Scared of communicating with hearing people

I focus on lips and I can be slow processing so people get really mean with it sometimes. They'll just keep talking, prattling on, and I'll be eating their dust trying to figure out what the heck they were saying earlier.
 
Safire said:
I've had potential boyfriends or boyfriends (that I said yes to) dump me over it. I've had really REALLY awkward moments like you wouldn't believe...and I feel really humiliated and out of place and just completely wrong when I try to communicate. Once, I was at school with no hearing aids because I had a double ear infection and I tried to say something and the whole class busted out laughing because my speech was so bad. The teacher tried to make them shut up but I just looked at her, she nodded, I walked outside, grabbed my stuff and went to the bathroom.

When I returned, no one dared look at me, no one was laughing and the teacher was fuming mad. So, I guess you could say I have my issues with the hearing world. I love both but sometimes....gah.
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you should spend less time on "boyfriend" stuff and more on something else. plenty of time to do "boyfriend" stuff later on in college or after college. it's not important now.
 
Well, this is a lot of information to go through at once. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences, it makes much difference to know those especially for those who have not been through one of those particular experience.

As one of you have explained about the Indian belief linking karma to the deafness, I would say that is true to some extent, but largely, at least in urban India, I think there is something else that prevents people from repeating to the deaf people. I have had friends who don't mind repeating as many times required to make me understand, some of them even made efforts on their own (like speaking slowly with animated lips so I could quickly understand). Some on the other hand are "nevermind" types, and I am sure you understand how frustrating it can be communicating with these people, or rather, wanting to communicate. They are friends after all.

To Irish's question, I have not considered the possibility of meeting deaf people but I have been thinking about it for a past few weeks and do intend to now. I am starting to learn ASL as well.

One thing I have noticed. After being here for a while and reading many posts, I can relate to a lot of people here. I can say that there are people like me, it somewhat gives you the feeling of not being alone which otherwise is prominent in the hearing world.

Perhaps we have a social network for this community? Who knows we may even be visiting each other across borders :)

Love and peace to all.
 
horizon22 said:
Well, this is a lot of information to go through at once. Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences, it makes much difference to know those especially for those who have not been through one of those particular experience.

As one of you have explained about the Indian belief linking karma to the deafness, I would say that is true to some extent, but largely, at least in urban India, I think there is something else that prevents people from repeating to the deaf people. I have had friends who don't mind repeating as many times required to make me understand, some of them even made efforts on their own (like speaking slowly with animated lips so I could quickly understand). Some on the other hand are "nevermind" types, and I am sure you understand how frustrating it can be communicating with these people, or rather, wanting to communicate. They are friends after all.

To Irish's question, I have not considered the possibility of meeting deaf people but I have been thinking about it for a past few weeks and do intend to now. I am starting to learn ASL as well.

One thing I have noticed. After being here for a while and reading many posts, I can relate to a lot of people here. I can say that there are people like me, it somewhat gives you the feeling of not being alone which otherwise is prominent in the hearing world.

Perhaps we have a social network for this community? Who knows we may even be visiting each other across borders :)

Love and peace to all.
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ASL? It won't help much in India.
 
Bottesini said:
ASL? It won't help much in India.
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That's right, but still better than nothing. Besides, I think if you head to specific groups, there will be people who use it.

I might considering volunteering for a NGO for people with hearing problems helping them with things I have been able to overcome in my life, the hard way. In such a situation, even if no one knows it, I can impart them this knowledge of ASL, provided I know it.
 
Lau2046 said:
I'm in a situation now where my new job will involve direct interaction with the public on a daily basis - can you guess how I'm feeling about it? My potential new employers don't know I'm hearing impaired - there are things during the interview I missed but somehow, I faked it till I made it. No job yet but looks promising - and if I get it, I have to start all over again working up the courage to talk to people to make new friends. Hang in there, you'll get stronger with each new attempt to connect so don't let anything hold you back from trying.


Laura
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Yeah! I know the feeling. Thanks for the reply, it helps.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
I have misunderstood what people had said and gave the wrong answer , something it's very funny and I will laugh myself. I been HOH my whole life and I have gotten uses to not being able to hear everything and I will ask people to repeat what they said , and if they do not like having to do this they're not worth talking to in the first place. I once was talking to a neigbor
about birds and I thought she said she saw some 'goldfish' in the yard one day. She said she saw some 'goldfinches' in the yard one day. It was very funny. I think the more you get out and talk to people you'll feel more comfortable about it. You could try just taking to a couple of people at one time. I am not good being room with a lot of people talking at the same time. It sound likes a swarm of bees buzzing all at once .
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Lol! That happens with me all the time and I think with those who are not complete deaf. We tend to try understanding and often misunderstand the words being sent.

