WOW--informative, but a bit confusing!
Now this thread is definitely a good example of a MULTITUDE of perspectives and opinions coming together to discuss their differences and similarities. WOW! I learned a lot, but feel a bit confused, as well.
Daughter: about a 60 to 80 dB loss--doctors NEVER considered her "profoundly deaf"--always said "severe hearing loss"--residual hearing without hearing aids: hears smoke alarms, ambulances, airplanes, loud music, lawnmowers--realized her residual hearing when she was young and always heard the bathtub water draining because it made a funny and loud sound--even now, she listens to music with headphones by taking out her hearing aids and putting the ear buds from the headphones directly in her ear and she hears the music--turns it up louder than normal, but hears it just fine--also, before diagnosis, she seemed to hear men's low toned voices well and women's higher toned voices less well--her hearing loss is DEFINITELY worse in the higher tones--she seems to hear lower tones quite well without her hearing aids--my son playing trombone is low toned and she hears that without her hearing aids--with hearing aids, she hears almost everything--even tiny sounds you wouldn't expect and whispers---It is really amazing how well hearing aids help her hear--I watched her NOT hear the LOUDEST high pitched sound in the sound booth without hearing aids and thought, yep, she DOES has a severe hearing loss---then moments later, with her hearing aids, she heard me whisper to her and responded--we carried on a conversation, side-by-side, not looking at each other, by whispering in each other's ears--then I was AMAZED at how well she can hear WITH her hearing aids--her bedroom is upstairs, kitchen downstairs--she hears me call her down to dinner when her door is closed!
Her identity--when she was young I considered her oral deaf (AG Bell definition)---later decided that she seems more hard of hearing than deaf based on how much she CAN hear--ask her what she thinks and she used to say hard of hearing--but now, she is longing to identify with others like herself so she now considers herself the only "deaf girl" at school--she feels different because "she is deaf"--she wants to have friends who "wear hearing aids and talk"--but she also wants to "learn sign language so she can talk to other deaf girls"--but she "hopes to meet other deaf girls who can talk AND sign"--she says that they could "talk by writing notes to each other" (The quotes are her words). All in all, she was raised as oral deaf and now, in adolescence, is curious about the Deaf community--mostly, it is all about fitting in and finding others like herself. She hopes to make some friends who are like her: wear hearing aids and speak--if they ALSO sign together she thinks it would be "cool" and wants to learn. She may go from "oral deaf" to "deaf"--what would she be then, if she becomes fluent in sign, Oral Deaf?
One more thing about my daughter--she LOVES to talk--even more than I do!!! She is one talkative girl when she feels comfortable and in her element. There are actually times when we have to ask her to be quiet--then we chuckle because we were so glad when she first started talking when we weren't sure that she would!! I have heard of some people who have chosen to "give up their voice." I don't think that would ever happen with her--she just loves to talk too much!! She couldn't stop talking if she tried!
So she will probably always be oral deaf or hard of hearing (communicate with speech)--but if she learns ASL and becomes fluent, does that change her identity? Does she then become Deaf even if she continues to talk all the time? Or Oral Deaf? Or Hard of Hearing?
Me--hearing, raised in hearing family, no exposure at all to any information about deafness and Deaf culture. Then I have a daughter who is diagnosed with a severe hearing loss--first introduction to the world of hearing loss. Given the fact that she was not profoundly deaf and not considered "deaf," we weren't sure what to do. It didn't seem to make sense to deny the hearing that she had with hearing aids and put her in the category of "Deaf" because she was NOT deaf. We found AG Bell, and they seemed to be the answer--oral deaf. I just know that I saw kids with much more hearing loss than my daughter who were listening and speaking just fine--my conclusion, if THEY could do it and THEY were PROFOUNDLY deaf (those kids had cochlear implants), then my daughter, who hears well with hearing aids, could surely do it. I felt encouraged. I lovingly talked to my daughter and exposed her to the world of spoken language in a very natural and loving way--and it worked, she learn to speak very well--it wasn't drilled into her or forced, it just flowed naturally once she learned to listen through her hearing aids. I learned how much she CAN hear, and I decided that it wasn't accurate to call her oral "deaf" as much as "hard of hearing"--but that didn't seem right, either. Finally, I just gave up on labeling my daughter--she is who she is--she wears hearing aids, listens, and speaks--she is "a hearing and speaking hearing aid wearer."
My identity--I just considered myself the parent of a child with hearing loss. Later, through AG Bell, I modified it to the parent of a deaf/hard of hearing child OR the parent of a child who is oral deaf. Then, a parent of a child who is hard of hearing. Then, a parent of a child who wears hearing aids and listens and speaks. Me, I just considered myself hearing and involved in the oral deaf community (through AG Bell). There didn't really seem to be a "hard of hearing" community outside of AG Bell. NOW--if my daughter decides to learn ASL and be a part of the Deaf community, then I will learn ASL, too. Maybe, in a few years, if we become fluent, we may become involved in the Deaf community. What will we be considered then? The thing that surprised me the most on this discussion is that hearing people who are fluent in ASL and are a part of the Deaf community are considered to be "Deaf"--even if they have perfect hearing. That really surprised me!
So, if my daughter and I learn ASL and become fluent enough to communicate within the Deaf community, would we both then be considered Deaf--even if we both speak more than we sign in everyday life and only use ASL when in a situation that calls for it? As I said, my daughter wants to meet girls "like her"--she hopes to meet someone who wears hearing aids and speaks, but she also wants to learn ASL and communicate with others that way--and she also wants to communicate by writing notes. Aren't there many within the "Deaf community" who fit those categories--they can talk, sign, write notes--all ways to communuicate and get to know each other? What about people like me--hearing parents of children with hearing loss who are oral but also want to be a part of the Deaf community? Surely there are many parents of those in the Deaf community that are hearing, right?
Oh, this is just exhausting! Why must we label and divide so much! I just want my daughter to be happy and to feel a part of a group. I hope we aren't met with preconceived ideas about us simply because she is oral and I am hearing. There is so much more to us than that. We just want to get to know people like ourselves. Perfect scenario: daughter meets a girl her age who wears hearing aids and speaks--they talk and sometimes sign and/or write notes--daughter's friend has a mother who is hearing or oral deaf--we can talk about the ups and downs of raising our daughters--we can identify with each other because of the similarities--we can also sign/write notes to communicate with those in the Deaf community. Now wouldn't that be nice!