Social Skills

deafbajagal said:
I have a new, weird problem.

My social skills are declining or something. I used to be VERY bubbly and outgoing...I easily made friends left and right. Lately, just going to DNO is draining me. I can barely muster a few words and I'm done with the conversation. It's almost like I'm becoming anti-social or something. Weird!

Has this happened to you? Maybe I moved too much - lol. After all, I was in four states in the last four years. Hmm.
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It's not just you. The older and more comfortable in my own skin I get, the less I care what people think of me. I try never to be unkind, but I'm the woman who has no problem saying at a party, "The more expensive a cheese is, the more it smells like feet. It's been nice talking with you." (My son dared me to do that once and it's become sort of a trademark.)

As far as making friends, I used to make them easily, but I've just been screwed too many times. I'm a lot more careful now.
 
dorothybaez said:
It's not just you. The older and more comfortable in my own skin I get, the less I care what people think of me. I try never to be unkind, but I'm the woman who has no problem saying at a party, "The more expensive a cheese is, the more it smells like feet. It's been nice talking with you." (My son dared me to do that once and it's become sort of a trademark.)

As far as making friends, I used to make them easily, but I've just been screwed too many times. I'm a lot more careful now.
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Your cheese comment made me laugh...and it's true!

You can never be too careful about picking friends, that's for sure. A hard life lesson.
 
Just got home from a night out with my brother, his girlfriend and friends. It was really nice. I think I prefer a night out with a small group of close friends than a social event with hundreds of strangers.

I had fun and happy that I stayed out until 230 AM ..only part that wasnt fun was getting locked out of a parking garage in the middle of downtown Baltimore at 3AM. That scared me a bit because I was all alone and it was 20 degrees out. Luckily, a kind gentleman who was walking by let me in. He said he had just parked there. I was supposed to bring my ticket with me to be able to get in but I left it in my vehicle. Ooops.
 
Oceanbreeze said:
Hate to say it, but, that may be a good idea! I've been forced, yes, forced out when I haven't felt like it. It's some times necessary to get me to do something healthy for myself; as I tend to isolate myself. It's partly in my nature, but, also pathological. So, I've been instructed to get my behind out of the house at least a few times a week! I have to say it helps.

Hang in there. :hug:
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I almost didnt go out tonight...I was this close to texting my friends to let them know that I was staying in but I told myself to get up and get dressed and get my ass out the door. Once I was out of the house and in my vehicle, I started getting excited about it. I had a great time. :)
 
Dixie said:
I have the same thing going on and I just feel like hanging a sign on my bedroom door that reads "Leave Me The Fuck Alone!". Some days I literally just lay in bed all day. I don't get out like I used to. Mostly because I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I don't have a full time job anymore. I dread it when the question "what have you been up to?" comes up. I cringe knowing I will have to tell them I am unemployed and not eligible for unemployment benefits for 13 weeks because I was terminated, then I have to explain the whole situation why.
Most people around here don't consider substitute teaching a job, but I like it. My dad however wants me to go to work at Walmart for $7/hr that is literally across the street from the Tyson I worked at. It's a 30 minute drive. My mom wants me to work for my Aunt (which is her sister) but with the possibility of getting a job with USDA I would hate to start working for her only to have to quit to go to work for USDA. I don't want to burn family members like that. If it were a company, sure no problem, but this is family which is different.

My dad has been hounding me ever since the school got out for the winter holiday break. Everyday it is something of a fight. Today he asked me why I have been so reclusive to him and I flat out told him we've been fighting everyday since school let out and I'm sick of fighting, I just want to avoid the fights altogether. There have been times I would have to go hide in the bathroom to get away from him because he would just not stop hounding me. He didn't speak a word to me the rest of the day today - which is an improvement from the constant fighting.

There are days I just don't want to do anything, then I get to thinking about things too much and I end up crying to myself. I just feel like all the hard work I've done has been for nothing as now everything has been pulled out from under me and I have nothing. I am beginning to believe that if I just have nothing then there is nothing that can be taken away from me. But I still press on hoping for this job that could help me financially, and possibly academically. If I get on with USDA, plan to stay with USDA until I reach retirement age. I will be 30 in less than 5 years, I want a solid work history so people won't just be like oh she's unemployed again, oh well. I want to get out on my own be independent. Being unemployed is not conducive to that. I am running out of options and in this rural area there is nothing, no want or help needed ads in the classifieds and usually they are covered with those this time of year for holiday help.

