Walking on cracked eggshells

What's the difference between using tact and sugarcoating something?

(thanks for the replies, guys!)
 
not only that, some 'straight out talkers' are arrogant assholes themselves.
I mean I had this mate who is adhd (of that i think its BS, just an excuse for children to be manipulative little shits) he is SO obnoxious and Arrogant and get very upset really quickly when that another person doesn't buy their ideas or opinions, this could be accounted for what it's called temper too
 
Liza said:
What's the difference between using tact and sugarcoating something?

(thanks for the replies, guys!)
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tact is being direct and firm, but not rude or impolite.

sugarcoating is skirting around (i.e. avoiding) the real issues that need to be addressed with a given person in order to protect them from feeling uncomfortable, insecure, depressed, angry or hurt.
 
BradB08 said:
I have to agree.

Which is why I get banned easily. Oh well.

And some things just piss me off to where a response is coming no matter what.
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same here. i can blame this in part on my mania (i'm not using this as an excuse. it's a very real part of bipolar) because when i'm manic, i tend to be more direct with people and say things i don't mean. my judgement goes completely out the window during a manic episode.
 
Liza said:
What's the difference between using tact and sugarcoating something?
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For me, right now I am at the time of my life where I would prefer people use tact than sugarcoat.

I'll use a wonderful example. On Tuesday I met beautiful Miss Coco of tactile your world/tactilejunkie, she's DB and she's an amazing advocate for the DB.

She taught me a lot about being who we are. She was telling me that when she was in Nigeria and when she was walking to the market, she actually fell over a cow's head. No one told her and she had wished someone did.

Now let's talk about tact and sugarcoating. I would have wished someone pulled her aside and tactiled into her hand and said "There's a cow's head" than sugarcoat to her "There's a rock" because she will know a cow has been cut up because there was blood everywhere on the soil.

Now there's a huge difference between sugarcoating and tact.

If a person wants to sugarcoat, that's fine but realise you do end up looking discredited and the other person does start to lose trust in you.
 
naw, thats not sugar-coating
sugarcoating is not avoidance, it is still direct but 'sweeten' with some sort of lie added to it, to make the suggestion even enticing. in a way you were slightly right, a distracton on part of the receiver not the giver of the message.. but the suggestion may were made to be skillfully handled with 'distracted view' of the outocome in recieving or buying into the suggestion.
 
Mrs Bucket said:
For me, right now I am at the time of my life where I would prefer people use tact than sugarcoat.

I'll use a wonderful example. On Tuesday I met beautiful Miss Coco of tactile your world/tactilejunkie, she's DB and she's an amazing advocate for the DB.

She taught me a lot about being who we are. She was telling me that when she was in Nigeria and when she was walking to the market, she actually fell over a cow's head. No one told her and she had wished someone did.

Now let's talk about tact and sugarcoating. I would have wished someone pulled her aside and tactiled into her hand and said "There's a cow's head" than sugarcoat to her "There's a rock" because she will know a cow has been cut up because there was blood everywhere on the soil.

Now there's a huge difference between sugarcoating and tact.

If a person wants to sugarcoat, that's fine but realise you do end up looking discredited and the other person does start to lose trust in you.
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ditto, to that, i like your example/ and not only losing trust, but also the snaysayer is going to end up with a reputation of having a silver tongue, that would be in future be a dead giveaway of just how unworthy their character is , or how the loss of value or esteem in communication, so ultimately this affects social status as well as 'the social cement' falls apart, since intergrity is not recongised.
 
Grummer said:
i nearly got it all mixed up about a book discussing BDP, Stop walking on eggshells" note you didnt say "Stop".. so yah when i checked the net, though great book -really.
Hmm i sort dunno what you mean Liza...care to exlpain abit more? whats the reaction people give you? cuz everyone somewhat drifted off without us really knowing what's going on for you Liza... :)
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Curious, eh? :lol:

Interesting about the book. BPD.. hmm.. another thread? hehe

I was talking with my grandma the other day about how we had to walk on eggshells around my father when we were younger. I noticed in certain ADers I get that feeling, so that's why I bought this topic up. I aint gonna do that for anybody else... not now, not in the future.

I do echo some of your sentiments about that. Sometimes some of the responses aren't even worthy of my time, and I have to be careful about who I engage in such confrontations too. I hate having my energies drained (time wasted, etc).

