Should Deaf communicate oral with hearing family and friends?

Babyblue said:
Getting together with a group of hearing people conversing can be challenging.

But I do not avoid going to family activities or group activities due so. I am usually fortunate enough to have at least one person to relay what is going on. So I am not too left out. I may not catch everything at the time. But I do feel welcome. My hearing friends and family even tells me that they do not catch everyones conversation due to they are talking over each other. So that makes me feel better as well. Hearing people can not hear and understand more than one person talking at a time as well. Usually group conversations are broken up to individuals talking to each other.
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That's nice that you have at least one person to help out. It sucks when the whole family doesnt help out, says "nevermind", "I will tell you later", or make faces when my brother and I ask them what was everyone saying. After years of this, it becomes hurtful.
 
shel90 said:
That's nice that you have at least one person to help out. It sucks when the whole family doesnt help out, says "nevermind", "I will tell you later", or make faces when my brother and I ask them what was everyone saying. After years of this, it becomes hurtful.
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Don't get me wrong.. I do get those often. Those are the ones that I do not waste my time with. :) Plenty of other people to talk to that do not shrug me away with a "never mind" "Tell ya later" etc.


It is only hurtful when a family membe, r or someone I care about does this. I do make them aware of it.
 
Let me see if I understand this: (You is general you)

You want others to learn ASL.
Some do take ASL class, but can't be fluent enough to say what they wanna say. In order to be fluent, they must hang out with deaf people on a consistent basis, which is unrealistic.

When they DO know some ASL, you expect them to be able to translate what's going on in ASL? I suspect that when they say never mind, it's because it's too hard for them to be able to sign what they wanna say. I can hold a conversation in ASL, but if I try to translate something specific, pfffffffttt I have an extremely hard time due to my limited vocabulary. Sometimes I resort to speaking out the word just because it's easier.

You get upset when family members invite you over to group settings. Does this mean you don't want them to invite you at all?
 
Daredevel7 said:
Let me see if I understand this: (You is general you)

You want others to learn ASL.
Some do take ASL class, but can't be fluent enough to say what they wanna say. In order to be fluent, they must hang out with deaf people on a consistent basis, which is unrealistic.

When they DO know some ASL, you expect them to be able to translate what's going on in ASL? I suspect that when they say never mind, it's because it's too hard for them to be able to sign what they wanna say. I can hold a conversation in ASL, but if I try to translate something specific, pfffffffttt I have an extremely hard time due to my limited vocabulary. Sometimes I resort to speaking out the word just because it's easier.

You get upset when family members invite you over to group settings. Does this mean you don't want them to invite you at all?
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If they invite us but ignore us then why invite us in the first place?

One time, I went to a family gathering for my grandfather's 70th birthday..Everyone in the family was there and then all of his 5 girls (my mom was one of them) sat him down and took turns telling stories about growing up with him and everyone, my cousins, their spouses, kids were laughing and crying while my brother and I sat there the whole time clueless to what everyone was saying. I asked one of my aunts what everyone was saying and she waved me away saying she will tell me later. So much for sharing a special moment with my family. We might as well not be there. I was so hurt that night and it has been 10 years and I have forgiven them but never forgot. To this day, I still dont know what all of his daughter said to him.

By learning some ASL, if not all, would at least show some respect. That's my opinion especially with my brother having no lipreading and no speech skills. If not learn ASL, then at least take the time to ensure that my brother and I are included. Is that so much to ask? I already have good oral skills but I need some help from them too.
 
Babyblue said:
Getting together with a group of hearing people conversing can be challenging.

But I do not avoid going to family activities or group activities due so. I am usually fortunate enough to have at least one person to relay what is going on. So I am not too left out. I may not catch everything at the time. But I do feel welcome. My hearing friends and family even tells me that they do not catch everyones conversation due to they are talking over each other. So that makes me feel better as well. Hearing people can not hear and understand more than one person talking at a time as well. Usually group conversations are broken up to individuals talking to each other.
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You're lucky to have one person to keep you in the loop , I did not have that . We do not have any more famiy get together as our mom dies last year and only got together for mom birthdays. Mom was the glue that held use together! I miss her so much!
 
