Self-Esteem vs low self-esteem

[Cheri]

to be quite honest, I had a low self-esteem when growing up, not because I was losing my hearing. I was more disappointing in my own mother who wanted to give us up for adoption ever since she found out that my sister and I were losing our hearing at the age of five. My mother wanted you could say perfect children, when she found out that we were losing our hearing since growing up, she didn't want anything to do with the two of us, she beat us every chance she gets to the point of enjoying it. My father left her when we were the age of 14, I was more corner where I was going to live, I wasn't allow to +make a choice who I could live with because my mother did not want us in court to choose, So she told the court we couldn't speak, we were deaf and dumb. The only reason my mother wanted us to live with her so she could collect child support,


After the divorce was final, More nightmare from my mother beaten us right and left and there was nobody that could help us get out of the situation. We even report to the school counselor that our mother's beating onto us, Of course child service came to our house, but they believe my mother side over us. Again back to where we were at from the begin. It never got better until the age of 18, free to leave that unstable home.


It took me a long time to get my life together, My dad was the only one who never left my side, because he tried so hard to get us out of there, but nobody in the higher department wants to step in and get us out. We didn't have much choice in the old days like what people have right now, they have a choice because there is a law that protect children who are in a situation like ours. I'm glad that I fought my way through hard times, and develope my self-esteem, It was a big turn-around. Some people out there in my situation wouldn't make it like I did, Some would take drugs, lead a bad life, etc. I didn't do those things because, I didn't want my mother to take what inside of me, she could hurt me all she wants but she would never take my heart and my self-esteem.

 

[Liebling:-)))]

wow, interesting thread here... I´ll back for answer my posts here to answer some of your posts... I appreciate very much to see back topic posts here...

 

[Audiofuzzy]

I have my own home that I remodel. My mind is carefree without worryin' about things. I just enjoy my life around here. I have my own 2 dogs -- that I really enjoy playin' with them outside.

I am happy for you, and congratulate you your succeses sincerely

Just so you know,
One can have millions of $$$$ a few houses all over the world, be surrounded with people all the time but one still can have low self-esteem.

Besides I am not saying you sure have low self esteem, I don't know you well enough to say that I only suggested it.

I just told you my point of view, how I view things based on what you have told me, and who says my view can not be right, and yours wrong, even with me not living with your parents.
Sure, I have no way of knowing what the truth is - I would have to know the whole story from both sides, know your parents, talk to them and only then I would say something for sure.

Maybe your mother indeed wasn't a good mother and/or wife, I don't know, my point is you can't say somebody is a bad person just because she likes to go out and dance or wears unapropriate clothes at her age.
Those are, in general, petty things.

Sorry for uspetting you.

Fuzzy

ps I was going to ask you if you don't mind me telling what was that black thing your mother did to you but I guess you are finished with me.. ??

 

[Audiofuzzy]

I didn't do those things because, I didn't want my mother to take what inside of me, she could hurt me all she wants but she would never take my heart and my self-esteem.

I am very sorry for what you have to go thru, Cheri. That was horrible what your mother did.
I am glad you were able to still value yourself so much as to not to break under pressure, and go into drugs etc like you said.
You are special, girl.
Hugs,

Fuzzy

 

[Maria]

I have my own home that I remodel. My mind is carefree without worryin' about things. I just enjoy my life around here. I have my own 2 dogs -- that I really enjoy playin' with them outside.

I am happy for you, and congratulate you your succeses sincerely

Just so you know,
One can have millions of $$$$ a few houses all over the world, be surrounded with people all the time but one still can have low self-esteem.

Besides I am not saying you sure have low self esteem, I don't know you well enough to say that I only suggested it.

I just told you my point of view, how I view things based on what you have told me, and who says my view can not be right, and yours wrong, even with me not living with your parents.
Sure, I have no way of knowing what the truth is - I would have to know the whole story from both sides, know your parents, talk to them and only then I would say something for sure.

Maybe your mother indeed wasn't a good mother and/or wife, I don't know, my point is you can't say somebody is a bad person just because she likes to go out and dance or wears unapropriate clothes at her age.
Those are, in general, petty things.