For example, if people show a consistent disregard for others and just keep on wanting to manipulate the outcome of a discussion - I am much less inclined to engage that person in a discussion. If a person has a track record of keep locking her or his thread just because she or he wasn't happy with the outcome, I am less inclined to post in his or her threads in the future. That's another example of walking on eggshells to me.
 
i can give another perfect example between tact and sugarcoating.

there have been times where i've had a small stain on my blouse and when i ask a sighted-hearing person how i look, they tell me i look fine (or use another word to compliment my appearance). this is known as sugarcoating since the sighted-hearing person isn't telling me the truth for fear of hurting my feelings.

let's say a different sighted-hearing person tells me that i *do* have a small stain on my blouse. this is an example of tact since they are telling me the truth, but not attacking me or trying to make me feel bad. they are stating a fact that they would tell any other sighted-hearing person.

does this explanation make sense, liza?
 
Grummer said:
naw, thats not sugar-coating
sugarcoating is not avoidance, it is still direct but 'sweeten' with some sort of lie added to it, to make the suggestion even enticing. in a way you were slightly right, a distracton on part of the receiver not the giver of the message.. but the suggestion may were made to be skillfully handled with 'distracted view' of the outocome in recieving or buying into the suggestion.
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telling a lie is a form of avoidance.

therefore, avoidance is a way of sugarcoating.
 
Liza said:
I do echo some of your sentiments about that. Sometimes some of the responses aren't even worthy of my time, and I have to be careful about who I engage in such confrontations too. I hate having my energies drained (time wasted, etc).

For example, if people show a consistent disregard for others and just keep on wanting to manipulate the outcome of a discussion - I am much less inclined to engage that person in a discussion. If a person has a track record of keep locking her or his thread just because she or he wasn't happy with the outcome, I am less inclined to post in his or her threads in the future. That's another example of walking on eggshells to me.
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I can really relate how you feel Liza. I just stay out of threads that's flaming because it does drain my energy. Not only trying to keep track of the pages, it is a lot on my vision but to recall back on how I used to be like those "energy vampires", I now have much more respect for others not to be the same one.

BIG HUGS!
 
Mrs Bucket said:
For me, right now I am at the time of my life where I would prefer people use tact than sugarcoat.

I'll use a wonderful example. On Tuesday I met beautiful Miss Coco of tactile your world/tactilejunkie, she's DB and she's an amazing advocate for the DB.

She taught me a lot about being who we are. She was telling me that when she was in Nigeria and when she was walking to the market, she actually fell over a cow's head. No one told her and she had wished someone did.

Now let's talk about tact and sugarcoating. I would have wished someone pulled her aside and tactiled into her hand and said "There's a cow's head" than sugarcoat to her "There's a rock" because she will know a cow has been cut up because there was blood everywhere on the soil.

Now there's a huge difference between sugarcoating and tact.

If a person wants to sugarcoat, that's fine but realise you do end up looking discredited and the other person does start to lose trust in you.
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I'd rather have people talking with me like adults, too. I'm at that point where I'm not attached to the outcome of situations or discussions so peeps who tend to try manipulating that outcome turn me off. I realize it shows great courage in keeping in accord with one's integrity, and wow - using tact at the same time just shows an incredible amount of class.

I guess I also really don't trust somebody who would be sugarcoating the truth in serious situations, as that could impair my ability to make sound judgment if the situations affect me directly.

However, I myself personally am a little flexible if peeps tell me I don't look like I need to lose 15 lbs when I know I really need to. Oh, and please lie about how old I look if I become 50. :laugh2: Silly situations like these are 'nothing' to me.

I saw mention of Miss Coco's visit to you in your facebook - thought that was neat. I admire such a worldly traveler such as she. Keep on having a great visit! Uhmm.. cow's head? :eek3:
 
ah, well it went to a long winding road of explanations which returns to your simpler explaing of what is sugarcoating. I just took humour in it, no offense intended. its like alot of things in life, we learn about one thing, and it get elaborated, and then you understand it more to a point which you put it at back of your head and then suddenly you realise or just use the simpler, original thought/schema.
It just funny how it happened.
 
I have no problem with people speaking their minds nor speaking the truth. I've seen some people quote every member's post almost in every threads and don't give those members any room to breathe. That is annoying and disrespectful. They need to remember an opinion is only one's thoughts and we all have our own. With me, I like to hear everyone's opinions how they think, it doesn't necessary means that I agree with them. :)
 
Grummer said:
ah, well it went to a long winding road of explanations which returns to your simpler explaing of what is sugarcoating. I just took humour in it, no offense intended. its like alot of things in life, we learn about one thing, and it get elaborated, and then you understand it more to a point which you put it at back of your head and then suddenly you realise or just use the simpler, original thought/schema.
It just funny how it happened.
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oic. i couldn't tell if you were laughing at my response as a way to poke fun or just trying to find humor in it. thanks for the explanation. :)
 
no worries, im off to watch the rest of "catch a fire' dvd, damn its good
 
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