To locals, domestic abuse data all too real

KristinaB

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To locals, domestic abuse data all too real

Had she gone out on the first date and the man had punched her in the face, she would have called the police right away and been done with it.

As it was - the way one woman in a local chat room for domestic violence survivors described it - the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband of 20 years progressed so slowly she started to think it was normal. It started with angry outbursts, an almost inadvertent shove, a bad habit of throwing things during arguments.

By the time he finally raised his hand to her, she saw no way out.

Statistics have long shown that women like her are not alone, but a study released this month by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed a startling statistic: About 1 in 4 women in the U.S. has been the victim of physical violence from an intimate partner at some point in her life, the study concluded.

J.R. Thicklin, CEO of the Riviera Beach-based nonprofit domestic violence awareness group Destiny by Choice, says the statistics are not a surprise to those who work locally to prevent and stop abuse. What the study has done, Thicklin and others say, is put a spotlight on the pervasiveness of domestic violence's impact on health care, schools, courts, business and other sectors of American society.

"I think it's opened a lot of people's eyes, and a lot of people are starting to pay attention to this now that weren't necessarily watching that closely before," Thicklin said.

The study, which concluded that about 13 percent of men experience violence from a wife, girlfriend or other intimate partner, also reported that of the 1 in 5 U.S. women who had reported being raped in their lifetimes, more than half had been raped by an intimate partner.

The health consequences are severe.

According to the report, men and women who had suffered abuse from an intimate partner were more likely to report frequent headaches, chronic pain, difficulty with sleeping, activity limitations, poor physical health and poor mental health than those who had never been abused. Women who reported being raped or stalked also had reported more cases of asthma, diabetes and irritable bowel syndrome.

Several of the women in a Facebook chat group for Worldwide Survivors of Sociopaths or Domestic Violence last week reported suffering from post-*traumatic stress disorder.

Luis and Dawn Garcia of Boynton Beach started the support group two years ago after battling the effects of the abuse Dawn had suffered from her ex-husband, they said. Luis Garcia is a retired Boynton Beach firefighter. Dawn Garcia works for the Florida Attorney General's Office.

The group has hundreds of subscribers from around the world.

One of them, Ashley Matias, 27, of Boca Raton, said she was diagnosed with PTSD after she ended a seven-year relationship with a man.

As with others in the group, the abuse in her case progressed slowly but intensified to physical abuse after five years, when she moved to another state with her abuser. Her experience also included forced sex and emotional, economic and verbal abuse - all while she was battling cervical cancer.

On the day she told him she was leaving him and moving back to South Florida, she said, he beat her so badly she could barely walk.

"I am slowly working on myself to get better, but I have my good and bad days," said Matias, who has since married someone else and said she is now in a stable, nurturing relationship.

Although she's moved on, she still identifies with the one-sixth of U.S. women the CDC reports have experienced stalking. Her ex, though hundreds of miles away, still sends her unwanted emails.

This was posted on FB for my local paper and will be in tomorrow's edition. Glad I am not one of the statistics and I do feel bad for those that are.
 
I learned about domestic violence at a very young age, from my ex-husband that I married at 19, and divorsed at 21.....Never again have I put myself in a position to tolerate domestic abuse, and never will.

Once a man, even a woman, who puts their hands on you once....will do it again and again...no matter the "I'm so sorry and will never do it again".....Get out, and get out quickly.
 
I learned about domestic violence at a very young age, from my ex-husband that I married at 19, and divorsed at 21.....Never again have I put myself in a position to tolerate domestic abuse, and never will.

Once a man, even a woman, who puts their hands on you once....will do it again and again...no matter the "I'm so sorry and will never do it again".....Get out, and get out quickly.

Agree with you. People don't really change. At a reunion, I notice a guy that I knew from school when I was young and he hasn't changed at all (bully) but at least he had left me alone.
 
Glad I am not one of the statistics and I do feel bad for those that are.

I promise you, this very last thing "they" want is pity. Not help anything, nobody benefit, and it give feeling of better-than, less-than.
 
I promise you, this very last thing "they" want is pity. Not help anything, nobody benefit, and it give feeling of better-than, less-than.

I've said the same. And what made me really angry is when people said to me, "you need help" like I'm crazy.

I prefer saying the word support over the term, "help."

Domestic violence survivors don't need "help." They need "support." They don't need your pity, they need your love. They're not crazy.

People just don't seem to get it.

/end rant.
 
Actually I wonder if a lot of the getting sucked into bad realtionships might be due to not really having had a lot of great social experiances. Like a lot of them involved in realtionships might think "oh he does this or that to me" but at least I'm in LOVE and not alone......or they may not be able to realize what a healthy realtionship even is.
 
Actually I wonder if a lot of the getting sucked into bad realtionships might be due to not really having had a lot of great social experiances. Like a lot of them involved in realtionships might think "oh he does this or that to me" but at least I'm in LOVE and not alone......or they may not be able to realize what a healthy realtionship even is.

They usually already know the difference between what is healthy and not healthy. It's just the matter of gathering enough courage to leave because the abuser can really hurt you if you leave. They threaten you and all that.