Sorry for uspetting you.

Fuzzy

ps I was going to ask you if you don't mind me telling what was that black thing your mother did to you but I guess you are finished with me.. ??

Honestly, there's no offense. You are doin' fine. Of course, you didn't upset me - to be candid. It's just that I will talk about this later since my mind was soo tired from last night from doin' many things that I was doin' ( went to Pampered Chef, discuss ( plans ) about church, take my dogs out for a walk, work around on this house a little bit, and so forth. I went to bed early to shut my mind from over thinkin'. I just need sleep for rest.
It's not you - it's me and for that, I apologized. I think I work too hard on myself and I need to take a break.

About the black thing IN my mother's soul, let me try to find a pic of that elsewhere to show you what it looks like. Ok ? Will get back to you when I find it.

You are doin' well - don't worry about me. Just go ahead and have a pleasant conversation with others. I will be ok.

 

[Maria]

Ok, I am back. I would like to explain example, experience and what I see. Try to get in my shoes to understand this picture. Ok ?
I found only one good picture and I created other one by duplicatin' it. One is light and the other one is dark. You could say that if, a room is too dark without switchin' the light on to see where you are goin' -- and you will stumble to hurt yourself in the dark room, right ? It's like sayin', " Where are you ? " while walkin' in the dark room - or say, "Where's the switch to turn the light on ? " while feelin' it on the wall with your hand. There's always a question from the dark. There's never an answer - because, you can't see it.
And, for the light -- You could see it where you are goin' without stumblin' to hurt yourself. You could find the answers all around you in the light without stressin' yourself out. No struggle or anythin'. Light is very easy to help -- easy to get there. Try to play yourself as Sherlock Holmes with magnify glass and test around to understand the possiblities and impossiblities.
Now, about my mother's soul -- her soul just like the "dark" room. I couldn't find her. Where did she go ? Where was she ? Hello ?? See, there's always questions. There's never an answer, but I do know why when the "dark" means "evil". I wasn't allowed to SEE what's evil in the dark room. There's always hidin'. But, it could scare you once the light turns on to see somethin' soo evil in that dark room. Ok ? That's what I see in my mother's soul. It terrified me - it impacted me soo hard... that was how I got this stutterin'. I couldn't talk. That wasn't me. God opened my eyes to see somethin' in her. God is my Light. My eyes became "flashlights" through God's Light for me to see. When I see "dark" soul in her, I don't know where she went. Where did she go ? Mom ? My eyes were searchin' inside her to find her - she was no where to be seen and, even thou I knew she was standin' right there in front of me at the same time. Where was I ? I was standin' behind her when God opened my eyes.
After it hit me, I was speechless - state of shock. My mind went else where. It flees. Too scared to think. It took me an 1/2 hour to get it back to normal. Now, I know. I will never be the same I used to be.
It's why I see differently from other people's perspective/POV/opinions -- no matter how hard they tried to explain things to me, if they ( plural ) see the same all together against one ( me ). My stepdad understood me, because he was there before. My mother never been there before - it explained why she has this "self-esteem" problem. I don't want you to think that I painted my stepfather as saint - Gee... that has nothin' to do with him. It has to do with my experience with God myself from before and after. If, I was stepdad, I would tell my life story about Mau Maus Gang -- it has nothin' to do with CyberRed. It's about an individual's experience in life. It's all about individual's identity and destiny ( fate ).
I do still love my mother very much - she was the one who brought my heart to ache, knowin' that she will not be able to make it. Of course, she is still alive. She is 63.
Ok, here's an images:

Dark soul:

Light soul:

If, she has this light in her soul, then I will be able to find her just like a room with the light on and I will be able to see things in a room to reveal what they are. I would be so happy to find her with tears, knowin' that I will see her in Heaven one day with a BIG smile.

 

[Momoftwo]

Hi CyberRed

Your experience was so powerful!!!! Thanks for sharing with us!

I'll keep praying for your mother.

Momoftwo

 

[Momoftwo]

Hi Cheri

I'm so sorry about your mother. I'm sure you still love your mother. I'll pray for your mother.

