Speech: A blessing or a curse?

GrendelQ said:
This is a little bit off topic, but I can't help thinking of a dinner out my husband, daughter and I were having a year, maybe more, ago. I had her processors turned off, but still on her head -- we do that sometimes -- and so we were having a silent dinner, signing rather than speaking, which is kind of a nice thing to be able to do in a loud, chaotic restaurant, and a way to establish a little private bubble of family conversation, too.

My daughter was pointing to something across the table she wanted, I was signing "what" to get her to specify which item, and a woman walking slowly by leaned in and commanded my daughter firmly to "use your voice, young lady." Apparently she was appalled at the pointing and not satisfied with our parental guidance on the matter. My husband looked up and laughed, saying matter of factly "she's signing better than I can" and the woman simply turned away and moved on, trailing irritation. I remember feel offended at the time and wishing I had the right angry words to set her straight, but pretty quickly realized that this woman simply had no idea, there was no way she could have, was probably in some kind of auto-mom mode in terms of correcting children, and a word of two of explanation would probably have turned things around pretty quickly.

I guess my point is that yes, people will probably assume you can hear if you speak, just as they would if you didn't say a word, but doesn't it just take a quick correction or explanation to set them straight about it? Or if you aren't going to correct them or chase them down, does it really matter what they think?

PS Shel, my daughter's orphanage report mentioned that she was stubborn and sometimes didn't listen to her caretakers. The didn't realize she was deaf. I've often shaken my head at that assessment. But you know what I've come to realize? They were actually right. :laugh2: She is a bit stubborn and terribly bossy, too, but they missed that along with the deafness.
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So cute! That is not surprising because too often our deafness was blamed for our personality traits when it had nothing to do with it. Important your daughter understands who she is and stays true to herself when she is older instead of trying to change her personality to make people who do not understand happy.
 
applepie said:
.. I take that back free sign is more like signing the best you can at your level and the rest but comparing it to S.E.E not accurate..
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In other words you are not hang up with syntax and grammatical structure while you are still learning.
 
Bottesini said:
If someone apologizes to me, I accept and try to start over.

I have not given my opinion of this decision so I have nothing to apologize for, right or wrong.

Hohtopics tried to make amends.
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Bottesini, I appreciate your sticking up for me. Perhaps, looking back I did overreact a bit. Sometime I say to myself "Darn, I should only come in here when I'm in a better mood". LOL!

Thanks anyway!
 
HoHtopics,

I do not wish for my non-acceptance of your apology to be miscontrued by other d/Deaf. I respect your choice and your views in wanting to use technology to your best advantage and use speech skills if you have the ability to do so. That is your view and choice, and I respect that. I have never hit you personally about your own choices, even though in my own personal view, I would choose otherwise as I have done so. However, I would like to be afforded the same respect from you even though our views and choices are different. As I understand it, you are not apologising for your views (which btw I don't expect you to, they are your views and your choice), however, the undertone was very clearly '....but I am still right'. That is why I gave a 'non-acceptance', because I am not apologising for my views and choices either. If my response to you is unacceptable by the Community, then my mistake, and my sincere apologies to you and to everyone. We can agree to disagree and continue to present our views as we see them with all due respect to one another ok?
 
GrendelQ said:
This is a little bit off topic, but I can't help thinking of a dinner out my husband, daughter and I were having a year, maybe more, ago. I had her processors turned off, but still on her head -- we do that sometimes -- and so we were having a silent dinner, signing rather than speaking, which is kind of a nice thing to be able to do in a loud, chaotic restaurant, and a way to establish a little private bubble of family conversation, too.

My daughter was pointing to something across the table she wanted, I was signing "what" to get her to specify which item, and a woman walking slowly by leaned in and commanded my daughter firmly to "use your voice, young lady." Apparently she was appalled at the pointing and not satisfied with our parental guidance on the matter. My husband looked up and laughed, saying matter of factly "she's signing better than I can" and the woman simply turned away and moved on, trailing irritation. I remember feel offended at the time and wishing I had the right angry words to set her straight, but pretty quickly realized that this woman simply had no idea, there was no way she could have, was probably in some kind of auto-mom mode in terms of correcting children, and a word of two of explanation would probably have turned things around pretty quickly.

