suicide

[deafness88]

I have been through worse situation than those people who have suicided. Sorry, all they are asking for is a pity.

I am not asking for pity here. I just want some opinions. I know you guys would probably understand me that is why i came here. To seek advice and express myself without worrying about the outcomes.

 

[Hermit of ozark]

What would they know?
Has anyone here been to one before? Does it actually help?

Yes, I have been to one. They are very helpful, but you will have to be 100% straightfoward, and let your therapist know everything about you. Thats only way it works, if you do have depression, they will prescribe you a medicine that actually help you.

 

[Hermit of ozark]

I am not asking for pity here. I just want some opinions. I know you guys would probably understand me that is why i came here. To seek advice and express myself without worrying about the outcomes.

Its best not to metion or think about suicide. That what turns people off, I had a experience with that one.

 

[deafdyke]

Sorry to ask, but what kind of surgery was it that could have made you hear 100%?

I was born with no ear canals,(aural atresia) no eardrums and the middle bones of my ears are fused together. The surgery created an ear canal and an eardrum but my ear closed up again when I was a teen. Tried having the surgery again towards the end of my jr year of high school, and then decided to heck with it....the surgery is a PAIN, and there are no guarentees with it. I decided that I am very happy being hoh. (besides if I wasn't hoh, I couldn't turn my hearing aids off on people!)
Hey Hermit, at least deafness88 is coming out of the closet by posting here. That's a start. (and a good one!!!)

I cam unable to accept that think that i am hoh. I can hear like a regular person except i say "what" quite a lot. I can listen to music find, i can talk on the telephone fine if it is a person with a average voice. I have problems talking to girls on the phone though, their voice is quite quiet and all the words sounds the same.

*Tries to think* There are some people here who have hoh losses. Not all of us are severe/profounders! Levionion might be a good person to IM or e-mail (he has a profound unilateral loss)
SHHH might be good, but on the other hand most SHHH people are old or have aquirred losses or are oral deaf (the type that isn't really interested in picking up Sign) A lot of us know what you're going through. Even with hearing aids or a CI the best hearing a deaf person can get is at mild levels.
I remember from my elementary school IEPs that I hear at 80% with my aids.
Then again, I probaly have a different type of loss then you do (I have a low frequncy loss. Most hoh people have high frequncy losses) I'm trying to think....Are you absolutly dead set against a hearing aid? They have improved drasticly within the last few years...and you might find that digital aids might do wonders for you! You might also look into speechreading lessons. It's really easy to overcome a mild loss by speechreading. You might also want to look into getting an amplified phone, like the kind that has the button to change the loudness settings (like the ones on public payphones) That could help with hearing girls.....and yes I know what you mean. Some girls have the softest most delicate voices. You want to ask them " Would it KILL you to speak up?" Luckily most people on realizing that I'm hoh will subconsciously modify their voices so I can hear them.

 

[Steel X]

I have a friend who's kinda HOH as well...and she told me that her nerves to the ears were kind of damaged and somehow she gets some late response into her ears so she often say "what?" "huh?" what did you just say?" alot of times...and she doesn't even want to wear hearing aids...(she's a very picky person, if you ask me) but she told me that she took speech therapy once a week or something and said that her hearings are improving as she started to catch up on the sounds and vowels and try to read people's lips more carefully, etc...but I'm not not too sure...I mean, how can her hearings get improved when she gets speech therapy and not wear hearing aids or some coclear implant? something tells me that she was lying...but the part about her nerves to the ears is true, though.

 

[deafness88]

Are most you guys' hearing loss from a genetic point? There is a possibility that i am and im am fearing that. If i have offsprings in the future, there could be a chance that my offsprings would have my genetic hearing loss. I am really worried about that. I had a great girlfriend before, except I messed everything up. We were getting really close and stuff like that. She did not know that i have hearing loss and i did not tell her. I remebered she saying we will have great kids and they will go to universitity. Everytime i was with her, i thought about my hof and slowly the relationship was dying off and soon it was over. This really kills my life.

Also lets say my offsprings are born and luckily they did not have my genetic defect, they could be a bit off in pronunciation due to my speaking unless I don't speak to them until they have developed their language. This would be very hard for me, knowing that my child will be like this.