Momoftwo

 

[Audiofuzzy]

>>God opened my eyes to see somethin' in her.<<

BUT can you be absolutely positively sure it was indeed God who opened your eyes? maybe it was Satan disguising himself as God wanting to scare you and separate you from your own mother? and you mother couldn't even explain because you were so blidned by what you saw, nothing would get thru to you anymore?
just speculating..

Thanks for being so understanding CR. I really apprecciate it. I hope you'll forgive me for keep pushing - I try to understand you.
I must have of very little imagination because I do not get the idea of you seeying your mother's soul, and black - I just don't get it.
How can one see someone's soul at all, and know that black is automatically black-evil, not black- sad, black -scared, black-lost, etc...?
There are black people out there, you know, Africans for example, does that mean they are bad?
Maybe your mother soul was black form pain and sorrow she've experieneced in her life and you happened to see her in her darkest, most painful moment.

I wish I could know your mom personally, then I would tell you what I think of her and her soul.
I highly doubt she was a bad person to the core- I'd rather believe she most likely was a misguded one, as most of us is...

What was so horrible she did that you feel she's evil? if you don't mind me telling again. Did she abused you, called you stupid, worthless, did she have many boyfriends etc? but you see, that could be because she didn't have good self esteem and not only she disrespected herself but she was unable to be caring and loving because she didn't love herslef in the first place..

Fuzzy

 

[Maria]

BUT can you be absolutely positively sure it was indeed God who opened your eyes? maybe it was Satan disguising himself as God wanting to scare you and separate you from your own mother? and you mother couldn't even explain because you were so blidned by what you saw, nothing would get thru to you anymore?
just speculating..

Yes, I am very positive 100% sure. I don't have one blind eye. My mother never knew about this, because she was washin' dishes at that time AFTER I finished my supper when I walked up to her ( behind her back ) to put the plate on the counter for her to wash. When the plate was put down, God opened my eyes immediately. God wouldn't allow me to drop the plate, would He ? Perfect timin'.

Thanks for being so understanding CR. I really apprecciate it. I hope you'll forgive me for keep pushing - I try to understand you.
I must have of very little imagination because I do not get the idea of you seeying your mother's soul, and black - I just don't get it.
How can one see someone's soul at all, and know that black is automatically black-evil, not black- sad, black -scared, black-lost, etc...?

No problem. I forgive you. ( I like reasonable discuss without pushin' )
Can you use your imagination what a "black" ghost looks like ? I mean GHOST without physical body...Ok, use that imagination - put that "black" ghost INSIDE my mother's physical body pretendin' that "black" ghost was her soul.
That's what God opened my eyes to see her "black" soul in her soul just like this I've just described about the "black" ghost. Umm...How can I see the "black" soul in her physical body ? God is Light, right ? Same with Jesus, right ? Ok, when I accepted Jesus Christ in my heart as my personal Saviour -His Light shone in me and it brought forth to my eyes, makin' it feels like my eyes in one flashlight. And, the Light show me the "dark". You can try to turn the light off in a room at your home, and bring a flashlight with you - test it for yourself if you get it what I mean. You will only see one spot with your flashlight but, the dark will be around it on the outside of the light you are usin' the flashlight. But, for God -- His Light is BIG and the "dark" can't hide from the Light anywhere.

There are black people out there, you know, Africans for example, does that mean they are bad? Oh, no - not that. *chuckles* That's different, Fuzzy. I am not talkin' about the flesh or physical body. Physical body and soul is separated. I speak of the soul, not the physical body.
Maybe your mother soul was black form pain and sorrow she've experieneced in her life and you happened to see her in her darkest, most painful moment.

No, not from the pain or sorrow. It was from her sins without forgivin'. Why would she marry my stepfather when she knew that he was a minister ? If, she likes him, the man who is a minister - then, she should have support him spiritually and pray/read the bible together with him, like pastors and wives do.

I wish I could know your mom personally, then I would tell you what I think of her and her soul.
I highly doubt she was a bad person to the core- I'd rather believe she most likely was a misguded one, as most of us is...