Daredevel7 said:
You get upset when family members invite you over to group settings. Does this mean you don't want them to invite you at all?
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I don't think that was exactly what anyone was trying to say. I have been in this situation countless times where I simply don't understand what's being said or going on. It doesn't stop me from going to see them. However, I'm usually the first one to leave, and occasionally I don't go over at all. But I'm not upset at the actual invitation.
 
AlleyCat said:
I don't think that was exactly what anyone was trying to say. I have been in this situation countless times where I simply don't understand what's being said or going on. It doesn't stop me from going to see them. However, I'm usually the first one to leave, and occasionally I don't go over at all. But I'm not upset at the actual invitation.
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I was trying to point out the fact there aren't too many other realistic options. I mean the situation is upsetting yes, but would you rather for them to not invite you at all?

I must admit that I've done a variation of "I'll tell you later" with other deaf people. I was hanging out with both hearing and deaf people in a group. The hearing people didn't know signs at ALL. Someone in a group was telling a story and in the middle of it, a deaf person tapped me and was like "what did he say?", but I had to say/motion "hold on." because I had to look at the guy to lipread him. He wasn't finished with the story. When he was done with it, I made a comment then turned to the deaf guy to attempt to sign out the story. It didn't come out as funny in my pathetic signing and I missed out what the other hearing people said regarding to my comment. It was an awkward situation but I honestly have no idea what else I could have done. What do you think I should have done?
 
Daredevel7 said:
I was trying to point out the fact there aren't too many other realistic options. I mean the situation is upsetting yes, but would you rather for them to not invite you at all?
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Actually, your post below is your original quote. I don't think anyone was saying that we did not want us to be invited at all. Who said "we get upset when family members invite us over to group settings" ? We may not like feeling ignored or "I'll tell you later", etc. but I'm not sure anyone has actually conveyed they don't want to be invited at all. Not trying to be argumentive here, of course.

Daredevel7 said:
You get upset when family members invite you over to group settings. Does this mean you don't want them to invite you at all?
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I would rather be included in a family event than to be outright slighted by not getting invited at all. I can just be the first to leave or whatever if I was bored by lack of understanding what was going on. But to be slighted altogether by family would not be a pleasant feeling.
 
AlleyCat said:
Actually, your post below is your original quote. I don't think anyone was saying that we did not want us to be invited at all. Who said "we get upset when family members invite us over to group settings" ? We may not like feeling ignored or "I'll tell you later", etc. but I'm not sure anyone has actually conveyed they don't want to be invited at all. Not trying to be argumentive here, of course.
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I guess I was referring to this post:
whatdidyousay! said:
I do not know sign language , so I talk to my family when we get together. But I end up getting left out as everyone stop talking loud enough for me to hear them! I will ask people to speak louder , but it really does no good! Then everyone want to know why I am upset and hate getting together! Hearing people do not get it! My older sister keep trying to get me to join book club or some group to meet people , I keep telling her I can't hear in groups!
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That's why I brought it up. But it doesn't technically say that s/he does not want to be invited to group settings. I just get that impression. I could be wrong.
 
Daredevel7 said:
I guess I was referring to this post:


That's why I brought it up. But it doesn't technically say that s/he does not want to be invited to group settings. I just get that impression. I could be wrong.
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My impression from that post is that person is frustrated and wants some help from his family with communication or at least understand his frustrations instead of questioning him.
 
shel90 said:
My impression from that post is that person is frustrated and wants some help from his family with communication or at least understand his frustrations instead of questioning him.
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True, but it still doesn't change my question. Should they stop inviting you because it frustrates you?
 