 

[Reba]

I had a great girlfriend before... She did not know that i have hearing loss and i did not tell her.

There could be many reasons for that relationship not continuing, that have nothing to do with your hearing loss. Couples break up all the time for various reasons. I do think it would be better for you to be honest and up front about your situation, in all relationships, romantic and just friends. That way you can know right from the beginning how people will accept you. Living with a secret is very stressful; it is much better to be honest. That doesn't mean you have to constantly discuss your hearing problems with everyone you meet, but just say, "oh, BTW, I am hard of hearing, so sometimes I might miss what you are saying; it helps me if you speak up a little bit and face me when speaking." No big deal. Most hearing people accept that. Sometimes they are curious and ask questions about hearing loss, but please don't be offended.

Positive point: you were able to have a great girlfriend before, so you should be able to find another great girlfriend in the future. You see, you are attractive to other people.

Also lets say my offsprings are born and luckily they did not have my genetic defect, they could be a bit off in pronunciation due to my speaking unless I don't speak to them until they have developed their language. This would be very hard for me, knowing that my child will be like this.

I think many Deaf members of AD can confirm the fact that even IF hearing children have speech problems, that can be easily taken care of with speech therapy sessions at school/pre-school. Young children are very flexible and adaptable.

 

[Steel X]

Are most you guys' hearing loss from a genetic point?

Deafness isn't always genetic, or so you already know...Deafness is the recessive genes that goes and gone and then goes again...on just other people randomly...see, I had a great great grandfather who was deaf back in the 1880s...and he was proably born deaf as well so I was born the same way...must be in the blood, if you ask me lol so we never find out the mystery to this kind of problem but you can't fight the genes...it's fate.

I had a great girlfriend before, except I messed everything up. We were getting really close and stuff like that. She did not know that i have hearing loss and i did not tell her. I remebered she saying we will have great kids and they will go to universitity. Everytime i was with her, i thought about my hof and slowly the relationship was dying off and soon it was over. This really kills my life.

Um, no offense dude but if she left you just because she finds out you are hard of hearing...then she's a real bitch. You know that not alot of people are brave enough to accept that they are in a relationship with a HOH or deaf person and afraid that they would often misunderstand eachother or something...see, they just dont have patience and just want to have the "perfect man" in their lives which will never happen...nobody is, and I mean NOBODY is perfect so...I hope that girl who was your "great girlfriend" has learned a lesson and get used to the fact that you are HOH and should just make up with you and stuff...but if she never did, then it's her problem.

But anyway, there will always be the best girl for you someday...you just gotta wait and see.

 

[ShEiLdTaLiSmAn]

Hello!! Alrighty, Looky here....

there are people who can't see, people who can't walk, people who can't hear, people who get teasted and get beaten up for no reason...people get disrespected for alot of reasons... some people with no legs would proably have to sit on their wheel chair for the rest of their lives with no running or playing or whatever like that... some people with no arms always have to have other people help them put food in their mouth. other people who are blind always need guidance. people who are gay or lesibans always have a difficult time trying to make a difference when they want to prove that they have a right to get married or other people of difference races always fight to get "treated equality" agreement and stuff like that....

Thats where your wrong. They can help themselves. People with no arms, they do thing themself and figure a way to live another day with not having any helps. Even with people who have no legs, they do things themselves. They do play and stuff but it just different of how people (one with arms and legs) plays.



I had tried to kill myself from age 10 to 18 years old. I'm currently 20 years old and is very happily. I'm happily married and have a daughter who is only a year and 7 mos old. I talked to counsler and she knew sign language. She is hearing person but she is NOT deaf. She understood how I was gonig though and helped me. You dont need another deaf to understand how your feeling because there are people out there understands. The problems are very commons and the counsler listen to it alot. Still, they help us in any way possible.

No one realized how major depression I had until my current husband came to my life and helped me. He saw it and guide me to the helps I was asking for all that 8 years. My mother denied and all my sisters. Today, my sisters are asking for helps because it turn out... depression are genetic in my family. I am so glad that I got myself help because I never felt happier. I am glad I tried it even tho I had talked with counslers before. I suggest you try any body who are willing to help. I dont know if this help but I'm trying and everyone else is too.

