Were you lied by schools and/or parents that you were "hearing?"

[Oddball]

Ok, What defines "normal?" Just tell us.

 

[Bottesini]

My take is that the OP is asking for those that were raised oral / mainstream in an attempt to fit into the hearing world. Shel would be a perfect example of that. If you can related to shel's experience, then you the the type of person that the OP is looking for. The kids of parents that we often see on here where their parents have insisted that they need spoken language to communicate with "90% of society" is how the parent often phrases it. The ones that put more of an emphasis on fitting into hearing culture than in learning to be deaf. We all know the type, we see them often here. It is the children of those parents that the OP is collecting data on.

Ok. I'm not then. They knew I wasn't going to fit in, and just hoped for me to make a better life.

 

[jillio]

Wirelessly posted

we have also always told my daughter that she is normal. She is NORMAL. Her world is full of Deaf and deaf people, so, yeah, she is normal. We have always encouraged her to communicate in whatever way she is most comfortable. She has always been around people who sign and people who talk, so she can do both. Again, it is NORMAL for her to see people with hearing aids and cochlear implants, so she feels like she is normal.....would that mean we are lying too?

That does not address what the OP is asking. If you will just be honest regarding your decisions for your child and the placement she is in academically, then your daughter definately fits into the category the OP is collecting data on. Bilateral implants, oral only academic placement, focus on spoken language, motive to fit in with that 90% of society that you speak of. For once, just stop beating around the bush and be up front.

But this is why the OP is asking for response from the deaf. The parents seldom recognize the unspoken messages their deaf children are getting. The deaf children, or deaf adults that have been deaf children, are much more reliable in answers to questions such as these.

 

[jillio]

Ok, What defines "normal?" Just tell us.

No kidding. The OP did not even address "normal". This was just an attempt to beat around the bush instead of giving an up front answer. That is why self report via the parent is not considered to be reliable data. But then, you already know that.

 

[jillio]

me too, but they didnt lied about me being deaf, just lied about me being bright and better than the rest and that i can fit in and maybe one day i will be like hearing when grown up as adult, its that fairy tale they fed me...not good.

so in a way i was lied to too. im 42 and in NZ, not in united states, jsut add, "one respondant from outside usa comment the similar situation of being mislead too' or to that effect k
good luck

There you go. Being given the impression that you would grow up just like hearing. And it doesn't have to be said explicitly. Many kids are given this message as much by the decisions parents make, and the things they refuse to do as by actual statements.

 

[jillio]

OK, I think we fall into what you'd define in your study as the 'lying' parent role then : we've misled our d/Deaf daughter to think that she's "normal/regular" and that it's a positive thing to be a part of the "hearing world" in addition to the "deaf world" in which she spends the majority of her time. And we encourage her to use language as much as possible (her decision whether it's spoken or signed at any given moment). We've already been told her identity is a bit mucked up, because for some reason she's got it in her head that she's Deaf. I don't know where she gets that, I'll bet they've gone and let in some abnormal / irregular kids at that school for the Deaf she's been at for the past 4 years.

Yes (lied to that she's "normal/regular" as you put it), 5 1/2, Massachusetts (she's nodding that this is her understanding, and amended the age from 5 to be 5 1/2)

Where did the OP mention anything about "lying parents" or "normal" kids? This is exactly why parents should not even try to answer these questions. You are far too defensive and you are twisting the data collection into some sort of judgement against you and your parenting skills. Just leave it to those that have actually lived the experience of being a deaf child to answer what they perceived the messages they were given to be. You have already demonstrated too many times over that your perception is diametrically opposed to the Deaf's perceptions.

 

[GrendelQ]

No kidding. The OP did not even address "normal". This was just an attempt to beat around the bush instead of giving an up front answer. That is why self report via the parent is not considered to be reliable data. But then, you already know that.

The OP asked specifically if people were victims of having been misled to being "normal/regular," "hearing," or "hearing-like" . I can accurately report that my daughter is a victim of being led to believe she is "normal / regular".

... I am a Deaf School Psychologist at Indiana Deaf School and part of my research is to determine how many of you were a "victim" of being mislead to being a "normal/regular," "hearing," or "hearing-like?" while growing up. ..

 

[jillio]

Terri,

I do hope that you are able to get some useable data from this forum. There are plenty of D/deaf adults here who will fit your profile. You are just going to have to weed out the responses of the defensive hearing parents.