Daredevel7 said:
True, but it still doesn't change my question. Should they stop inviting you because it frustrates you?
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I dont tell my family what to do based on how I feel. I can always reject any invites. If they stop inviting me, then oh well but I know my mom too well..she wouldnt allow it.

However, I know that my cousins do get together with each other and never invited me once. The only people who invite me to family gatherings are my parents or siblings. Never my extended family.
 
Unfair for who?

Hello Ms. Devel, family can be funny when Deaf question about using sign. The mature ones know that it is a problem, but they tend to represent themselves on this issue. Our hearing family members (ones that actually care) have said it is too much to expect. Then the situation remains the same. Deaf have to lip read and communicate orally. Hearing have said that the Deaf family members are being somewhat arrogant because the Deaf want to be more involved with communication. Most hearing family talk with hearing all day at a gathering. A few members will set a time out to converse with the Deaf. Then Deaf with Deaf most of the time. For example: A Deaf aunt is hardly talked with by her hearing nieces, but the hearing aunt is more appreciated by her nieces because it is less trouble to communicate.

Since it is dysfunctional, hearing family have said it is our right to talk and avoid Deaf. This is repeated at the Deaf house gathering. Hearing members feel comfortable talking with each other. So, Deaf continue talk with each other too. It doesn't matter where the gathering is. Hearing avoid Deaf and Deaf orally communicate with hearing. It is the hearing that are shunning the Deaf and say it is unfair that Deaf complain about it.

It is true that the members that use sign language, like a son or daughter, make the situation a little better. But it is expected that they too are to separate themselves from Deaf and join the fun. Now what? Use sign language every time that you converse at this kind of gathering? Even with hearing? The answer is yes. That is my position. I'm trying to do this as often as I can, but still need more work. This is part of the reason I asked the original question, Should Deaf oral Communicate?

I genuinely enjoy company of Deaf and am closer the Deaf than hearing, but I love my hearing family too. So, I actually prefer the company of Deaf. My father has said that I am on the wrong side because I can hear. He is being comedic. My mother wants me to use sign more often when I communicate with hearing. This is a reasonable request to me. Now you all know a little about me.
 
Belliosto said:
Hello Ms. Devel
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Who's Ms. Devel?

My former interpreter told me that her deaf son (in his teens) once refuse to speak for a whole year because he was so fed up with his family (not his mom) who don't know sign language. I wish I had thought of that when I was young.
 
:madfawk:

:mad:ok i come from a hh family thats oral. And refuses sign and I ended up in foster care cos my abitliy to speechread is so low I cant.hh/deaf people should sign family and friends need to get over themselves.
 
inmate23 said:
:mad:ok i come from a hh family thats oral. And refuses sign and I ended up in foster care cos my abitliy to speechread is so low I cant.hh/deaf people should sign family and friends need to get over themselves.
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Ok, is that a fact that you ended up in a foster home just because you are lousy at lipreading? What if the real reason is not that but something else???
 
I hate bring up subject about oral. I grew up from oral school. Went to deaf school. Big change my life. I prefer sign over oral.

Yesterday, we had wedding party. My wife and I had hard time to understand from lip read. They still can't understand what my wife speak in english (her first language is italian - she is excellent speak and read in italian better than english). So, we use paper and pen for communication.

I seem that most alldeaf members support CI, oral and mainstream school. I lost interest on this alldeaf forum.
 
darkage said:
I hate bring up subject about oral. I grew up from oral school. Went to deaf school. Big change my life. I prefer sign over oral.

Yesterday, we had wedding party. My wife and I had hard time to understand from lip read. They still can't understand what my wife speak in english (her first language is italian - she is excellent speak and read in italian better than english). So, we use paper and pen for communication.

I seem that most alldeaf members support CI, oral and mainstream school. I lost interest on this alldeaf forum.
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I don't support oralism and prefer Deaf schools over mainstreaming if a Deaf school is nearby.
 
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