WOW!! I am so sory for hear of the bad experiences so many of you have had and are still having with your exes.
I have a slightly different story in some ways...
My H and I have been married now for almost 21 years. For 15 years, he was horribly violent and abusive. He did the whole beating me, throwing things at me, put me down, raped me a few times...and he started in on our kids-mainly screaming at them and starting to hit them as well. Every now and then I'd have a bruise on my face, but people believed him when he said I'd fallen over, and believed me if I said I walked into the door...most times, he'd hit me where the bruises wouldn't be seen. I don't know how many times he's shoved or thrown me and I've nearly hit my head on the sharp corner of a table or some other piece of furniture!
I left a couple of times over the years, but I always went back. He used to bend my thumbs back and cause great pain, bse it was like he knew I needed my hands to sign with-really, really painful...one time, I couldn't use my thumb properly for a month it was so sore!
He bashed me so badly in the back, that he fractured it..this onkly came up several years later, when it was found I have degenerative discs and a gap of about 1.3 cms...the doctor noticed I also have a fracture. All I remember was I could barely walk for a week after he beat the crap out of me one night! YEOW!!!
He threw me to the ground when I was 5 months pregnant with our 5th child...and that was the very first time he EVER laid a hand on me when I was pregnant...I ended up having to go to the hospital the next day because I started bleeding. H told me he'd take me there only if I promised to tell them I "fell over"...they didn't believe him...but they were SO stupid! They asked me in front of him what had happened, and he answered for me, and then sent him out of the room and asked me again! Hello! Like I'm really going to change my story with my violent husband in the very next room? Crazy doctors!!!
I started getting counselling at a domestic violence centre...the lady who I saw knew a little bit of Auslan, and she was sooo nice. After around 6 months, I got brave and took out an intervention order against him. I wasn't ready to leave him...I just wanted the violence to stop, and for him to treat me as good as he treated people from church. He was all shitty about the order, so he gave me the silent treatment, and in the end, he kicked 2 of my kids, so I took them and escaped to a women's refuge.
We stayed seperated for 10 months, and during that time, my H went and got some counselling, saw a psychologist, and a psychiatrist and found out that he has bi-polar disorder.
After 10 months, we decided to reconcile...so far, we've had some ups and downs, but he is no longer violent or abusive towards me...he is way more loving towards me and our 5 children than he ever used to be.
Now? We love each other far more than we ever have before...our relationship is VERY different to the way it used to be.
Our church was our life line...they loved on both of us and supported us both, but they didn't condone his brutality-in fact, they held him accountable and counseled me to leave him and also to go to the police and have him charged with criminal assault when he kicked two of my kids. Our pastoral care Pastor was there for me at the court case too.
Another great source of help was an on-line group called "Our Place"..it's a group that helps victims of domestic violence...mainly giving an ear to listen, advice, teachings and education about the different forms of domestic violence. I'm still there to this day, bse they helped me soo much, and I like to help others who are being abused, because I understand how soul-destroying it is. If anyone ever wants to have a look over there, as I say, it's called "Our Place". I'm AuslanGirl over there as well. So if you come and have a look, give me a shout out, k?
Hugs to all!
AuslanGirl