SHOULD YOU BE ASHAMED

The best way I can describe it is that I think you are born gay and show characteristics that point that direction and then certain life experiences may bring out these traits and characteristics where society and culture may try to restrain or 're-train' these certain natural behaviors.
 
dixie hence the movie i saw , it captured it well, its called "XXY" bloody good watching... really shows the hearts of the caring parent (father in particular) quite superbly...
gayness is more than sex? im sure it is - i wouldnt know but i think its like 'role expectations' that fucks it up...along or afterwards....depending oh their experiences and what is to be reckoned in reflection to experienceat you .. (i suppose) would be interesting to see what you have to say about it, afterall , like deafness, we all experience differenently then again some of us might arguement its not different , its the same, (now there is a danger of politics tearing up people)... but it surely arent that simple...
 
Grummer said:
dixie hence the movie i saw , it captured it well, its called "XXY" bloody good watching... really shows the hearts of the caring parent (father in particular) quite superbly...
gayness is more than sex? im sure it is - i wouldnt know but i think its like 'role expectations' that fucks it up...along or afterwards....depending oh their experiences and what is to be reckoned in reflection to experienceat you .. (i suppose) would be interesting to see what you have to say about it, afterall , like deafness, we all experience differenently then again some of us might arguement its not different , its the same, (now there is a danger of politics tearing up people)... but it surely arent that simple...
Click to expand...

'Gayness' is far more than just sex, wild parties, and drugs. It hasn't helped that Hollywood has stereotyped to the point that mainstream society believes that all homosexuals carry some sort of STD (when in fact most gay men wear rubbers, and two, it is very difficult for two lesbians to spread an STD). The only way two gay men won't wear a rubber is if both are HIV positive anyway.

Also there are gays who live rather conservatively. They don't prefer wild parties, only drink socially with friends, would just prefer the company of their mate rather than having an all night sexcapade.

Whats sad is so many religious nuts think of homosexuality as a sin and treat it like a disease. Like if a church member is found to be gay, usually that member is pulled aside by the pastor and a couple of deacons and are told the 'clobber scriptures' and are urged to seek help immediately for their 'sin'. If the member refuses to seek help or 'cannot be cured' then the church usually votes to excommunicate them meaning they can still attend, they just do not have any 'rights' of a full member such as being able to serve on committees, teach Sunday School classes, assist with other ministries, or to have a vote in business meetings. But the apex of the excommunication is that that member is no longer allowed to partake in Holy Communion. They are 'cut-off' from God because of the 'sin' and therefore not considered 'in-fellowship' to take Communion.

When a homosexual is excommunicated one of two things generally happen.
1.) They leave the Christian community completely or
2.) They find an affirming church in their area where their sexuality is accepted completely and openly within the congregation.
 
Sapphire Moon said:
I have a different question: whom out of everyone who has answered believes they were "born gay" or whom do you believe have "become gay" from early (or later) life experiences. I have friends who have expressed that they have become gay from earlier experiences, I think that is rarely talked about, please share your experience with us =)

Peace and Blessings!
Click to expand...

A better question is how does the whole human race prove that a person can be "born gay"? This question has never been answered. It is the same as asking how do you prove you were "born deaf", which is easy to prove to yourself and to others. But to prove you were "born gay" is a whole different ball of wax.
 
There is scientific proof that being gay is biological, or at least is for some people. It's a bit pointless to be ashamed of something that isn't your fault, to be honest.

Homophobic society directs so much hate at us, that we need all the support we can get to not let them win. Why give them first prize for being hateful and ignorant.

You owe it to yourself, for everything you've gone through, not to give in and let despair and self-loathing win.

Depression and suicide rates are highest amongst LGBTI people who lack a supportive environment. Start looking for your network today. Antidepressants and therapy are expensive (not knocking either, I utilise both currently). Just being ok with who you are is cheaper. Though sometimes easier said than done.
 
"There is scientific proof that being gay is biological.."
Post the link here and we will all read this proof you are speaking of.
 
