Wanted to vent!

[Keanusmom]

I wondered if AllDeaf has helped you with alot of positive thoughts about the deaf communities? Has it given you comfort knowing that its okay to have your son learn sign language? I hope it has helped you with the right choices and leading you and your son to the bright future! I know maybe not only Alldeaf has helped but given you more comfort.

AllDeaf has helped, but I started getting the comfort a few years ago. Once I was exposed to the Deaf Society, I was all in. Resources are slim, though, so a site like AD is a great resource to ask questions and receive real answers. Not answers from "Experts" who have been hearing all their lives and are just practicing experimental science.

 

[jillio]

AllDeaf has helped, but I started getting the comfort a few years ago. Once I was exposed to the Deaf Society, I was all in. Resources are slim, though, so a site like AD is a great resource to ask questions and receive real answers. Not answers from "Experts" who have been hearing all their lives and are just practicing experimental science.

A parent after my own heart! Its such a simple concept.

 

[Keanusmom]

Dang, some parents could use some spine in some situations regarding their kids, and this is definitely one of them.

Its not really about having a spine, its more about the absence of representatives of the Deaf community. Like I said, they were not there, only the experts.

If the feelings expressed here are how the majority of deaf people feel, then you need to be more vocal (no pun intended). Get out there and stand up for your community. Let what drives you be the fact that you don't want to let another deaf child grow up lacking ASL like you did. Had ONE person (or two) talked to me about the Deaf Society and how easy (because it needs to be when people are afraid to try something) it is to learn ASL and talk to your deaf child. Hearing is not everything.

 

[shel90]

Its not really about having a spine, its more about the absence of representatives of the Deaf community. Like I said, they were not there, only the experts.

If the feelings expressed here are how the majority of deaf people feel, then you need to be more vocal (no pun intended). Get out there and stand up for your community. Let what drives you be the fact that you don't want to let another deaf child grow up lacking ASL like you did. Had ONE person (or two) talked to me about the Deaf Society and how easy (because it needs to be when people are afraid to try something) it is to learn ASL and talk to your deaf child. Hearing is not everything.

Problem is that the info of newly diagnosed deaf babies/children are not readily available to the Deaf community due to the hospital's policies on protecting patient confidentiality. I would love to do something like that in the future, though.

 

[shel90]

AllDeaf has helped, but I started getting the comfort a few years ago. Once I was exposed to the Deaf Society, I was all in. Resources are slim, though, so a site like AD is a great resource to ask questions and receive real answers. Not answers from "Experts" who have been hearing all their lives and are just practicing experimental science.

Exactly! Those "experts" dont really have the correct information themselves most of the time.

 

[Keanusmom]

A parent after my own heart! Its such a simple concept.

I am NATURALLY an advocate for children, so I think they should grow up with their innocence in tact and comfortable in their environments. It hurts my heart to read you all's testimonies about how no one in your families learned Sign language and that you had to go to school with children not like yourselves. It's hard for me to even understand how you have been deaf all your life and just learned ASL after age 20! I'm like WTF have you been doing all this time to speak and be heard? How in the world did you do that? I would call you all who grew up like that superbrains! Because you did an exceptional thing learning to speak without hearing and learning to write legibly.

I am starting to pick up on the folks here at AD who sign, or naturally speak another language (other than English). Its like you SPEAK ASL. Its kinda cool. My son does that, and for the past two years it would drive me crazy how I could say a simple four word sentence and ask him to repeat it- and he would eliminate a word or two. After learning that, in ASL some words aren't necessary, his speech made complete sense to me. It still drives me up a wall that he cannot repeat word for word what I am saying, but I attribute that to his attention and not trying. Hell, even if I don't speak German, if you say a line, I can repeat it!

After the full-on exposure to ASL, his vocalized sentences are getting MUCH better. GO FIGURE!

Before I had my son, I thought I was incapable of love towards another human being (whole 'nother story about ME, LOL). I love him so much, so I will do whatever I need to to get him right and make him happy.

 

[Keanusmom]

Problem is that the info of newly diagnosed deaf babies/children are not readily available to the Deaf community due to the hospital's policies on protecting patient confidentiality. I would love to do something like that in the future, though.

Hmmm, good point. You WOULD have to put them in some kind of system where they can be located. And you rarely know right at birth that your child is deaf...

QUESTION TO ALL WHO ARE DEAF: Would it be offensive to you if, as soon as your parents found out you couldn't hear, that they put you in a registry of sorts which would make you available to advocates of both ASL and speech? I know some people don't like/want to be classified sometimes...

 

[shel90]

I am NATURALLY an advocate for children, so I think they should grow up with their innocence in tact and comfortable in their environments. It hurts my heart to read you all's testimonies about how no one in your families learned Sign language and that you had to go to school with children not like yourselves. It's hard for me to even understand how you have been deaf all your life and just learned ASL after age 20! I'm like WTF have you been doing all this time to speak and be heard? How in the world did you do that? I would call you all who grew up like that superbrains! Because you did an exceptional thing learning to speak without hearing and learning to write legibly.