However as much as I hate to, if I do not have anything by May, I will just suck it up, take out student loans and go to school full-time starting in the fall. My parents may not be pleased, but at least I will be working towards something productive.
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I have sort of the same issue but for different reasons. I dread having to explain why my daughter is in AZ and then justifying to some people who tell me that I "should" have fought to keep her here in MD. Then, I get all upset about the situation when i was fine before. I can relate somewhat.
 
shel90 said:
I almost didnt go out tonight...I was this close to texting my friends to let them know that I was staying in but I told myself to get up and get dressed and get my ass out the door. Once I was out of the house and in my vehicle, I started getting excited about it. I had a great time. :)
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Good for you!!! One of these days, you and I are going to hang out and dance our booties off! We'll post pictures on here and say "Depression Cured." LOL
 
shel90 said:
I almost didnt go out tonight...I was this close to texting my friends to let them know that I was staying in but I told myself to get up and get dressed and get my ass out the door. Once I was out of the house and in my vehicle, I started getting excited about it. I had a great time. :)
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Good for you, Shel! Glad you had a good time, too. It truly does pay to do something you don't want to; once in awhile. Half the time, it's overcoming that initial "But, I don't wanna" feeling. I've been told (and I tend to agree, at least, where it comes to me....) that we become too comfortable with feeling like crap that it ends up perpetuating itself. That's where the whole forcing oneself to do something healthy comes into play. The perpetuation stops, and, you practice healthy coping mechanisms for the stresses in life.

*Note: This is as it applies to ME, but, I think it can also apply to people in general.

Merry Christmas, good friend. Hope it's a good one for you and yours.
 
:wave: just wanted to share this :grouphug: with both those who are going through difficult times this holiday season and also those with happier times
:aw:
 
deafbajagal said:
Good for you!!! One of these days, you and I are going to hang out and dance our booties off! We'll post pictures on here and say "Depression Cured." LOL
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Yea we should! Hopefully, another AD gathering will be planned and we both can go or just if you are in town or I am in town. :)
 
Oceanbreeze said:
Good for you, Shel! Glad you had a good time, too. It truly does pay to do something you don't want to; once in awhile. Half the time, it's overcoming that initial "But, I don't wanna" feeling. I've been told (and I tend to agree, at least, where it comes to me....) that we become too comfortable with feeling like crap that it ends up perpetuating itself. That's where the whole forcing oneself to do something healthy comes into play. The perpetuation stops, and, you practice healthy coping mechanisms for the stresses in life.

*Note: This is as it applies to ME, but, I think it can also apply to people in general.

Merry Christmas, good friend. Hope it's a good one for you and yours.
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I never really thought about it until this thread was created. Now, I am much more aware of this when before I had accepted it.

Merry Christmas to you too! :hug:
 
It seems to me that y'all are talking more about wanting or not wanting social interaction, rather than simply deteriorating social skills.

For what it's worth, I make a point to get dressed and made up, hair done, nails done every day. That way I'm ready for anything. Makes it a lot easier to decide to go out if you're always ready to go.
 
dorothybaez said:
It seems to me that y'all are talking more about wanting or not wanting social interaction, rather than simply deteriorating social skills.

For what it's worth, I make a point to get dressed and made up, hair done, nails done every day. That way I'm ready for anything. Makes it a lot easier to decide to go out if you're always ready to go.
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Good point DB!

Sometimes just browsing around the supermarket helps.

I have found I have times too where I want to retrieve into my own bubble shutting everyone out. Especially of late, since I discovered I don't have to pretend to be hearing any more. Since I have stopped the bluffing, I have also found that after being open about my deafness, I have had to face the truth everyday for myself too. The frustrations I experience when I have to get people to repeat themselves, having to remind everyone to text me, the distortion of sounds that I can hear are all irritating me more now.

Plus there is the exhaustion of having to talk everyday to my hearing family is really paying its toll on me. I guess subconsciously I am thinking that everyone must accomodate me more now that I have been open about the struggles I have. Yet, apart from being aware that my deafness was more severe than they originally thought, nothing much has changed. I want to communicate more without using speech, but work and life demands that I use speech since no one around me uses sign language. That in itself frustrates me more than anything. Therefore, I am grateful for AD because it gives me a chance to be where I don't need to speak.
 
Im going to give a little time line

Up to 11 years old-Very active, always hanging out with friends, etc, etc
(sometime around 9 y.o. I was diagnosed with NF2)

Age 10----Went through 3 surgeries to remove 3 tumors off of my right audio nerve, which resulted in total deafness in my right ear. I also had found out I had other tumors throughout and also had one on my left audio nerve

Age 10-14----I became much more of a home body after going through the surgeries on my right audio nerve. I also had many "friends" completely cut me off because they thought they could catch NF2 from me (dumb ***'s), that was very painful for me as I had always had many many friends. At 12 I lost my father to NF2 :thumbd: and then 2 years later (nearly to the day) I lost my brother to NF2 aswell :madfawk: I was very close to my brother. One year later I had 2 spinal surgeries (NF2), and could barely walk. At this point it seemed like the world was like FFFFFFFUUUUUUU

Age 14-22----Long story short the school made me graduate early (big mistake). I was not ready to graduate. Because of that I was shutoff from nearly all of my friends at school. People just dont hang around me anymore (IDK why). I have about 6 people that I hang out with, and the occasional person who wants to hang out. I feel like the world pushed me down and kicked me and keeps on kicking me.

