Upcoming Date... Extremely freakin nervous !

[Bottesini]

I don't offer it all up. I try not to at all. They keep asking the questions. So you're saying tell them I don't like talking about it?

No, I am saying don't let it come up. They can't ask about it if you haven't given them a clue it exists.

 

[goodonya]

Where does the money part come in?

It looks to me like you already understand the problem. No one wants to be with someone who only concentrates on their problems, whether it is health or anything else.

Try to focus on more positive aspects of your life. If it gets serious at a later date, she will already be used to you. It's overwhelming to hear about a lot of problems, and there is nothing they could do to help you anyway.

You need to let them see you can be a good companion.[/QUOTE

It is not dishonesty to keep some mystery about yourself. I agree with Bottesini. Something along the line of best foot forward. Okay it is not much of a foot but hey do you want a date or not? Save the hives and hemmoroids for later to spice things up when she thinks you might be kind of a dull sort... smiles... its hell out there.. but from all reports from the women its hell for them too. Humor helps, in fact it is often our only salvation.

 

[Danb]

I don't know why you're having issues. I'm betting it's more you but I'll say this... the older these girls get, the more they wise up to the difficulties of dealing with a person with special needs. Even if their only issue is as trivial as hearing loss. When you (and they) were younger, it was a novelty. People always "mean well" but over time... they disappear.

Best wishes.

You're betting its me? Ok, thanks, that's helpful. What do you mean by "wise up to the ......" and "trivial as hearing loss."? "mean well"... "disappear." You're losing me man, haha.

Bottesini, how the heck do i not let it come up? They are going to see a freakin CI on my head. . Of course they're going to ask if i was born that way or how i lost my hearing, right? .....

..... Then i have to explain how my immune system attacks and destroys things it shouldn't. Then they always ask what else it attacks, how long i've had it, can it be passed on and is there a "cure". i have to explain the hives, arthritis, from birth, yes passed on and no cure. i bet i'd save time if i printed it all on a T shirt.

I swear you guys are not reading carefully enough. I explained the health problems after they asked, not first. There is no way i can not answer their questions, they will get creaped out. Like i'm hiding something bad. No way to avoid those things without flat out lying. I won't do that.

I have joked around about this, or try to take their mind off it but it hasn't worked yet. I'm running out of material. Please send some my way.

The money part is always the point at which they start to communicate less and plans fizzle. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with trying to start a family around this age.

GoodonYa, Yup, love is hell, or a battlefield. Depending how old you are. I'm wondering if everyone is just too damn picky. I just have to keep trying I suppose.

By the way, how many people who have replied have a "significant other"?

 

[rockin'robin]

Well...you know...discussing ur health problems is really something that the older people do.......there were times when I would catch myself talking about "this pain"...or this ailment...and I realized...people really don't wanna hear it....Had a friend...that everytime I saw him, I would ask "how are you feeling?"...and he replied..."Oh my...I'm gonna die next Tuesday!"....took me a while to realize he was joking....as I expected him to rant on and on about all his painful problems......because he was older than I.....

First dates are always supposed to be fun and finding out each other's personality....making little jokes and such...keep the other person laughing....

Whenever it becomes more serious...then share with everything....not all at once tho'....Nobody wants to hear about ur life history in 1 date or even just a few...

 

[NitroHonda]

You're betting its me? Ok, thanks, that's helpful. What do you mean by "wise up to the ......" and "trivial as hearing loss."? "mean well"... "disappear." You're losing me man, haha.

Bottesini, how the heck do i not let it come up? They are going to see a freakin CI on my head. . Of course they're going to ask if i was born that way or how i lost my hearing, right? .....

..... Then i have to explain how my immune system attacks and destroys things it shouldn't. Then they always ask what else it attacks, how long i've had it, can it be passed on and is there a "cure". i have to explain the hives, arthritis, from birth, yes passed on and no cure. i bet i'd save time if i printed it all on a T shirt.

