The ex bashing/discussion thread

GRRRRRRR!

My ex calls me and tells me that I have to get my son home tonight. His reason? His street hasn't been plowed yet, and he can't get his truck out. Though his father's car is clear. He's just being a LAZY ASS!!!

I don't drive & my nephew was kind enough to take his cousin home, so he could borrow my mom's car.
 
I am wishing I could have nice quiet home life with a spouse thats warm and understanding.
 
WOW!! I am so sory for hear of the bad experiences so many of you have had and are still having with your exes.

I have a slightly different story in some ways...

My H and I have been married now for almost 21 years. For 15 years, he was horribly violent and abusive. He did the whole beating me, throwing things at me, put me down, raped me a few times...and he started in on our kids-mainly screaming at them and starting to hit them as well. Every now and then I'd have a bruise on my face, but people believed him when he said I'd fallen over, and believed me if I said I walked into the door...most times, he'd hit me where the bruises wouldn't be seen. I don't know how many times he's shoved or thrown me and I've nearly hit my head on the sharp corner of a table or some other piece of furniture!

I left a couple of times over the years, but I always went back. He used to bend my thumbs back and cause great pain, bse it was like he knew I needed my hands to sign with-really, really painful...one time, I couldn't use my thumb properly for a month it was so sore!

He bashed me so badly in the back, that he fractured it..this onkly came up several years later, when it was found I have degenerative discs and a gap of about 1.3 cms...the doctor noticed I also have a fracture. All I remember was I could barely walk for a week after he beat the crap out of me one night! YEOW!!!

He threw me to the ground when I was 5 months pregnant with our 5th child...and that was the very first time he EVER laid a hand on me when I was pregnant...I ended up having to go to the hospital the next day because I started bleeding. H told me he'd take me there only if I promised to tell them I "fell over"...they didn't believe him...but they were SO stupid! They asked me in front of him what had happened, and he answered for me, and then sent him out of the room and asked me again! Hello! Like I'm really going to change my story with my violent husband in the very next room? Crazy doctors!!!

I started getting counselling at a domestic violence centre...the lady who I saw knew a little bit of Auslan, and she was sooo nice. After around 6 months, I got brave and took out an intervention order against him. I wasn't ready to leave him...I just wanted the violence to stop, and for him to treat me as good as he treated people from church. He was all shitty about the order, so he gave me the silent treatment, and in the end, he kicked 2 of my kids, so I took them and escaped to a women's refuge.

We stayed seperated for 10 months, and during that time, my H went and got some counselling, saw a psychologist, and a psychiatrist and found out that he has bi-polar disorder.

After 10 months, we decided to reconcile...so far, we've had some ups and downs, but he is no longer violent or abusive towards me...he is way more loving towards me and our 5 children than he ever used to be.

Now? We love each other far more than we ever have before...our relationship is VERY different to the way it used to be.

Our church was our life line...they loved on both of us and supported us both, but they didn't condone his brutality-in fact, they held him accountable and counseled me to leave him and also to go to the police and have him charged with criminal assault when he kicked two of my kids. Our pastoral care Pastor was there for me at the court case too.

Another great source of help was an on-line group called "Our Place"..it's a group that helps victims of domestic violence...mainly giving an ear to listen, advice, teachings and education about the different forms of domestic violence. I'm still there to this day, bse they helped me soo much, and I like to help others who are being abused, because I understand how soul-destroying it is. If anyone ever wants to have a look over there, as I say, it's called "Our Place". I'm AuslanGirl over there as well. So if you come and have a look, give me a shout out, k?

Hugs to all!

AuslanGirl :)
 
AuslanGirl said:
WOW!! I am so sory for hear of the bad experiences so many of you have had and are still having with your exes.

I have a slightly different story in some ways...

My H and I have been married now for almost 21 years. For 15 years, he was horribly violent and abusive. He did the whole beating me, throwing things at me, put me down, raped me a few times...and he started in on our kids-mainly screaming at them and starting to hit them as well. Every now and then I'd have a bruise on my face, but people believed him when he said I'd fallen over, and believed me if I said I walked into the door...most times, he'd hit me where the bruises wouldn't be seen. I don't know how many times he's shoved or thrown me and I've nearly hit my head on the sharp corner of a table or some other piece of furniture!