Who says that my mother was a bad person to the core ? It's her sins. She knew there's God. She believes there's God. My stepfather and mother took me to church while growin' up.

What was so horrible she did that you feel she's evil?
if you don't mind me telling again. Did she abused you, called you stupid, worthless, did she have many boyfriends etc? but you see, that could be because she didn't have good self esteem and not only she disrespected herself but she was unable to be caring and loving because she didn't love herslef in the first place..

Oh, yeah she called me names..even, sayin' the F word and B word. She killed my first unborn child by sendin' me to an abortion clinic. I saw everythin' in a BIG jar with my baby in it - with my own blood. It was my son...his legs and arms were torn apart. From that, it sent me to see a psychologist for one year. Trauma.

Until the age of 18, God changed my life BIG time. I exchanged my life with Jesus. My life was in God's Hands -- my young sister's unborn baby's life was taken away. It hit my stepfather hard and realized that it was his and mother's mistake for killin' my unborn child. My sister cried and cried sooo hard, because she was holdin' her almost full term son in her arms. He died in her arms when she was pregnant with him at 8 1/2 months. Mine was throwin' away in the tiolet and hers was in the grave.

Matthew 6:22
"The lamp of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

CyberRed ....

 

[Audiofuzzy]

That is terrible thing she did to you. I am very sorry for your suffering, CR.
That was traumatic, of course. Would be traumatic to everyone. I am so sorry.
You have a good point here CR- why would a woman who knew her "boyfriend" is a minister, still want to marry him if she herself was not into religion as much.
Obviously she was religious to a degree if she went to church. I don't go to church, I am not religious. I wouldn't marry a minister, obviously. I would go bonkers with him!! but perhaps she just overestimated herself, I am not trying to excuse her but it does happen- people think they'll be able to handle something and it turns out- they can't.. maybe she was hoping she'll becaome like him with time. Turned out it's not who she is..?

Welp, I thought if you tell me some more I'll understand you better but actually I am more confused, lol.

Good luck to you, CR. I hope one day you'll find peace with your Mom, and still before she'll die. After all it's your Mom and indeed she treated you badly, but I hope she'll see her wrongdoings and feel sorry for it. And make up for you.
If you could bear with me - how old were you when you had that abortion, and why couldn't you say NO! ?? and again I am SO sorry for what happened to you..

Fuzzy

 

[Audiofuzzy]

ooops almost forgot;

Can you use your imagination what a "black" ghost looks like ? I mean GHOST without physical body...Ok, use that imagination - put that "black" ghost INSIDE my mother's physical body pretendin' that "black" ghost was her soul.

I can imagine a soul, or a ghost alright, but I can't imagine how could you possibly see a soul in someone's living body. I can't understand how for instance I could just come up to someone like everyday and suddenly see his soul, like nose on a face or something. That I don't understand..
I would be more apt to believe or understand if that was a ghost or a soul of a deceased person- now that's what I have concept of. You die, there is a ghost. Some pple can see ghosts, psychics for example, like Sylvia Browne..
But the way you described it I just can't grasp it.

Also I wonder- why would God want you to see your mom's black soul? and why that particular moment? obviously it was yet another traumatic experience for you. and I guess you lost your mother at this moment. why would He let that happen?


Fuzzy

 

[Maria]

I can imagine a soul, or a ghost alright, but I can't imagine how could you possibly see a soul in someone's living body. I can't understand how for instance I could just come up to someone like everyday and suddenly see his soul, like nose on a face or something. That I don't understand..

It's why I kept sayin' in some threads here that people need to EXPERIENCE God first to be able to UNDERSTAND. By how ? Read the bible and pray daily ( faithfully ). The Holy Bible is the Light, the Word of God. I read the bible and pray everyday and the light grew in me. Ok, let me explain one example. Have you seen the movie : "The Ten Commandment" ? Ok, Moses stayed up in the mountains for 40 days to talk with God and God created the 10 Commandment tablets out of the rock. Moses spent with God for 40 days and when the 40 days was over - Moses walked down the mountain to return to his people. Know what happened to him ? His face was glow and radiant. His hair turned in white. People were starin' at him and asked about what happened to his face. Same thing with my spirit, it glow and radiant when readin' the bible and pray everyday. God's Word is my soul's food, my vitamins to strength my soul, mind and heart. You have to be very sincere with Him with all your heart and talk to Him just like you would with me.He will open your eyes to see spiritual things, because of the light is growin' in you and you will feel different from the old self.