PM me if you need help in sorting through any of the responses.

 

[GrendelQ]

Where did the OP mention anything about "lying parents" or "normal" kids?

In the title (Were you lied by schools and/or parents that you were "hearing?") and her first post:
"... I am a Deaf School Psychologist at Indiana Deaf School and part of my research is to determine how many of you were a "victim" of being mislead to being a "normal/regular," "hearing," or "hearing-like?" while growing up. "

 

[jillio]

Ok, What defines "normal?" Just tell us.

It would appear that the operational definition the OP is using for research purposes would be "hearing".

We all know that there are those out there...far too many in my opinion...whose parents and teachers equate hearing with normality. We have even seen the phrase used by teachers and parents on this forum. The OP is not saying that hearing is normal. She is operationally defining it in the way many others do for this purpose.

 

[faire_jour]

Wirelessly posted

Wirelessly posted

we have also always told my daughter that she is normal. She is NORMAL. Her world is full of Deaf and deaf people, so, yeah, she is normal. We have always encouraged her to communicate in whatever way she is most comfortable. She has always been around people who sign and people who talk, so she can do both. Again, it is NORMAL for her to see people with hearing aids and cochlear implants, so she feels like she is normal.....would that mean we are lying too?

That does not address what the OP is asking. If you will just be honest regarding your decisions for your child and the placement she is in academically, then your daughter definately fits into the category the OP is collecting data on. Bilateral implants, oral only academic placement, focus on spoken language, motive to fit in with that 90% of society that you speak of. For once, just stop beating around the bush and be up front.

But this is why the OP is asking for response from the deaf. The parents seldom recognize the unspoken messages their deaf children are getting. The deaf children, or deaf adults that have been deaf children, are much more reliable in answers to questions such as these.

i don't want my child to "fit in" the mainstream. She is way better than average! We want her to rise above that.

as for her language and school placement, we are following her lead. She was in an ASL school & she told us that she wanted to attend a "talking school". We took her opinion into consideration when making the decision.

again, she uses ASL every single day. Her school does not teach ASL but it is in no way "banned" or forbidden & my child is certainly not the only kid who signs.

you are wrong about everything you think about my child & our lives but you insist on continuing to make assumptions about every parent on this board, based on your own sense of "right & wrong" regarding childhood implantation (which, of course you are biased about since you actually made this choice for your own child. You keep talking about parents working so hard to convince themselves that their own choices were right...you are doing the EXACT same thing by saying that ASL & no implant is the only "right" way.

 

[jillio]

The OP asked specifically if people were victims of having been misled to being "normal/regular," "hearing," or "hearing-like" . I can accurately report that my daughter is a victim of being led to believe she is "normal / regular".

It is quite obvious to me that she is giving the operational definition as is pertinent to this research data alone. "Hearing/normal". She is asking how many D/deaf adults on this forum were given the message, either explicity or implicity, that they must use speech and be mainstreamed with hearing children or placed in an oral only environment in order to appear to be normal / hearing.

It is best to leave the responses to the D/deaf. They will understand what is being asked and will be capable of giving the proper responses to the question. In fact, we have already seen many of them in other threads state that they were given that message as children. Just give them time to respond here.

 

[jillio]

Ok. I'm not then. They knew I wasn't going to fit in, and just hoped for me to make a better life.

Yes. Your experience was much better than most children. Your parents had no covert motives and were honest to a fault.

 

[jillio]

Wirelessly posted



i don't want my child to "fit in" the mainstream. She is way better than average! We want her to rise above that.

as for her language and school placement, we are following her lead. She was in an ASL school & she told us that she wanted to attend a "talking school". We took her opinion into consideration when making the decision.

again, she uses ASL every single day. Her school does not teach ASL but it is in no way "banned" or forbidden & my child is certainly not the only kid who signs.

you are wrong about everything you think about my child & our lives but you insist on continuing to make assumptions about every parent on this board, based on your own sense of "right & wrong" regarding childhood implantation (which, of course you are biased about since you actually made this choice for your own child. You keep talking about parents working so hard to convince themselves that their own choices were right...you are doing the EXACT same thing by saying that ASL & no implant is the only "right" way.

Again, the OP is not asking for what you think, what you want, or what you have deluded yourself into believing about your motives. She is asking for the perceptions of the D/deaf. Hearing perspectives are not important for the data she is collecting. Again, this is not about you. This is about the D/deaf.

