Think daughter is audist...

If we can't express ourselves here, where can we express ourselves?

I've gotten a lot out of Rebecca's posts. My stories are different, but there are enough similarities that reading her stories helps me understand mine better.
 
Wirelessly posted (droid)

Jillio's sentence is a metaphor, too, isn't it? Double score!
 
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Jazzberry said:
If we can't express ourselves here, where can we express ourselves?

I've gotten a lot out of Rebecca's posts. My stories are different, but there are enough similarities that reading her stories helps me understand mine better.
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We weren't referencing rebecca's replies.
 
i probably am not the best person to give advice, and i'm probably late anyway. however, i want to show my concern for rebecca regardless. i don't have any kids, but i have 1 sister that is 18. i also am not deaf, maybe hoh, but i will never know fully what rebecca is going through.

here's my 2 cents:

no one likes change. living with someone who has been voice on and pretending to be a hearie and then wants to embrace being Deaf is probably not easy for rebeccas daughter.
i don't think it is right her daughter wants an audiogram, and i wouldn't give one to her. her daughter already KNOWS about her problem hearing. i feel that it may just be a confusing time for her. she has lived with someone who has been bending to her hearie needs and now this is changing.
don't get me wrong, i take rebeccas side 100%. it's just easier for me to know her daughters point of view since i hear fairly well.

to rebecca:
honestly, i would just let her know how you feel about the situation and ask her what has changed. she may just want everything to back to the way they were (mum taking care of her when sick, needing permission to do things, not needing to know ASL, etc)

slowly start "introducing" her to the lifestyle that makes YOU comfortable. Use ASL to communicate with her. hopefully she will adjust to the new lifestyle :)

just remember it will all be ok in the end. if it's not ok, it's not the end :)

i hope this helps some!
:hug:
:grouphug:
 
:ty: Racher.

Problem is that she *has* been introduce to what is comfortable for me for many year.

Think change scare her.
 
rebeccalj said:
:ty: Racher.

Problem is that she *has* been introduce to what is comfortable for me for many year.

Think change scare her.
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Change scares eveyone. We want to stay where it is comfortable and with what we know. Feels safer that way.

Avoiding change means stagnating. But she is only 18. She is gonna have a lot of years to practice dealing with change. It has only just begun, lol.
 
jillio said:
Change scares eveyone. We want to stay where it is comfortable and with what we know. Feels safer that way.

Avoiding change means stagnating. But she is only 18. She is gonna have a lot of years to practice dealing with change. It has only just begun, lol.
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If any other child, yes, but this gal *loves* adventure.
 
Hi there...I'm Terry, the boyfriend that was there with Rebecca when her children came up with their "plan".

It was a beautiful dinner together, food was excellent as always, the people around the table (which was Rebecca, her son and her daughter and myself) just enjoying an evening out, the mood was very good. Rebecca was so happy that her daughter was home for a bit from University, this mother loves her babies deeply and they do have a wonderful relationship together, they truly do! Rebecca was in a very happy state of mind...and as conversation went from one topic to another Rebecca casually brought up that over the past few weeks she had been going /voice more and more in her daily life and that it was such a pleasure, a relief to do that and to find that she was accepted by hearies and that this step in her life wasn't nearly as scary and intimidating as she thought it might be. I can't remember exactly what she said next but it was to the effect of: "it would be so great if you two (her children) would give it a try with me".

Without hestitation (in my mind clearly what was said was something that had been pre-planned) her daughter said "if you show us your audiogram, we will think about learning ASL". Her son nodded in agreement, he seemed to be in on the pre-planning of this "grand idea", or deal they thought was good.

I didn't actually see the look of shock and pain on Rebecca's face because I myself was just completely STUNNED at what I had just heard her daughter say. I couldn't believe it! My mind went into a bit of shock, and there was anger and complete frustration flowing through my body. I was biting my tongue, I had to control what I really wanted to say, which would not have been very nice things at that moment.

Rebecca was in shock...she immediately got up from the table and left to go to the restroom. That left the three of us, her two children and myself at the table. Now, here I am, I'm the boyfriend, not their Dad, I am not trying to be their Dad, it's not my right or my responsibility...but I just had to say something.

I started by saying I could not believe what I just heard. That it was unbelievable to me that after having lived with Rebecca all of their lives, and having witnessed her life, her struggles and her victories that they would actually "not" believe that she was deaf. They said "but she speaks so well, she understands us so good, maybe she's not actually deaf". To which I replied "don't you understand that her entire life she has worked so so so hard to fit in to the hearie world? Do you know how *amazing* it is that she does it so well that it seems effortless? Do you actually realize how HARD it is on her?" I asked them if they could just imagine for one minute what it would be like to constantly have to translate one language to another, all the time, to which they replied "it's english". My God, I've been in this amazing womans life for only months, not years and I KNOW that ASL is NOT english! I explained this to them, feeling like I was talking to a wall actually. So, thinking that I'm not getting through to them I basically told them the bare bones truth about what had just happened and what they had just done.

I told them that *if* Rebecca provided an audiogram, to prove to them that she indeed is Deaf...that *if* they did NOT learn ASL they would, and I put the next point very, very strongly...that they would BREAK HER HEART. I made it clear that what had just happened at the dinner table was absolutely NO joke and that by doing what they did...if they do not follow through, they would break the heart of the person that loves them more deeply than anyone on this planet. I pleaded with them to just learn ASL as a language of love for their mother, telling them that moving themselves in that direction would give her so so so much joy that they would feel absolutely stupid that they didn't do it much sooner.

