Seperation/Divorce

all the best!! I am going through this right now and It's not something I want to do.
 
actually, audiologist could have said, " there are many good program about deaf education and encourage them to see counselor for support." with lot of faith and positive vibes. but audiologist knew nothing about deaf issues thats why audiologist mentioned about divorce issues all of a sudden.
 
Frisky Feline said:
actually, audiologist could have said, " there are many good program about deaf education and encourage them to see counselor for support." with lot of faith and positive vibes. but audiologist knew nothing about deaf issues thats why audiologist mentioned about divorce issues all of a sudden.
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It's really not an audi's job to give advice on relationship issues. Is it?
 
guys ryancher doesn't want a deabate on what the audi said or shouldn't have said...she asked a question if ppl have gone thru this so answer the question.

As a mom your gonna want to protect your child. It's your husbands child too but mothers have a different attachment to their children since they are the ones (usually) that carry them for 9 months...its a different bond and men don't understand that most of the time. Counselling is an option but also talking to other parents of deaf children is too. Is it possible to find some in your area? I bet this will help big time as they probably have gone through the same arguments as you and your husband have...hope that helps
 
Frisky Feline said:
but others think so. Not me.
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I most certainly did not say so. It was obvious the audiologist did not provide counselling or anything remotely close to it. It seems all the audiologist did was mention a well-known fact.

It's not illegal for an audiologist to share some established facts with their patients, is it?
 
rockdrummer said:
It's really not an audi's job to give advice on relationship issues. Is it?
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No, it is not AND it also isn't his job to do much beyond the discovery of a physical hearing loss but we all know better, right?
 
Banjo said:
I most certainly did not say so. It was obvious the audiologist did not provide counselling or anything remotely close to it. It seems all the audiologist did was mention a well-known fact.

It's not illegal for an audiologist to share some established facts with their patients, is it?
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maybe it's wise for us to make a new thread about this one. I simply wish that audiologist would have provide a positive information beside the well known fact about divorce. :roll:
 
I'm a single mom by CHOICE, so what I have to say is from observation only--

But I can see how it would be hard on a marriage to have a child with special needs-- ESPECIALLY if one parent is more involved w/the child than the other (which isn't an indicator they're NOT a good parent, but maybe have to work long hours to provide for the family or can't go to all appts because of work, etc... ) The involved parent may feel like they're taking on the majority of the work w/the child- and be resentful. OR the other (not as involved) spouse feels like they're not getting enough attention from the other and is jealous of the child (saw this happening w/my own parents over my brother-- on a mild scale)

Also, there are many different decisions to make and if partners aren't totally on the same page it could lead to conflict and one resenting the other or blaming them if things do go as planned, thus leading to a break down in the relationship... (luckily I only have myself to blame if I chose the wrong thing for Adam)

Of course this is true w/ANY family-- special needs or not, but as a mom to a multiple special needs kiddo I could see it being more prevelant in families where a child requires more 'care'-- for whatever reason. (and 'care' could include multiple appts, or more intense care depending on the childs needs)

again, this is just what I've observed from watching other SN families-- and partially one reason I chose to be a single (adoptive) mom-- I can focus on my son and the rest will come as it comes--

Good luck!! :)
 
Exactly Adamsmomma!!!

As for the audiologist... she was the one to make the initial diagnosis. I don't think she was stating exactly only parents of Deaf children... she meant parents of any children with special needs.

And I think she was only telling us to remind us how important communication is.
 
Well, it's not unusual for divorces to occur when there's a child who has been diagnosed with a disability.

Have you thought that you and your husband are at different stage in the grieving process? Also that he might be overwhelmed because he doesn't know how to handle his son's deafness.

Counselling is a great idea in this instance.
 
OMG this has had happened to me when I was little
it's a long story but my parents were arguing over me
 
Sarfarigirl2011 said:
OMG this has had happened to me when I was little
it's a long story but my parents were arguing over me
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That's what I do want happening... I'm having such big issues with dh and his family. They treat Tyler different than our older son because of his hearing issues. They blame it on his behaviour - but I try to explain to them the behaviour is due to lack of communication/language.

I am tired of the constant arguing. I feel as though I have to constantly defend Tyler to everyone. Just once, I would love to have one of them favour and love Tyler.
 
Adamsmommy, great post!!!!!! ryancher, I do think that it's extremely hard for parents in general to come to terms with the fact that their kid is "different" from what everyone was expecting. Whether it be a disabilty, sexual orientation or whatever.
Heck, it took ME about 18 years to come to terms with the fact that I'm hoh and I was born this way!
A lot of people may not have had exposure to kids with disabilites while growing up, and so don't know that they can do a lot of stuff or are just like other kids. I grew up in a very snobby suburb, and although it was VERY snobby there are kids who I grew up with who forget that I'm "disabled!" :shock:
I think maybe another contribuating factor to the high divorce rate might be the tendancy of some parents to turn into therapists. They have to turn every single moment into a "therapy" moment, so that doesn't leave a lot of time for everyday interaction, and just relaxing, so that adds up on stress (like the way kids from hypercompetitve countries are very stressed) Granted dealing with a kid who's hoh is less stressful then dealing with a kid with severe special needs, but it can still be stressful.
Are there any psychologists who are experianced in dealing with parents of special needs kids around where you are? Too bad jillo isn't where you are. She'd be awesome to go and talk to!
 
The divorce rate has been on a continious climb since the mid 60's I do believe. The last stat I saw was that 70% of marriages end up in divorce. My humble opinion for what it's worth is that it has more do do with how easy it is with the no fault and uncontested divorces. These days you can get divorced for about one thousand dollars and it can be completed in as little as 6 weeks or less depending on the court caseload. While I am sure that having a child with disabilities can contribute to additional stress, I am not convinced that it in and of itself is a leading cause. In fact I would imagine in some cases where it might bring a couple closer together. I think it really depends on the people involved.
 
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rockdrummer said:
The divorce rate has been on a continious climb since the mid 60's I do believe. The last stat I herd was that 70% of marriages end up in divorce. My humble opinion for what it's worth is that it has more do do with how easy it is with the no fault and uncontested divorces. These days you can get divorced for about one thousand dollars and it can be completed in as little as 6 weeks or less depending on the court caseload. While I am sure that having a child with disabilities can contribute to additional stress, I am not convinced that it in and of itself is a leading cause. In fact I would imagine in some cases where it might bring a couple closer together. I think it really depends on the people involved.
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That's how i feel about it.
 
That's how I'd feel too... but dh just can't come together with me.

No matter how much I do, he continuously feels overwhelmed. And even though he won't admit it, he thinks God is out to get him... he thinks he is destined for disabled children.

It's sad... but no matter how much I try to talk to him about it, and do the majority of the workload, he doesn't change.

Not to mention, he can't come together and agree with a mutual plan. He's stuck in the old ways in which is parents raised him... which was fine for them... but it doesn't work for us.
 
Have you thought that you and your husband are at different stage in the grieving process?
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Good point. People deal with issues differently. You may want to consider individual therapy for each of you to get you through the initial stages. Ask your therapist.

My hubby and I did individual therapy separately early in our marriage. It helped our marriage a lot.

It would also be good if you could express your emotions to your husband. You can do that without a therapist, of course.
 
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