SHOULD YOU BE ASHAMED

dogmom said:
:wave: myzwitch,
I'm also bi - everybody in my family knows. They also know I'm pagan. My folks are very liberal/understanding about most everything <my LD in relation to my mom -different story, but that's the only thing really>. Part of my background as a Jew is social justice, equality, feminism.
The first "close" person I actually came out to was my then-boyfriend <now husband> in college. That's where we met and we dated throughout.
I'm pretty open about most anything about me, unless I have actual physical concern for my safety. But all the folks I associate with are very open-minded.
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Most of the folks that I am close to know about me being pagan and bi...but an awful lot my family are pretty narrow minded when it comes to alternative lifestyles. (anyone not sitting on their end of the pew is going to hell sort of mentality.:roll:)I never told my sons because I just really don't know how they would react. I just decided that it wasn't worth the risk of causing mega-issues with them. They have known I am pagan since they were kids of course and think that is pretty cool, but the whole bi issue might be more than they can handle. (They still have problems with the idea that their mom still does the nasty. Go figure. LOL) I may eventually tell them...but for the time being I think it's just as well they stay unaware of that side of their mum. :giggle:
 
I understand about your kids. But it's cool that they're open about paganism:)
 
shame or ashamed?

:cool2:i am not either one. I am proud of myself who I am!!!
 
I am not ashamed however at the same time I am afraid of what my parents reaction would be. I think I'm more afraid of seeing the disappointed look on their faces. I'm afraid of being thrown out while penniless with a child of my own to provide for. That is why I am waiting until I am financially secure and living completely independent of them before I come out to them. For now I leave people guessing about my orientation while still keeping it private until the moment is right.
 
Dixie said:
You should never be ashamed of who you are unless you are a mass murderer on the run. For years I struggled with this, but now I think I realize that it was incredibly foolish to try and hide it when really it was quite obvious to everyone around me, either that or it was just an unspoken assumption and they anticipated the great coming out.

I never really thought about being homosexual in high school. I guess it was just one of those things I put in the back of my mind and left it there to simmer. Then later as I got a bit older, I got into a very bad way and I think I was kind of taking things out on myself in a way because I was like "I don't want to be gay, but I think I am!" I kept having these strange attractions to women. It's not like I've never fallen in love with a man, I have fallen completely mad in love with a man, and had my heart broken, but I find I am more attracted to women.

I don't believe there is any shame in that nor should there be for anyone. However, for reasons aside from personal reasons, I have yet to actually come out of the closet in my hometown, however everyone seems to be making their assumptions that I am in fact homosexual. When I am financially stable and in a position that I feel confident in doing so, I will probably come out to everyone in my hometown.
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There is Never any shame in who you are..the real you..the you that is your spirit..I just wanted to say I come from a family that for some reason (don't tell me it is not in the genes)..I have 5 cousins that are either, gay, lesbian, bi sexual..( and I think that we all are born with the possibility to love same sex)..I have talked to my cousins all of them.. about the subject. They all struggled until they looked within and were honest with themselves. You see I think the problem comes in to play when we listen to others and take those words to heart. Listen to yourself..Love who you are..I don"t know you, I have requested to be a friends because I have enjoyed your postings But I hear in your words the fear of YOU discovering who you really are. and you know what? thats ok! None of us are perfect, we all struggle with so many things, but stop beating yourself up because you cant deside..no excuses...If you fall in love with a man or woman an they are loving to you, Who really cares what its called...Be happy today with you, just as you are. If tomorrow brings a change, and we all are constantly changing, decide to embrace it. till the next change because you see my friend the one thing I can assure you of is that CHANGE is constant...you can either learn to adapt to it or become a victim of it. that's living life...tasting the sweetness, please hold close to you those things that make you YOU. Listen quietly to that inner spirit and FEAR NOT
Peace to you..and remember PEACE BEGINS WITHIN. :wave:
 
MidnightSun said:
Thank you so much..and from my heart,,which is how I always speak..BIG SMILE...Peace to you:wave:
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That's a great post Midnight Sun. I also believe that we all are born to have the capability to love (and lust) the same sex, partially due to higher intelligence. But that's a discussion for another time.