I left a couple of times over the years, but I always went back. He used to bend my thumbs back and cause great pain, bse it was like he knew I needed my hands to sign with-really, really painful...one time, I couldn't use my thumb properly for a month it was so sore!

He bashed me so badly in the back, that he fractured it..this onkly came up several years later, when it was found I have degenerative discs and a gap of about 1.3 cms...the doctor noticed I also have a fracture. All I remember was I could barely walk for a week after he beat the crap out of me one night! YEOW!!!

He threw me to the ground when I was 5 months pregnant with our 5th child...and that was the very first time he EVER laid a hand on me when I was pregnant...I ended up having to go to the hospital the next day because I started bleeding. H told me he'd take me there only if I promised to tell them I "fell over"...they didn't believe him...but they were SO stupid! They asked me in front of him what had happened, and he answered for me, and then sent him out of the room and asked me again! Hello! Like I'm really going to change my story with my violent husband in the very next room? Crazy doctors!!!

I started getting counselling at a domestic violence centre...the lady who I saw knew a little bit of Auslan, and she was sooo nice. After around 6 months, I got brave and took out an intervention order against him. I wasn't ready to leave him...I just wanted the violence to stop, and for him to treat me as good as he treated people from church. He was all shitty about the order, so he gave me the silent treatment, and in the end, he kicked 2 of my kids, so I took them and escaped to a women's refuge.

We stayed seperated for 10 months, and during that time, my H went and got some counselling, saw a psychologist, and a psychiatrist and found out that he has bi-polar disorder.

After 10 months, we decided to reconcile...so far, we've had some ups and downs, but he is no longer violent or abusive towards me...he is way more loving towards me and our 5 children than he ever used to be.

Now? We love each other far more than we ever have before...our relationship is VERY different to the way it used to be.

Our church was our life line...they loved on both of us and supported us both, but they didn't condone his brutality-in fact, they held him accountable and counseled me to leave him and also to go to the police and have him charged with criminal assault when he kicked two of my kids. Our pastoral care Pastor was there for me at the court case too.

Another great source of help was an on-line group called "Our Place"..it's a group that helps victims of domestic violence...mainly giving an ear to listen, advice, teachings and education about the different forms of domestic violence. I'm still there to this day, bse they helped me soo much, and I like to help others who are being abused, because I understand how soul-destroying it is. If anyone ever wants to have a look over there, as I say, it's called "Our Place". I'm AuslanGirl over there as well. So if you come and have a look, give me a shout out, k?

Hugs to all!

AuslanGirl :)
Click to expand...

Your story really blows my mind! You accepted 15 years of abuse....even when you were pregnant with a child......your husband abusing your kids also.....and you still stayed married to the SOB??

What planet are you from? Your husband belongs in jail, bi-polar or not! A man who puts his hands on women, and especially children is nothing but a coward.....a control freak, rotten to the core.

Sorry...I don't buy this. Feeling sorry for you, I cannot....but feeling sorry for your children, yes I do. They had to stand around, watching your husband abuse you for 15 years!...IMO, the chilldren should have been taken OUT OF YOUR HOME....and since you opted to stay with this man, regardless of how he beat you up...WOW! What a humdinger....I have to say that you enjoyed the abuse. Good luck for the next 15 years...
 
rockin'robin said:
Your story really blows my mind! You accepted 15 years of abuse....even when you were pregnant with a child......your husband abusing your kids also.....and you still stayed married to the SOB??

What planet are you from? Your husband belongs in jail, bi-polar or not! A man who puts his hands on women, and especially children is nothing but a coward.....a control freak, rotten to the core.

Sorry...I don't buy this. Feeling sorry for you, I cannot....but feeling sorry for your children, yes I do. They had to stand around, watching your husband abuse you for 15 years!...IMO, the chilldren should have been taken OUT OF YOUR HOME....and since you opted to stay with this man, regardless of how he beat you up...WOW! What a humdinger....I have to say that you enjoyed the abuse. Good luck for the next 15 years...
Click to expand...

take it easy.

bipolar condition - if left untreated, it is dangerous. it's not controllable without proper medication and medical attention. now that he's treated... sounds like it's going ok now.

by your logic - you support a death penalty for a mentally-illed man (untreated) who murdered somebody.
 
AuslanGirl said:
WOW!! I am so sory for hear of the bad experiences so many of you have had and are still having with your exes.

I have a slightly different story in some ways...

