Should Deaf communicate oral with hearing family and friends?

darkage said:
I seem that most alldeaf members support CI, oral and mainstream school. I lost interest on this alldeaf forum.
Click to expand...

I don't support CI in babies/kids. I don't like Oralism and I prefer BI-BI education.
 
hmmm, I might append my opinion a bit. Yeah, sometimes, it's not necessary to communicate orally or manually. Sometimes, it is enough to "just be". If you are good friends (hey, some family can be your friend) no communication is necessary. It's enough to "bask" in each other's presence. Just sit together, knit, read, or just stare into the ozone... zenlike.
BUT - like Shel90, to miss out on those wonderful stories that happened in the gathering she spoke of in post # 24 - well - that was heartbreaking.
 
I'm pretty sure I stated my position on this before. Although I support the deaf's right to use asl with each other, when they are out in the community, they need to be able to be oral. Picture the grunting (deaf speak) and the other sounds deaf use to communicate. Now, picture a guy who openly says he's gay to people who are hostile towards gays.

Not everyone we meet are open and nice to everyone else. Would we all agree with this? We all have family members that are jerks and wave us off when we ask what was said. We can live with it by ignoring those people in the future. We, as deaf people (no matter how deaf we all are), need to rise to the occasion and be nice to them as much as possible. That's not to say that we allow these people to hit us or speak unkind to us . . . no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. When that occurs, I fully support the deaf person wronged to either walk away or to sign back to that person, all the while keeping a very pleasant face, even though the deaf person is using words that one would not use in public. :giggle:

I've thought often of what shel has said and don't have a ready solution. What she could do is take her two fingers and poke the aunt in both eyes (gently) and ask both in asl and orally what was said.
 
pek1 said:
I'm pretty sure I stated my position on this before. Although I support the deaf's right to use asl with each other, when they are out in the community, they need to be able to be oral. Picture the grunting (deaf speak) and the other sounds deaf use to communicate. Now, picture a guy who openly says he's gay to people who are hostile towards gays.

Not everyone we meet are open and nice to everyone else. Would we all agree with this? We all have family members that are jerks and wave us off when we ask what was said. We can live with it by ignoring those people in the future. We, as deaf people (no matter how deaf we all are), need to rise to the occasion and be nice to them as much as possible. That's not to say that we allow these people to hit us or speak unkind to us . . . no, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. When that occurs, I fully support the deaf person wronged to either walk away or to sign back to that person, all the while keeping a very pleasant face, even though the deaf person is using words that one would not use in public. :giggle:

I've thought often of what shel has said and don't have a ready solution. What she could do is take her two fingers and poke the aunt in both eyes (gently) and ask both in asl and orally what was said.
Click to expand...

What;s your solution to those who were unable to develop oral skills no matter how much speech therapy they had?
 
shel90 said:
What;s your solution to those who were unable to develop oral skills no matter how much speech therapy they had?
Click to expand...

I think he believes that the only deaf people allowed to exist, should technically be HOH so they have an advantage of picking up speech skills. :wave:
 
Bottesini said:
I think he believes that the only deaf people allowed to exist, should technically be HOH so they have an advantage of picking up speech skills. :wave:
Click to expand...

I know some HOH people who dont have good speech skills either. If that's what u mean by HOH picking up speech skills.
 
A long time ago, my deaf friend's speech was so good because he spent more time with his hearing family and his hearing friends. He got older and found a permanent job, and he has been working for a company for 15 years. His speech declined, and most hearing people didn't understand him at all. I am not sure about his employees. His old friends understand him, and I couldn't figure it out how they really can understand him. My other two hearing friends told me that his voice is almost like a soft duck. I didn't want to say anything about it. It just pissed me off how his friends understood him like that. That's impossible!

For my family, I just get to used it. Some of them tell me what was going on. Then, you know, they keep talking something else. They forgot to tell me again. My father is a "terrible interpreter" because he didn't tell me the whole story especially some gossips were not in the conversation. Do you have the same thing with your father?

When I finished my college degree, an agent from a company called my mother on the phone, but we were not at home, and my father answered it very short and plain conversation. That's it. I found out that the company wanted to know more about me before I get a job. It was a bad luck that he was on the phone. My mother would be the best so that the company would have hired me quickly. I can't figure it out what was the problem with my father. I didn't get the best job. Now, I have my own email and a videophone so that they would ask me any questions. I guess that many companies are not interested in hiring deaf people unless it's the last resort.
 
I have hearing family..I am only one deaf. But some of them willing learn ASL for me. But I am not gonna learn oral for them. I don't want to because I can't hear or understand the sound if I use hearing aids. I might speak weird voice without know it and in people's mind like "umm melissa's talking funny." or something.. I think oral is harder than learn ASL for my opinion.

Hearing learn ASL then we both can understand eachother, easier to communication. If oral, they can understand me but I won't understand them, dues can't tell what's the different sound.
 
