Upcoming Date... Extremely freakin nervous !

I am going to offer a woman's point of view here, if I may. Have two plans ready in your mind - one where you go out to eat and one where you stay home and you cook. When you talk to her, ask her which she would prefer, "Are you up for going out to eat or, after your long trip, would you prefer just to relax at my place while I cook you dinner?" If she responds with, "It's up to you" or "It doesn't matter", then take her out (you can always invite her back to your place for a drink/coffee after if that seems you both enjoy yourself and don't want the evening to end early). Other than that, treat her with respect and with a genuine interest in getting to know her better and things will fall into place. As VG mentioned, she is probably a little nervous too so just relax and look at it all as simply a good opportunity for both of you to get out, have a change of pace and enjoy someone's company :).
 
Very good advice from everyone, thank you. I didn't even realize people actually thought that way.

Sometimes its hard for me to tell if advice is given because it sounds like it would work, or if its based on experience. If that makes sense? :)
 
I'll second with another girl's perspective... Sounds like some anxiety about intimacy. Check your first impression representative at the door, we know you aren't Rico Suave. Be yourself. Also, don't be quick to assume you will be getting in her pants, but if it happens, then go for it romeo. The point is to have a good time, don't over stress yourselves, and brush off the little things, no date always goes as planned, so be calm and flexible. As the night wears on, you'll both be more open, so really, I can understand some nervousness, but it's not as bad as you think. If it doesn't work out, accept it wasn't meant to be and move on. Pretty much common sense, okay so good luck!
 
Ok thank you Jess for the advice. I never assume anything like that. I am extremely self conscious, anyways. So i never expect it.

Ok since there are two women here now, Jess and Journey. What would your honest impressions be if you were getting intimate with a guy and noticed he was covered in red welts that looked like mosquito bites? ... --- Hives.

Now add eight, 4 inch incision scars all over him...

But he's in perfect shape, so add a couple points for that.

What are your opinions now?

I don't see how any women could over look those things. They never have in the past. Its the fact that they realize i am not healthy, even though i look it on the outside. Well besides the hives and scars.

My last 3 serious relationships have ended because my health problems flared.

I can't seem to let my guard down about that.
 
Personally, I would never get intimate with a man before I knew him well and cared for him. By that time, I would know a lot about him and, I would assume, the topic of his health, scars, etc. would have come up. So, if I truly cared about the man, if we had a true connection, then his physicality would not be an issue at that point. We all have issues - its not so much about what they are but how we handle ourselves and our lives despite our issues. If we are burdened by them then we, in turn, will burden others.
 
remember . something's about mary film, but just dont leave it on the ear LOL
 
Danb said:
My last 3 serious relationships have ended because my health problems flared.

I can't seem to let my guard down about that.
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I doubt it. Dates end because of one reason. Relationships, on the other hand, end because of multiple reasons.

Your health problems need to be dealt with by You. Get to a point were you can deal with them so you partner doesn't have to. For example, take a hearing issue, if she is answering all your phone messages you need to get a relay service so she doesn't have to do it.
 
Taking a girl out with only $40 takes a real "finesse" type of person. I am not one. I would save more money and take her out to a real restaurant. Not that Olive Garden crud.
 
Hmm, in that case reassure her it's not a dangerous condition and you are medically on top of it. Depends on the girl, some can't handle it, others won't mind. Hives shouldn't be a problem, but if your 4 inch scar incisions appear VERY obvious, that might be a bit of a concern.
 
NitroHonda said:
Taking a girl out with only $40 takes a real "finesse" type of person. I am not one. I would save more money and take her out to a real restaurant. Not that Olive Garden crud.
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Hey, I happen to love the Olive Garden :p. It's not so much about where you go on a date or how much you spend, it's about how you treat the girl. If she feels safe, paid attention to, valued and special, then even a thoughtfully planned picnic with subway sandwiches can be a great date.
 
Journey said:
Hey, I happen to love the Olive Garden :p. It's not so much about where you go on a date or how much you spend, it's about how you treat the girl. If she feels safe, paid attention to, valued and special, then even a thoughtfully planned picnic with subway sandwiches can be a great date.
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Me too, Olive Garden has pretty good food. Some of them have a good atmosphere. There's not always better places to go for some people.

Subway + picnic = Great idea. I will be keeping that in mind for Spring. :ty:
 
Journey said:
Hey, I happen to love the Olive Garden :p. It's not so much about where you go on a date or how much you spend, it's about how you treat the girl. If she feels safe, paid attention to, valued and special, then even a thoughtfully planned picnic with subway sandwiches can be a great date.
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My brother worked at the Olive Garden for about a year around 15 years or so ago. They used to get frozen TV dinners from Swanson and warm them up, put some butter and chives on it... then proceed to charge you an arm and leg. Swanson, folks! I'm sure they don't get away with this in this day and age but I have definitely soured on them long term.