People think we act/respond hastily without understanding what is being said but the fact remains that we do not doubt what we understood, we just took it for something else...
 
Mimsy said:
Don't stay home, get out there and socialize if that's what you want to do. Where there's a will, there's a way and both deaf and hearing will find a way to communicate with you. Let them know you are having trouble keeping up with the conversation and they will figure out a way to fix this so that you can join in. Don't give up.
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Agree with this. Since the time i had asked this question, I have been to a few holidays and even though I have not had lengthy communications, I did meet some folks while on the holiday and it was interesting talking to them. Not everyone will be ask friendly, but that is more to do with the person's character than our hearing problem. Having a family member or person acquainted with your limitations helps as well since often you bump into people who are willing to communicate and even repeat but their accent or way of speaking is something you cannot pick up.

I have noticed since that it is much better when you go out and treat yourself, with or without someone than just staying at home. If nothing else, group excursions, you can simply go out and buy yourself something to eat in a good restaurant. I would say start with that, you will feel better. I have tried it.
 
scoobydoo said:
It's hard too. I can only lip read and hear so much. I feel like such a burden when I ask people what they said and whatnot.
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Then think of how you can repay them for that conversation. Not literally, but think how can you add value to conversation. If they repeat 5 times to make you understand, even though on your request, make sure your replies are worth their efforts and make it interesting enough for them to enjoy communicating with you.

If you make them happy in your conversation, they will never consider the limitation you have and will not hopefully mind repeating to you.

That is what I have observed.
 
I also have the same problem with following conversations - it totally sucks.

I think teachers/aides/translators can really help with the confidence, I know for me it has helped me gain some a bit.

I remember two guys were trying to tell or ask me something but I was shy so I said I don't know just to get away, but my teacher saw and told the two of them about me. One of them actually tried to communicate with me after, and I think it helped me realize people are willing to try if you let them.

So i try to tell people about myself, and recently I have told my hair stylist that I would be unable to hear and told her what I wanted.

It works, but sometimes they still ask me things during my haircut so my mom has to sign for me or I try to ask if they can write it on a peice of paper. :roll:
 
KristinaB said:
Well - in my local Deaf club, they have a small picture posted that basically states, "So what if you're afraid to speak to a hearing person, most hearing people are afraid to speak to a deaf person".
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As a hearing person, I can tell you that this is often true. My father's side of the family is almost entirely deaf/HOH, and because I did not grow up with them, and I am not fluent in ASL, I find it very intimidating to try signing in a group of deaf people. I feel scared that they will laugh at me or be offended by my mistakes. Being insecure in a group that is unlike yourself is kind of scary no matter what, but the best way to solve it is to expose yourself and be willing to feel uncomfortable until you learn more. Someone mentioned earlier that the best way is to just do it, and I agree! I hope you can do it, and I hope your boss is willing to see how well you do your work, instead of judging based on politics.
 
My signing was never great, and without much use, it became pretty awful. But I'd try anyway with my deaf patients, who were always very nice about it, and only laughed a little. Sometimes we had to go to paper, but sometimes we'd muddle through on signs, finger-spelling, lip-reading, gestures, and whatever else we thought would work, because we were both committed to at least trying.

With my HoH patients, I'd often bring their families in to stress that a hearing aid isn't a magical cure; they still needed to make sure they had the HoH person's attention, speak more slowly, and not get frustrated or impatient, because as much as they thought communication was hard, it was much harder for the person struggling to make use of partial hearing in a speaking world.

Communication is a two-way street. The hearing people have to make an effort to slow down/repeat/rephrase/etc. And a lot of us will make that effort; it's just that most are pretty clueless, and no one covers "how to talk to a deaf person without being a complete idiot".

That would, BTW, be an awesome PSA.
 
Jiro said:
you should spend less time on "boyfriend" stuff and more on something else. plenty of time to do "boyfriend" stuff later on in college or after college. it's not important now.
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I agree with Jiro. Among my friends, I'm like an old maid already because I don't have boyfriends yet and I'm 19. Of course I'd love one, but relationships like that get in the way of you growing into yourself first.
 
I have trouble with groups too. I can't hear them well enough, and either misunderstand or talk over people. I just do it...most non dhh will try to accommodate you.

Oddly enough, I'm kind of afraid of signing with deaf folks. My ASL is pretty basic, though getting better, and I'm afraid they will get mad and just walk. The answer is the same though...if you make an effort, most will be patient. They might not find you very interesting, but...
 
There's nothing like trying to communicate in what is essentially a foreign language, painfully aware of how much you suck at it, to make a person more tolerant of others who speak a foreign language.
 
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