As for OP, no one should ever be ashamed for this.
 
iSign said:
I actually was, when I was younger. I am bisexual and since I can remember I like girls as well as boys but I was taught liking girls was "wrong" so I felt ashamed of those feelings I couldn't control. Today, five years after admitting it to myself I am just happy with who I am and what I have become. My close family knows as well as my friends and they are all ok with it, in fact, they really don't care lol so I'm happy to look back and see what I was to what I am ;D
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How sad it is that those we look to for letting us know we are perfect just the way we are sometimes (due usually to their own insecurities) leave an impression upon us that scares...as surely as a knife. I admire your strength:wave:
 
MidnightSun said:
There is Never any shame in who you are..the real you..the you that is your spirit..I just wanted to say I come from a family that for some reason (don't tell me it is not in the genes)..I have 5 cousins that are either, gay, lesbian, bi sexual..( and I think that we all are born with the possibility to love same sex)..I have talked to my cousins all of them.. about the subject. They all struggled until they looked within and were honest with themselves. You see I think the problem comes in to play when we listen to others and take those words to heart. Listen to yourself..Love who you are..I don"t know you, I have requested to be a friends because I have enjoyed your postings But I hear in your words the fear of YOU discovering who you really are. and you know what? thats ok! None of us are perfect, we all struggle with so many things, but stop beating yourself up because you cant deside..no excuses...If you fall in love with a man or woman an they are loving to you, Who really cares what its called...Be happy today with you, just as you are. If tomorrow brings a change, and we all are constantly changing, decide to embrace it. till the next change because you see my friend the one thing I can assure you of is that CHANGE is constant...you can either learn to adapt to it or become a victim of it. that's living life...tasting the sweetness, please hold close to you those things that make you YOU. Listen quietly to that inner spirit and FEAR NOT
Peace to you..and remember PEACE BEGINS WITHIN. :wave:
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Thank you. It's been a while since I posted the original quoted text, but I think I've grown a bit since then. I have since come out to my co-workers, my closest friends, and two ministers from my church. But so far, not to my family. To me, my family are judgmental and I don't think I'm in a right state of mind to face that judgment. I think my parents have a hunch that I probably am gay, but they are holding out hope that I might not be. I've just decided that for the time being that I need to keep it to myself. I want to be financially secure and on my own completely before coming out to them, this way I don't face a possible eviction or even having to face a daily bombardment from them, especially my dad. It's bad enough that I already don't feel good enough, but I don't want to face that kind of thing just yet. I'm not ready to handle it. I say one hurdle at a time.
 
Dixie said:
Thank you. It's been a while since I posted the original quoted text, but I think I've grown a bit since then. I have since come out to my co-workers, my closest friends, and two ministers from my church. But so far, not to my family. To me, my family are judgmental and I don't think I'm in a right state of mind to face that judgment. I think my parents have a hunch that I probably am gay, but they are holding out hope that I might not be. I've just decided that for the time being that I need to keep it to myself. I want to be financially secure and on my own completely before coming out to them, this way I don't face a possible eviction or even having to face a daily bombardment from them, especially my dad. It's bad enough that I already don't feel good enough, but I don't want to face that kind of thing just yet. I'm not ready to handle it. I say one hurdle at a time.
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You remind me of something I just dealt with. The mother of a 14 year old who is experiencing some conflict with his sexuality. I tried to tell her, as gently as possible, that she was the one that needed counseling for her problems with his sexuality. Her problems were much worse than his.
 
Maybe but for as long as I can remember I've never felt quite good enough for my parents. I can't remember the last time my mom told me good job or gave me a pat on the back.

I can honestly say that I want that USDA job so I can feel like maybe my parents will be proud that I have a good job with the government and the fact that I can become self-sufficient and they won't have to worry about me failing.