SCBassist said:
Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows CE; IEMobile 7.11) 320x320; XV6900; Window Mobile 6.1 Professional;)

Being ashamed is never the answer, since you will start to believe the negative thoughts or things said about you. Try to really learn who you are, and be comfortable with your decision, that is a good way to be proud of who you are no matter what BS comes your way. (BTW, I'm not talking about defensiveness, just makes you look like you are hiding your shortcomings). :)
Click to expand...


well said! never ever be ashamed of what you are because you have no reason to be ashamed.

only those who cannot accept you for what you are have something to be ashamed about:D
 
You should not be ashamed of it. i am bisexual and probably just a lesbian waiting to emerge, and i embrace it not hide from it. I do have to hide from it however at school becuase i go to a catholic university. But everywhere else i am not ashamed and would never hide the girl friend.
 
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is something that you should be proud of. I'm Bi and have grown up in a family that has oppressed the gay community so I know that there are times when it is okay to keep it a secrete. I am not ashamed of who or what I am, but I do know that there are times when it's best to keep it to yourself.
 
Dixie said:
'Gayness' is far more than just sex, wild parties, and drugs. It hasn't helped that Hollywood has stereotyped to the point that mainstream society believes that all homosexuals carry some sort of STD (when in fact most gay men wear rubbers, and two, it is very difficult for two lesbians to spread an STD). The only way two gay men won't wear a rubber is if both are HIV positive anyway.

Also there are gays who live rather conservatively. They don't prefer wild parties, only drink socially with friends, would just prefer the company of their mate rather than having an all night sexcapade.

Whats sad is so many religious nuts think of homosexuality as a sin and treat it like a disease. Like if a church member is found to be gay, usually that member is pulled aside by the pastor and a couple of deacons and are told the 'clobber scriptures' and are urged to seek help immediately for their 'sin'. If the member refuses to seek help or 'cannot be cured' then the church usually votes to excommunicate them meaning they can still attend, they just do not have any 'rights' of a full member such as being able to serve on committees, teach Sunday School classes, assist with other ministries, or to have a vote in business meetings. But the apex of the excommunication is that that member is no longer allowed to partake in Holy Communion. They are 'cut-off' from God because of the 'sin' and therefore not considered 'in-fellowship' to take Communion.

When a homosexual is excommunicated one of two things generally happen.
1.) They leave the Christian community completely or
2.) They find an affirming church in their area where their sexuality is accepted completely and openly within the congregation.
Click to expand...

very well stated. I was actually told by a christain friend that because i was having thoughts of being with the same sex to not go to church because i was committing a mortal sin. I had already walked away from the church anyways, but i was like wow... really? The friend also told me i was going to go to hell because of it. What some people will say instead of just saying i disapprove can be shocking.
 
I actually was, when I was younger. I am bisexual and since I can remember I like girls as well as boys but I was taught liking girls was "wrong" so I felt ashamed of those feelings I couldn't control. Today, five years after admitting it to myself I am just happy with who I am and what I have become. My close family knows as well as my friends and they are all ok with it, in fact, they really don't care lol so I'm happy to look back and see what I was to what I am ;D
 
Gayness is straightness... Just with the same gender and diff culture ;) Ya get it? Born with it or "choose it", nothing can change you. So may as well be happy... I can't think of anything worse than trying your whole life to be somebody else, then dying a miserable failure... when you could have been happy all along. I win!
 
To be gay doesn't mean that you have to prance around and wave your rainbow flag.

I've learned that you can be proud to be who you are, as an individual, not as a certain type of person. You should be proud to live life your way, not by another's command/wants. It's your life, live it how you want to!

Thanks for reading,

iacobus
 
Agreed.

I'd have to say "No." Don't be ashamed. I can only speak from my personal experience that beating yourself up over it can lead to depression and slide into dangerous behavior (alcohol abuse, etc.)