The picnic is absolutely a great idea and should be the avenue to pursue. It isn't about how much you spend but how much you can make out of it. Barely able to afford an overpriced crappy dinner at Olive Garden isn't it. Well... after paying for dinner, $40 doesn't net you a pair of drinks at the bar afterwards.
 
I used to work at a pizza place. We'd do that when we ran out of stock. We routinely bought things like onions, peppers, sauce, seasonings even pizza cheese, from Stop and Shop. :)

Its all actually the same anyways... Starts at a farm, goes to a huge distributor and is repackaged, rebranded and sent to different companies. A green pepper, chicken or seasoning from SYSCO food distributor is the same at S + S, Olive Garden and in Swanson dinners. :)

Yup, food nerd here. Had to study it in school.
 
Danb said:
I used to work at a pizza place. We'd do that when we ran out of stock. We routinely bought things like onions, peppers, sauce, seasonings even pizza cheese, from Stop and Shop. :)

Its all actually the same anyways... Starts at a farm, goes to a huge distributor and is repackaged, rebranded and sent to different companies. A green pepper, chicken or seasoning from SYSCO food distributor is the same at S + S, Olive Garden and in Swanson dinners. :)

Yup, food nerd here. Had to study it in school.
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You are mostly correct. I agree... except that you glazed over the "pre-packaged" and "frozen" aspect of my comments. Either way, Olive Garden isn't a pizza place. They should be held to higher standards... a fresh standard.
 
NitroHonda said:
You are mostly correct. I agree... except that you glazed over the "pre-packaged" and "frozen" aspect of my comments. Either way, Olive Garden isn't a pizza place. They should be held to higher standards... a fresh standard.
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Wonder if Gordon Ramsey will take on this chain if they continued that practice on Kitchen Nightmares tv show...

I've boycotted Olive Garden for over 3 years now ever since they removed my only dish I would touch there from the menu. I flat out refuse to join the family or friends if they want to go there. I've made it clear to family and friends I will not set a foot in that place unless they paid me for my time to attend and smile/socialize throughout the function like a normal being instead of trying to make OG look bad by looking for all of those cockroaches I know is in the tacky decor and those plastic plants.....
 
Well the date didn't go through. She said her health problems are too much and can't date right now. She has Fibromyalgia.

I was talking to her last week through text messaging after she asked me to call her. Before she asked that I told her through email that i couldn't hear on the phone, so i'm not sure why she wanted me to call her.

Anyways, I told her i had health problems up front and she said she only cared about personality. Then as we kept texting i explained more details about how i work only part time from home because of the chronic hives, and explained i've had these health problems since birth. That's when it seemed like she started to lose interest. Then 3 days later she cancelled the date.

This is actually the 3rd girl to cancel a date or stop talking to me after i explained my health problems, in the past 3 months. One stopped talking to me directly after i told her about the CI and she explained flat out that she "hopes I can find someone like me". WTF !!! The other one just stopped all together with no explanation.

I don't know how to approach any of this anymore. I'm using dating sites. I have tried listing all the health problems on the dating sites and received NO interest or replies to my emails. I removed those parts and now I get plenty of replies and random interests.

Advice please? Maybe i shouldn't ask them out first? Just keep talking until they ask me? Why the hell is it so complicated now? It was never this difficult when i was younger. I had Rheumatoid Arthritis and on crutches when i was younger and still was able to get a couple different girlfriends and dates.

The only thing different back then is that i NEVER talked about my health problems no matter how much they asked.

I was nice to these women, complimented, flirted, joked.... they LOL'd, complimented and flirted back. That all changed once they got my "health history".

Are women really that shallow about money? And, no, I didn't have this kind of attitude when talking with them at all. This is not my attitude at all in person EVER. Forums are the only place I ever do this.

venting ... :(
 
Danb said:
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The only thing different back then is that i NEVER talked about my health problems no matter how much they asked.

Are women really that shallow about money? And, no, I didn't have this kind of attitude when talking with them at all. This is not my attitude at all in person EVER. Forums are the only place I ever do this.

venting ... :(
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Where does the money part come in?

It looks to me like you already understand the problem. No one wants to be with someone who only concentrates on their problems, whether it is health or anything else.

Try to focus on more positive aspects of your life. If it gets serious at a later date, she will already be used to you. It's overwhelming to hear about a lot of problems, and there is nothing they could do to help you anyway.

You need to let them see you can be a good companion.
 
I don't offer it all up. I try not to at all. They keep asking the questions. So you're saying tell them I don't like talking about it?
 
Danb said:
I don't offer it all up. I try not to at all. They keep asking the questions. So you're saying tell them I don't like talking about it?
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I don't know why you're having issues. I'm betting it's more you but I'll say this... the older these girls get, the more they wise up to the difficulties of dealing with a person with special needs. Even if their only issue is as trivial as hearing loss. When you (and they) were younger, it was a novelty. People always "mean well" but over time... they disappear.

Best wishes.
 
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