I am starting to pick up on the folks here at AD who sign, or naturally speak another language (other than English). Its like you SPEAK ASL. Its kinda cool. My son does that, and for the past two years it would drive me crazy how I could say a simple four word sentence and ask him to repeat it- and he would eliminate a word or two. After learning that, in ASL some words aren't necessary, his speech made complete sense to me. It still drives me up a wall that he cannot repeat word for word what I am saying, but I attribute that to his attention and not trying. Hell, even if I don't speak German, if you say a line, I can repeat it!

After the full-on exposure to ASL, his vocalized sentences are getting MUCH better. GO FIGURE!

Before I had my son, I thought I was incapable of love towards another human being (whole 'nother story about ME, LOL). I love him so much, so I will do whatever I need to to get him right and make him happy.

Awwww....that is so sweet! Here is a for your loving words about your son.

I honestly dont know how I learned being in an oral-only environment 24/7 despite having a profound bilateral hearing loss of 120 dB. It scares me to think if I didnt love reading like I did, I probably would not have achieved the literacy skills I possess. However, academics was ok even though I had no idea what my teachers and peers were saying in the classroom setting growing up. I think I was capable of learning through print which is a blessing or I would be failing or falling behind.

Lanaguage development is something I really have NO idea how I achieved since I sure did miss out on so much what was being said growing up.

My biggest issues were my identity and self-esteem. I suffered tremendously in those areas that it took therapy and discovering the Deaf community to repair them. Whenever I go back to non-signing environments whether it is with family or my husband's friends, my confidence level goes down a few notches. I am not in my element in that kind of environment as I am in signing environment.

What I really hate is the discrimination and attitudes against those deaf who were unable to develop spoken language and that is what I saw when I learned of what these parents were doing by making request that their deaf children not to interact with other deaf children simply because they were unable to develop oral skills. That is something I will never ever accept!

 

[jillio]

Hmmm, good point. You WOULD have to put them in some kind of system where they can be located. And you rarely know right at birth that your child is deaf...

QUESTION TO ALL WHO ARE DEAF: Would it be offensive to you if, as soon as your parents found out you couldn't hear, that they put you in a registry of sorts which would make you available to advocates of both ASL and speech? I know some people don't like/want to be classified sometimes...

Audis and ENTs already have a registry at their disposal. They see deaf clients on a daily basis...all it would take is asking a deaf client, "Hey, I've got a hearing family with a newly diagnosed deaf child. Would you mind meeting with them? And then telling the parents, "I have a deaf patient who os willing to talk with you and answer any questions you may have about growing up deaf. I canput you in contact with them if you wish. I think it would be helpful to you while you are adjusting."

Problem is that audis and ENTs subscribe to the medical model of deafness. Their focus is on treatment. Unfortunately, they forget that not only is there a whole person underneath the deafness, they forget that these families are confused and don't know where to turn. It would be nice if doctors and hearing professionals would take a more holistic approach to their patients....something like the philosophy of Hospice.

 

[deafskeptic]

Like Shel90 here, I've no clue how I managed to get good English skills despite not having learned sign till I was 13.

I was born with a severe to profound loss. That loss is mostly in the profound range. My parents have told me that I got my first hearing aid at 2 1/2 years old and that I didn't learn to speak until I was 3 years old. I'm told that most born with my degree of loss generally do not learn to speak. However, the way my Dad goes on and on about my speech makes me want to yell at him: IS THAT ALL I AM - GOOD SPEECH? As for speech, I've no clue why some people don't develop good speech and others do despite a profound loss. Hard work does help but in other cases, despite all the support people get they never get good speech. Good speech actually makes it harder for me to convince people I'm deaf and sometimes I'll act like I can't hear or speak in some situations. This was when I wore my hearing aid.

As for interacting with the hearing as much as I like to interact with them, I relate more to the d/Deaf than to the hearing. When I'm around some hearing I start to question my intellengce after a while.

As much as I love my CI, I know that I am not hearing and I'll never be hearing.

Based on my rather limited experience with other CIers, I see that they help with sound perception but it doesn't really address the language development issues in many deaf children.

 

[Keanusmom]

Shel and DeafSkeptic... WOW!!

Look!
Up in the sky!
Its a bird!
Its a plane!
It's the SUPER-BRAINS!!

"When I'm around some hearing I start to question my intellengce after a while."

Skeptic, you need to know that you are smarter than a lot of folks simply because you speak more than one language. Do you know that there are people with no physical impairments who cannot speak/type as well as you do? Its so sad.

Be proud of yourself, smartypants!

 

[deafskeptic]

Thanks, Keanusmom.

 

[Miss-Delectable]

After the full-on exposure to ASL, his vocalized sentences are getting MUCH better. GO FIGURE!