Sorry for the long reply
 
I still enjoy being a hermitess. It is natural for me. I have always been that way except for a small (decade) time in my late teens and early 20's.
After I lost my hearing it took some time to come back up to what is normal for me, but now its back ok. I lost lots of hearing "friends" and it took time to make new ones. A transitional community didnt help. We live in a town that has a base and a university.
What I am saying is - if this behaviour isnt your norm then do what you can to correct it on your own terms. Jillio is a great help, and treating yourself to some quiet time isnt bad unless you over do.
Hope you feel much better soon. Good luck and hope your new year is much better.
 
shel90 said:
My therapist suggested some meds back in Feb when I was having the panic attacks after my daughter was taken away, I denied and I havent had them since March. I am afraid of becoming too dependent on meds.
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For about six months-a year I had constant, chronic stress that tore me down and changed me a lot. I also took a lot more risk and drank more alcohol. I also had problems with visual sensitivity. The signs were there so I wanted to address it. It's been a little over a year since I started to address it with the regular MD and family members. I was not a happy camper. So I was given two sets of meds.

I had the same fears of being dependent on meds. 1 med was designed for a low-dosage, every day use (anxiety/depression). Another med was for anxiety attacks, or just apprehensiveness (anxiety, kind of like a temporary tranquilizer but highly addictive). I tried different combinations of eating, exercising and taking the meds. I think the longer term meds were the worst thing because it felt like it screwed up my moral compass. Sure it help a bit in terms of staying on the "bright" side even though you couldn't really feel the intensity of life (I hope this makes sense..:dunno:). Then there are the temporary "tranquilizers". Whenever I would feel apprehensive, anxious about a social situation or I feel really stressed about something, I'd pop one or two of those.

Over the past year, I've felt a lot better- more optimistic and back to my old self. But wow, Christmas with relatives that I don't really know and can't hear very well....yuck...overall, Christmas was super stressful. I felt fatigued and very tired the next few days. I didn't have my medication refilled for months and put in a order today.

I think there's two types of stress and chronic is the really bad kind. Temporary stress is ok, but when it becomes constant and induces behavior you normally wouldn't do, it's probably chronic. I'd try to find the source of your stress and try to not let it dominate your life. It was hard for me to change because the stress I was facing was at work and it's difficult to ignore people/problems that were around then.

I'm not sure if you're "Losing" social skills, maybe your brain is pre-occupied with something else and aren't really accessing those skills normally. :dunno:.
 
I have basically lost all of my hearing friends that I have had for the last upteen years. They basically told me that since I can't hear them, it's not worth their time to work with me to hear them. Now, that tells me that they were not real friends and I guess I can deal with that. It hurts, but I am dealing with it. Due to my family, I am unable to get more involved with the deaf community here. So, I try to get out some, and I do go to a mall to walk around some, but mostly, I stay home. I will go do errands and shopping as needed, and I am trying to get back into church, but it's not easy (not set up for deaf or hearing loss).

In school, I was always very social in that I was the person people could talk to. They knew they could trust me to not repeat things. Mainly because I didn't hear them well enough to know what was being said.

Right now, the only people that would really notice if I wasn't around, would be family and friends both at home and online. That's sad. I don't quite know how to rectify it, so I just deal with it.

C'est la vie
 
tigersharkdude said:
Im going to give a little time line

Up to 11 years old-Very active, always hanging out with friends, etc, etc
(sometime around 9 y.o. I was diagnosed with NF2)

Age 10----Went through 3 surgeries to remove 3 tumors off of my right audio nerve, which resulted in total deafness in my right ear. I also had found out I had other tumors throughout and also had one on my left audio nerve

Age 10-14----I became much more of a home body after going through the surgeries on my right audio nerve. I also had many "friends" completely cut me off because they thought they could catch NF2 from me (dumb ***'s), that was very painful for me as I had always had many many friends. At 12 I lost my father to NF2 :thumbd: and then 2 years later (nearly to the day) I lost my brother to NF2 aswell :madfawk: I was very close to my brother. One year later I had 2 spinal surgeries (NF2), and could barely walk. At this point it seemed like the world was like FFFFFFFUUUUUUU

Age 14-22----Long story short the school made me graduate early (big mistake). I was not ready to graduate. Because of that I was shutoff from nearly all of my friends at school. People just dont hang around me anymore (IDK why). I have about 6 people that I hang out with, and the occasional person who wants to hang out. I feel like the world pushed me down and kicked me and keeps on kicking me.

Sorry for the long reply
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Is it possible for you to find a whole new circle? I'm sorry people were really harsh to you, especially when you were young.
 
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