I guess my point is that yes, people will probably assume you can hear if you speak, just as they would if you didn't say a word, but doesn't it just take a quick correction or explanation to set them straight about it? Or if you aren't going to correct them or chase them down, does it really matter what they think?

PS Shel, my daughter's orphanage report mentioned that she was stubborn and sometimes didn't listen to her caretakers. The didn't realize she was deaf. I've often shaken my head at that assessment. But you know what I've come to realize? They were actually right. :laugh2: She is a bit stubborn and terribly bossy, too, but they missed that along with the deafness.
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Thank you for sharing the story with me. I do get stubborn when frustration. Bossy, not really as I don't remember being bossy. I might have without knowing it. :dunno:
 
Perhaps I should have started a Poll.....Speech: Blessing? Curse? (Is there even an inbetween?)
 
GrendelQ said:
This is a little bit off topic, but I can't help thinking of a dinner out my husband, daughter and I were having a year, maybe more, ago. I had her processors turned off, but still on her head -- we do that sometimes -- and so we were having a silent dinner, signing rather than speaking, which is kind of a nice thing to be able to do in a loud, chaotic restaurant, and a way to establish a little private bubble of family conversation, too.

My daughter was pointing to something across the table she wanted, I was signing "what" to get her to specify which item, and a woman walking slowly by leaned in and commanded my daughter firmly to "use your voice, young lady." Apparently she was appalled at the pointing and not satisfied with our parental guidance on the matter. My husband looked up and laughed, saying matter of factly "she's signing better than I can" and the woman simply turned away and moved on, trailing irritation. I remember feel offended at the time and wishing I had the right angry words to set her straight, but pretty quickly realized that this woman simply had no idea, there was no way she could have, was probably in some kind of auto-mom mode in terms of correcting children, and a word of two of explanation would probably have turned things around pretty quickly.

I guess my point is that yes, people will probably assume you can hear if you speak, just as they would if you didn't say a word, but doesn't it just take a quick correction or explanation to set them straight about it? Or if you aren't going to correct them or chase them down, does it really matter what they think?

PS Shel, my daughter's orphanage report mentioned that she was stubborn and sometimes didn't listen to her caretakers. The didn't realize she was deaf. I've often shaken my head at that assessment. But you know what I've come to realize? They were actually right. :laugh2: She is a bit stubborn and terribly bossy, too, but they missed that along with the deafness.
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Thanks for relaying that incident. You know, it has never ceased to amaze me how many people think it is somehow their duty to stick their noses into situations with our children.
 
drphil said:
Using speech: why do humans have speech ability in the first place- to accomplish what?

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/007
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Using sign language: Why do humans have a pair of hands in the first place - to accomplish what?
 
BecLak said:
HoHtopics,

I do not wish for my non-acceptance of your apology to be miscontrued by other d/Deaf. I respect your choice and your views in wanting to use technology to your best advantage and use speech skills if you have the ability to do so. That is your view and choice, and I respect that. I have never hit you personally about your own choices, even though in my own personal view, I would choose otherwise as I have done so. However, I would like to be afforded the same respect from you even though our views and choices are different. As I understand it, you are not apologising for your views (which btw I don't expect you to, they are your views and your choice), however, the undertone was very clearly '....but I am still right'. That is why I gave a 'non-acceptance', because I am not apologising for my views and choices either. If my response to you is unacceptable by the Community, then my mistake, and my sincere apologies to you and to everyone. We can agree to disagree and continue to present our views as we see them with all due respect to one another ok?
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No sweat BecLak! And perhaps I have to take some of those things in stride. And like I said in a previous post, sometime we get a little caught up being a little moody in a forum, not in just in this one but also in others. Whereas we sometime have to say to ourselves "I'm not feeling all that great at this point, I better not enter a forum and post something at this point. Wait till I'm feeling better at another time to do so". I appreciate your making an effort to make amends here and I'll also do my part. And again, good luck! :)
 
Hohtopics said:
No sweat BecLak! And perhaps I have to take some of those things in stride. And like I said in a previous post, sometime we get a little caught up being a little moody in a forum, not in just in this one but also in others. Whereas we sometime have to say to ourselves "I'm not feeling all that great at this point, I better not enter a forum and post something at this point. Wait till I'm feeling better at another time to do so". I appreciate your making an effort to make amends here and I'll also do my part. And again, good luck! :)
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All the best to you too, Hohtopics :)
 
applepie said:
.. I take that back free sign is more like signing the best you can at your level and the rest but comparing it to S.E.E not accurate..
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That makes sense, and if it involves lots of gesturing and acting things out then it's probably much closer to true ASL than you realize!
 