I was there, I heard it all, it was pretty unbelievable, but everything Rebecca has told you in previous posts on this thread are 100% true and accurate. I don't know what else to say right now, but if you wish to have points clarified or to ask me questions, please feel free to do so.

Thank you for your time reading this, peace to you all.
 
rebeccalj said:
If any other child, yes, but this gal *loves* adventure.
Click to expand...


Then she will definitely get some practice at dealing with change. But adventure means a sense of fun. Change generally means work. And work that we all hate the most...work on changing ourselves and our perspective. Change is the opportunity for personl growth. You can fight it and rant about it and oppose it. In the end you have 2 choices. Do the work associate with change and improve the quality of your life, or stay the same and end up miserable. I think we have a couple of examples around here of what happens to those who refuse to embrace change. LOL
 
Robohonch said:
Hi there...I'm Terry, the boyfriend that was there with Rebecca when her children came up with their "plan".

It was a beautiful dinner together, food was excellent as always, the people around the table (which was Rebecca, her son and her daughter and myself) just enjoying an evening out, the mood was very good. Rebecca was so happy that her daughter was home for a bit from University, this mother loves her babies deeply and they do have a wonderful relationship together, they truly do! Rebecca was in a very happy state of mind...and as conversation went from one topic to another Rebecca casually brought up that over the past few weeks she had been going /voice more and more in her daily life and that it was such a pleasure, a relief to do that and to find that she was accepted by hearies and that this step in her life wasn't nearly as scary and intimidating as she thought it might be. I can't remember exactly what she said next but it was to the effect of: "it would be so great if you two (her children) would give it a try with me".

Without hestitation (in my mind clearly what was said was something that had been pre-planned) her daughter said "if you show us your audiogram, we will think about learning ASL". Her son nodded in agreement, he seemed to be in on the pre-planning of this "grand idea", or deal they thought was good.

I didn't actually see the look of shock and pain on Rebecca's face because I myself was just completely STUNNED at what I had just heard her daughter say. I couldn't believe it! My mind went into a bit of shock, and there was anger and complete frustration flowing through my body. I was biting my tongue, I had to control what I really wanted to say, which would not have been very nice things at that moment.

Rebecca was in shock...she immediately got up from the table and left to go to the restroom. That left the three of us, her two children and myself at the table. Now, here I am, I'm the boyfriend, not their Dad, I am not trying to be their Dad, it's not my right or my responsibility...but I just had to say something.

I started by saying I could not believe what I just heard. That it was unbelievable to me that after having lived with Rebecca all of their lives, and having witnessed her life, her struggles and her victories that they would actually "not" believe that she was deaf. They said "but she speaks so well, she understands us so good, maybe she's not actually deaf". To which I replied "don't you understand that her entire life she has worked so so so hard to fit in to the hearie world? Do you know how *amazing* it is that she does it so well that it seems effortless? Do you actually realize how HARD it is on her?" I asked them if they could just imagine for one minute what it would be like to constantly have to translate one language to another, all the time, to which they replied "it's english". My God, I've been in this amazing womans life for only months, not years and I KNOW that ASL is NOT english! I explained this to them, feeling like I was talking to a wall actually. So, thinking that I'm not getting through to them I basically told them the bare bones truth about what had just happened and what they had just done.

I told them that *if* Rebecca provided an audiogram, to prove to them that she indeed is Deaf...that *if* they did NOT learn ASL they would, and I put the next point very, very strongly...that they would BREAK HER HEART. I made it clear that what had just happened at the dinner table was absolutely NO joke and that by doing what they did...if they do not follow through, they would break the heart of the person that loves them more deeply than anyone on this planet. I pleaded with them to just learn ASL as a language of love for their mother, telling them that moving themselves in that direction would give her so so so much joy that they would feel absolutely stupid that they didn't do it much sooner.

I was there, I heard it all, it was pretty unbelievable, but everything Rebecca has told you in previous posts on this thread are 100% true and accurate. I don't know what else to say right now, but if you wish to have points clarified or to ask me questions, please feel free to do so.

Thank you for your time reading this, peace to you all.
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Well, hello there, Terry! Nice to meet you.

I, for one, never doubted Rebecca's accounting of what happened. And I certainly understand that, not being the father, the situation left you in a rather sticky place. But I will have to say that I think you handled it as well, or better than, most would have. While it is not your place to "parent" these kids, so to speak, neither does that mean that you are obligated to sit back and watch them engage in disrespectful and hurtful behavior toward their mother. The situation may demand that you choose what you say with care but it in no way demands that you be silent about what you witnessed.

Rebecca is very blessed, indeed, to have someone in her life that is willing to risk their own discomfort in order to do what is most supportive of her. I'm certain that she realizes this, as well. And her children are blessed in that their mother has someone in her life that cares about her and is willing to protect her feelings when he sees an injustice perpetrated toward her. I would say that you contributed to a valuable lesson for them. The full message may not sink in right away...adolescents tend to have to mull these things over before the light bulb goes on, lol. But it will hit them eventually.

Glad you decided to give AD a whirl. Stick around. We're not a bad bunch around here. Well, most of the time we're not, lol.
 
I was there, I heard it all, it was pretty unbelievable, but everything Rebecca has told you in previous posts on this thread are 100% true and accurate.
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I never doubted for a second what Rebecca says is true, and she cleared the details very well, too,
I just thought
a reprimand for treating mom like a spoiled child was in order.

Mom is an authority, and what she says goes. Particularly in something so important and dear to her.
Especially seeing how she is bending backwards to accommodate her family!

But it is nice of you to back Rebecca up.

Fuzzy
 


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