Nan_Mathews said:
I am late deaf though. I can talk, but like Shel, can't hear. I get left out a lot.

I agree with Bebonang. Oooh, I dislike being told "never mind". That really bugs me.
Click to expand...

ohhh yeah. being told nevermind is the one thing that makes me blood boiling mad. that and whatever. ill tell someone i didnt understand them and they say whatever..... omg i will blow a gasket!
 
deafannieboo said:
ohhh yeah. being told nevermind is the one thing that makes me blood boiling mad. that and whatever. ill tell someone i didnt understand them and they say whatever..... omg i will blow a gasket!
Click to expand...

Last night, I was hanging out with 2 of my neighbors, my hearing husband and deaf brother. One of my neighbors said somthing to me and I didnt catch it first so he said "Nevermind." I told him, "No, pls repeat what you said..I will make you repeat until I understand you, understand?" We all laughed so he repeated himself and I was able to understand what he said and we were able to proceed with the conversation. I used to be so passive about accepting those "Neverminds" or "I will tell you laters" but not anymore and so far it has been working. Even if the hearing person gets frustrated, I wont let up. I will get them to repeat themselves until they are exhausted! :D
 
If they don't want to come near me again because of that, then at least I know that they aren't really my true friends.
 
shel90 said:
Last night, I was hanging out with 2 of my neighbors, my hearing husband and deaf brother. One of my neighbors said somthing to me and I didnt catch it first so he said "Nevermind." I told him, "No, pls repeat what you said..I will make you repeat until I understand you, understand?" We all laughed so he repeated himself and I was able to understand what he said and we were able to proceed with the conversation. I used to be so passive about accepting those "Neverminds" or "I will tell you laters" but not anymore and so far it has been working. Even if the hearing person gets frustrated, I wont let up. I will get them to repeat themselves until they are exhausted! :D
Click to expand...

* Deaf applause *

Regarding the original topic. I don't go to family functions anymore. If I go to public places, I usually pick places that force 1-on-1 conversations to occur, which make it an equal playing field for me.
 
If I don't go to large family gathers, I get judged for being a stuck up. *sigh* They just do not understand how hard it is to me to follow fast-pace voices communication. I get lost between conversations that everyone is talking about. How does it make me feel included when I have to be the one watching everyone and not having them sign anything to me. It's unfair and cruel. How would they feel being in a room full of deaf signers and not being included? It's the same thing.
 
shel90 said:
If they don't want to come near me again because of that, then at least I know that they aren't really my true friends.
Click to expand...

You got that right. You are not alone. I don't trust my neighbors at all for many reasons. They are making a lot of money than I earn. A 28 years old neighbor (a son) cut down some of my trees in my backyard for free so he needed them for his fireplace every winter. Now, he wants my money for cutting down trees whenever he needs. He is a full of jerk. He has two jobs (works at a town hall and his own cutting grass business). He buys a new big pickup truck every 1 1/2 years - I am serious not kidding. :roll: (Recently, he went to his neighbor to take out the trees last week.)

You won't believe this one. I emailed to a company to request a price for a videophone which is not part of the deaf service. I had to tell him that I am hearing impaired. Guess what? He never replied me because it is so easy to scare him away from deaf people, or maybe he thinks that a deaf is just a low class family.
 
webexplorer said:
You got that right. You are not alone. I don't trust my neighbors at all for many reasons. They are making a lot of money than I earn. A 28 years old neighbor (a son) cut down some of my trees in my backyard for free so he needed them for his fireplace every winter. Now, he wants my money for cutting down trees whenever he needs. He is a full of jerk. He has two jobs (works at a town hall and his own cutting grass business). He buys a new big pickup truck every 1 1/2 years - I am serious not kidding. :roll: (Recently, he went to his neighbor to take out the trees last week.)

You won't believe this one. I emailed to a company to request a price for a videophone which is not part of the deaf service. I had to tell him that I am hearing impaired. Guess what? He never replied me because it is so easy to scare him away from deaf people, or maybe he thinks that a deaf is just a low class family.
Click to expand...

I am sorry that you cant trust your neighbors. My neighbors whom I hang out often are awesome and great to my brother and I. One of them is learning ASL for us.
 
Buffalo said:
I don't support CI in babies/kids. I don't like Oralism and I prefer BI-BI education.
Click to expand...

CI doesn't not equal oralism. There are 3 kids in Miss Kat's bi-bi classroom with CI's. Another 2 in the grade above her.
 
I think all hearing should have their auditory nerve cut at birth, then everybody will learn ASL and we will get first class media, all technology originally designed for deaf, and this issue would not exist! :lol:

My sister and mother fill me in on what going on sometimes, but a lot of times, they say to me, "I tell you later," but they almost never tell me later. I wish I lived in a deaf world, but I will never can afford to move, and not want to offend my family, even though they offend me, but they don't mean to offend me.
 
Back
Top