I have learned that we cannot force people to change but we can only change ourselves and our approaches.
This is true. To add to the whole friendship issue (when friends have issues and we try to help, but we end up exhausted...)
Been there, done that....
I will preface this by saying *I* have issues, so I'm alittle scared that someone will up and leave me *me*, but here's the thing....
If someone is trying to get their life together, then I will hang in there. I have a "rule". I won't ask someone to do something *I* am not willing to do, but I expect them to TRY. That being said I've also ended a friendship because she was just too draining.
This person was clinically depressed and probably also had an anxiety disorder. Perhaps, even a panic disorder. I have similiar issues. Anyway, this person would call me up crying on the phone long distance threatening to end her life. I asked her to do something for herself. I suggested meds. She said no. I suggested support groups. no. She really needed therapy, but *I* was not in therapy at the time, so I didn't feel I could say to her , "get therapy" because I'd look like a hypocrite.
It didn't matter, anyway, because she was refusing to take any of my suggestions. Finally, she called me up crying one night threatening to take a butcher knife to her throat. The drama was more than I could deal with. I know that people generally don't threaten suicide, but I take *any* threat seriously and I said to "I'm going to call your Mother. You need help". She says "Oh, don't call Mom, pleaaase. I just need a friend." *sigh*
Well, to make a long story shorter. I said to her that I cared about her, but I really didn't know what to say to her anymore. I asked her to call me back when she was feeling a little better and we could talk. She never called me back. A few days later, I called her. She was irate and pissy. She said to me something like "You weren't there for me when I needed you!" Thats when I lost it. I said to her that I wasn't gonna play this game with her anymore. I told her flat out it wasn't healthy for me and to please get some sort of help otherwise I couldn't talk to her anymore. She refused, so that was the end of things for us. A few months later, I heard from her again. She wanted to give me a peice of her mind. As it turned out, Mom took the call because I was in the hospital fighting for my life. I didn't return her call until a year later. Anyway, she still hasn't gotten help. She thinks she's fine and I'm full of crap. Ah, well. Life goes on and all I/we can do is be there for people, but when they flat out refuse to accept the help given to them, we have to take care of ourselves.
My solution may not work for some people, but when your very sanity depends on it, sometimes, you just have to move on from those who won't do a lick of work on themselves.
Thank god I'm in the habit of wearing undies...