My H and I have been married now for almost 21 years. For 15 years, he was horribly violent and abusive. He did the whole beating me, throwing things at me, put me down, raped me a few times...and he started in on our kids-mainly screaming at them and starting to hit them as well. Every now and then I'd have a bruise on my face, but people believed him when he said I'd fallen over, and believed me if I said I walked into the door...most times, he'd hit me where the bruises wouldn't be seen. I don't know how many times he's shoved or thrown me and I've nearly hit my head on the sharp corner of a table or some other piece of furniture!

I left a couple of times over the years, but I always went back. He used to bend my thumbs back and cause great pain, bse it was like he knew I needed my hands to sign with-really, really painful...one time, I couldn't use my thumb properly for a month it was so sore!

He bashed me so badly in the back, that he fractured it..this onkly came up several years later, when it was found I have degenerative discs and a gap of about 1.3 cms...the doctor noticed I also have a fracture. All I remember was I could barely walk for a week after he beat the crap out of me one night! YEOW!!!

He threw me to the ground when I was 5 months pregnant with our 5th child...and that was the very first time he EVER laid a hand on me when I was pregnant...I ended up having to go to the hospital the next day because I started bleeding. H told me he'd take me there only if I promised to tell them I "fell over"...they didn't believe him...but they were SO stupid! They asked me in front of him what had happened, and he answered for me, and then sent him out of the room and asked me again! Hello! Like I'm really going to change my story with my violent husband in the very next room? Crazy doctors!!!

I started getting counselling at a domestic violence centre...the lady who I saw knew a little bit of Auslan, and she was sooo nice. After around 6 months, I got brave and took out an intervention order against him. I wasn't ready to leave him...I just wanted the violence to stop, and for him to treat me as good as he treated people from church. He was all shitty about the order, so he gave me the silent treatment, and in the end, he kicked 2 of my kids, so I took them and escaped to a women's refuge.

We stayed seperated for 10 months, and during that time, my H went and got some counselling, saw a psychologist, and a psychiatrist and found out that he has bi-polar disorder.

After 10 months, we decided to reconcile...so far, we've had some ups and downs, but he is no longer violent or abusive towards me...he is way more loving towards me and our 5 children than he ever used to be.

Now? We love each other far more than we ever have before...our relationship is VERY different to the way it used to be.

Our church was our life line...they loved on both of us and supported us both, but they didn't condone his brutality-in fact, they held him accountable and counseled me to leave him and also to go to the police and have him charged with criminal assault when he kicked two of my kids. Our pastoral care Pastor was there for me at the court case too.

Another great source of help was an on-line group called "Our Place"..it's a group that helps victims of domestic violence...mainly giving an ear to listen, advice, teachings and education about the different forms of domestic violence. I'm still there to this day, bse they helped me soo much, and I like to help others who are being abused, because I understand how soul-destroying it is. If anyone ever wants to have a look over there, as I say, it's called "Our Place". I'm AuslanGirl over there as well. So if you come and have a look, give me a shout out, k?

Hugs to all!

AuslanGirl :)
Click to expand...

Wow! Thank you for sharing your story. I really hope there is zero hint of abuse either physically or verbally now. Otherwise, I am happy that things worked out for you. How are your children now especially with him?

You are brave to give him a 2nd chance and I hope he really really really appreciates it.
 
NO, Jiro...not the death penalty for this man...my concern was 15 years of abuse to the lady and more importantly, to the children.
Waiting 15 years to get help for himself?....and the children standing by watching their mother get beat up...then the children getting abused themselves? This is horrible.....

Even tho' she may have loved her husband regardless of the abuse he inflicted upon her, the children come first....The children, especially the males, are apt to grow up being women abusers as well, and the girls, thinking it's OK for a man to abuse them. Hopefully, the children are getting therapy for their horrible childhood.
 
Wirelessly posted

Geez. Most people don't know they have a mental illness until they hit rock bottom. They think everything is normal until they seek psychological help and gain an outside opinion.

I concur with banjo, it's not the place to start a fight.
 
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souggy said:
Wirelessly posted

Geez. Most people don't know they have a mental illness until they hit rock bottom. They think everything is normal until they seek psychological help and gain an outside opinion.

I concur with banjo, it's not the place to start a fight.
Click to expand...