 

[jillio]

It is really telling that the OP is asking for responses from the D/deaf who have experienced the educational environment as a deaf child yet a couple of hearing parents have to jump in and start defending their decisions and their beliefs regarding their children. Can't even let the D/deaf respond and accept that their responses are valid and worthwhile in determining policy for the deaf.

Stop it you two. This is not a thread for you to justify your decisions for your deaf children, who are too young, but the way, to even respond to this request. This is a thread for the deaf to state what their perceptions were as deaf children. Let the deaf answer and save your defensiveness for another thread.

 

[faire_jour]

Wirelessly posted

It is really telling that the OP is asking for responses from the D/deaf who have experienced the educational environment as a deaf child yet a couple of hearing parents have to jump in and start defending their decisions and their beliefs regarding their children. Can't even let the D/deaf respond and accept that their responses are valid and worthwhile in determining policy for the deaf.

Stop it you two. This is not a thread for you to justify your decisions for your deaf children, who are too young, but the way, to even respond to this request. This is a thread for the deaf to state what their perceptions were as deaf children. Let the deaf answer and save your defensiveness for another thread.

it is offensive to say that a parent is lying to their deaf child by telling them that they are "normal". The truth is that a deaf child IS normal!

i shared my experience and i am done. I will leave this thread as soon as you do

 

[deafdyke]

In that case, I don't think my parents fit the OP. They DID start ASL and prolly would have opted for Deaf program (there is a local one where I live) However, they were advised by dumbassed doctors that it would be better for me to be oral and mainstreamed.
I do remember an IEP meeting from when I was little where the IEP team claimed I wasn't really deaf.
I was a front row, FM device, speech therapy (no lanugage therapy beyond kindergarten) kid.

 

[jillio]

Wirelessly posted



it is offensive to say that a parent is lying to their deaf child by telling them that they are "normal". The truth is that a deaf child IS normal!

i shared my experience and i am done. I will leave this thread as soon as you do

No one said anything of the kind. Get off your hearing parent far too defensive high horse and let the people who this thread was addressing answer the freaking question. It was not addressed to you as a hearing parent. This is not about what you think or what you do. It is about what the D/deaf felt as children. Take your attention getting narcissistic self to another thread and demand that it be all about you there. Stop trying to take the opportunity for the D/deaf to contribute data to what could lead to a very valuable insight away from them. Just because you are so insecure that you need to justify yourself at every turn doesn't mean that it is either needed, nor wanted, in this data.

The OP has already stated that the data she is looking for is exactly as I explained. It has nothing to do with you or any other hearing parent of young deaf children. The fact that you find something offensive doesn't matter at all. It is not relevent. But you are certainly showing that there is a reason that so many D/deaf receive these messages covertly.

 

[KristinaB]

In my case, it wasn't me that was lied to, it was my parents in a way. They were told that I could be just like a hearing student. They were told to never let me learn ASL. They were told to treat me like a hearing person and to make no allowances. At school I was always placed in the "center-front" seat. We were always seated in alphabetical order and for some reason, the "M's" always managed to be in a back seat or in the center, middle. I was always sitting with the "C's" and that made me stick out like a sore thumb.

 

[faire_jour]

Wirelessly posted

Wirelessly posted



it is offensive to say that a parent is lying to their deaf child by telling them that they are "normal". The truth is that a deaf child IS normal!

i shared my experience and i am done. I will leave this thread as soon as you do

No one said anything of the kind. Get off your hearing parent far too defensive high horse and let the people who this thread was addressing answer the freaking question. It was not addressed to you as a hearing parent. This is not about what you think or what you do. It is about what the D/deaf felt as children. Take your attention getting narcissistic self to another thread and demand that it be all about you there. Stop trying to take the opportunity for the D/deaf to contribute data to what could lead to a very valuable insight away from them. Just because you are so insecure that you need to justify yourself at every turn doesn't mean that it is either needed, nor wanted, in this data.

The OP has already stated that the data she is looking for is exactly as I explained. It has nothing to do with you or any other hearing parent of young deaf children. The fact that you find something offensive doesn't matter at all. It is not relevent. But you are certainly showing that there is a reason that so many D/deaf receive these messages covertly.

you are a hearing parent and you were the first person to respond! Irony much?

again, as soon as you leave i will.