Seperation/Divorce

sallylou said:
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Good point. People deal with issues differently. You may want to consider individual therapy for each of you to get you through the initial stages. Ask your therapist.

My hubby and I did individual therapy separately early in our marriage. It helped our marriage a lot.

It would also be good if you could express your emotions to your husband. You can do that without a therapist, of course.
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:grouphug: My husband I have gone through times where we could have separated due to financial strain. We openly discuss how we feel and what our needs are. We try to compromise when we couldn't achieve that.
 
My mom attempted to divorce my dad but he would not allow it. I was 9 years old. When he refused to, well mom was gone. I don't want to talk about how and where and what. Just that she's six feet under now. She wanted to divorce so that she could bring me and my sister back to Colorado where we belonged and where the school she wanted to send me to was. Let's just say that this was a very sad situation and made a hell of a harder time for both me and my sister. It wasn't just about my hearing loss, either. She was attempting to make ends meet with only a 8th grade education while raising two girls and having just had an abortion on her third pregnancy (we were very dirt poor and could not afford a third baby at the time) and wanting to bring us home where we would have more financial help from my mother's side of the family instead of so far away where no help is available cause my dad didn't give her much money and controlled most of the family's finances. Let's say that it was a SHITTY situation and that our carpet was literally pulled out from under us when she died. I don't want to discuss how she died. You can guess all you want but please do not discuss on this forum. If you really want to know, ask me in my PM. Thank you.
 
I think that your marital problems stem from the fact that both of you have different ideas in raising Tyler. In fact, differences in priorities and expectations in a marriage is one of the Top 10 Reasons for Divorce, according to this article. The best thing to do here is to settle your differences by coming up with a list of how you want to raise your child and discuss it with each other so that you would both be teaming up together and raise Tyler in a proper environment. If he still resists making changes, then a special counselor would assist you making the best possible decision regarding your communication problems.
 
miacarmelwest said:
I think that your marital problems stem from the fact that both of you have different ideas in raising Tyler. In fact, differences in priorities and expectations in a marriage is one of the Top 10 Reasons for Divorce, according to this article. The best thing to do here is to settle your differences by coming up with a list of how you want to raise your child and discuss it with each other so that you would both be teaming up together and raise Tyler in a proper environment. If he still resists making changes, then a special counselor would assist you making the best possible decision regarding your communication problems.
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Communication is KEY!! Personally I think any relationship is doomed to fail without open communication.
 
ryancher said:
Not sure if this is the right place or not... and if not, please feel free to move. I can only see selected forums here at work.

When Tyler got diagnosed at 12 weeks old, the audiologist told my husband and I to keep the lines of communication open. She said that divorce rates amongst parents with children hoh or deaf was almost double than normal.

Has anyone experienced this or can back it up?

My husband and I are having an awful time... it's one fight after another. He accusses me of being too protective of Tyler and I get upset that he doesn't stand up for him enough. As much as I love my husband, we're on a bad path. :(
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Um, awful time in your marriage just because of your son is found to be deaf? If that is so, then it is so not necessary! A lot of deaf friends of mine and deaf of hearing parents among me are still married for a very long time and happy..it doesn't matter if we are deaf or not.
 
ryancher said:
That's what I do want happening... I'm having such big issues with dh and his family. They treat Tyler different than our older son because of his hearing issues. They blame it on his behaviour - but I try to explain to them the behaviour is due to lack of communication/language.

I am tired of the constant arguing. I feel as though I have to constantly defend Tyler to everyone. Just once, I would love to have one of them favour and love Tyler.
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You made me think of movie, Holland's Opus. How to solve the situation with his behavior? ASL!
 
ryancher said:
That's how I'd feel too... but dh just can't come together with me.

No matter how much I do, he continuously feels overwhelmed. And even though he won't admit it, he thinks God is out to get him... he thinks he is destined for disabled children.

It's sad... but no matter how much I try to talk to him about it, and do the majority of the workload, he doesn't change.

Not to mention, he can't come together and agree with a mutual plan. He's stuck in the old ways in which is parents raised him... which was fine for them... but it doesn't work for us.
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Two big negatives right there..."God is out to get him" and "stuck in the old ways in which is -His- parents raised him.."

God is out to get him-- if he really thinks this is true, he'd be dead already. He must feel grateful to feel alive and to be generous to everyone and himself. I'm agnostic, but I believe in having a positive attitude.

parents raised him and he acts it out -- make him realize that you are not his parents and that his contribution towards his marriage with you won't come close to what his parents had. I deal with the possibility of getting married (greatest fear of all time- I didn't exactly have role model parents) but I stay open to how the marriage would work- in terms of solid, positive communication with my partner. I'm in no rush; but since you're already married, he needs to saddle up for your marriage.
 
ryancher said:
Not sure if this is the right place or not... and if not, please feel free to move. I can only see selected forums here at work.

When Tyler got diagnosed at 12 weeks old, the audiologist told my husband and I to keep the lines of communication open. She said that divorce rates amongst parents with children hoh or deaf was almost double than normal.

Has anyone experienced this or can back it up?

My husband and I are having an awful time... it's one fight after another. He accusses me of being too protective of Tyler and I get upset that he doesn't stand up for him enough. As much as I love my husband, we're on a bad path. :(
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how old is your son? he can't possibly defend for himself...

who knows if the divorce rate is "double"?? With my parents, they got divorced anywhere from when I was 1-3 and I don't think my HoH had anything to with it.

stay positive and try to keep communicating
 
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