Eh? I get along with everybody but am still crazy as a loon. :lol:
 
AuslanGirl said:
WOW!! I am so sory for hear of the bad experiences so many of you have had and are still having with your exes.

I have a slightly different story in some ways...

My H and I have been married now for almost 21 years. For 15 years, he was horribly violent and abusive. He did the whole beating me, throwing things at me, put me down, raped me a few times...and he started in on our kids-mainly screaming at them and starting to hit them as well. Every now and then I'd have a bruise on my face, but people believed him when he said I'd fallen over, and believed me if I said I walked into the door...most times, he'd hit me where the bruises wouldn't be seen. I don't know how many times he's shoved or thrown me and I've nearly hit my head on the sharp corner of a table or some other piece of furniture!

I left a couple of times over the years, but I always went back. He used to bend my thumbs back and cause great pain, bse it was like he knew I needed my hands to sign with-really, really painful...one time, I couldn't use my thumb properly for a month it was so sore!

He bashed me so badly in the back, that he fractured it..this onkly came up several years later, when it was found I have degenerative discs and a gap of about 1.3 cms...the doctor noticed I also have a fracture. All I remember was I could barely walk for a week after he beat the crap out of me one night! YEOW!!!

He threw me to the ground when I was 5 months pregnant with our 5th child...and that was the very first time he EVER laid a hand on me when I was pregnant...I ended up having to go to the hospital the next day because I started bleeding. H told me he'd take me there only if I promised to tell them I "fell over"...they didn't believe him...but they were SO stupid! They asked me in front of him what had happened, and he answered for me, and then sent him out of the room and asked me again! Hello! Like I'm really going to change my story with my violent husband in the very next room? Crazy doctors!!!

I started getting counselling at a domestic violence centre...the lady who I saw knew a little bit of Auslan, and she was sooo nice. After around 6 months, I got brave and took out an intervention order against him. I wasn't ready to leave him...I just wanted the violence to stop, and for him to treat me as good as he treated people from church. He was all shitty about the order, so he gave me the silent treatment, and in the end, he kicked 2 of my kids, so I took them and escaped to a women's refuge.

We stayed seperated for 10 months, and during that time, my H went and got some counselling, saw a psychologist, and a psychiatrist and found out that he has bi-polar disorder.

After 10 months, we decided to reconcile...so far, we've had some ups and downs, but he is no longer violent or abusive towards me...he is way more loving towards me and our 5 children than he ever used to be.

Now? We love each other far more than we ever have before...our relationship is VERY different to the way it used to be.

Our church was our life line...they loved on both of us and supported us both, but they didn't condone his brutality-in fact, they held him accountable and counseled me to leave him and also to go to the police and have him charged with criminal assault when he kicked two of my kids. Our pastoral care Pastor was there for me at the court case too.

Another great source of help was an on-line group called "Our Place"..it's a group that helps victims of domestic violence...mainly giving an ear to listen, advice, teachings and education about the different forms of domestic violence. I'm still there to this day, bse they helped me soo much, and I like to help others who are being abused, because I understand how soul-destroying it is. If anyone ever wants to have a look over there, as I say, it's called "Our Place". I'm AuslanGirl over there as well. So if you come and have a look, give me a shout out, k?

Hugs to all!

AuslanGirl :)
Click to expand...

I was totally speechless by your story. Amazing. I hope he stays the way since he is on medication for his bipolar symptoms after got counseling on dealing with his violent tendencies.
 
rockin'robin said:
Your story really blows my mind! You accepted 15 years of abuse....even when you were pregnant with a child......your husband abusing your kids also.....and you still stayed married to the SOB??

What planet are you from? Your husband belongs in jail, bi-polar or not! A man who puts his hands on women, and especially children is nothing but a coward.....a control freak, rotten to the core.

Sorry...I don't buy this. Feeling sorry for you, I cannot....but feeling sorry for your children, yes I do. They had to stand around, watching your husband abuse you for 15 years!...IMO, the chilldren should have been taken OUT OF YOUR HOME....and since you opted to stay with this man, regardless of how he beat you up...WOW! What a humdinger....I have to say that you enjoyed the abuse. Good luck for the next 15 years...
Click to expand...

Robin, I understand your opinions on this. But there are a few, rare couples that are able to get the counseling and help they need to fix the situation they are in.