I swear you guys are not reading carefully enough. I explained the health problems after they asked, not first. There is no way i can not answer their questions, they will get creaped out. Like i'm hiding something bad. No way to avoid those things without flat out lying. I won't do that.

I have joked around about this, or try to take their mind off it but it hasn't worked yet. I'm running out of material. Please send some my way.

The money part is always the point at which they start to communicate less and plans fizzle. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with trying to start a family around this age.

GoodonYa, Yup, love is hell, or a battlefield. Depending how old you are. I'm wondering if everyone is just too damn picky. I just have to keep trying I suppose.

By the way, how many people who have replied have a "significant other"?

Yeah, I'm betting it's you. YOU are scaring these girls off one way or another. I wasn't being snide or anything. Maybe I explained it poorly but I truly meant well. Bottesini gave much better advice than I did. Lie. You're giving out a LOT of information. Maybe too much at the beginning. It should be easy for you to shut down the conversation. Deaf and leave it at that. It isn't really LYING but more of... waiting for more time to pass before you divulge the depths of the issues.

We're listening and we're giving off advice based on what we're reading. Maybe a problem is that you're combative to it all? I don't know man. I wish it wasn't so hard for you but it is.

I'm married to my high school sweetheart. We started dating when we were freshmen in high school. I'm 36 now. We did break up for a few years and we went our own way but for the most part... it's been us two.

 

[Bottesini]

You're betting its me? Ok, thanks, that's helpful. What do you mean by "wise up to the ......" and "trivial as hearing loss."? "mean well"... "disappear." You're losing me man, haha.

Bottesini, how the heck do i not let it come up? They are going to see a freakin CI on my head. . Of course they're going to ask if i was born that way or how i lost my hearing, right? .....

..... Then i have to explain how my immune system attacks and destroys things it shouldn't. Then they always ask what else it attacks, how long i've had it, can it be passed on and is there a "cure". i have to explain the hives, arthritis, from birth, yes passed on and no cure. i bet i'd save time if i printed it all on a T shirt.

I swear you guys are not reading carefully enough. I explained the health problems after they asked, not first. There is no way i can not answer their questions, they will get creaped out. Like i'm hiding something bad. No way to avoid those things without flat out lying. I won't do that.

I have joked around about this, or try to take their mind off it but it hasn't worked yet. I'm running out of material. Please send some my way.

The money part is always the point at which they start to communicate less and plans fizzle. I don't know, maybe it has something to do with trying to start a family around this age.

GoodonYa, Yup, love is hell, or a battlefield. Depending how old you are. I'm wondering if everyone is just too damn picky. I just have to keep trying I suppose.

By the way, how many people who have replied have a "significant other"?

Me, me , me! :P And I have auto immune problems too...

My husband comes from a family where progressive hearing loss predominates, so I guess you could say we have quite a bit in common..

 

[Danb]

Why do people keep saying that. Is my computer font set to "algebraic" or something. :P Jeeeeezzz. :roll:

They all ask first and again and again. I don't bring it up at all. I try to avoid and change the subject as often as i can, but they keep asking.

Do i just tell them I don't like talking about it? Wouldn't that seem weird?

 

[rockin'robin]

Why do people keep saying that. Is my computer font set to "algebraic" or something. :P Jeeeeezzz. :roll:

They all ask first and again and again. I don't bring it up at all. I try to avoid and change the subject as often as i can, but they keep asking.

Do i just tell them I don't like talking about it? Wouldn't that seem weird?

Well...if they persist...then make ur answer very short....then change the subject...I feel it's somewhat rude to ask someone on 1st dates too many questions....And try to find another lengthly subject to talk about.

 

[Danb]

Just in case, I hope no one takes my Loooonnggg replies as me being mad. I type waaayyy too fast. Just about as fast as i can talk. Its kind of rediculous. and i use a lot of Hyperbole' !!!!