Humans have "speech ability" only for sign language. No comment

As for having "arms"- carry things/write/ even key on computers amongst other activities.

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07
 
drphil said:
Humans have "speech ability" only for sign language. No comment

As for having "arms"- carry things/write/ even key on computers amongst other activities.

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07
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And mouths for eating and drinking and yawning and smiling.
 
drphil said:
Humans have "speech ability" only for sign language. No comment

As for having "arms"- carry things/write/ even key on computers amongst other activities.

Implanted A B Harmony activated Aug/07
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The debate is not whether I should use my speech skills, but rather whether I should exercise my right NOT to.
 
It has been mentioned many times by various people on this forum that hearing people automatically assume you can hear, hear more, or hear better because you have the ability to speak well.

It has proved to be one of the major causes of frustration in communication, not actually the mode of communication, but on that assumption alone.

If you remember, growing up the only one deaf, in an oral-only, hearing only family and then married into a hearing family, also being the only deaf yet again, I had learned the subtle art of bluffing my way and 'pretending' to hear. I had this down to such a fine art that everyone around me were truly fooled. Now it has been a difficult task to convince them of the truth. Yes, they have seen my audiogram, but still cannot fully comprehend that what is on the graph is how it is for me. Everyday is like a Wheel of Fortune game and a code-breaking exercise for me. What I am trying to tell my family is that I am tired of it and want to stop as much as humanly possible. Any practical suggestions as to how I get my family to understand where I am at. BTW, an update.....they are being more accepting (I love them for it), just still not comprehending the reasons.
 
I don't know if I've commented on here already but i hate talking to people I don't know. I tend to worry about my speech (if it's clear enough etc) I hate Oralism sometimes, sometimes I wish I could sign all the time.
 
GrendelQ said:
This is a little bit off topic, but I can't help thinking of a dinner out my husband, daughter and I were having a year, maybe more, ago. I had her processors turned off, but still on her head -- we do that sometimes -- and so we were having a silent dinner, signing rather than speaking, which is kind of a nice thing to be able to do in a loud, chaotic restaurant, and a way to establish a little private bubble of family conversation, too.

My daughter was pointing to something across the table she wanted, I was signing "what" to get her to specify which item, and a woman walking slowly by leaned in and commanded my daughter firmly to "use your voice, young lady." Apparently she was appalled at the pointing and not satisfied with our parental guidance on the matter. My husband looked up and laughed, saying matter of factly "she's signing better than I can" and the woman simply turned away and moved on, trailing irritation. I remember feel offended at the time and wishing I had the right angry words to set her straight, but pretty quickly realized that this woman simply had no idea, there was no way she could have, was probably in some kind of auto-mom mode in terms of correcting children, and a word of two of explanation would probably have turned things around pretty quickly.

I guess my point is that yes, people will probably assume you can hear if you speak, just as they would if you didn't say a word, but doesn't it just take a quick correction or explanation to set them straight about it? Or if you aren't going to correct them or chase them down, does it really matter what they think?

PS Shel, my daughter's orphanage report mentioned that she was stubborn and sometimes didn't listen to her caretakers. The didn't realize she was deaf. I've often shaken my head at that assessment. But you know what I've come to realize? They were actually right. :laugh2: She is a bit stubborn and terribly bossy, too, but they missed that along with the deafness.
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Thanks for sharing. Mum got similiar story happened to me when I was young. I don't remember it at all. She told me that I was pointing to cat on fence outside through the window and I know mum don't like cats and we had repair man in (mum can't remember what for thought she thinks something do with TV), he told me off for pointing and mum told him off daring to tell me off and I am Deaf.
 
jillio said:
Then again, being able to sign in more than one language will also increase understanding, and allow for a greater degree of communication than monolingual speaking people have.:cool2:
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Yes, The Europeans have this joke: If you know only one language, you must be an American. I often wonder if they are looking down on Americans for knowing only one language.
 
Buffalo said:
Yes, The Europeans have this joke: If you know only one language, you must be an American. I often wonder if they are looking down on Americans for knowing only one language.
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I know. We think we are so advanced and educated, and yet we are one of the few monolingual countries in the world.
 
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