I personally can't imagine living in that situation, and my ex is a bi-polar. I saw what an extremely abusive relationship could be like (my beast friend's parents) and I refused to be in that type of relationship. So when it got bad, even after counseling I got out and stayed out. But that is me and my experience. We just have to support AuslanGirl as much as possible.
 
AuslanGirl, thank you for sharing your story. I imagine it wasn't easy.

I used to ask my mother all the time..."Why? Why did you stay? Why do you always go back?" She always gave me this sad look and never really could answer except one time she said, "Because I love you." After I went through training on domestic abuse, I now understand that fear is what controls the victims.

This one woman finally got the courage to leave him. He always threatened to kill her if he did. Several of the counselors/advisors told her to be brave and to leave him...his words were merely empty threats.

The next night he found the shelter and shot several people in the house (which is highly irregular and does not follow the typical pattern of an abuser - most of the time, they will only target specific people not random people). He kept his word. I will never forget that night.
 
My childhood best friend from PA was in a very very bad marriage with her hubby who treated her like crap up until 2 years ago. All of sudden, things changed ...I dont know if it was her or him but now, they are very very happy and he is much more supportive towards her than he was before. No more verbal abuse. I am so happy for her.
 
:hug: to AuslanGirl. I'm glad you and your husband both got help. I also hope he is continuing with counseling and anger management not knowing what might trigger him, even if he is currently medicated. There is no way I could have stayed in an abusive relationship for that long. My marriage was abusive but I only stayed for a little over a year, that's all I could tolerate. I got out because I didn't want my daughter being raised in that sort of environment.
 
Hmm I only wish my mom would gather up the courage to do so and leave my dad but she relies on his job and his money too much...21 years of standing his crap and I still don't see end to it. We've been at the receiving ends of death threats and I've told him I'd kill him if I need to, to save my mom and my sister ( the main targets for his physical abuse ) That's the main reason a got a foot long dagger in my room :)

To those of you who chose to leave I congratulate you; to those who chose to stay, I can't say I agree with your decision but I respect and really hope for the best.

Now to my bashing of my ex:

We weren't really official but hey, we were on our teens and I sadly gave him what teen boys want. He told me all the nice things I wanted to hear until he got what he was looking for then told me to my face that I didn't matter at all. Great...SOB should rot in hell >.>
 
Robin?

I understand your confusion as to why I stayed in such a horrible situation...I look back at the worst of those times, and I'm stunned too. But, the best way to describe and to get people to understand why abused women stay no matter HOW life threatening it is, is by pure conditioning.

Okay, picture a little frog. If you take that frog and put it straight into boiling water, he'll jump out straight away, neh?

Why?

Too HOT!! AND he KNOWS it!

Now, take that same little froggy, and put him in a pot of cold water, and put the pot onto boil.

Little froggy will stay there and slowly boil to death, but he won't get out at all even though the water is boiling like it was when he jumped out.

Why?

He was CONDITIONED!!

With domestic violence, it NEVER starts off bad or life threatening immediately-abusers are too smart for that! They act normal, and woo their intendeds and gain control over them through manipulation and by being "normal. Once they have them in a relationship (ie control over them!), they start to show their true colours. What might be a small shove today will become a vicious beating a few months down the track, what started out as a kick to the shins one day ends up as being a stabbing later on. It builds up...and all the while, the abuser turns the abuse on and off like a tap...he'll be horrible one day, and lovely and sweet the next and full of apologies, giving flowers and whatever and promising he'll never hurt her again...he does the same with the kids, and often even gets THEM on side. Often, an abuser will threaten his wife/girlfriend with taking the kids if she ever tried to leave, or that he'll take all the money...and often, he'll put her down so much that she doesn't believe she'll ever be able to care for herself or the kids. That's what happened with me. I truly believed I would NEVER be able to make it on my own with the kids....and neither did my hubby. You should have seen his jaw drop to the ground when he saw how well I did for myself! LOL!

If I'd known just how bad things were goping to get, I would have left MUCH earlier, but I didn't....but when my eyes were finally opened to just how serious things were, I acted. I still felt as though I couldn't survive alone with the kids, but I knew I couldn't stay around at home and end up either in hospital or dead. At the time, I actually believed every wife was beaten and abused...that's another reason I stayed....I believed it was normal for a man to beat his wife...no-one ever told me different.