But like when I was making A's and B's in my courses at Uni I would tell her and she would just stare blankly at the TV. Occasionally she might say a flat 'good' and go on about her business. My dad tries but he's also a tough critic. There's just so much about me that I know he doesn't like. I know he wants me out and he probably thinks I will end up on welfare and just fail miserably so he just wants me gone.

People I have worked with have told me I need to get out, but it's harder to get out when you have a child to consider as well and when your financial resources are extremely limited. I was hoping to get a degree so that maybe someone will see that I have something to offer and that I will get a decent paying job to where I can make ends meet.

Right now I'm just at a point in my life where I just don't feel good enough. Being underemployed and not being able to find work is tough. Maybe I'm hoping too much on this USDA job, but I know if I were to get it, I could start moving forward somehow. Between being laid off from PJP when the plant shut down, having a horrible working experience at Walmart and getting fired from Tyson I just feel like there's something about me that maybe employers don't like even though people tell me such as supervisors and co-workers say that I am a good worker. When I start a new job I tend to keep to myself and I carefully make friends. I've been told I have trust issues, but I can blame that on some bad past experiences.

I just hope my bi-polar issues don't get so out of hand that I am unable to work. That just scares the shit out of me. I have a feeling if it were to get that bad my family would just cut me off. They did it to my uncle that passed away last summer. They cut him off as soon as he went on disability for it. I don't want to go down that road.
 
Dixie said:
Maybe but for as long as I can remember I've never felt quite good enough for my parents. I can't remember the last time my mom told me good job or gave me a pat on the back.

I can honestly say that I want that USDA job so I can feel like maybe my parents will be proud that I have a good job with the government and the fact that I can become self-sufficient and they won't have to worry about me failing.

But like when I was making A's and B's in my courses at Uni I would tell her and she would just stare blankly at the TV. Occasionally she might say a flat 'good' and go on about her business. My dad tries but he's also a tough critic. There's just so much about me that I know he doesn't like. I know he wants me out and he probably thinks I will end up on welfare and just fail miserably so he just wants me gone.

People I have worked with have told me I need to get out, but it's harder to get out when you have a child to consider as well and when your financial resources are extremely limited. I was hoping to get a degree so that maybe someone will see that I have something to offer and that I will get a decent paying job to where I can make ends meet.

Right now I'm just at a point in my life where I just don't feel good enough. Being underemployed and not being able to find work is tough. Maybe I'm hoping too much on this USDA job, but I know if I were to get it, I could start moving forward somehow. Between being laid off from PJP when the plant shut down, having a horrible working experience at Walmart and getting fired from Tyson I just feel like there's something about me that maybe employers don't like even though people tell me such as supervisors and co-workers say that I am a good worker. When I start a new job I tend to keep to myself and I carefully make friends. I've been told I have trust issues, but I can blame that on some bad past experiences.

I just hope my bi-polar issues don't get so out of hand that I am unable to work. That just scares the shit out of me. I have a feeling if it were to get that bad my family would just cut me off. They did it to my uncle that passed away last summer. They cut him off as soon as he went on disability for it. I don't want to go down that road.
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I am sorry that things are looking so tough for you now. This economy is just has been hell on a lot of peope. Have you tried applying for other companies like Tyson...that have an assembly line?

How much longer in school do you have?
 
shel90 said:
I am sorry that things are looking so tough for you now. This economy is just has been hell on a lot of peope. Have you tried applying for other companies like Tyson...that have an assembly line?

How much longer in school do you have?
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I got fired from Tyson, according to their policy I am unable to return to ANY Tyson for a year on their payroll. They recently changed the policy from being a 6 month period to a one year period. If you quit you have to wait two years before returning.
 
dogmom said:
Dixie:hug:
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Yeah..I want to join in on that hug...Your first concern is to take your meds and keep the bi-polar under control..that's for you and your childs benefit..and things are really bad in the job market now so don't beat yourself up..believe me
your child will pick up the vibe you are putting out,,so remember this always
YOU are not a bad person..you are a GREAT person..who needs a break. I am
NOR (born in norway) we have a saying..like steel..you have been put to the fire and survived, your stronger for it. never give up..Believe in your self..so that your child will feel that strength...I wish you much Peace and success♥
 
Good posts, Dixie and MidnightSun.