NitroHonda, you ARE being snide. If you were dating now, while having 3 different disabilites with very little money, using a dating site, i might listen more closely to you.
Its very easy for someone to move onto the next single person web link. I need something more than, be nice, tell jokes and divert their attention.
I have done all of that. Venting on this forum is not who i am normally. I guarantee it. If that's why you think it is my fault.

If anything just say, ok that didn't work, you win some you lose some, just move on to the next one don't take it personally.
Unless of course you're using some kind of reverse jedi mind trick to make me see exactly what i need to do. In which case it worked. Haha.


Bottesini, I actually have never met anyone else with the same health problems as me. Meeting through cyberspace is good enough. ....
.... Ok so if they ask and I don't tell them wouldn't they assume that i'm being too insecure to talk about it? It would turn me off if she was insecure about hers.

To me its like telling someone they wear glasses. It shouldn't be bad to tell them and they shouldn't think badly of it. Should i stop assuming they should understand?

If they asked you'd think they'd be ok to hear it? No?

 

[rockin'robin]

Spank the monkey....me thinks you assume...think...and worry too much....If the date gets on ur nerves by asking so many questions...then tell her ur not feeling well and take her home.....

 

[NitroHonda]

Just in case, I hope no one takes my Loooonnggg replies as me being mad. I type waaayyy too fast. Just about as fast as i can talk. Its kind of rediculous. and i use a lot of Hyperbole' !!!!

NitroHonda, you ARE being snide. If you were dating now, while having 3 different disabilites with very little money, using a dating site, i might listen more closely to you.
Its very easy for someone to move onto the next single person web link. I need something more than, be nice, tell jokes and divert their attention.
I have done all of that. Venting on this forum is not who i am normally. I guarantee it. If that's why you think it is my fault.

If anything just say, ok that didn't work, you win some you lose some, just move on to the next one don't take it personally.
Unless of course you're using some kind of reverse jedi mind trick to make me see exactly what i need to do. In which case it worked. Haha.


Bottesini, I actually have never met anyone else with the same health problems as me. Meeting through cyberspace is good enough. ....
.... Ok so if they ask and I don't tell them wouldn't they assume that i'm being too insecure to talk about it? It would turn me off if she was insecure about hers.

To me its like telling someone they wear glasses. It shouldn't be bad to tell them and they shouldn't think badly of it. Should i stop assuming they should understand?

If they asked you'd think they'd be ok to hear it? No?

Snide? Really? Watch what happens next...

"I hope you find someone who understands you better."

Seeing a pattern yet? Best wishes on your struggle.

 

[Danb]

haha, always weird, but cool, to hear that phrase from a woman.

i don't mind when they ask, but after they ask i hear less from them and they move on.

oh well. movin on. i'll do the opposite from now on and see how it goes. wish me luck.

i'll try to remember your monkey abuse advice for the next date.

 

[Danb]

"I hope you find someone who understands you better."

Where does that come from? A pattern?

 

[Journey]

I certainly can understand how the health issues can come up on a date, especially if they are visable, and of course you have to answer the questions honestly. There is no denying that health issues (particularly genetic ones) can turn some people away. That is frustrating and disheartening to say the least. However, two things you must remember: 1. Chances are there is someone out there that will feel you are of more value than your issues (perhaps someone who knows these issues themselves) and, although it may take a lot of time and effort to find them, it is worth it if that is what you really want. 2. The word "but" can be invaluable. ie: "Yes, I have a condition called ( ) but it does not stop me from doing most of the things I love to do. I really enjoy biking. What about you? Do you bike?"

 

[Danb]

Yeah, one example i did was tell her "when the disease is in remission, i usually have much more motivation than most people... and can leap tall buildings in a single bound." She liked that.

Hard to tell exactly what happened seeing that we didn't actually meet or talk in person. I guess i got caught up in the fact that it happened to me in the past, so it must have happened again, this time.

Oh well... Lots of beautiful women out there.

Its nice to have a place to unload this kind of thing though. Difficult for me to do it with my friends/family. Hard for them to relate to the health issues.

Thanks everyone.