It wasn't until our Pastor who does counselling spoke to me about opened my eyes that I was able to see the danger the kids and I were really in. He actually told me if I didn't leave my husband, I would either be in hospital with serious injuries or dead by the end of the year.

H is doing really really well now. We're actually looking to talk to a Naturopath about H's bi-polar, bse the tablets he's on makes him very lethargic and zombie-like, and he wants something that will sort out the bi-polar but will allow him to be mentally alert. Our Pastor has given us the name of a good doctor, so we'll see what he says.

My H's behaviour now compared to the behaviour he used to have is like night and day. He's worked really hard to overcome his violent and abusive ways...it wasn't easy for either of us, that's for sure.

AuslanGirl :)
 
AuslanGirl said:
Robin?

I understand your confusion as to why I stayed in such a horrible situation...I look back at the worst of those times, and I'm stunned too. But, the best way to describe and to get people to understand why abused women stay no matter HOW life threatening it is, is by pure conditioning.

Okay, picture a little frog. If you take that frog and put it straight into boiling water, he'll jump out straight away, neh?

Why?

Too HOT!! AND he KNOWS it!

Now, take that same little froggy, and put him in a pot of cold water, and put the pot onto boil.

Little froggy will stay there and slowly boil to death, but he won't get out at all even though the water is boiling like it was when he jumped out.

Why?

He was CONDITIONED!!

With domestic violence, it NEVER starts off bad or life threatening immediately-abusers are too smart for that! They act normal, and woo their intendeds and gain control over them through manipulation and by being "normal. Once they have them in a relationship (ie control over them!), they start to show their true colours. What might be a small shove today will become a vicious beating a few months down the track, what started out as a kick to the shins one day ends up as being a stabbing later on. It builds up...and all the while, the abuser turns the abuse on and off like a tap...he'll be horrible one day, and lovely and sweet the next and full of apologies, giving flowers and whatever and promising he'll never hurt her again...he does the same with the kids, and often even gets THEM on side. Often, an abuser will threaten his wife/girlfriend with taking the kids if she ever tried to leave, or that he'll take all the money...and often, he'll put her down so much that she doesn't believe she'll ever be able to care for herself or the kids. That's what happened with me. I truly believed I would NEVER be able to make it on my own with the kids....and neither did my hubby. You should have seen his jaw drop to the ground when he saw how well I did for myself! LOL!

If I'd known just how bad things were goping to get, I would have left MUCH earlier, but I didn't....but when my eyes were finally opened to just how serious things were, I acted. I still felt as though I couldn't survive alone with the kids, but I knew I couldn't stay around at home and end up either in hospital or dead. At the time, I actually believed every wife was beaten and abused...that's another reason I stayed....I believed it was normal for a man to beat his wife...no-one ever told me different.

It wasn't until our Pastor who does counselling spoke to me about opened my eyes that I was able to see the danger the kids and I were really in. He actually told me if I didn't leave my husband, I would either be in hospital with serious injuries or dead by the end of the year.

H is doing really really well now. We're actually looking to talk to a Naturopath about H's bi-polar, bse the tablets he's on makes him very lethargic and zombie-like, and he wants something that will sort out the bi-polar but will allow him to be mentally alert. Our Pastor has given us the name of a good doctor, so we'll see what he says.

My H's behaviour now compared to the behaviour he used to have is like night and day. He's worked really hard to overcome his violent and abusive ways...it wasn't easy for either of us, that's for sure.

AuslanGirl :)
Click to expand...

There are many women like you....sad to say!....whether it's low self-esteem, not having a place to go....so many excuses....The Domestc Violence Shelter here in my City is not an ideal place to be....so many women with children there. But it was their last resort from an abusive and violent relationship/marriage.

The main concern here, and not implying that you, urself, are not important....it's the Children.....No child should be subjected to something as horrific as this! It's amazing that the abuse was not reported, especially to the children and the children not taken out of your home. Children are very resilent! Plus the fact, that even tho' the abuse continued for 15 years, you still managed to get pregnant and have 5 kids in this environment.

Nothing has been said about your children, and there are 5 of them.

Kudos to your husband finally, after 15 years of abusing/beating you and the Children, that he has finally gotten some help. You are lucky to be alive....your children are lucky to be alive! But I feel, after 15 years of this abuse, they (even you) at times might have wished you were dead than to go through all this for 15 years!

Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully, your health and well-being will continue to be positive.
 
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