I wouldn't be here today and my daughter. I wouldn't be married to my husband. I do not know how today life would effect if I was not here. My daughter wouldn't be with me because she'll be somebody else. Or never would be here. Just think... how BADLY would u effect in today life if u disappeared?

Maybe your hanging in the wrong crowd. Maybe your not trying enough. Maybe your just letting the life flow in and out of your life. Take some action and DO IT because u will see the difference. Meet people are the major one in people lives today. They just dont know where to meet or how to be friend to others. I'm very shy person and my husband would help me spread my wing and show who I am instead of wing hiding me. Just think... even just walking on the side of the road and smile people... it helps. Hope I helped... take care of yourself and your loves one.

*Dan, Mandy and Leila

 

[ShEiLdTaLiSmAn]

Deafness isn't always genetic, or so you already know...Deafness is the recessive genes that goes and gone and then goes again...on just other people randomly...see, I had a great great grandfather who was deaf back in the 1880s...and he was proably born deaf as well so I was born the same way...must be in the blood, if you ask me lol so we never find out the mystery to this kind of problem but you can't fight the genes...it's fate.






Um, no offense dude but if she left you just because she finds out you are hard of hearing...then she's a real bitch. You know that not alot of people are brave enough to accept that they are in a relationship with a HOH or deaf person and afraid that they would often misunderstand eachother or something...see, they just dont have patience and just want to have the "perfect man" in their lives which will never happen...nobody is, and I mean NOBODY is perfect so...I hope that girl who was your "great girlfriend" has learned a lesson and get used to the fact that you are HOH and should just make up with you and stuff...but if she never did, then it's her problem.

But anyway, there will always be the best girl for you someday...you just gotta wait and see.

the part about girlfriend....sorry I agree. My husband is hearing and knows sign language. He is still learning today but he married me because I love who I am. My daughter are hearing too and she is also learning sign language. There are some boyfriends that I had with before are REAL ass and I dont give a fuck no more today. They are gone and I am very happy to be with the one that are not immature about it. Thats that and I'm not going to go farther than that.

 

[ShEiLdTaLiSmAn]

I do think you need to go to counsling but posting here are good start (like said above) and I am not trying to be rude or anything. YOU DO NEED HELP!

You do not accept your deafness (hoh, whatever. lolz) and need to learn to accept it. Your just getting attentions and after that, it'll be gone then u will be back to depression again and whole bit. HaHa, I've been there so many times and it does not help that way. You just need a special friend or a counsler to help you all the way. EVEN the hardest time ever, there will be somebody standing by you all the way. I used to have a friend like that but she was never true to me. She always push everyone away and made my depression alot worst than anyone could imagine. I wanted to run away, kill myself and whole negative stuff.

Another thing I noticed by reading, you always think negative. DONT! Lolz yeah, it sound rude but its true. Try stand outside of it and read it and let me tell ya, you will notice it. Try think postitive and u will be happier before you know it. There are many times that I wanted to think negative and I stop myself. I said wait, this person did this... wait this thing happen is because of this happen and it works. More I do it, more better feelings I was getting.

I am down with BIPOLAR DEPRESSION DISORDER and it hurts me alot of times in life. I do know what major depression are because I did research and I was in that stage. I almost went mental hospital but I never did. My mom at 1 year wanted to sent me to boot camp. Just think about it... what would have happen to you if u go to mental hospital... u keep it up, u might end up there and I heard it not a wonderful place to go. I'm glad I change my attitude. Just think....

*Dan, Mandy and Leila

 

[deafdyke]

There is a possibility that i am and im am fearing that. If i have offsprings in the future, there could be a chance that my offsprings would have my genetic hearing loss. I am really worried about that.

Nope...only a small percentage of deafness/hearing loss is genetic.
Sounds like you've bought into hearing world values that being dhh is "bad" There are many people in the Deaf world who would LOVE kids who were dhh!
Sure being dhh isn't the best thing in the world....but on the other hand no one is perfect. I'd rather have a dhh kid then a designer high acheiving Stepford suburban type kid. All a disabilty is, is a difference. Also compared to things like scheizopheria, bipolar disorder, mental retardation, Lou Gerig's Disease, and other fatal and very painful disorders and diseases, being hoh is NOTHING!!!!!!! Some people have to wear glasses. I have to wear hearing aids.
As for disabilties affecting relationships....that's a tough call. I really didn't date in high school b/c a lot of guys really didn't see me as a "real" person.
I also know that some people can be incredibly superfical when it comes to relationships....but other people can be very understanding about things like that. Being deaf for me, is just a part of who I am. I've never had people not attracted to me b/c I wear hearing aids or Sign. (I have had trouble with idoits thinking I'm retarded b/c of my voice, but on the other hand it's a great tool to weed out losers and superfical people!)