Although I am not gay or bi, I can understand Dixie's reluctance to come forward to family members.

My parents were raised old-school Catholic, and if anyone had an issue, it was kept under wraps. If I had been gay, and told my parents, I am pretty sure they would have disowned me. Having a deaf son was hard enough on them.

All my life, my Dad has openly criticized anyone that was different in any way. It was not until very recently that my parents befriended their neighbors down the street, who happen to be a 70~something gay couple that have the same interests as my parents.

I had to bite my tongue a few times when my Dad said how nice, caring, and thoughtful these two guys are. Took him a long time to look past peoples' differences and see them as nice people.
 
dogmom said:
Dixie:hug:
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Thank you.
MidnightSun said:
Yeah..I want to join in on that hug...Your first concern is to take your meds and keep the bi-polar under control..that's for you and your childs benefit..and things are really bad in the job market now so don't beat yourself up..believe me
your child will pick up the vibe you are putting out,,so remember this always
YOU are not a bad person..you are a GREAT person..who needs a break. I am
NOR (born in norway) we have a saying..like steel..you have been put to the fire and survived, your stronger for it. never give up..Believe in your self..so that your child will feel that strength...I wish you much Peace and success♥
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I have had a similar quote said to me: "Refined by the fire". I just feel useless not having something to get up and do everyday. I'm just used to having to get up and go to work that it was more natural to work than to be lazy. Being busy is better than being lazy. The fact that I am jobless has given my dad reason to cut me down even further calling me lazy and tells me I am not acting like a member of the family. Anymore when he is up I just stay in my room, when he is gone or asleep that is the only time I come out of my little cave. Good thing is when my mom is around he usually doesn't unleash his anger. But when she is not around it like he wants to start a fight and cut me down. So far my Christmas holiday hasn't been quite so jolly between being sick and getting bombarded with snide comments.

I just keep thinking to myself - I NEED this USDA job.
green427 said:
Good posts, Dixie and MidnightSun.

Although I am not gay or bi, I can understand Dixie's reluctance to come forward to family members.

My parents were raised old-school Catholic, and if anyone had an issue, it was kept under wraps. If I had been gay, and told my parents, I am pretty sure they would have disowned me. Having a deaf son was hard enough on them.

All my life, my Dad has openly criticized anyone that was different in any way. It was not until very recently that my parents befriended their neighbors down the street, who happen to be a 70~something gay couple that have the same interests as my parents.

I had to bite my tongue a few times when my Dad said how nice, caring, and thoughtful these two guys are. Took him a long time to look past peoples' differences and see them as nice people.
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My parents are the same way. My dad even once told me that my gay friends are a bad influence on me and that I should not be around them. This was only 6 months ago and I'm 27!! He was speaking to me as if I were a child running around with a bunch of criminals and druggies!

I have never felt comfortable talking to either of my parents about any serious issue for the simple fact that they would judge me tell me I did something wrong or tell me that the issue is 'over my head' and that I don't fully understand. My parents were harsher with me than my brother. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends, therefore I didn't have many friends, thus I also never dated while in high school.
 
I'M A DYKE AND FUCKIN' PROUD OF IT!!!​

Never be ashamed of your own sexuality, everyone. That includes you, the one standing in the closet with the light off. Come out of that closet at once! Be proud of your own sexuality and the fact that it makes you extra special than the straight population on this Earth! You will come to terms with your sexuality eventually and won't feel so ashamed that you come to the point where you are considering suicide. Suicide is not the answer. Joining a GLBT organization is the answer, because it will show you that you are not alone and you will not feel alone and ashamed anymore. Trust me. Don't be so ashamed.​
a BIG :grouphug: for everyone in here and an extra special :hug: for that guy who was standing in the closet with the light off.
 
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