I would be more apt to believe or understand if that was a ghost or a soul of a deceased person- now that's what I have concept of. You die, there is a ghost. Some pple can see ghosts, psychics for example, like Sylvia Browne..
But the way you described it I just can't grasp it.

It's miracle. God don't always open my eyes everyday, but He does open my eyes when there was somethin' He wants me to know... to help me to grow closer to Him in relationship.

Also I wonder- why would God want you to see your mom's black soul? and why that particular moment? obviously it was yet another traumatic experience for you. and I guess you lost your mother at this moment. why would He let that happen?

It was for my stepdad. He prayed for my mother. God used me to answer my stepfather's prayer when he came in the kitchen, askin' me what was wrong. I told him in stutterin' ... sayin' that she is in all black and, then he nodded. After that, I went upstairs to my bedroom, shocked/speechless. There was no traumatic for me with God.

Abortion: At the age of 17. My mother never told me what the clinic was for. I never knew what the abortion was.

 

[Angel]

I'm sorry but I'm having a real hard time believing this too, not just only Fuzzy...

I do not understand how can a person see someone's soul? it's just impossible....Your mom may not talk about Jesus in front of you, or in open, maybe in private, you and I or anyone else may not know whether or not if others believe in Jesus, some people do keep their religious to themselves, like my other sister does, she keep it herself, I don't see her talk about God, but she believe in God in her own way, etc and I respect that....

Just because your mom may wear something that doesn't look good on her, but that doesn't give anyone a right to judge her just because she likes the taste of clothes she may likes to wear....I have seen and heard some Christian people easy judge others for the way they dress, like Jessica Simpon, the singer, her father is a pastor, She sang God songs to people to spread His words around etc, yet some of them did judge her saying, she shouldn't sang His songs cause she has big breasts or the way she dress etc, God don't care what people wear, He just want people to believe in Him and have faith in Him that's all it should matter to Him....I don't understand why it should effect others for what people wear, so what, I can wear whatever I want, and if some Christian people want to judge me go right ahead but my relationship with God is what important, I do not care if others look at me differently just because of the type clothes I wear, etc...

There are Christians people that gone thru divorce for that reason too, but they know in their heart they've sin in the eye of God, yet they pray for His forgiveness....

I've never heard such a thing about someone seeing others having a black soul in their own bodies, no one can see anyone's soul but ONLY God, yet some can easy see a person going in the wrong direction meaning in the dark side, but soul? I don't buy that..I'm sorry

 

[Maria]

^Angel^: ]I'm sorry but I'm having a real hard time believing this too, not just only Fuzzy...

I do not understand how can a person see someone's soul? it's just impossible....Your mom may not talk about Jesus in front of you, or in open, maybe in private, you and I or anyone else may not know whether or not if others believe in Jesus, some people do keep their religious to themselves, like my other sister does, she keep it herself, I don't see her talk about God, but she believe in God in her own way, etc and I respect that....

How do you know about my mother ? You don't know, but I do.

Just because your mom may wear something that doesn't look good on her, but that doesn't give anyone a right to judge her just because she likes the taste of clothes she may likes to wear....I have seen and heard some Christian people easy judge others for the way they dress, like Jessica Simpon, the singer, her father is a pastor, She sang God songs to people to spread His words around etc, yet some of them did judge her saying, she shouldn't sang His songs cause she has big breasts or the way she dress etc, God don't care what people wear, He just want people to believe in Him and have faith in Him that's all it should matter to Him....I don't understand why it should effect others for what people wear, so what, I can wear whatever I want, and if some Christian people want to judge me go right ahead but my relationship with God is what important, I do not care if others look at me differently just because of the type clothes I wear, etc...