 

[Gemtun]

I have gone to therapists/psychologists and they DO help.

It sounds like you won't give them a chance. You cannot assume so quickly. You will have to go through one or two before finding that one who would validate your feelings and help you sort out the process in your head.

Steel is right ...there are much more worse situations out there but we are not here to say that your issue is nothing but if you look around, you will realize that you have so much to be grateful about.

 

[ShEiLdTaLiSmAn]

i'm confused

Sorry if this sound rude or anything but I am confused.

If your so upset about being deaf then THIS i dont understand, why do u have screen name DEAFNESS88. If u dont like being deaf, then dont use DEAFNESS as your name. I have serveal names before that I use as deaf name in it is because I was proud. DEAF FIGHTER was 1 of them but currently not using it. I am using different names now. I am just curious why u have DEAFNESS88 as your name... explain, please...

 

[Brainwashed Gal]

Sorry if this sound rude or anything but I am confused.

If your so upset about being deaf then THIS i dont understand, why do u have screen name DEAFNESS88. If u dont like being deaf, then dont use DEAFNESS as your name. I have serveal names before that I use as deaf name in it is because I was proud. DEAF FIGHTER was 1 of them but currently not using it. I am using different names now. I am just curious why u have DEAFNESS88 as your name... explain, please...

GOOD POINT!

 

[luckyone]

Your not alone

Hi your not alone as my step son is totally deaf and he gets fustrated all the time.His only escape is his chat lines.This means so much to him that if he is told to get off the computer he will get angry and yes he has wanted to commit suicide a few times. We thought it was only him as well but it seems that the only people that are willing to listen to him are the ones on his chat line.

 

[Banjo]

If your so upset about being deaf then THIS i dont understand, why do u have screen name DEAFNESS88.

Because it is a medical term.

 

[CatoCooper13]

Hi your not alone as my step son is totally deaf and he gets fustrated all the time.His only escape is his chat lines.This means so much to him that if he is told to get off the computer he will get angry and yes he has wanted to commit suicide a few times. We thought it was only him as well but it seems that the only people that are willing to listen to him are the ones on his chat line.

You mean he has threatened to commit suicide because he was ordered off the computer? Has he seen any counsellors in regards of talking over his frustrations about being deaf and the sorts?

I did for a few years during my high school years and a couple afterwards as well.

 

[luckyone]

You mean he has threatened to commit suicide because he was ordered off the computer? Has he seen any counsellors in regards of talking over his frustrations about being deaf and the sorts?

I did for a few years during my high school years and a couple afterwards as well.

Yes we sent him to a counsellor twice ,and they seam to think that he is allright and that it is normal to get angry when told to get off the computer. he is on there on ave about 6 hours a day and 14 hrs a day on the weekend.so im hoping the old jeep we got him will get him of the computer and get him to do something constructive.

 

[CatoCooper13]

Yes we sent him to a counsellor twice ,and they seam to think that he is allright and that it is normal to get angry when told to get off the computer. he is on there on ave about 6 hours a day and 14 hrs a day on the weekend.so im hoping the old jeep we got him will get him of the computer and get him to do something constructive.

Yeah, understood - perhaps try to work on the jeep together -- spend quality time together and study on how to put a jeep together and adding new parts here and there, etc.?

As for the counselling -- kids can be clever in concealing the problems they have and/or just plain refuse to talk about it and insist things are OK with them.
I did that, too. I denied that I had a problem, refused to acknowledge it for quite a while.
It took me some time to really accept my deafness. But it's not like that for everyone in the deaf community..some take it in stride, others don't cope well.

It's not only focused on deafness -- it can be for blindness, CP...people with epilepsy...terminal illnesses...you name it. Anything that affect one's view on life will lead to suicide which they believe is the way out.