I am Bi. It took me years to accept myself and not feel guilty after "hooking up" with a guy. Mind you, I had a couple of buddies that let me "do things" to them, but then came "that guilt" afterwards. That guilt is society's doing, not my own. If I recall, I enjoyed it and so did my friends, so who cares, haha.

If I am ashamed of only one thing it's this: that it took me so long to accept the fact that I like girls AND guys. I could have probably been happier a lot sooner in my life. Having said that though, I might have had a "double whammy" to deal with, being HOH _AND_ "A fag" in a small town...maybe I had to get over myself first before I could love myself enough to say "Screw it, and screw them"? I don't know. I just feel that feeling guilty or ashamed is a waste of good time.
 
I will always be proud of who I am.
Just because I am a lesbian does not determine my ability to have a job, hold a relationship, or raise children. Nor does being gay mean that I should have my rights and my freedoms taken away from me. I am proud to be me.

I can understand a hesitance when wanting to be who you really are, but feeling like the opinions of others may be holding you back. There will always be those people, the close-minded ones who do not understand. But realize that there are many more of us out there who are fighting to be ourselves and who are here for you! :hug:
 
Sapphire Moon said:
I have a different question: whom out of everyone who has answered believes they were "born gay" or whom do you believe have "become gay" from early (or later) life experiences. I have friends who have expressed that they have become gay from earlier experiences, I think that is rarely talked about, please share your experience with us =)

Peace and Blessings!
Click to expand...

I saw a short documentary on Youtube about a similar subject. the interviewer asked straight people he met on the street if they thought people chose to be gay. His follow up question was "When did You decide to be straight?" I found it fascinating to see the straight people's faces change when they understood.

Sapphire Moon, I believe people are born Gay. I think it possible Your friends, who say they have become gay from experience, truly believe something changed them. I think most likely their experience showed them something about themselves they did not realize.

Back to the original post.

I am now ashamed of the many years I wasted living in the straight world. I am ashamed of my past denial of who I truly am. I am ashamed that I married a woman, in order to fit in. I am ashamed that I was not strong enough to tell myself the truth then.

Now days, am I ashamed of being gay? No. Although I attend pride events, I do not "wear the rainbow flag" in my daily life. It makes no difference, people can tell I'm gay. What has changed? I feel comfortable about myself and am willing to truthfully answer my friends and coworkers questions about being gay.
 
My wife and i are not ashamed of who we are as transgendered married couple for about little more than 9 years now... But most hearing neighbors do not know that we both are transgendered married couple yet as we never told them so far except here AllDeaf and DVTV (deafvideo.tv) as they knew us pretty well... There i said it!!!!
 
Bliss DeCartha said:
There is nothing wrong with being gay. It is something that you should be proud of. I'm Bi and have grown up in a family that has oppressed the gay community so I know that there are times when it is okay to keep it a secrete. I am not ashamed of who or what I am, but I do know that there are times when it's best to keep it to yourself.
Click to expand...

:ty: I too am Bi and NO ONE in my family knows. Not even my sons are aware of this...like you said don't be ashamed of who you are, but yeah, there are people who just don't need to know.

While I am married to a wonderful man who is my soul mate, who also helped me accept my bi-sexual nature, I still like to look at the ladies too. Love them boobies! :D
 
MisterKennyM said:
Gayness is straightness... Just with the same gender and diff culture ;) Ya get it? Born with it or "choose it", nothing can change you. So may as well be happy... I can't think of anything worse than trying your whole life to be somebody else, then dying a miserable failure... when you could have been happy all along. I win!
Click to expand...

:gpost::thumb: Well said my friend.:)
 
:wave: myzwitch,
I'm also bi - everybody in my family knows. They also know I'm pagan. My folks are very liberal/understanding about most everything <my LD in relation to my mom -different story, but that's the only thing really>. Part of my background as a Jew is social justice, equality, feminism.
The first "close" person I actually came out to was my then-boyfriend <now husband> in college. That's where we met and we dated throughout.
I'm pretty open about most anything about me, unless I have actual physical concern for my safety. But all the folks I associate with are very open-minded.
 
Back
Top