Oh, did you say that God don't care WHAT Christian people wear ? Gee - I don't agree with you there. God does CARE what Christian people wear. It sounds like that you are NOT modest. Do you feel humiliated/embarrassed ? I don't think so, just because you said that God DON'T CARE. Gee - your point of view and mine are different. Sorry dudette !
There are Christians people that gone thru divorce for that reason too, but they know in their heart they've sin in the eye of God, yet they pray for His forgiveness....

Oh, I know that.

I've never heard such a thing about someone seeing others having a black soul in their own bodies, no one can see anyone's soul but ONLY God, yet some can easy see a person going in the wrong direction meaning in the dark side, but soul? I don't buy that....Sorry

That's because YOU haven't EXPERIENCED God just YET. Is your heart more humble or is it involved jealousy, self-denial, dishonesty, and what have you to prevent God showin' things to you spiritually ? Sins does prevent God from showin'. If, you still disagree with me which is fine by me. No offense.
Matthew 6:22
"The lamp of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."

See these scripture above : Tell me, if you understand what these scripture means ? I don't think if you do. If, you don't understand these scripture, then that means you still haven't experienced God to understand yet. Again, sorry dudette. You have a long way to learn. I used to be like you before.

 

[Angel]

How do you know about my mother ? You don't know, but I do.

I didn't say I know your mom, I said you don't know her soul, no one knows people's soul only God can see their soul and their heart....

God does CARE what Christian people wear

Show me where it say that in the bible....

It sounds like that you are NOT modest.

Are you juding me?...

Do you feel humiliated/embarrassed ?

For the way people dress? no, but if someone walked in the church being nude, then that a entire different situation, then yes I will feel embarrassed..

Is your heart more humble or is it involved jealousy, self-denial, dishonesty,

No....

you still haven't experienced God to understand yet.

True...

I don't think so, just because you said that God DON'T CARE. Gee - your point of view and mine are different.

U can disagree with me as long as you want, I never said you had to agree with me...

That's right, God don't care what people wear maybe you do....


Btw, I think this is a bit way off the topic here, so let's show our respect to Liebling by sticking to what this topic is about....I won't discuss this anymore....Peace

 

[Maria]

wow, interesting thread here... I´ll back for answer my posts here to answer some of your posts... I appreciate very much to see back topic posts here...

Read above what Lieblin' says ? I am still waitin' for her to respond, because I talked about my mother's self-esteem. She hasn't respond yet.

Speakin' of my mother's soul: I already saw her only ONCE when God opened my eyes to see. This was for my stepdad when he first came in the kitchen to find God's answer to his prayer. Understand ?

Speakin' of God cares about what Christian people wear -- Read :
1 Timothy 2:9
"In like manner, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel....."

Judgin' you ? No. I am just sayin' that you make it SOUND like you are not modest. I am NOT sayin' that you are not modest. See this is different in between 2 lines.

Then don't discuss, if you decide not to. Thanks.

 

[Reba]

Yes, God wants His people to dress modestly. That means, not wearing clothes that are too tight, too short, showing too much skin, nasty sayings on T-shirts, or emphasizing sexuality. It also means not wearing clothes that "show off" wealth (bling-bling). It also means that women should dress like women, and men should dress like men, appropriate to their culture and activities.

 

[Cheri]

So, if you don't dress modestly, You'll have a black soul? I find that very strange because we all are sinners, and does that mean everyone has black souls?

Just because some people out there that dress sexy and think they are beautiful when they do, I'm not saying I agree with that dress code, But, does that give us a right to judge them just how they judge us for our sins? Does that mean those 'special' people are the ones that allow to judge just because they experience God? I don't agree with that, Jesus is allow to judge us for whatever sins we committed, and Jesus is to judge us if we dress improperly.


Ofcourse that's my opinion here, feel free to disagree.

 

[Audiofuzzy]

oh geez so many intersting points and I am busy today- but I'll be back ...
(maniacal laughter)

that reminds me- you didn't comment Cyber Red- how would you feel if Mother Theresa was excatly the same beautiful person but once in while went to the beach wearing skimpy bathing suit with thong??


Fuzzy