The same thing happened to me. I don't recall speaking except for few words then when I was exposed to sign language full-time then I started to learn how to speak as well sign. I think sign language has really helped one get a grasp of the language and perhap inspire motivation to learn, whatever the means.

I hope your son will appreciate all your efforts and sacrifices to ensure he gets everything he needs and more. He's one lucky boy, I assure you.

It's a reason why I think oral/ci kids should mix with deaf aslers because they'll learn some coping mechanisms as well some signs.

 

[kimpossible]

i don't know if this has a lot to do with what's being said here, but I was at the audiologist yesterday, and saw a pamphlet that was titled: "WHY YOUR BABY NEEDS HEARING AIDS NOW." ... I read it... lamest thing I've seen in years.

 

[Tousi]

i don't know if this has a lot to do with what's being said here, but I was at the audiologist yesterday, and saw a pamphlet that was titled: "WHY YOUR BABY NEEDS HEARING AIDS NOW." ... I read it... lamest thing I've seen in years.

Come back here, girl! Don't leave us hanging here; we can't stand the drama! What did it say, basically?

 

[Liebling:-)))]

i don't know if this has a lot to do with what's being said here, but I was at the audiologist yesterday, and saw a pamphlet that was titled: "WHY YOUR BABY NEEDS HEARING AIDS NOW." ... I read it... lamest thing I've seen in years.

*curious* what it says?

 

[shel90]

Shel and DeafSkeptic... WOW!!

Look!
Up in the sky!
Its a bird!
Its a plane!
It's the SUPER-BRAINS!!

"When I'm around some hearing I start to question my intellengce after a while."

Skeptic, you need to know that you are smarter than a lot of folks simply because you speak more than one language. Do you know that there are people with no physical impairments who cannot speak/type as well as you do? Its so sad.

Be proud of yourself, smartypants!

with ASL, I feel a whole heck smarter! to ASL

 

[jillio]

i don't know if this has a lot to do with what's being said here, but I was at the audiologist yesterday, and saw a pamphlet that was titled: "WHY YOUR BABY NEEDS HEARING AIDS NOW." ... I read it... lamest thing I've seen in years.

Blatant advertising with a financial concern as the motivatiion.

 

[Buffalo]

When you find out your child is deaf, depending on where you live, you are told your options as if they are your only options. You are TOLD what is "best" for your child during the IEP meetings. You are TOLD how your child will benefit from this or that special program. What you are NOT told is that there is a Deaf SOCIETY. You are not introduced to life as a deaf child./person. So all you know to do is what you think will help your child in his future.

What those parents probably don't understand is that exposure to ASL will only benefit their children- whether they use it in their everyday lives or not. It will not hold them back from anything.

They are also exposing children (deaf or hearing) to discrimination early. I truly feel that if a public school is going to have programs for the deaf, then ASL should be a part of the school curriculum.

I had some idea of sort when I was put in an oral day school for the deaf. It was confirmed when my sister (I am the youngest) told me that the school told my family not to use sign language. I wish they would ignore that. If my family signed, I would be alot closer to them but now I feel estranged.

Right, I really wish that schools, etc would know that ASL will not stop us from learning to speak. For me, education comes first before the ability to speak.

I agree with you on exposing the kids to discrimination early. I remember going into an ice cream palor for some treats with my younger cousin. My cousin told me that the young girl, who just entered with her mother, is deaf. The lady tried to keep her away from me as if I am a leper. Another case was my college roommate. She was mainstreamed all her life and I think she went to the hearing classes if not all classes. One day, she was pointing at me, for no reason at all, saying "you were in the deaf institution" as if it was sort of degrading. (I think she was stoned at that time.) I say "So?". She never brought that up again. Later on.... I wondered why she saw it that way when I am ahead of her in English. I know I am ahead because I only had to take 5th level english at the college while she had to take 4th and then 5th level english.

 

[Buffalo]

I see many ADers here complaining about being snubbed by the Deaf community or say that Deaf people are closed minded. Well, I wonder if it started out with the parents teaching their children these kinds of morals?

Recently another AD member stated that his daughter wouldnt have anything in common with a deaf person who cannot hear so I am starting to believe the whole discrimination issues "Deafism" and so on really starts when the children are little. No wonder many Deaf adults who have been discriminated by oral deaf people growing up have this attitude as adults. It just only feeds the hatred and anger and these parents who are teaching those kinds of morals dont realize they are the ones who started the fire to this kind of hatred.

Either the deaf/hearing kids were 'brainwashed' into "those who speak are better than those who can't" or the deaf kids were rebelling against anything oralism, even remotely, out of sheer frustration. Could be a little of both.

One doesn't have to tell the kids that oralism is better than ASL. The kids can pick it up easily in watching the adults' attitude toward ASL. Often the kids will mimic their parents' behaviors - good or bad. The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, you know.