So the survivors are not crazy. They just need support. They don't need "help." If they need help, it's the abusers who need to seek treatments.

That's what I'm trying to say.
 
They usually already know the difference between what is healthy and not healthy. It's just the matter of gathering enough courage to leave because the abuser can really hurt you if you leave. They threaten you and all that.

So the survivors are not crazy. They just need support. They don't need "help." If they need help, it's the abusers who need to seek treatments.

That's what I'm trying to say.

I wasn't speaking about domestic violence abuse. I was talking about more people who are in pre-domestic violence realtionships....you know the really controlling ones?
 
Actually I wonder if a lot of the getting sucked into bad realtionships might be due to not really having had a lot of great social experiances. Like a lot of them involved in realtionships might think "oh he does this or that to me" but at least I'm in LOVE and not alone......or they may not be able to realize what a healthy realtionship even is.

I know what you mean... a young woman might mistook her boyfriend's jealousy as a sign of his love for her. That is how a young woman might get sucked into this kind of relationship because she misinterpreted her boyfriend's behavior.
 
And a lot of mainstreamed kids might not really have the abilty to tell what a healthy realtionship even is, b/c they were so marginalized socially as kids. God, I'm very surprised I didn't end up in a horrible abusive realtionship.
 
And a lot of mainstreamed kids might not really have the abilty to tell what a healthy realtionship even is, b/c they were so marginalized socially as kids. God, I'm very surprised I didn't end up in a horrible abusive realtionship.

I am glad I wasn't mainstreamed or I would have turned into a mean person from taking in all that bullyings.
 
I've said the same. And what made me really angry is when people said to me, "you need help" like I'm crazy.

I prefer saying the word support over the term, "help."

Domestic violence survivors don't need "help." They need "support." They don't need your pity, they need your love. They're not crazy.

People just don't seem to get it.

/end rant.

God, I know! Anyone say "you need help" instantly get on my list people who never get told anything again.
 
I am glad I wasn't mainstreamed or I would have turned into a mean person from taking in all that bullyings.

It's not even just bullying.....it's damn isolation that doesn't allow most dhh kids to develop emotionally, and learn about healthy realtionships in the first place!
 
Wirelessly posted

My brother verbal abuses me and I straight out told him that I am NOT your wife and I am NOT your kid! He backed off and his wife told me that I don't know dv is, I told her too, she's bringing dv in my father's home. My bro argued w me on Christmas eve and got in my face, he told stuff that was uncalled for. I can't call the cops on him bec I am not the owner of the house. The cops might ask me to leave, which I would be more than happy but financially wise won't permit me.
 
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Wirelessly posted

My brother verbal abuses me and I straight out told him that I am. NOT your wife and I am not your kid! He backed off and his wife told that I don't know dv is, I told her too, she's bringing dv in my father's home. My bro argued w me on Christmas eve and got in my face, told stuff that was uncalled for. I can't call the cops on him bec I am not the owner of the house. The cops might ask me to leave, which I would be more than happy but financially wise won't permit me.

Ouch! Can't you get a restraining order?
 
What does mainstreaming have to do with DV? It's epidemic everywhere...

Jeebus. :roll:

It can happen to ANYONE... Don't you try and make up excuses for our "behavior, background, etc" and try to assume why we do this or that.
 
Wirelessly posted

Buffalo said:
Wirelessly posted

My brother verbal abuses me and I straight out told him that I am. NOT your wife and I am not your kid! He backed off and his wife told that I don't know dv is, I told her too, she's bringing dv in my father's home. My bro argued w me on Christmas eve and got in my face, told stuff that was uncalled for. I can't call the cops on him bec I am not the owner of the house. The cops might ask me to leave, which I would be more than happy but financially wise won't permit me.

Ouch! Can't you get a restraining order?

Doubt it, since, we all live in the same home. I will have to do more research on this one. I never heard of a siblings abuse.
 
I truly was not saying I had pity or felt those who were subjected or whatever term you want needed help.

I was blessed and am thankful to not have had to deal with this. I did have an emotionally abusive brother and have a vindictive MIL
 
Domestic abuse comes in all angles...whether it's ur spouse, siblings, even ur parents....I knew a girl in my neighborhood...she was 17 and her boyfriend was 21...he beat her often!...When my son told me about it, I had a long talk with her and asked her "why" she put up with this abuse?....She said..."I love him and I will deal with it"!.....Not long afterward, she got pregnant, and her boyfriend left her.....seems her Mother turned "a blind eye" to it all!....

I've taught my own boys to never, ever hit a woman. Women are meant to be loved and protected. And if they find themselves in a abusive relationship, to get out of it quickly as possible....

I don't "pity" women who are victims of domestic violence. The only way I could show any pity, is if they did have a "way out", but refused to do so...and continue to suffer the abuse over and over!...Some do leave their husbands or the abuser, but go right back.

A friend of mine also, her boyfriend choked and beat her in a fit of rage! She called the cops, and he left....1 week later, she let him back in....oh boy! She's an adult so it's her decision...but believe me, it won't be long when she'll wind up in the hospital, or worse yet, even dead.

We women need and should stand up and be strong.
 
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