as her. that would be great

If i were you, i would do the same thing.

Thanks Frisky...I will giv e you a big hug on Sat night!

 

[faire_jour]

Are you sure she will go through with it? My sister used to make that "threat" to my mom all-the-time- but she never went through with it. Maybe you can hope, and not push, and she will change her mind? In the meantime- good luck and stay strong!

 

[shel90]

Are you sure she will go through with it? My sister used to make that "threat" to my mom all-the-time- but she never went through with it. Maybe you can hope, and not push, and she will change her mind? In the meantime- good luck and stay strong!

After 10 years of dealing with the threats, I am tired. Maybe it is old age but things have a way of working themselves out. I just have to keep the faith.

Thanks!